


A House Divided - DeSoto's Dilemma

by Piscean6724



Series: A House Divided [3]
Category: Emergency!
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-28
Updated: 2014-08-02
Packaged: 2018-01-17 06:47:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 106,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1377805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piscean6724/pseuds/Piscean6724
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Desoto's seem to be drifting apart as a couple. Will their marriage survive? How does one paramedic's trouble at home affect the entire A-shift crew?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is the third installment in the House Divided series. It takes place a few weeks after A House Divided - Hank’s Haunting ends. I hope you enjoy it.  
Warning: Adult themes and language throughout this story. In order to keep this one at the ‘T’ rating for this site, it will be edited. It you like the naughty details, then you’ll find those in the longer chapters on AO3 and WWOMB. However, no such details in chapter one.

DeSoto’s Dilemma – 1

Roy scraped his chair on the station floor as he stood up from the kitchen table. He had only consumed half a cup of coffee, but the verbal sparring between Chet and Johnny was giving him a headache.

“C’mon, Gage. Put your money where your mouth is, buddy.”

“Oh shut up, Chet.” Johnny watched as his down-trodden partner pushed away from the table, emptying his coffee cup in the sink.

“All I’m sayin’ is that if you think the Dodgers will win, then put up a twenty and let’s shake hands.” Chet didn’t have any more money to lose than his pigeon, but he knew Johnny would never take the bet. That left the lineman enjoying the misery he was inflicting on the paramedic.

“Twenty bucks is a lot o’ money!” Johnny countered animatedly. “If the ump develops a case of far sightedness, I don’t wanna lose my dough,” he argued, tapping the table with his index finger while he watched his partner disappear through the kitchen door.

Chet stroked his mustache smugly. “Oohh, I get it. Chicken, huh?”

“Aww, go play on the freeway,” Johnny retorted, getting up and following after Roy.

“What the hell’s his problem?” The Irishman asked, craning his neck in the direction of the exiting paramedics.

“He doesn’t want to take your bet, that’s all.”

“No, Mike. DeSoto… What’s up with Roy?” Chet questioned, standing up to refresh his coffee just as the linemen and paramedics from C-shift traipsed through the swinging door. 

Mike didn’t have a chance to answer before the on-coming engineer walked in. Swiftly, the conversation switched from baseball bets and Roy’s sour mood to rehashing the events of the previous shift.

E!

Roy pulled his blue uniform shirt over his head, forcefully cramming it into his duffle bag. He pulled on a red and white striped button-up shirt, then sat down on the bench to unlace his boots. He heard Johnny push open the door, but didn’t feel like talking at the moment, so he continued silently changing into his street clothes. He was more than ready to go home, although he didn't particularly care for what awaited him there.

Johnny walked in, unsure of what to say to his friend. The only times he had ever seen Roy like this was when Harriet was visiting, or when he and Joanne had had an argument before Roy came on shift. He quickly began to disrobe, thankful that their C-shift counterparts usually arrived dressed for their shift. He tossed his uniform shirt and undershirt into his locker, then quickly sat down on the bench beside his partner. He waited for Roy to speak, but when he didn’t, Johnny decided to open up the conversation.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“About what?” Roy asked curtly, standing up and exchanging his navy blue uniform pants for a pair of jeans.

“Whatever’s been eatin' ya up this shift? Is Harriett visiting, or is it Joanne’s job?”

Roy wanted to answer him with something sarcastic, but deep inside he knew that his partner was asking out of concern for him.

Johnny stood up, unbuckling his belt then shimmying out of his uniform pants and into his faded Levi's. He stood in the locker room, barefoot and bare chested, watching his partner for any indication that he was about to speak. When he saw Roy prop a foot onto the bench to tie his sneakers, he knew his friend was in trouble.

“C’mon, talk to me, Roy.”

“I’m fine, John.”

"Yea, 'bout as fine as a corpse," Johnny shot back, pulling his boots out of his locker and slamming the door shut. Roy's foul mood had been going on for several shifts now and was beginning to wear on the younger man's nerves. 

"Everything alright in here?" Captain Shepherd asked, his head sticking in the slightly parted locker room door. He had heard the locker door slamming and decided to check it out.

"Fine," Roy grumbled, continuing to tie his laces.

"Yea," Johnny responded, glaring at his partner for the lie he had just told their shift captain.

Captain Shepherd looked at the faces of his temporary paramedics and completely misunderstood what he saw. He assumed they were worried about their regular shift captain. He slipped his thin frame just inside the door, making sure that it closed completely before he began, hoping to offer some encouragement to the pair.

"Listen, men. I've really enjoyed working with you fellas," he said, nodding his head toward the kitchen where the rest of the men were congregated. "All of you, even Kelly, and I just wanted to say that... Well, Hank Stanley is a very lucky man to have you fellas for a crew. He and I go way back to the Academy and..." He shuffled his feet, staring down at the gray floor. "I can't help but worry about him. I've watched too many good men leave us because of a bad run and..."

Roy and Johnny exchanged worried looks. They still weren't sure if Captain Stanley would be returning to them or not, and they certainly didn't know that anyone outside of their tight-knit group knew the truth about Captain Stanley's recent absences.

"And, I just want to ask you men, especially you two, to keep a close eye on him when he first gets back… Make sure all’s well with him."

Johnny gulped audibly. "Um, I-uh, I mean we, we ah," he stuttered shaking his shaggy hair into his eyes as he darted his head back and forth between his sullen partner and their replacement captain.

Captain Shepherd raised his hand to stop the younger man. "It's alright, Gage. At ease, son. I know the real reason I've been covering for him. No one else does and I'd like to keep it that way. His reaction to some medication was a good one, but... Hank and I have been friends for a long time, and he trusted me with the truth. He personally requested that I take over his shifts these last few weeks."

"Y-you make it sound like he's comin' back?" 

"He is," the older man said, offering a smile to the younger paramedic who still stood half naked in the locker room. "He wanted it to be a surprise, so please act that way. It's a sort of trial run, if you will. This is my last shift with you fellas. He'll be back in two days. I think he's going to work a few shifts before he makes a final decision about his future with the department."

"We'll a'right!" Johnny said, slapping his partner on the back. "Uh, I mean, nothin' against you, Cap’n Shep, but it's just that, uh, well, you know how close we can get with our captain and, um, how..."

"Johnny?" Roy finally chimed in with a grimace; the Johnny rant had to stop to ease the pounding in his head. 

"Wha..?"

"Shut up," Roy tried to smile as he extended a hand to the substitute captain. "It's been a pleasure, sir."

"Oh, yea, yea... Absolutely," Johnny joined in, his cheeks tinted pink with embarrassment.

"Indeed it has, men." Captain Shepherd shook both proffered hands and wished the paramedics well during their time off. "Perhaps our paths will cross again someday," he mentioned, prophetically. "Under different circumstances," he clarified.

"Yea, I'd like that," Johnny said with a grin, hoping to leave the departing captain with fond memories of his time at Station 51.

E!

Johnny followed his long-faced partner out the open rear bay door, both heading to their respective vehicles. He wanted to reach out to his hurting partner, but he wasn’t sure what to say or do. As a bachelor, he didn’t exactly know what it was like to have a spouse, certainly not a working spouse. One thing he did know, every man needed food, especially after the long shift they had just finished. Both men were exhausted; being called out every two hours was not conducive to sleep. If Joanne wasn’t at home to cook Roy’s breakfast, he would probably grab a couple of pop tarts and hit the sack, too tired to cook himself a decent meal. 

“Ah, say Roy?”

Roy turned sideways to look at his approaching partner. “Yea?”

“Why don’t we grab some breakfast before we go home? Man, I’m starvin'.” Johnny hoped his friend would agree to the diversion.

Roy considered his options. He was beyond tired and knew he would sleep better on a full stomach. He needed protein, not sugar, and his family had been eating cold cereal every morning for the last couple of weeks. He certainly didn’t feel like cooking, but he did feel like eating. “Why not; I’ll meet you there.”

“The usual place?” Johnny asked, just as a clap of thunder boomed overhead.

Roy cut his eyes upwards, silently cursing the weather gods for matching the weather to his mood. “Yea.”

E!

Gretchen McDowell looked down at her new gray uniform, grateful the dingy white apron covered the coffee stains incurred from her earlier mishap with a tray of dirty dishes. The once neatly ironed dress now appeared wrinkled and disheveled hanging on her thin frame. She was bone weary, having worked a split shift for one of the other waitresses and then her own midnight shift. The Pour House was an all-night diner, rarely packed to capacity, but enjoyed a steady flow of traffic at all hours. She saw the only other waitress on duty at the moment staring at her.

“Do I look that bad?”

“You just look tired, honey. Why don’t you head on home, I’ll cover your tables.” Amy was a veteran Pour House waitress and had a motherly sense about her that the younger waitresses appreciated. Gretchen had only been on the job a week, but the hours she had been working would have worn out even an experienced waitress.

“I can’t,” Gretchen replied, looking back down at her apron, long tendrils of ash-blonde hair falling from her loose pony tail and clinging to her face. “I need the money, Amy. I’ll be fine.” She sprayed disinfectant on the table, wiping it down and making it ready for the next customer. She flinched as the unexpected thunder further stressed her frayed nerves. ‘Great, walking home in the rain,’ she thought to herself.

She looked up as the bell jingled on the door. A couple of young men walked in and made their way to a vacant table in Amy's section. She continued cleaning the table as she watched the friendly banter going on between the two men and their waitress. Amy obviously knew them and knew what they were going to order; she jotted down a couple of notes then walked over to the coffee pot and began filling two white cups with the steaming brew. Gretchen replaced the place mats and silverware on the clean table then headed back behind the counter. There was something about the red-haired man that registered with her brain, but she quickly dismissed it, noticing that his left hand was adorned with a gold band.

Amy set the coffee cups down in front of the men, smiling and chatting with them as if she had known them for years. She patted the red-haired man on the shoulder as she walked away, locking eyes with the new waitress.

"Nice fellas, those two," Amy said, slipping behind the counter beside her co-worker. "Dark haired one's named John Gage and the other one is Roy DeSoto. They're paramedics from Station 51, just down the street here," she said, pointing a brightly polished thumbnail behind her right shoulder. "Sometimes, the whole crew comes in after a tough shift."

"They're firemen, you mean?" Gretchen had never heard the word paramedic until now.

"Well, yea," Amy said, clipping the order to the metal spinning wheel for the cook. "But they also take care of hurt and sick folks, too. They treat them and get them as stable as they can before sending them to the hospital. It's a fairly new program here, only been around a few years, but from what I hear, they've saved a lot of lives."

"Hmmm," the younger woman mused, too tired to fully comprehend what she was hearing.

Minutes later, two breakfast specials were perched on the counter along with a ringing bell. Amy grabbed them both before heading in the direction of the firemen.

"If you work here very long, you'll meet them all. They're real life heroes, every last one of them from that station, heck from all the stations - Jeezus!" Amy exclaimed, barely able to prevent the profanity that nearly slipped from her lips when another clap of thunder rumbled overhead. She quickly set the plates down before the hungry men and returned to the conversation with Gretchen.

"Honey, I know you need to finish out your shift, but you only got 30 more minutes. It isn't worth getting caught in this weather. Go ahead and clock out. I'll cover for you. I don't want you to get wet running to the bus stop."

Gretchen looked out the windows again. The dark clouds were gathering and the wind was beginning to blow dust across the empty spaces in the parking lot. She knew Amy was right. She reached around behind her, swiftly untying the apron and stowing it away for the next shift. She made a quick stop by the ladies’ room before slipping her sweater over her shoulders and reaching beneath the counter for her purse. 

"See you tomorrow, and, uh, I appreciate you covering for me," she said, looping her black macramé hobo-style purse across her chest and heading to the time clock. 

As she neared the table where the two paramedics were engrossed in serious conversation, she unknowingly slowed her stride and was startled when both men looked up, greeting her with a brief smile and a polite nod. 

"I hope you enjoy your meal," she said softly, then quickly pulled open the door. Taking a right turn, she used her hand to shield her face from the dust and debris being blown in small circles around her by the approaching storm. She briefly considered taking the bus home which would allow her to seek shelter in the enclosed bus stop at the next corner, but her financial situation made her quickly change her mind. She needed every penny these days so her aching feet were going to have to traverse the uneven sidewalk that would carry her to her final destination, eleven city blocks away.

E!

Johnny shoveled the last forkful of scrambled eggs into his mouth, watching with concern as his partner’s appetite seemingly diminished after eating barely half the food on his plate. ‘Half a hot meal is better than cold pop tarts,’ he mused. 

"Sausage is really good. Don't let it get cold," Johnny suggested, hopefully prodding his friend into eating another few bites.

Tired blue eyes looked up from the plate. "You want mine?"

"No, you should eat it. You haven't eaten much."

"Guess I wasn’t as hungry as I thought," Roy said, forcing himself to chew a large forkful of hash browns to appease his partner.

They both looked up as a new waitress ended her shift and walked towards the door. Both smiled, nodding at her as she exited, then returned to their meal.

“She must be new; never seen her here before.”

Roy gave his partner an exaggerated eye roll. “Only you would keep up with every new female employee in every business you frequent.”

"Hey," Johnny grins, leaning back in his seat. "Gotta keep my options open."

"Uh-huh," Roy smirked, downing the rest of his milk and reaching for his coffee. 

Johnny wiped his mouth with his napkin, giving Roy a knowing wink when he saw Amy pick up the coffee pot and head in their direction.

"Need a warmer?"

"That'd be great, but, uh... I'd really like to know who the new girl is?"

"You're terrible, Junior." 

Roy picked up a packet of sugar as Johnny tilted his chair back on two legs and smiled charmingly at their waitress. It was mean, but he knew Amy couldn't resist his lopsided grin.

Amy finished pouring the fresh coffee into both cups then stood with one hand on her hip. "You leave her alone, John Gage. She's a nice girl."

Roy snickered, thankful he hadn't yet lifted his cup to his lips. He stirred the sugar in his coffee, pretending not to listen to the motherly warning Amy was giving his partner.

"What's that s'posed to mean? I'm a nice guy."

"Then put all four chair legs on the floor," she admonished, unable to hide her smile. "Gretchen has had a rough go of it lately. She's trying really hard to get back on her feet."

Roy couldn't stop himself. "Meaning, she doesn't want you trying to get her on her back."

"Roy DeSoto!" Amy blushed, slapping the paramedic on the back with the cloth she had draped on her shoulder. "I doubt Joanne would appreciate such a comment," she began, turning her back on the two men. She then tossed her final comment over her shoulder. "But you're exactly right. Leave her alone, Johnny."

John looked at his partner who, for the first time in the last couple of shifts, seemed very close to smiling. He decided he would allow the barbs to be thrown at himself as long as it made his friend feel better. "That really hurt, ya know,” he said, jokingly.

"Hey, if I'm not getting any, then you aren't gonna get any either," the older man said, setting his coffee cup back down, wishing he could take back the words he had just allowed to escape from his mouth.

Johnny placed both elbows on the table and leaned in closer to his partner. He allowed only a brief moment of silence between them, realizing that Roy was uncomfortable. "So... It is something between you and Joanne then, isn't it?"

The tapping of sand being blown against the glass window beside them interrupted the conversation. 

Roy stood up, fishing his wallet out of his back pocket and dropped a couple of bills on the table. "I've gotta run. I don't like driving the Porsche in this weather; it likes to hydroplane."

Johnny stared down at their cluttered table. He then followed his partner pulling his wallet out and making sure to leave a generous tip for Amy, in spite of her good-natured ribbing. "Take it easy, and, uh, call me if ya, I don't know... If ya wanna get together or somethin'."

Roy looked longingly at his friend. He knew what Johnny really meant. Roy had said more than he had intended to, but he knew his problems would never be repeated by John Gage. The man could be trusted with his life - on shift and off. He was a good friend, and right now, Roy needed that friendship. He just wished he had the guts to tell his partner how difficult things really were at home.

E!

A/N: Just a short introductory chapter; more details with drama and angst in the rest of the story. Thanks for reading.


	2. chapter 2

Warning: adult situations

DeSoto’s Dilemma – 2

Amy stood behind the counter watching two of her favorite firemen walk away. Something was wrong with Roy and she had a feeling it had nothing to do with the shift he had just finished. She pulled the towel off her shoulder and began wiping down the counter once again, stopping briefly to ring up a couple of customers who were also rushing to get home before the rain began.

“Thank you, come again,” she repeated, stashing the proffered tips into her pocket. The customers were from Gretchen’s tables making the tips rightfully hers and Amy would make sure the young woman received every dime she was due, as soon as she returned for her next shift.

E!

Johnny turned the radio off in his Rover. He had pulled too many lifeless bodies out of mangled masses of metal during rainstorms like the one that was about to hit, and he had no intentions of becoming one of them himself or causing a wreck for someone else. He was tired and didn’t want any distractions on his drive home. A concerned expression crossed his face as up ahead he recognized a form walking slowly down the sidewalk, in spite of the impending bad weather. She was one distraction he was willing to risk. Quickly surveying his surroundings, he pulled up near the curb just ahead of her, leaning over to open his passenger’s side door.

“Hey, wanna lift?”

Gretchen was startled by the sudden movement beside her and scurried away from the voice in the unknown vehicle, increasing the pace of her footfalls.

“Oh boy,” Johnny muttered, pulling the emergency brake on his rover and jumping out, hoping she might recognize him. “Hey, sorry… Didn’t mean to scare ya. I’m John Gage,” he introduced, nodding a shaggy head back in the direction of the diner. “From the diner, a few minutes ago.”

Gretchen stared at him, lost for a moment in his handsome face. Then a lightning bolt zipped across the sky causing her to duck her head and look for cover. 

“C’mon, lemme give ya a ride home. It’s dangerous to be out in this weather.” Johnny saw the apprehension in her eyes, but knew she was contemplating getting into a vehicle with a stranger, in spite of the obvious danger. “Look, I’m a friend of Amy’s. I’m a firefighter paramedic with the Los Angeles County Fire Department. I’m not a criminal or some psycho. You’re safe with me, I promise. C’mon,” he said in his most caring voice, holding out his hand. “I just want ya to stay safe and dry, that’s all.”

Reluctantly, Gretchen considered the offer, remembering Amy’s declaration that this man, and his partner, were nice men. She gulped back the lump that was forming in her throat, but the rain drops that began to pelt her face helped her quickly make up her mind. She accepted his hand, climbing inside his white land Rover clinging tightly to her purse. She had never done anything as reckless as this in her entire life, but if she were ever going to trust a man again, this was probably a good time to start. 

“Th-thank you, Mr. Gage,” she said meekly.

“Just call me, Johnny.”

“Ok,” she said, trying to smile, but unsure if the gesture ever fully reached her face. She waited for him to close her door, briefly considering bolting as he loped in front of the vehicle and climbed in behind the steering wheel, but ultimately deciding not to act on her fear. Maybe he was different. “M-my name is Gretchen.”

Johnny looked behind him, waiting for a break in the traffic before pulling back out onto the street. “Nice to meet you, Gretchen. Where do you live?”

“Um, it’s just up the street here, second light and take a right. I live in the second building on the left,” she answered nervously. 

“Oh, I go right by your place on my way home. I’d be more than happy to give you a ride any time you need one,” he said, still staring forward. He could tell that the ole Gage charm wasn’t going to work on this one. She didn’t seem open to flirtation, so he maintained his clean, nice guy image. “I’ll write down my number for you and anytime you need a lift, just gimme a call,” he said.

“Thank you, Johnny. That’s very nice of you,” she said, tucking the stray strands of hair behind her ears. 

The remainder of the short ride was made in silence. Johnny pulled to a stop in front of the building she had described and began digging around in the rear floorboard for a scrap of paper. Finding only a small brown paper sack, he pulled a pen out of his glove compartment and wrote down a couple of telephone numbers on the bag.

“Sorry, this is all I’ve got. The first number is my home number and the second one is the number at the station.” He handed the bag to her, recapping his pen and returning it to his glove compartment. “Would you like for me to walk you in?” He held up both hands. “I’ll be a perfect gentleman, promise. Just wanna know you made it inside.”

She smiled at his antics. “That won’t be necessary, but I do appreciate it. And the ride,” she concluded, stepping out into the rain and dashing into the shelter of her apartment building. 

“Gretchen, you are quite the mystery lady, aren’t you?” Johnny said to himself, watching her until she had disappeared inside before driving away, headed for his own apartment and some much needed rest.

E!

Roy walked into his dark house, shirt damp from the rain that had just begun to fall. The house was quiet, exaggerating the missing sounds and smells he had grown to love over the years. A cold shiver crept up his spine and he wondered if he had told Joanne just how much he appreciated all her efforts to make their house a warm, loving home for their family.

He trudged over to the sink, opening the top cabinet where they kept their medications out of the reach of their children. Popping the top off the aspirin bottle, he tapped a couple of the bitter white pills into the palm of his hand, then tossed them to the back of his throat. When he reached for a clean drinking glass in the dish drain, he noticed three empty cereal bowls stacked neatly in the sink, a testament to the rushed morning his wife and children had experienced while he ate a hot meal with Johnny.

The dissolving tablets quickly began to irritate his throat, causing his eyes to tear up, at least, that’s what he wanted to believe, anyway. He gulped down half a glass of water to rid his mouth of the foul tasting medication, then pinched the bridge of his nose. There, leaning against the sink, alone in his kitchen, Roy spent several moments valiantly fighting to keep his emotions in check.

The driving rain splattering against the kitchen window brought him back from his moment of self-pity. He stood up, stretching his back and lifting his arms over his head, trying to stretch out the knots that Joanne would so easily knead away if she were home. He scrubbed his stubbly face with one hand, then forced his heavy feet to carry him upstairs. He needed sleep, and the darkness created by the storm clouds would aid him in drifting off.

He toed off his shoes, removing his socks and outer clothing, then crawled beneath the covers of their unmade bed. Joanne had always been an immaculate housekeeper, but lately, more often than not, he had come home from shift and found their bedroom in disarray. He curled around her pillow, inhaling the lingering scent of her shampoo. Lying beneath the cool sheets made him think of how much he missed the morning intimacy they so often shared on days like today. As soon as the kids were off to school, they would snuggle together beneath the covers. Sometimes they talked about his shift, or the antics of the kids’ adventures from the day before. Always, they would caress each other softly, tenderly. Inevitably, their lips would meet and ignite the passion between them. Their fire would burn as they fell into a familiar rhythm that left them both breathless and satiated, each held tightly in the other’s arms. Then, precious sleep would overtake him, sometimes for a few minutes and sometimes for hours, depending on the previous shift, but Roy always awoke feeling well-rested, fulfilled, and loved. He closed his eyes, blowing out a frustrated sigh as he rolled onto his back. It had been nearly a month since they had experienced any intimacy in their relationship and he missed it; he desperately needed it. His body had responded to his memories leaving him with a familiar aching and fullness in his groin. But, fatigue finally won out and he drifted into a deep, but restless slumber.

E!

Hank awoke suddenly, still in a foggy haze, unsure of where he was or what was happening to him. Immediately, his mind went back to the night of Carrigan’s death, feeling as if someone was holding him down to keep him from rushing to aid the fallen man. Then, he realized that the person holding him down would be considered a lightweight, with hair much longer than regulation length. The first man who came to mind was his younger paramedic, but when he reached to remove the offending presence, he realized quickly that the person stretched out covering half his body definitely wasn’t Johnny.

The mistiness of sleep receded, clearing his mind and allowing a broad grateful grin to spread across his stark features. This was no nightmare; it was a dream come true. Gently, he stroked Rebecca’s sleeping form, caressing the naked curves from her ribcage, across her hip, and along her upper thigh. They had been able to spend a blissful night together with no interruptions from nightmares, fears, or arguments. He kissed the top of her mussed up hair, feeling the deep rhythm of her breathing change as she began to stir. The fluttering of eyelashes tickled his bare collarbone and he knew she was waking up. He nervously hoped to see the love he felt reflected in those gorgeous opening eyes.

“Good morning, sleepy head,” he kidded, once more placing a feather-soft kiss on her forehead. He was rewarded with a broad smile as she nestled back into the crook of his arm, rubbing small circles through his hairy chest.

She felt him pulling her closer and was overwhelmed by the feeling of intimacy and the sense of security she felt. It had been so long since they had enjoyed each other the way they had the previous night. “Mmmhmm,” she moaned in response.

Dr. Robertson had insisted on working with Hank alone for a few sessions, and then with both of them as a couple. They had both been disappointed at first, when he recommended they not engage in any sexual activity for a while. Now, they both understood his reasoning and knew that they needed to work on healing the issues that caused the rift between them first. Hank had needed to begin healing as an individual before they could heal as a couple. Once their relationship began to be repaired, their trust in each other restored, the physical pleasures would be much more intense and bring them even closer together. Last night had been the first time they had shared their marital bed since the whole ordeal began, and both knew that it had been well worth the wait.

“’Becca, my love,” he began, once again stroking her bare back and buttocks. “If I live to be 100 years old, I still won’t be able to ever repay you for what you’ve done for me.”

She couldn’t help but snicker at his comment. “I was needing some of your special attention, too.”

Hank smiled at her playfulness. “Well, the love-making was… Uh, to say it was passionately intense doesn’t even begin to describe last night but… I mean, for sticking with me through all of this. You could’ve walked away and taken the girls and… No one would’ve blamed you.” He tenderly pushed the hair out of her face, running his fingers along her hairline from her temple to her ear, studying everything about the face he loved so much, and grateful the bruising he had inflicted was completely gone. “I’m not back to normal yet, I know that, but I promise you that I WILL do whatever it takes, whatever Dr. Robertson suggests, to make everything between us right again. I-I want to see you happy, ‘Becca.”  
She kissed his fingers as they brushed lightly across her lips. “Then we should’ve left the lights on last night,” she teased. “I was pretty happy then.”

Hank grinned at her flirtatious response, rolling them both over so that he lay on top of her once more. “Care for another round… In the daylight?” He lowered his mouth to hers, encouraged by her immediate receptive response, and for the next half hour, neither one thought of anything except pleasing the other. 

An hour later, Hank was showered, shaved, and preparing breakfast for his wife when he heard a knock on his front door. He knitted his eyebrows together in confusion, looking at the clock for confirmation that it was still a little early for visitors. The girls had slept over at a friend’s house leaving their parents alone with no particular time to wake up. He turned off the griddle and walked to the front door, clad in only an undershirt and jeans.

He was surprised by the man standing on his front doorstep. “Well, good morning, Shep. C’mon in and join us for breakfast. I just made way too many pancakes for just ‘Becca and me,” he said with a warm smile, stepping aside to allow his long-time friend to enter the residence.

Captain Shepherd inhaled appreciatively. “Well, if you’ve got a couple extra and don’t mind another mouth to feed, I think I will.”

The two men made their way back into the kitchen where Hank prepared two cups of coffee. 

“Have a seat, ‘Becca’s in the shower. She’ll join us in a few minutes.” He set three place settings then returned to retrieve the pancakes. “Still take your coffee black?”

“Oh, yea.”

Hank snickered as he placed the steaming cups on the table and joined his friend. “So, how are things down at the station?”

“Well, that all depends on whether I just finished my last shift there, or not,” Captain Shepherd responded, inquiringly.

Hank leaned forward, offering his friend the platter of pancakes. He couldn’t stop the smile from overtaking his lean face. “I certainly hope you have, Pal. I’m ready to get back on the truck with my crew.” 

Each man took a bite of pancakes dripping with syrup before their conversation continued.

“How was your shift?”

“Well, the engine had an easy shift, but the paramedics kept getting called out most of the night.”

Hank swallowed another mouthful of pancakes. “Most of our calls these days are medical in nature, not like when you and I were boots.”

“Actually, the subject of your paramedics is what brings me by here, Hank. Well, one in particular.”

“Oh Lord… What’s Johnny done this time?”

Under different circumstances, Shep would have laughed out loud at that comment, but in light of what he had been seeing in the face of the senior paramedic, he didn’t even crack a smile. “After spending so much time with them, I see why you immediately jumped to that conclusion, but actually, it’s DeSoto.”

Hank clanked his fork down, tentatively sipping his coffee while he waited for his friend to continue. “Roy?”

“Mmmhmm,” Shep answered around a mouthful of food.

Hank was stunned by what he was hearing. His senior medic was as reliable and stable as the sunset. He was about to ask more questions when Rebecca walked into the room.

“Oh, hello, Shep. I thought I heard Hank talking to someone,” she said, pulling her collar up to ensure coverage of the small bruise that Hank had left on her neck as a reminder of the previous night. 

“Hi, I hope you don’t mind an extra for breakfast?” Shep asked.

“Not at all. Can I get you anything while I’m up?” She asked, pouring her own cup of coffee.

“Oh, no ma’am. This is all wonderful.”

She sat down, joining the men with her own plate of pancakes. “These look delicious, honey. Don’t know what I did to deserve this, but thank you.”

Hank merely smiled, his cheeks glowing with a blush that went unnoticed by their guest.

“How are things at 51?”

Shep wasn’t sure how much to say in front of his friend’s wife, so he chose his standard generic answer. “About the same as usual. Those paramedics are probably both sleeping soundly right about now, though. They had a rough night.”

The conversation turned to lighter subjects while the trio finished their meal. Rebecca knew that Hank and Shep needed some time alone to discuss Hank’s return to the station. She stood up, offering to take their empty plates back to the kitchen.

“Why don’t you two go into the den and I’ll clean up? Here,” she said, picking up the coffee pot. “Let me top off your cups and then give you some privacy to discuss the upcoming, um, changing of the guard,” she offered, flashing her husband a quick wink.

“Thank you, sweetheart,” he responded, grateful for her understanding.

As soon as they were settled in the den and heard the water running in the sink, Hank brought up the subject again. “Now, what’s going on with Roy that has you so worried?”  
Shep stretched his legs out, the constantly interrupted sleep from the previous night beginning to affect him. “I’m not sure. He’s been a little distant and, uh, anxious lately, ya know?”

“Not like himself, huh?” Hank countered.

“This morning, I thought I overheard Roy and John having, uh, a heated exchange in the locker room. I stuck my head in and… They had their backs turned to each other, obviously pissed about something.” He raised his coffee cup to his lips.

“Sometimes, John does aggravate Roy just a bit. It’s probably nothing to worry about,” Hank said, filing the information away for later.

“I hope you’re right, because they’re a great team. Hell, Hank, you’ve got the best damn crew in the county. I couldn’t find a weakness among them, and believe me, I tried,” he laughed, lightheartedly. “But, I really do think that there’s something going on with your senior medic. I just couldn’t turn them back over to you without you knowing my suspicions.”

Hank inhaled deeply. “Thanks, Pal. I appreciate it. You’re right, they are the best. And I’ll do what I can to keep it that way, too.”

“And, if I’m not overstepping my bounds here, ah, how are you doing?”

Hank stared at the coffee table for a moment, thinking of how to respond to his friend’s question. Finally, he looked up, noting the true concern in Shep’s eyes. “You know, Shep, for a while I didn’t think I was gonna make it – truly, I didn’t. You know I’ve been seeing a therapist, we both have,” he admitted, nodding his head toward the kitchen. “And, now…   
Today, I’m feeling so much better about life, especially about my marriage and my family and… I’m gonna be okay, Shep. I’m not there yet, but… I’m gonna be okay. ‘Becca and I are back on track and the girls seem happier. I’m still gonna be seeing Dr. Robertson for a little while, but… Honestly, life is so much better these days.”

A warm sensation flooded the other man’s heart. “That’s wonderful. I’m so glad and, by that, I’m assuming that the department isn’t going to lose you?”

“I haven’t completely made up my mind, but… Firefighting is in my blood, you know that. Even after all that’s happened over the last couple of months, I just can’t see me doing anything else. I’m keeping an open mind about it. If I see that I, uh, can’t handle it, or it starts affecting my family again, then… I’m prepared to give it up, permanently. But, I’m really hoping that it won’t come to that.”

“Well,” Shep said, standing up. “I sure hope you’re right. I need to run and catch a little sleep.” He reached out his hand to his friend.

Hank switched his coffee cup to his left hand, then reconsidered. Instead of offering his hand, he pulled his friend into a manly hug. “Thanks, Shep. You got me through a tough time and I’ll never forget it.”

“Been there, man. Remember? Besides, if you do stay in this profession, and I believe you will, then you’ll likely have the chance to help someone else through a tough time, too.”

Hank walked Shep to the door, his friend’s words etching themselves on the walls of his heart. He waved as Shep backed his car out of the Stanley driveway, all the while wondering if perhaps Roy DeSoto was going to be the man about whom Shep had just spoken.

E!

Joanne rewrapped her bleeding hand in a fast food napkin she found on the bench seat of her car, waiting for Chris and Jennifer to spot her in the car-riders lane at their elementary school. Her hand was throbbing, the pain matching the tempo of her heartbeat. 

“Hi Mom,” Chris greeted, sliding across the back seat to allow room for his sister to climb inside.

“Hi kids, how was your day?” She asked, gripping the steering wheel with her aching left hand in an effort to apply pressure to the bleeding wound. “Close the door for her, Chris.”

“I can do it, Mommy,” Jennifer said, pulling the door closed with both hands, proving to her older brother that she was strong enough to complete the task alone. She had always had a competitive streak about her, never wanting to be outdone by her sibling even though he was four years older.

Joanne smiled as she pulled out of line and headed towards home, shaking her head at the thought of how similar Jennifer’s personality was to that of her father’s. “Who wants pizza for dinner?”

“Yeah!”

“Yea, Mom, that’d be far out!” 

“Far out?” Joanne questioned, staring at her son through the rearview mirror. “You’ve been hanging out with your Uncle Johnny too much, young man,” she teased.

“All the kids say it, not just Uncle Johnny,” Chris argued, unaware that his statement sounded as if he had just referred to John Gage as a kid. 

Joanne smiled again, turning on her blinker to head into the Pizza Parlor nearest their home. She shifted into park, then stared again at her injured hand. “Uh, Chris, do you think you can order the pizza for us?”

“I can go in all by myself?” The youngster asked, wide-eyed with excitement.

“And I can go too?”

“Nope, you’re too young,” he responded snidely to his sister, as he accepted the bills his mother was handing him over the seat.

“He’s right, Jennifer,” Joanne agreed. “You stay here with me. He’s older than you are. Get a large pepperoni, alright?” she instructed.

“He’s always older than me,” the blonde-haired girl pouted, her lower lip beginning to quiver as the tears welled up.

“Yes, he’ll always be older than you, but when you’re ten years old then you can do things by yourself, too.”

Joanne consoled while Chris closed the door, unaware that he stood outside the window momentarily, quickly sticking his tongue out at his younger sister before trotting inside to order the pizza.

“Mom-mmmyy!” Jennifer wailed, causing the throbbing in Joanne’s hand to move up to her temples. 

“Jennifer DeSoto, stop that!” She scolded, her voice much harsher than she had intended.

Ten minutes later, the sniffling whimpers of Jennifer could still be heard from the backseat when Joanne saw Christopher returning, carrying the large green and white pizza box in both hands. She got out, opening the back driver’s side door for him. She slammed it shut only to open her driver’s door and once again hear the blood-curdling wails of her younger child.

Chris climbed in and took one look at his red-faced sister. “Cry baby,” he proclaimed, then immediately regretted it when she squeezed her eyes shut and turned on the water works again.

Joanne glared at her children once more through the rearview mirror. “Christopher Roy DeSoto, what did you do to her?”

“Nothing, Mom. I didn’t touch her. I’m on my side of the seat,” he argued, fully aware of the lie he was telling.

“He…called…me a…cry ba-by!”

“Well, you are crying aren’t ya?” He sarcastically questioned, leaning towards the sobbing child, hoping his mother wouldn’t hear his remark.

“Not another word out of either of you, understand?” She asked, using her no-nonsense tone of voice.

“Yes, Mom.”

“Uh-hu,” Jennifer whimpered.

The rest of the ride home was made in total silence, three unhappy occupants looking forward to getting home and away from each other. As soon as they got out, Christopher carried the pizza inside then turned around to see his mother dropping the bloody napkin into the trash can and tearing a paper towel off the roll beside the sink. He stared at it, opening his mouth to ask a question just as his mother spoke.

“I need to go bandage my hand, so do you think the two of you can sit here and eat your pizza without mortally wounding each other?” She shot dagger-filled eyes at both children, pinning them to their seats at the kitchen table.

“Wha-what happened?”

“Just a little accident at work,” she explained to her concerned son. “So please, get yourself and your sister something to drink and keep quiet. Daddy’s probably sleeping.” 

“Not anymore,” Roy said, stepping into the kitchen with a yawn, having heard only the last part of his wife’s statement.

“Daddy!” Jennifer slipped sideways out of her chair and jumped into her father’s arms.

“Hey there, princess.”

“Dinner’s on the table, Roy,” Joanne explained. “I picked up some pizza on the way home.”

“Again?”

“Well, I’m earning a little money now so we can afford to get take out more often,” Joanne answered coldly, in response to Roy’s one word question. “I’m gonna head to the bedroom for a little while.”

“Okay,” Roy said, returning his daughter to her seat at the table. “I’ll see about the kids.”

“Good, ‘cause they’re really on a rampage today,” she complained, heading up the stairs trying her best to hide her injured hand.

“I picked up the pizza, all by myself,” Chris corrected, proudly.

“I wanna coca cola with my pizza,” the youngest DeSoto ordered, much preferring that her father take care of her thirst than her pesky brother.

Roy quickly prepared three glasses of soda and grabbed the roll of paper towels from the holder, placing it in the center of the table. “We can eat off these so we won’t have so many dishes to wash.”

Chris took a large bite of his pizza then tried to talk. “Dea, cauz mom ‘urt ‘er ‘an.”

“Chris, don’t talk with your mouth full,” Roy admonished, placing a slice of pizza on a napkin for his daughter and seeing her stick her tongue out at her brother. “Jennifer, that’s rude and very unlady-like. I better not see that happen again or you’ll spend the rest of the afternoon and night in your bedroom, understand?”

“Sorry, Daddy.”

“I’m not the one you did that to. Tell Chris you’re sorry.”

Large round blue eyes grew even wider. “But, he didn’t tell me he was sorry when he did it to me and he-he called me a-a cry baby, too!”

“Chris?” Roy questioned, reaching for his own slice of pizza, the third pizza dinner he’d endured for the week. The station generally preferred to order pizza when it was Chet’s turn to cook and Joanne had picked up a pizza on her way home at the beginning of the week, also.

Chris rolled his eyes. He really wanted to call his sister a tattle-tale, but decided to reserve that for a later time. “Sorry, Jen,” he uttered, knowing his father expected it.

“I’m sorry, Chris,” the younger sibling reciprocated.

The meal was finished by the three of them and Roy glanced toward the stairs. “I think your mother is hiding from us.”

“Naw, she hurt her hand at work,” Chris explained.

“What? How?” Roy questioned, closing the top on the pizza box and placing the leftovers in the refrigerator for Joanne to eat later.

“I dunno, it was bleeding bad, though,” Chris relayed. 

“You two wash your hands and mouths and watch a little TV. I’m going to check on your Mom.”

Roy eased open the bedroom door and heard angry curses emanating from their partially closed bathroom door.

“Owe, damn it!”

“Jo? You okay?” He asked, knocking softly. When she didn’t respond, he pushed the door open a little wider.

Joanne sat on the closed toilet lid, with a bottle of alcohol, a pair of tweezers and a sewing needle spread out on the bathroom counter. Blood-stained toilet tissue lay in a pile beside her open left hand. 

“Shit!” She cursed again.

“Jo, what happened?” Roy asked, reaching for her injured hand, surveying the damage.

“I was in a hurry to leave work to pick up the kids from school and I jabbed myself with a piece of florists wire,” she said, picking up the needle and digging deeper into the lower part of her open palm. “It broke off in there and I can’t reach it.”

“Why didn’t you say something? I would’ve taken care of it for you.” He reached for the needle, tenderly holding her hand.

“I didn’t want to bother you,” she muttered, wincing as he dug the needle into her sore hand. “Besides, the kids were being little monsters and I just needed a break. I-I thought I could get it out.”

Roy carefully used the needle to slice open the skin just above the small wire. He then picked up the tweezers that had been soaking in the alcohol and with a slow steady hand, he removed the wire. Placing her hand over the sink, he then washed the wound with soap and water before pouring more alcohol on it.

“Ouch, Roy!”

“I know it burns, but you don’t want it to get infected. You’re up to date on your tetanus shot, right?”

“Yes, Doctor DeSoto. Got one when Jennifer was a toddler,” she said, watching him pat her injury dry, then bandage it with gauze and tape. The throbbing continued in both her hand and her head. Immediately, she regretted her harsh words, but there was no way to take them back. “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for.”

“No problem,” he lied, tossing the gauze and tape back into the drawer and walking out the door. “Least I’m good for something,” he mumbled, too softly for her to hear as he made his way back downstairs.


	3. Chapter 3

Warning: Adult themes

DeSoto’s Dilemma – 3

Hank stared at his wife, sitting across the living room, laughing at an ‘I Love Lucy’ rerun. A sense of overwhelming unworthiness swept over him. He glanced around his home, his castle, and thought of all he had nearly lost. Slowly, he stood up and walked over to her. Rebecca merely looked up into his face and smiled.

“You okay, Hank?”

He reached out his hand to her, pleased when she accepted it and stood up in front of him. Slowly, he wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin on top of her head. 

“I just can’t believe you’re still here, we’re still here together,” he crooned, almost mournfully, as he swayed gently from side to side like a flag blowing in a gentle spring breeze.

Rebecca gulped, clasping her hands behind his neck and resting her head against his chest. He had been in this morose mood all day, and she thought she knew why. Her sessions with Dr. Robertson had allowed her a chance to glimpse inside the injured soul of her husband.

“Hank, let’s talk for a minute,” she suggested, pulling back slightly, feeling his breath quicken.

“Did I do something wrong?” He asked anxiously, allowing himself to be led to the sofa where they both took a seat.

She held his hand, caressing it between both of hers. “For the last several days, it seems that all you’ve done is apologize repeatedly to me and the girls for what happened.” She looked into his hazel eyes, allowing her own tears to spill onto her cheeks as she reached deep inside for the courage to verbalize what she was thinking. “Maybe, um, maybe you aren’t finding the peace you need in here,” she lifted his hand and placed it over his heart. “…because, the girls and I aren’t the only ones who need to hear what you’re trying to say.”

Hank clutched his wife’s small soft hands to his chest, her words ringing truth into every fiber of his being. He licked his lips, his eyes never parting from hers. “I-I don’t… I don’t know what to s-say to them.” He knew exactly about whom Rebecca was referring.

She released one of her hands from his and raised it to tenderly caress his dark hair away from his brow. “Just tell them what’s in your heart, what you’re feeling. It’ll be okay, Hank. I know it will.”

He vehemently shook his head. She was asking him to do something more difficult than anything he had done so far, and he really didn’t know if he had the strength to do it. “I-I can’t, ‘Becca. They’ll… They’ll think I’m…” He looked down into his lap, squeezing his eyes shut. “I don’t know what they’ll think but… But it won’t be good.”

“So you plan to just waltz back in there on Thursday and pretend like nothing ever happened?”

Hank felt the lump forming in his throat, unable to dislodge it as it grew larger and larger, threatening to cut off his breathing. “But,” he began, his voice breaking as he looked into her eyes once more. “But, I feel so…”

“Feel so what? Exposed? Vulnerable?” She pressed him further.

“So, af-afraid of-of what they’ll think or d-do,” he finally admitted.

“Afraid, they might… Forgive you?” She asked, squeezing the hand she still held.

Hank stood, exhaling loudly. He had endured several trips to the therapist’s office recently and always felt drained afterwards. Dr. Robertson had said that was normal, but this wasn’t a normal feeling for him. It was emotionally taxing and physically exhausting. The feeling was somewhat similar to a good workout, leaving him exhausted, but with a sense of accomplishment.

Now, his precious wife was making him feel the same way. But, she was absolutely correct, and he knew it. There was no way he could go back to work and act like nothing had ever happened. In the past, he had trusted his men with his life and now, his engineer was entrusted with Hank’s secret shame, so then the only plausible explanation for why he was afraid to face them was because they might forgive him, forgive him too quickly. Somehow, he needed some kind of penance, something horrific and so far, no one had punished him the way he felt he deserved. His wife had welcomed him back home with open arms, his girls had done the same. His long-time friend, Shep, had faced a similar experience years earlier and had overcome it. He too, was very quick to tell Hank that he needed to let go of his guilty conscience and return to doing what he loved doing most.   
Hank felt his wife stepping up behind him, her arms snaking around his midsection, leaning her body supportively against his back. 

“Why don’t we host a cookout tomorrow night? Just a guys’ night out, you and the fellas from your crew. You can cook hamburgers, have some chips and beer, and… And ask them to forgive you.”

“I don’t know,” he sighed.

“And you have to do the most difficult thing on earth, Hank,” she said, sliding around to face him. “You have to accept their forgiveness… Because they’ll want to offer it. So don’t let them down.”

Her last words stung a little. Would he be letting them down if he didn’t at least try to do what she was asking of him? He clenched his teeth together, working his jaw muscles as he answered her with a slight nod. 

“Call Mike. Ask him to call the others so you don’t have to, and then the girls and I will make ourselves scarce tomorrow afternoon. I can make up the hamburger patties tomorrow morning and make some potato salad and baked beans, maybe a…”

“Whoa…just burgers, chips, sodas and beer. Nothing more, alright?” He asked, holding up his hand to stop her planning.

The sparkle in her eyes melted his heart. Inside, she was weeping tears of joy. This was the last big hurdle Hank had to clear before beginning the final step in ridding himself of the festering disease that had been ravaging him for weeks. She just hoped that when it was all said and done, his crew would give him the unspoken permission to accept the internal peace he so desperately needed, the peace they all needed.

Hank reached for the phone, sighing as he dialed the familiar number. He waited for his engineer to answer. Finally, on the fourth ring, he heard the voice he knew so well.

“Hello?”

“Uh,” Hank closed his eyes, rubbing his forehead. “Mike, it’s Hank.”

“Hi, Cap. Good to hear from you. How are things going?”

“Pretty good, uh, I really need to ask a favor of you… If you don’t mind.”

“Sure,” Mike agreed, his heart thudding inside his chest. He had been concerned that his captain might never return to 51’s, or anywhere else in the fire service. Now, he feared he was about to hear his superior say that he was, in fact, resigning from his position as leader of the A-shift.

“I, uh, I’d like to have a cookout tomorrow afternoon, just us men from the crew and, uh, I was wondering if you’d make the calls for me. Say around 5:00 o’clock?”

Hank heard the hesitation on the other end of the line and broke out in a cold sweat. Was his engineer about to refuse to attend or take part in any way?

“Yea, sure, that’d be, ah, that’d be great. What can I bring?” Mike could hear his own voice trembling.

“Just yourself and the rest of the guys. I, uh, I want to get together with the five of you before I, um, before I go back on shift,” he said, nervously.

Mike’s mouth immediately went dry. “So, does this mean that you’re coming back on shift with us?”

“I’ll be back on Thursday, but Mike, I honestly haven’t made up my mind yet about my future with the fire service. So, um, let’s just keep this between us, okay?”

“You bet, Cap. What should I tell the guys? They’ll want to know something.”

Hank ran a nervous hand across his forehead, rubbing his left temple. He hadn’t anticipated that question. “Ah, well, just tell them that I wanted to see everyone before next shift.”

“Alright, I’ll make the calls and, ah, I’ll see you tomorrow, Cap. If there’s anything I can bring, just give me a call.” There was so much more Mike wanted to say, but now didn’t seem to be the appropriate time.

“Thanks, Mike. I appreciate that, but just your presence will be enough. I, uh, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me… For my family and, I’ll…” His voice began to crack. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you then, Cap.”

E!

 

Joanne used her uninjured hand to rub her aching arches. When she looked up into the mirror, she barely recognized the face staring back at her. She looked haggard, and the day she had experienced hadn’t helped at all. First, she got busy at Bloomers and rushed to complete an arrangement, stabbing florist’s wire into her hand. Then she barely made it to the elementary school in time to pick up the children. Unfortunately, they were not getting along, at all, which gave her a headache, causing her to choose takeout pizza for dinner for the second time in a week. This had upset Roy, but she knew there was more to Roy’s sour mood than the pizza. She had been neglecting him in another way, not just with his meals. She had promised him that her job wouldn’t interfere with their home life, yet it had interfered. He deserved better than what she had been giving him. He had been great taking care of the children while she tended to her bleeding hand, and she decided to repay him in the way her man seemed to appreciate the most.

Standing up, she began running a hot bath, dripping a generous amount of lavender scented bubble bath into the running stream. She sank back against the porcelain tub and allowed the rising steam vapors to relieve her stress and body aches. Hopefully, she would feel more like providing Roy with a little stress relief later on.

E!

Roy was wiping the last of the pizza crumbs off the table with a damp dishcloth when the phone began to ring. He shook out the dishcloth into the trash can then picked up the telephone.

“DeSoto residence.”

“Hey, Roy… It’s Johnny, uh, Stoker just called. He said Cap wants all of us, crew members only, to go to his house tomorrow night for a cookout. Said to be there around 5:00 pm and don’t bring anything, Cap’s supplying it all.” Johnny waited to see what Roy thought about the invitation.

“Um, okay, uh… What’s this all about?” Roy asked, tossing the dishcloth on his shoulder like he had seen Amy do so many times at the Pour House.

“I was hoping you might know. I don’t like it, Roy. Something’s up.”

Roy crossed his arms over his chest, pinning the phone between his ear and shoulder. “Well, it seems like good news always comes on the phone, but bad news is delivered face to face.”

“Yea, and a cookout is definitely face to face,” Johnny sighed. “Why don’t I pick ya up ‘bout 4:30 pm?”

“Sounds good, uh, you think he’s… Um, could he have changed his mind about coming back?”

“I don’t know, Pally. Guess we’ll find out tomorrow.”

“Yea… Guess so. See you then,” Roy muttered.

“See ya.”

Roy looked around the corner into the den and saw that both children were engrossed in a television program. “Jennifer, as soon as that program goes off, you need to get your bath, alright?”

“Do I have to?” She whined.

“Yes,” Roy responded, his sensitive ears perking up when he heard his son snicker. “When she gets out, then you get yours, Chris,” he called out.

“Yes, Dad,” the youngster said with a groan.

Roy began running hot soapy water into the sink. He wanted to get the dishes washed before Joanne came downstairs. He had heard her turning on the water in their bathroom and knew she would likely be awhile. She enjoyed long soaking baths when she was tired or stressed. He knew she wouldn’t be able to do the dishes with her hand injured, and he had been home all day, whereas she had been at work. Things had changed so much in just a short time, but he had other friends who had working wives, and if they could make it, then so could he and Joanne. 

As he was drying the last of the dishes, Joanne walked into the kitchen, her robe cinched tightly at her narrow waist. 

“Hungry?”

Joanne opened the refrigerator door, rummaging inside looking for a piece of fruit. She just didn’t have the stomach for anything heavy like pizza. “Yea, a little. I don’t really want pizza, though.”

“Daddy’s making me take a bath,” Jennifer pouted, stomping past the two of them on her way to her room.

“Chris will have to take one too, so wipe that pout off of your face,” Joanne commented back. “And don’t forget to brush your teeth, young lady.”

“I won’t.”

Roy looked around the kitchen, everything seemed to be in its proper place. “I’m still a little stiff from our last shift. Think I’ll go hit the shower, too.”

Joanne watched as her husband climbed the stairs, noting the heaviness he seemed to be carrying on his shoulders. ‘Maybe he needs a good shoulder rub,’ she thought to herself, then looked back down at her bandaged hand, realizing that Roy’s massage would have to wait until another day. She ate a few slices of pineapple, then instructed Chris to bathe as soon as Jennifer was out of the bathroom.

“I want both of you in bed at your appointed bedtimes,” she ordered.

“We will, Mom,” the older DeSoto child responded.

“Television off, lights out, okay?”

“Yes, Mom,” Chris moaned, half-heartedly, continuing to watch television.

“Your Dad and I are both tired so we’re going to bed early.” Sleeping wasn’t exactly what she had in mind, even though that was what she wanted to do more than anything else. 

She quickly made her way upstairs, disrobed, then crawled into bed. He would be out of the shower soon, and hopefully, he would be happy with a short bedroom interlude, not a marathon love-making session.

E!

Roy lathered up his body then stepped beneath the hot spray of the shower. He could feel the tension leaving his body, flowing down the drain along with the shampoo and suds, well, most of the tension, anyway. He was still feeling tense in one area and knew that, with Joanne having the day she had experienced, relieving it was going to be left up to him. Once again, he lathered up his hands, running them over his lower abdomen until he reached his destination. Slowly, he stroked his cock, trying his best to imagine that Joanne had joined him in the shower. He closed his eyes, leaning his free hand against the wet wall of the shower stall, slowly increasing the pace and friction of his stroking. For the next few minutes, beneath the spray of the hot water, he provided for himself that which he normally depended on his wife to provide for him. There, alone in the shower, he found his release. His knees weakened, but the overwhelming explosive climax he so desired, and so often experienced with his loving wife, eluded him. Instead, he merely felt the physical relief of ejaculation, not the emotional fulfillment he longed for.

He rinsed himself off completely, one last time, then made sure he left no evidence of his activities in the shower stall. Chill bumps covered his body when he stepped out of the shower and into the cool room air. He scrubbed his body and head with a thick towel, drying off as much of the moisture as he could, before dressing in his boxers and a t-shirt. As soon as he brushed his teeth, he stepped back into the bedroom.

There, in the bed already, was his wife. He could tell by the way the covers left her bare shoulders exposed, that she was naked. He looked into her face and saw the smile that usually meant that she was in a romantic mood, but the smile only covered the lower part of her face. 

“Thought you might want some company before you went to sleep,” she said softly.

“I know you don’t feel well, Jo. It’s alright, we don’t have to,” he said, slipping beneath the covers and turning his back to his wife. He didn’t want to tell her that he had already taken care of his own needs in the shower earlier. Besides, he knew she was only making the offer because she felt guilty for how long they had gone without making love recently. She didn’t seem to understand that the most enjoyable part of making love, for him, was when he was meeting her needs, providing her with pleasure. He didn’t want a one-sided relationship. He wanted them to enjoy each other, so he would have to wait until she felt better. Then, maybe the act would be mutually satisfying. “Good night.”  
Joanne reached up, turning off the lamp on her side of the bed, ashamed that she was feeling relieved instead of disappointed. “Good night, Roy.” 

They both settled into their bed in the darkness, neither one close enough to touch the other.

 

E!

Hank spent the following day cleaning the grill and the back deck. He had cut the grass and trimmed the hedges earlier in the week and was grateful his lawn was slow-growing. As the day wore on, he became more and more anxious about the impending meal and impromptu meeting with his crew. Several times, he found himself daydreaming about the last time they had all been together. He had been pinned to the floor by his senior paramedic and senior lineman after punching his junior linemen in the face. His upper arms had been cemented to the floor by his engineer. Of course, he had been in the throes of a vicious nightmare, but that still didn’t change the facts. Rightfully, he deserved a serious reprimand, or worse, for his actions during the weeks preceding and including the nightmare incident. But, his men had all been very supportive, seemingly understanding that he would never intentionally harm anyone, certainly not one of them. Now, they would be arriving at his home in a few short hours, and he had no idea how to respond to them. He had been trying all day to formulate his speech, finally giving up and deciding instead to do what his wife had suggested. He would simply speak to them from his heart.

He looked at his watch again, it was shortly before five and his guests, his friends, should be arriving shortly. He looked around the deck. The charcoal was heating in the grill and the drinks were iced down in a cooler. The table was adorned with a red table cloth, the edges flapping gently in the light breeze that rustled around the corner of the house.   
Rebecca had loaded it down with various condiments, veggies, two different kinds of cheese slices, and various plastic wear. The meat was inside in the refrigerator already seasoned and shaped into quarter-pound size patties. All that was left was to cook the hamburger patties, and for the guys to arrive. He was staring out into their backyard when he heard the sliding glass door open. Turning around, he saw his beautiful wife walking towards him, a nervous smile on her face.

“You okay?”

“Yea,” he responded, meeting her halfway across the deck. “Just feeling a little… I don’t know, nervous, maybe?”

She reached out, embracing him in a long secure hug. “I love you, Captain Hank Stanley…” She pulled back to look deeply into his eyes. “So do they, so just treat them like the friends they are, okay?”

“How did I get to be so lucky?” He asked, kissing her softly.

“That goes both ways,” she said, enjoying the intimacy of the moment. “Just remember that… It goes both ways with your crew, too.”

Rebecca felt him nodding his head affirmatively. “Listen, the girls and I are going to catch a movie and maybe get our nails done. I want you to have plenty of time with your crew, so don’t worry about us. If anyone is still here when we get back, we’ll just stay out of the way.”

“God, I love you, ‘Becca,” he said, pulling her into one last passionate embrace.

“I love you, too. Now, let’s go get the meat so you can start grilling. They’ll be here soon.”

The two walked arm in arm into their kitchen. Hank removed the meat from the refrigerator while Rebecca shouldered her purse. She stood in the open doorway while he carried the food onto the deck, placing it on the table just as they heard a car door slamming in their driveway.

“Sounds like my cue,” she said. “I’ll get the door and send whoever it is out here. Then the girls and I are leaving.”

“Thank you, ‘Becca. I mean it from the bottom of my heart.”

“You’re welcome. Now, take a deep breath and move forward with the rest of your life,” she said, offering him a wink as she returned to the kitchen. “Girls? Let’s go,” she called out, grabbing her keys. 

Hurriedly, she opened the door, smiling at the sight she saw on the other side. “Thanks so much for coming. He’s on the deck,” she said, scurrying out the door, allowing Hank the space and time he needed to accomplish the difficult task that lay ahead.


	4. chapter 4

Chapter 4

Mike strummed his fingers on the steering wheel, turning into the Stanleys’ neighborhood. Anyone meeting him on the quiet street would assume that he was listening to a dance tune on the radio, but instead, he was tapping out the rapid tempo of his heartbeat. He was nervous, unsure what Captain Stanley had in mind for the evening. He pulled up into a vacant spot in the Stanleys’ driveway, slamming the door on his pick-up truck, then walking up the sidewalk. He was about to knock on the front door, when it suddenly opened. Rebecca Stanley stepped out to greet him, planting a friendly kiss on his cheek.

“Thanks so much for coming. He’s on the deck.”

When she took a step back from him, his worried blue eyes met her gaze. “How is he?”

“Nervous about tonight. He has to do this though. It’s for the best,” she offered without further explanation, then headed to their blue Edsel, Missy and Vickie scurrying past her, vying for the front seat.

Her words did nothing to relieve Mike of the nagging fear he had been dealing with since Hank’s phone call the previous day. He waved to the departing Stanley ladies, then walked through the house headed for the sliding glass door, and whatever the upcoming gathering held.

Hank dropped the last hamburger patty on the grill, inhaling the delicious smoky scent as the burgers began to sizzle. He closed the lid, then opened up the red and white ice chest, digging around until he pulled out a cold bottle of beer.

“Got any more?”

Hank looked up, somewhat startled by the sound of his engineer’s voice. “Stoker… So good to see you. It’s been a while. Here,” he said, popping the top off the beer in his hand, and offering it to his friend.

“Thanks, Cap.”

“Thank you,” Hank said, popping off the top with the bottle opener and taking a long drink, after which an unflattering belch surfaced. “Ugh, excuse me. It’s ah… It’s been awhile since I drank a good beer.”

Mike leaned against the railing, his mouth watering from the smoky aroma floating past his nose. “Thought I’d come on over. See if maybe you needed any help with anything.”

“Nah,” Hank said, lifting the grill lid once more, even though he knew the patties weren’t ready to turn. “’Becca helped me get everything ready; just gotta let the burgers cook and wait for the others to get here…” He looked up, his voice fading. “…they are coming, aren’t they?”

A couple of slamming car doors echoed around the corner of the house. Mike felt a sense of relief and dread swirling inside his chest, but his face held the ever pleasant smile for which he was so well known. “Yes sir… And it sounds like they’re here now.”

E!

The drive to the Stanleys’ house was made in uncharacteristic silence between the A-shift paramedics. Johnny tried repeatedly to begin a conversation, but each time he asked a question, or made a statement, his partner merely grunted or glanced out the window. Whatever was going on at the DeSoto home was worse than he had originally thought. He slowed down his Rover, making the turn into the Stanley driveway, parking behind Chet’s van.

“Well, hope we aren’t gonna get bad news from Cap’n Stanley tonight,” he mused, watching his partner reach for the door handle.

“Yea… The last twenty-four hours have been bad enough,” Roy grumbled, unaware that he had spoken loud enough for his perceptive partner to hear his remarks.

Johnny inhaled deeply, lifting his nose in the air slightly. “Mmmmm, I can tell he’s out back. Smells incredible,” he said, leading the way through the privacy fence gate and into the back yard like a bloodhound tracking a scent.

On the deck, he saw his captain manning the grill while the other three members of the station stood around talking. Chet was holding a beer in one hand and gesturing wildly with the other. Mike and Marco seemed to be engrossed in whatever tale the young lineman was telling. Johnny walked up the steps to the back deck, patting his captain on the shoulder. 

“Good to see ya, Cap. Smells great.”

“Gage, how’ve you been, Pal?” Hank asked, flipping the last burger, then closing the top of the grill.

“Pretty good, pretty good, managed to keep myself outta trouble while you’ve been gone, even got my hair cut for ya,” he chuckled, searching his superior for any sign that he might be announcing his resignation later.

“Glad to hear it. Is your, ah, partner coming?” Hank asked, peering around behind his younger medic, in search of the man he had been worried about since his visit with Shep.

“Oh, yea, yea, he’s…” Johnny looked over his shoulder. “He was right behind me when, uh…”

As if on cue, Roy walked around the side of the house. He had taken a moment to try to rid himself of any negativity related to his own home situation in order to focus on the issue ahead. “Hi, Cap.” He waved, stepping up on the deck and extending his right hand.

“Good to see you, Roy.” Hank looked around him at his crew, suddenly realizing that all eyes were on him. “It’s, ah, good to see all of you again. Thanks for coming on such short notice.” He reached for the platter Rebecca had left for the patties. “I believe these are ready,” he announced, using a spatula to remove them from the grill. “Anyone hungry… Besides Gage?” 

A round of snickers followed, breaking the ice between Hank and his crew. For the next hour, the six men devoured numerous burgers, chips, and drinks. The talk around the picnic table was light. Each man filling his captain in on different runs they had gone on during his absence as well as different antics happening around the station. One man, though, was noticeably silent.

“DeSoto? Want another burger? We’ve got plenty.”

At the mention of his name, Roy’s eyes quickly focused, moving in the direction of Hank’s voice. “Oh, um, no thanks, Cap. I’m stuffed, but they were really good.”

“Yea, Cap. Maybe you should assign yourself kitchen duty when you come back,” Chet said, immediately silencing the group.

Hank looked around at the five men sitting with him on his deck. The sun was beginning to set, casting a healthy glow across each fireman’s rugged face. He looked back down at his empty plate, fighting his emotions. The stinging behind his eyes, the tickling in the back of his throat, and his bouncing left knee all pointed to the fact that his body could not hide from the stress of the impending conversation. This was the moment he had been dreading all day. Now, he could put it off no longer. He coughed into his closed fist, then cleared his throat before speaking.

“Ahem, men…” He continued staring at the red and white checked tablecloth Rebecca had placed on the table, wishing she were here with him, once again lending him her strength and reassurance, but this was a task he had to accomplish alone. He had received Dr. Robertson's encouragement and blessing during their session only a few hours earlier. 

Truthfully, he knew he needed to do it; he didn't need a psychiatrist telling him what he already knew, but the reassurance was great to have anyway. 

Hank swallowed another drink of his soda, quenching his thirst, and ensuring he stayed clear-headed for what was about to be said. “I know you're wondering why I invited you all over here, and I suppose I’ve put this off long enough. I’ve got some things that… That I need to say to you, and…” He inhaled a shaky breath then exhaled loudly. “I wanted to do it here… Now… Not at the station.” He hesitated just a little too long, giving Chet an opening.

“Does that mean that… That you’re gonna return to the station with us?”

Hank leaned forward slightly, then stood up, pulling his long legs out from beneath the picnic table. “Let’s pull up a few chairs and sit back, enjoy the sunset. And, Chet... I’ll let you know before you leave tonight, okay?”

The curly haired lineman merely nodded affirmatively, then joined the rest of his crew as they dragged various lawn chairs into somewhat of a semi-circle in the shadows created by the setting sun.

Each crew member felt the anxiety of their captain as he dragged his chair close to the railing. They could tell by his demeanor that he was not only nervous about what he had to say, but also seemed worried about their reactions to his message. His hands were shaking, his respiration rate rapid and shallow. 

Johnny thought back to what Captain Shepherd had asked of the two A-shift paramedics, and fought the urge to grab Hank’s wrist to check his pulse. Instead, he placed a friendly hand on his captain's shoulder, knowing that he was speaking for the group.

"Cap... Whatever it is that you need to tell us, just say it. It'll be a'right."

Hank flashed a quick smile at his junior paramedic, then leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. More than anything, he wanted to look his men in the eyes, but at the moment, he simply didn't have the ability to do that and speak at the same time.

He cleared his throat once more, rubbed his open palms together, and began. "Fellas... I-I know that I've been really difficult to work with lately and..."

"No, Cap. You haven't been that bad. We all felt bad after Carrigan...,"

Hank held up his hand, silencing his younger lineman. "Please... I-I need to say this," he sputtered.

Chet felt the weight of Hank’s unintended admonishment. He sank back in his seat, unsure of where the conversation was headed.

"After we lost Carrigan that night, I-I really blamed myself. I know you men knew that I wasn't acting like my normal self but... There was more to it. I felt guilty, not just for Kyle's death and his partner's injury... I-I felt...," his voice broke and he gratefully accepted the napkin that suddenly appeared in front of him.

"Thanks, Mike." He made a quick swipe across his face before continuing. "I know you men found the pills I’d been taking... Some to keep me awake because of the nightmares and more to help me with the anxiety I was living with... But, they made me do... Made me do...damn it," he swore. This was more difficult than he had imagined. 

"We know about the Temazepam and the caffeine pills. We know about the nightmares. We get it, Cap. Really, we do." Marco spoke softly, trying to help his superior find his words.

"I know, and Marco... I'll start with you and Roy. You fellas came looking for me when I didn't make it to that little girl's birthday party.”

“Corrie,” Chet interjected, feeling a bit protective of the little girl, and wanting to make sure that her identity was established.

“Yea, Corrie Marks… Thanks, Chet.” Hank continued. “I wanted to go, honest I did, but I just... I just couldn't. You tracked me down at Cinders and you..." He dug the heels of his hands into his eye sockets. "God this is hard... I was... Hell, I'll just say it. I was drunk. You two made sure I got home safely and, and then helped 'Becca get me in bed, after I’d puked up my toenails. That was the first time you'd seen her with the, um, the bruises I gave her...."

"We know it was from a nightmare," Roy said. "You didn't do it on purpose."

"But you didn't know that at the time, Roy. You and Marco... You tried to help her... And me and, and I just... I treated you like... Like shit, both of you."

Marco and Roy exchanged looks, neither knowing what to say. Everything their captain was saying was absolutely true, even if neither one wanted to admit it. 

"John, I... Later on, after 'Becca burned her hands... I called you, off duty, and you came over, several times, and dressed her wounds for us. I was abusing my position over you and…”

“I was helping out a friend, not fulfilling an order,” Johnny corrected.

Hank swallowed the lump that had formed again in his throat. “Y-you didn't have to do that, but you did it anyway... And you, you never complained to me... Not once.” He hesitated for a moment, looking at the long faces of the men surrounding him. His eyes landed on his second in command.

“Mike?”

Mike swirled the condensation on his beer bottle, looking up when he heard his name mentioned. "Mike, I put you in one helluva position... A spot no engineer should... Should ever be placed in by his captain. I was a constant smartass to you and... I-I knew that what I was saying and doing was wrong, but... But I did it anyway. You-ah, you're a good leader, Stoker. Going through my bag behind my back took balls of steel," he stopped when a chuckle made its way around the group.

"Well, it's true. I-I couldn't've done that if it'd been McConikee, back when I was his engineer. I'm not... I'm not that..."

"Balls-ie?" Mike snickered, pinching the bridge of his nose to hide his watery eyes.

"Yea, I don't have the... um, testicular fortitude that you do, Stoker." 

Chet felt the heat rising around his shirt collar, and knew his neck and face were flaming red. His name was the only one that Hank hadn't called and he wasn't sure how to take it.   
The thought was short lived as a gruff, hitching voice broke through the silence.

"Kelly?"

"Y-yes sir," he responded.

"Chet, if anyone should hate me, it's... Well, I've given you more reason to..." He had no idea how to put into words what he was thinking. Rebecca's sweet voice continued to echo in his mind reminding him to speak from his heart.

"Chet, I've been harder on you than any of the others. I-I don't know why, but I-I just... I guess I used you as a scapegoat."

"And a punching bag," Chet shot back, his eyes popping wider, realizing he had spoken out loud.

"Yes...," Hank looked up at his young lineman. "And a punching bag, and as long as I live, I'll regret that moment."

"Aww, Cap... Ya didn't know. You were dreamin', that's all," Chet said, hoping to correct his earlier verbal faux pas.

"I know... But, Chet... That's no excuse for how I treated you after you returned from medical leave. I-I think back on that and I-I don't know why..." He sat up a little straighter, unable to complete the thought. He scrubbed his face with his open palm, unsure of what he was about to ask of his crew.

"It's a'right, Cap," Chet finally spoke, his voice barely a whisper.

"Men, what I'm trying to say is that... That I..." Again, his voice betrayed him, but he forged ahead, forcing his vocal chords to work. "I'm s-so, so very sorry... Sorry for what... What I've done... Sorry for the position I... I put you in... Sorry for... Not being th-the captain, the leader, th-the man I sh-shoulda been," his shoulders began to shake, but still he pressed on.

“That night,” he began, his mind taking him back in time to the night of the fatal backdraft. He could smell the smoke, hear the roaring sounds of the fire consuming the burning structure that seemed to have just devoured four men. He felt his chest tightening up, his breath became restricted, and panic nearly overtook him until he pressed his fingers into his forehead, forcing the reminders back into his memory, away from his current reality. “I w-was so af-afraid that I’d…” He swallowed, looking briefly at his second in command.  
Mike gave a brief nod. He knew what Hank was about to say and he wanted the older man to know he was supporting him.

“I-I,” he sniffed, finding his confession much more difficult than he had anticipated. “I thought I’d… I’d killed our linemen,” he choked out. “Th-then, when I saw you, M-Marco, coming out with a man on your shoulders, a man much larger than Chet. I-I was re-relieved that… That I hadn’t killed you both,” he whispered, spitting out the words as if they were desperately clinging to his tongue, refusing to leave. 

“That’s… that’s understandable,” Marco interjected.

“But then,” Hank continued. “Then, when I asked you about Kelly… You said that he was bringing Carrigan out and, and… I f-felt… relief and, um, horror at the same time. It’s, ah,” he rubbed his eyes with his thumb and fingers. “It’s a st-strange feeling.”

Understanding swept across Marco’s face. He remembered his rushed conversation with Hank the night of the incident, remembered the look of horror on the older man’s face.

“Fellas, I felt so guilty for so long about having those thoughts and…” He sniffled once more, returning the damp napkin to his face. “The night that you all… ganged up on me at Rampart,” he allowed a brief smile, then returned to his story. “Mike stayed with me that night, and h-he knew. He knew I was feeling conflicted inside about it and that… He knew the truth.”

“Because I had the same thoughts,” Mike spoke up, filling in the missing words for his captain.

“I think we all did,” Johnny joined in.

Hank gave a slow understanding nod. “Mike helped me understand that… I didn’t trade Kyle’s life for Chet’s or Marco’s. It was okay to feel happy that our linemen were safe while mourning the loss of our brother.”

Chet stared into the nothingness in front of his chair. “I beat myself up pretty hard over that one too, Cap. I kept thinking that I should’ve done something else, got to him quicker or, hell, I don’t know… Just done something else.”

“Johnny and I wondered if there was anything we could’ve done differently too…” Roy allowed his statement to simply fade away; nothing more needed to be said at the moment.

“We all suffered that night, but… But, I let it nearly destroy m-my family,, m-my marriage…” He reached for another napkin from the stack within arm’s reach of where he sat. “My wife h-had every reason to leave… Take the girls… You, men, ‘specially you, Kelly… You really should’ve filed grievances against me… Mike, you should’ve reported me to Headquarters, but… But, none of that hap-pened,” he inhaled a few hitching breaths, struggling to continue amid his tears. “I-I’ve gotten h-help for myself and, and ‘Becca. I-I think the girls will be going to the next session and… I don’t deserve it, but… but they’ve for-forgiven me.” 

No one in the small group dared look at anyone else. Eyes were reddening and beginning to sting, moisture pooling along the lower lids. Noses began to run, as evidenced by the number of times a napkin was quickly brought up to dry the moisture. Six hearts began to break, aching for the events of that night that they all wished they could change. 

“Then, that last morning I was at 51’s…” He looked back down at his hands remembering only sketches of the incident with the nightmare. “I don’t remember everything that happened, but… You men, y-you acted professionally under difficult circumstances, and yet…” He looked up, finally able to really look into the eyes of the men who rushed to his aid that terrible morning. “You didn’t treat me the way I deserved. You treated me like… Like,” he looked back down at his lap, scrubbing his weary face.

“Like we would treat a family member,” Mike spoke up. “Because that’s what we were doing… We were treating our brother, and he deserved… And still deserves, the best we have to offer.” 

Hank continued to stare at the wooden deck, Mike’s words seemed so undeserving, leaving him with the feeling that his body was going to melt and drip between the wooden slats, dissolving away forever. “I-I, um, I don’t know if I-I’ll be able t-to work as your c-captain ever again,” he began, no longer trying to hide the tears that now freely flowed down his angular cheeks. “B-but, I just want t-to tell you that… That the f-five of you are…” he sniffled again. “Are th-the best damn firemen this county ha-has ever as-sembled and, I-I’m grateful to say th-that I’m… or was… you’re cap-tain.” 

Not one man could fight back his emotions long enough to find his voice before Hank continued. Each one wanted to disagree with him, to explain that it was under his leadership that they had excelled, but he never gave them the chance. “Th-this is so h-hard t-to do, but can you e-ever for-give me for how I tr-treated y-you? Y-you don’t hafta an-swer me now, but I-I just wanted you to know h-how I really feel… the truth. And, e-even if y-you can’t work wi-with me,” he began hiccupping as he struggled to get all the words out. “I-I'm hope-ing for yo-your for-forgiveness one d-day... Pl-please?" His voice faded to a near-silent whisper as he covered his face with both hands. There, on his back deck,   
surrounded by his crew, Hank wept bitterly. He wept for what he feared he'd lost, what he feared he'd never find again. He had let his crew down in the worst way possible. Now, he had bared his soul, leaving him feeling as naked and vulnerable as the day he was born. And he felt as helpless as a newborn, unable to provide for himself even the most basic of needs.

A single hand perched on top of his shoulder, and gave it a gentle squeeze. He felt as if his world was going to spin out of control, pulling him apart in the rotation. Then another hand, similar in size and strength, took hold of his other shoulder. A thinner hand, held the back of his neck, while a larger one rested lightly atop his dark tresses. Then, two hands rested on his knees, touching just enough to get his attention. He felt as if the breath of life was suddenly being sucked out of his lungs. These hands were not the hands of hate, but the hands of brothers, supportive, caring and uplifting. These were the hands of men who trusted him, and would take care of him. These were hands of rescue and healing, carrying him where he was unable to carry himself. These were the hands of brotherly love and enduring faithfulness, hands that would never leave him to suffer alone. These were truly hands of forgiveness. 

“Cap?” Chet whispered, unable to speak any louder at the moment. He waited for his captain to open his eyes.

Hank knew then, that the hands that rested on his knees belonged to the young Irishman, the man he had so doggedly mistreated since that fateful night. He slowly opened his eyes and saw the young man kneeling in front of him.

“Cap,” Chet gulped back the lump he was feeling. “I know that one day, we’ll all go our separate ways. Some will get promoted and… Hell, who knows, I might even make engineer, one day. But, until that happens, I’m asking you to pl-please,” he sniffled. “Don’t break up th-the best damn crew in L. A. County. ‘Cause, w-we ain’t us without y-you,” Chet wiped his face, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mike doing the same thing. “You don’t have to-to even ask but, but I know you n-need to hear it. So, I-I for-give you, Cap. I do. It’s over, okay?”

“So do I. I forgive you, too,” Mike added.

“No hard feelings, Cap. I forgive ya.” Johnny squeezed his captain’s neck feeling a bit of the tension there releasing.

“I forgive you, Cap,” Roy reassured the older man, keeping his hand resting on Hank’s right shoulder. 

Marco gave a slight pat to Hank’s head. “I forgive you, also. All is forgiven, Cap. YOU are forgiven. Now…” Marco struggled to say what he knew to be true, but he pressed on. “Now… forgive yourself, please? Then come back to us, rested and restored.”

E!

By the time nightfall arrived, the men of Hank’s crew had all gone home. Rebecca and the girls had returned and Hank and Rebecca sat alone out on the back deck, staring into the darkness of the night sky. His eyes were red and swollen, but the cool night air brought relief to them, just as his confessions and request for forgiveness had brought relief to his burdened soul.

“Feeling better?” She asked softly, her thumb caressing the back of his hand as they held hands in the solitude of the evening.

“Yea, I-I do, ‘Becca. I really wasn’t sure, but… But, I feel much better, lighter somehow.”

Rebecca Stanley smiled, even though her beloved couldn’t see it in the darkness. “Then let tomorrow’s shift be the first day of the rest of your long career with the department…. Even if it isn’t at 51’s.”

Hank swallowed, his mouth still feeling a little dry from the raw emotions he had shared with his men earlier. “I plan to, sweetheart. But I have to be honest with you. I don’t want to be anywhere else but 51’s. Unless, of course, it’s in your arms. I love you, ‘Becca.”

“I love you too, Hank.”

E!

Across town, Hank’s senior medic was getting ready for bed. He had already prepared his dufflebag for the upcoming shift, the following morning. He thought back over the events of the night, hoping that his captain would arrive for his shift feeling better than he had in weeks. He stuffed his extra underclothing down into the dufflebag, making sure he had at least three pairs of socks. 

He looked up when their bedroom door squeaked open, his tired wife walking through it, sitting down heavily on the edge of their bed. “Roy?”

“Yea?” He asked, zipping up the bag and tossing it on the floor.

“I need to talk to you.”


	5. chapter 5

Chapter 5

Roy looked at his wife with concern in his eyes. He was already emotionally drained from spending the evening on the deck of the Stanleys’ house, hearing his captain bare his heart and ask for forgiveness. He truly didn’t know how much more he could take without having his own emotional meltdown.

“Okay, uh, wanna talk now?”

Joanne nodded, taking a seat on the bed beside his duffle bag. She watched as Roy leaned his hips against the dresser, noting that for some reason, he didn’t sit beside her as he normally would. 

“I know, we’ve talked about my job, and I’ve promised you that it wouldn’t interfere with our home life. I let that happen over the last week and I-I’m sorry, Roy. Truly, I’m sorry.”

Roy once again, felt his heartstrings being tugged, this time by his wife’s confession. “I know and, um, I haven’t helped out as much as I could’ve around the house and I, ah, I’m sorry too. I’ll work on that, on being a better husband.”

Joanne felt the backs of her eyes stinging. She loved this man with all her heart. Standing up, she closed the distance between them, wrapping her arms around his neck and placing her head on his shoulder. She felt him wrap his arms around the small of her back and kiss the top of her head lightly. His arms had always been her refuge, safe and secure. 

After a moment of relishing the feel of his strong embrace, she pulled back and looked deeply into his crystal blue eyes. “Do you really mean that?”

Roy felt the icy stab of her words, but realized she didn’t mean for them to be hurtful. “Yes, of course. What do you need me to do?”

Joanne sucked in the corner of her lower lip, hesitating just long enough to send a ripple of concern up Roy’s spine. “Well, Caroline called me. She and Chet want to go out for dinner and a movie… Without Corrie,” she grinned, mischievously. “You know what that means, and, well…”

Roy’s first thought was that Chet and Caroline were going to be having a grand ole time in the bedroom. Then, he realized what Joanne was really asking. “In other words, I need to be prepared to babysit?”

“Just for a little while, Roy. I promise. See, Iris got a death call just before I left today. The family will be in tomorrow afternoon to pick out a casket arrangement, and then she needs my help on Friday to get everything ready for the funeral on Saturday. We’ll be working until at least five o’clock. I didn’t mean for this to happen, honest, Roy, I didn’t, and if she had anyone else to help her….”

“Shhh,” he crooned, realizing that she had been very nervous about asking him to do this. “So, I’ll pick the kids up from school, and then swing by to pick up Corrie?”

“Um, actually, Chet and Caroline will drop her off on their way out. I was just hoping you’d pick the kids up from school and get dinner ready. I’ll be home in time to do the whole bathing routine.”

Roy cocked an eyebrow at her. “And you’ll be here to handle the tears when Corrie wants her Momma at bedtime?”

Joanne blushed, Caroline had already explained that Corrie had never spent a night away from home, yet. This was truly going to be a test run. “Yes, of course,” she smiled back, leaning upwards for a tentative kiss.

Roy couldn’t resist the temptation of her warm moist lips on his, and he responded with a light peck, initially. Then, opening his mouth slightly, he allowed his tongue to search for an opening, needing to penetrate the barrier and unite with hers. Joanne quickly acquiesced, a soft moan escaping as his tongue found hers and began the familiar dance.

Slowly, methodically, Roy’s hands released their clasp behind her back, resting briefly along her hips then rising upwards along her ribcage. The dress she wore was driving him crazy, separating him from that which he desired most, both physically and emotionally.

Joanne felt his hands snaking around her hips and up beneath her arms, further fanning the flames of her desire. She knew, by the way his passion was almost overwhelming him, that he needed this, even more than she did. For too long, she had denied him, tonight would be different.

Slowly, their lips parted, and she flashed him her green eyes. “Door locked?”

A wicked smile crossed his face. “I’ll make sure,” he croaked deeply, stepping backwards the couple of feet needed to reach the door knob. He couldn’t take his eyes off her, as if breaking the eye contact would somehow cause them to lose the moment. 

“Kids are in bed already, but I don’t want to take any chances,” she explained, watching as he flicked the lock with his thumb.

“Hell no,” he said gruffly, once again wrapping his arms around his beloved, and moving in unison towards their bed. 

Again, their lips met, this time with even more vigor. Roy’s need was so great, he had to force himself to be gentle with her. His fingers began to fumble with the zipper on the back of her yellow dress, leaving the garment to fall on the floor like a pool of melted sunshine, beside her bare feet. Cupping the back of her neck with one hand, he perused her features searching for any signs that she might not want to be doing this, but all he saw in those hooded Irish eyes was the desire he had seen before, and he knew that she wanted him just as badly as he wanted her. He deftly removed the barrette that held her shoulder-length hair away from her face, allowing the auburn tinted chestnut tresses to cascade across his forearm as his mouth once again found hers. 

Joanne felt him lowering her zipper and wiggled enough to allow the dress to fall to the floor. She stepped out of it, leaving it where it lay. The massaging of his strong fingers along her neck and into her scalp sent a tingling sensation across her body, resulting in a shiver of desire. When she looked up into his deep blue eyes, she knew what he was thinking. She knew he was searching her face and body, wondering if she really wanted him. Her response was quick and swift.

Roy’s knees nearly buckled when he felt her hand merely skim across his t-shirt, heading directly for his groin. The flimsy cotton of his boxers could not hide the erection her nearness had created. He closed his eyes while she gently stroked his member through the cotton, then, in an uncharacteristically aggressive move, she dug her fingers into the waistband of his boxers, dropping them to the floor as she lowered herself to her knees. 

She lightly whisked her fingernails along his inner thighs, relishing in the shivers she could readily see and feel, coursing through the lower half of his anatomy. She lightly placed wet hot kisses along the length of his cock, avoiding the drop of moisture pooling along the tip. She continued grazing his groin with her nails, lightly brushing them along his balls, sending feelings of torturous pleasure through his entire body. She looked up, past the growing drop of moisture, watching his chest heaving with anticipation as he yanked off his t-shirt, seeing his reddening ruddy face, and his eyes watching her perform, and she knew he wasn’t going to last long. She wanted to prolong the pleasure, wanting him to know just how much she loved him, but he needed something else on this night. He needed his release from the captivity she was creating for him. 

She smiled at him, knowing he was enjoying watching her. He had always enjoyed the show almost as much as the activity itself, but even though she had no sexual experience with any other man, she was educated enough to know that most men enjoyed the scenery as much as the drive to ecstasy, and her man was no different. She gave him a big smile, and a flirtatious wink, as she seductively stuck her tongue out just in time to capture the precum dripping from the tip of his purple fully engorged member. She felt him shifting backwards, knowing he could no longer stand. 

Roy couldn’t believe the sensations he was feeling. He tugged his t-shirt over his head, tossing it in the general vicinity of his clothes hamper, praying his quivering legs would hold him upright for the next few moments. Finally, he could remain vertical no more. The backs of his legs found the edge of their bed and he collapsed, with Joanne never ceasing her ministrations. He rolled his head from side to side, groaning deeply, yet trying not to awaken their sleeping children. He arched his back, gripping the covers in his tightening fists as she used her lips and tongue in ways he had never felt before. All higher functioning of his brain was lost in the moment, relegating him to Neanderthal-like grunts and pants as his hips began to buck fiercely. He felt his nuts begin to tighten and he released his hold on the comforter, replacing it with handfuls of auburn-chestnut hair. He wanted to watch her, wanted to see himself thrusting into her gorgeous mouth, but he had neither the energy nor the time to raise himself up before he exploded.

She continued to lick and swirl her tongue around the tip, drinking him in, then slamming her face back into his musty curls. She could feel him tensing up and knew that what she was doing was right. He needed this, needed her, and she was more than happy to oblige. She followed him as he fell against the bed, leaving his legs hanging over the edge, knees bent and feet lightly brushing the carpeted floor. She maneuvered herself between his legs and continued her attention to the task. She ran her hands across his bare chest, swirling her fingers in his soft fur, brushing roughly across his nipples, giving each one a slight tweak. Roy’s nipples had always been so sensitive to her touch and tonight was no different. She heard his grunts and moaning and was pleased with his responses. Roy wasn’t always a verbal lover, but tonight his need was so deep, so raw, that he wasn’t even aware that he was rewarding her with his vocal appreciations. He reached the point of no return much sooner than she had anticipated, his thrusting became almost violent, his cock slamming into the back of her throat. When she felt his fingers weaving through her hair, holding handfuls just above her ears as he fucked her face, she wrapped her arms around his thrashing hips, relaxing her throat muscles to combat her own gag reflex, and held on as wave after gigantic wave of orgasmic pleasure ravaged his melting body. He curled up around her as he emptied himself into her sweet hot mouth. Had she been able to see his face, the contortions he was making, coupled with his eyes rolling to the back of his head, might have alarmed her, but instead, she remained where she was, riding out the undulations with him.

Swallowing the last of his love, she released his wilting member, and crawled up his quivering body to the place where he lay shaking. Protectively, she curled around him, moving his head to her chest and kissing him lightly on his forehead. His breathing was labored, his heart pounding so hard inside his chest that she not only felt it, but heard it. He tried to speak, but no words were audible.

“Sshhh, baby, just relax,” she crooned, cuddling him as if he were a child. He needed this, this time with her, this attention from her. He needed her, and that realization became even more obvious to her as they lay together for several long minutes, neither one speaking. No words were needed. 

How much time passed before he was able to lift a heavy finger, he didn’t know. He wanted to be selfish, to lay here all night with her gently stroking his forehead, relaxing him into an even deeper sleep of satiation. But, Roy DeSoto was not a selfish man, nor was he a selfish lover. Lightly, he used his thumb to graze across her soft belly upwards to her ample mounds. When had she removed her bra? He shifted his head just enough for her left breast to rest near his cheek and his tongue found her nipple. Slowly, he suckled for a moment, alternating between lathing the numb and nipping it. His left hand reached across her body and began to caress her right mound. When she pulled him tighter into an embrace, he looked up meeting her gaze.

“J-Jo, I, I don’t know what to say, Baby. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Roy. You are my everything. I-I’ve been selfish since I took my job and… I’m sorry. I really am. I’m going to do better, sweetheart. In every way,” she emphasized, leaving him no room to misinterpret what she meant. “Tonight was all about you.” She stroked his face, still beautifully flushed bright pink from his orgasm. “I’ll let you reciprocate later,” she smiled, kissing him again on his forehead and continuing to hold him tightly, trailing her fingernails along his upper left arm as she cradled him to her breast. 

Roy closed his eyes, allowing the deep sleep that so often followed their lovemaking to swoop down and claim him, taking away the last vestiges of consciousness. His breathing became deep and even. Beside him, his wife found her own path to slumber, knowing she had more than adequately met his physical needs. What she didn’t know, was that her last words to him had taken away his feeling of emotional satisfaction, leaving behind a small ember of self-doubt.

E!

Hank stood in front of his wife’s full-length mirror, staring at a man who had been missing for far too long. Was he worthy of the crisp fresh uniform he wore? He hoped so, but only time would tell. He pinned on his name tag then stood back once more. Everything was in place. Everything except the last item needed to complete the uniform. That precious metal object, he held tightly in the palm of his hand. He felt the weight of it, not in ounces, but the weight of the responsibility it represented. Citizens in his District of Los Angeles County were depending on him. There had been too many days in the past, when he had not given those tax payers the service they were rightfully due. However, today was the first day of the rest of his life. That’s what his wife had told him earlier; god how he loved that woman. He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply as he held his badge clenched in his right hand. Soon, he would pin it on his chest and wear it with pride, but for the moment, one final moment, he needed to feel it in his hand. He needed to hold it in his grip, and make the conscious decision to become the man deserving of the badge. He had returned to being the husband and father his family needed. He had reconciled with his men. Now, he was reconciling with the County of Los Angeles and with himself. With one final cleansing exhalation, using the breathing imagery Dr. Robertson had taught him, he exhaled all the dark smoky gray negativity from his life, and inhaled the polished fire engine red color that gave him strength, identity and purpose. Opening his eyes, he saw that the vision he had been searching for, for so many weeks, had indeed become a reality. He pinned on his badge, straightened his shoulders, held his head high, and, casting one final nod of approval at the man in the mirror, headed out the door. Captain Henry ‘Hank’ Stanley was back.

E!

The apparatus bay of the station was empty when the A-shift engineer first arrived for his shift on Thursday morning. The bright California sun reflected off the flag pole, drawing his eyes upwards. The American flag along with the California State flag were both flying proudly from their sentinel position near the concrete apron at the front of the station. He smiled as he turned his pick-up into the narrow driveway, knowing that the entire A-shift from the Station 51 family was going to be back together on this particular morning.

He parked in his usual spot, pausing for a moment to look at his captain’s black sedan parked behind the station. “Atta boy, Cap,” he whispered to himself, pulling his bag on his   
shoulder and heading for the locker room.

He positioned his bag in his locker, using the same positioning he had used since his first day on the job. Mike liked things in order, both in his personal life and in his professional one. Now, it seemed that Hank was back where he belonged, which fit very nicely into Mike’s grand scheme of things. He double-checked his uniform, then pushed through the latrine door headed for the kitchen. He could smell the coffee and figured his superior had already started the pot percolating on top of the stove. 

When he got to the kitchen, he found the room empty except for the station mascot, laying a little too near the edge of the brown leather couch. He chuckled to himself as he thought of what might happen if the tones sounded, envisioning the poor animal falling on the floor with a thud if he were to be suddenly startled by the loud noise. Still smiling, he reached into the sink drain for a clean mug, poured himself a cup of coffee, then turned back to the sleeping dog. 

“Kinda risky behavior for you, isn’t it, Henry?”

“No, Stoker… Black coffee isn’t that risky, unless Chet makes it.”

Mike turned around, alarmed by the sound of his captain’s voice. He saw Hank’s face light up with a bright smile, snickering at his own comment.

“At ease, Mike,” Hank laughed, the sight of a wild-eyed Mike Stoker humored him. “I’m only kidding. I saw the dog… I’m just glad Chet isn’t here to push the poor creature onto the floor just for kicks.”

“Yea, he might not do that to a helpless animal, but if it was Gage lying there…”

Both men doubled over laughing at the thought of Chet sneaking up behind a sleeping Johnny, and pushing him from the couch to the floor while he slept. 

“Chet’s probably stupid enough to try this new fire department version of cow tipping, too,” Mike beamed. 

“Now that’s a write-up I’d hate to have to tackle. Imagine how the department brass would enjoy reading that reprimand,” Hank continued to laugh, incessantly. 

Both men pulled out a chair, Mike handing his cup to Hank and then pouring himself another.

“Oooh, Mike… It feels so good to laugh, again.”

Mike hesitated, unsure of how much to say. Finally, he decided to say what he was thinking. “It’s ah, it’s good to have you back, sir. And laughing is always good. Feels like everything’s right with the universe.”

Both men looked up as their senior paramedic pushed his way into the kitchen, making a bee line for the coffee pot.

“Morning, Roy.”

“Hey, Mike, Cap,” Roy spoke without looking at either of them. He poured his cup, then headed for the couch, pushing Henry out of the middle and towards one end. The dog seemed unbothered by the intrusion, rolling back onto his side and continuing to snooze. Roy crossed an ankle over the opposite knee and reached for the morning paper.

Hank allowed his gaze to meet that of his engineer. “You ah, you were saying, Mike?”

The normally quiet engineer, grimaced slightly. He knew what Hank meant by the statement, even though he didn’t know what was happening with Roy DeSoto. “I’m thinking, I might have spoken a little too early, Cap,” he said, bobbing a slight nod in the direction of the dayroom. 

Twenty-five minutes later, the five crew members stood in a straight line for roll call. Chet’s face was absolutely beaming, unable to hide the happiness he was feeling about having his crew back together, and the excitement of knowing that when this shift was over, he was going to spend some quality time with his favorite lady friend. He held his shoulders at attention, but the smug grin, resembling drunken euphoria, remained plastered beneath his bushy mustache.

“Kelly?”

“Yes, sir, Cap?”

“What are you up to?” Hank narrowed his eyes at the younger man, suspiciously, eager to find out what was behind the smile. “You’ve done something, haven’t you?”

“Oh, no, Cap, honest.” 

“MmmHmm,” he groaned with sarcasm. “If I find my bed short-sheeted, or a water bomb in my locker, or flour in my hat, or any one of a dozen other things that the Phantom is capable of, then you will regret it. Do I make myself clear?” Hank tried to be serious, but he was overjoyed at being back to his normal shift, at least as normal as the A-shift at 51’s could be. He couldn’t hold his face straight as he stood in front of the giddy young man.

“I’m just in a good mood, that’s all,” Chet tried to explain.

“He’s taking Caroline out for a private dinner tomorrow night,” Marco explained, elbowing his friend.

Hank scrubbed his face with his hand, a knowing feeling wrapping around him. “So, you haven’t been here long enough this morning to be guilty of committing any sins, yet?”

“Nope,” Johnny grinned, hands shoved deep into his pockets and rocking back on his heels. “But he’s sure hopin’ to commit a few tomorrow night,” the thin paramedic spat out.   
Chet had filled them all in on his date night plans with Caroline, while they were changing into their uniforms. Well, most of his plans anyway. Some conclusions, the men just jumped to on their own.

“You can go with me to confession on Saturday, Chet,” Marco offered, smiling.

“Now wait just a minute,” Chet said, looking from side to side at his friends. “I don’t need to confess anything. I happen to be a perfect gentleman, for your information, Gage. And Cap, I’ll keep the Phantom restrained for this shift.”

“Is that what you call it?” Johnny asked, suggestively waggling his eyebrows.

“Where’re you gonna keep the Phantom tomorrow night?” Mike joined in the fun.

“C’mon, fellas…” Normally, Chet could easily take the good-natured ribbing his crew mates threw at him, but this was Caroline, and he felt differently about her. “Fellas,…”  
“Don’t let ‘im go out and play without a raincoat, Amigo.” Marco added, knowing that Chet would catch the sexual innuendo. 

“Yea, stop by the drugstore and grab a box of slickers,” Johnny added.

“Gage!” Chet nearly shouted, feeling the pressure of the group ganging up on him again.

“Yea, protection is very important for your little friend,” Marco piped up, being unusually brazen with his buddies, at his partner’s expense.

“Little is right,” Johnny scoffed back.

“That’s not what your girlfriend said,” Chet sneered, ducking the slap on the back of his head that he knew was coming from the taller man.

“Don’t talk about my girlfriend,” Johnny warned. 

“Then don’t talk about my…”

“Alright, enough, you twits!” Hank said loudly, interrupting his young lineman before the conversation got too far out of control.

“Chore assignments are as follows, Kelly – dorms, Marco – kitchen, Stoker – dayroom, Gage – latrines, DeSoto – apparatus bay, my office first though, pal. Alright, let’s have a safe shift.”

Roy seemed to be suddenly jolted back to reality. His captain had asked to speak to him in the captain’s office. Had he done something wrong? He couldn’t remember doing anything wrong. As the others meandered around, beginning their assignments, Roy trudged behind his captain into the office. 

“Shut the door, will ya, pal?” Hank ordered, pulling out the chair to his desk while waiting for his senior paramedic to take a chair next to him.

“Is-is something wrong, Cap?” Roy asked, nervously.

“No-no… I just wanted to ask you the same question. The, uh, the guys were having a little fun with Chet and it isn’t like you not to join in.”

Roy searched his superior’s face, realizing that the man who sat at the desk seemed a bit older and wiser than the last time he was here. He dropped his eyes down to the cold gray floor, contemplating his answer. Then, deciding not to divulge anything about his seemingly unimportant private life, he raised his blue eyes back up. 

“No, sir. Everything’s fine.”

Hank studied him for a moment, not completely believing Roy, and yet having nothing more than Captain Shepherd’s recent observations to go on. “Alright, well… I’m back and I’m here for you… For all you men, if you need me for anything. So, ah, don’t hesitate to call on me, okay?”

“I will,” Roy said, jumping to his feet. “Is-is that all, Cap?”

“Yes, dismissed.”

Hank watched as Roy hung his head, walking swiftly out the office door. He was about to spin his chair around to face his desk, when the klaxons sounded.

Station 51, Station 127, Truck 69…

Hank jumped into gear, jogging to the radio to acknowledge the call and write down the address. Unfortunately, it was an address that sent chills up the spine of every man in every station being toned out across the area. As they hurriedly took their places in their respective vehicles, silent prayers were sent heavenward, even from those with no religious affiliation. Turnouts were donned, chin straps tightened, and it was time for a gut check, especially for the man who was returning for his first shift after a long absence. According to the information given, this was no false alarm. Sam Lanier had relayed that multiple callers had seen smoke and flames escaping from the windows of one of the largest retirement homes in the area.

“KMG-365,” Hank acknowledged, then joined his men, taking his seat just as the squad pulled out turning right, Mike following close behind. 

 

E!

To the untrained observer looking from above, the scene of chaos would have resembled a bowl of spaghetti and meatballs. Lines were stretched, crossing in a well-organized manner with little meaning to bystanders, but to Hank and his men, it all made perfect sense. Squads, trucks and engines were immersed along the way, some connecting hoses and hydrants to other vehicles and each other. A sea of humanity, some on gurneys, some in wheelchairs and a few on walkers, were lined up in the clearing, well away from the structure, and out of the way of the hustling firemen. Ambulances began arriving, carrying the most seriously ill residents to receiving hospitals and a few others to vacant beds in a nearby nursing home. 

“Alright, fellas,” Hank gathered his men around. “Most everyone is accounted for, but we still need to do a room by room search. The fire started in the laundry room in the south wing. Station 127 is there. We’re to start on this end,” he pointed to the Northern entrance. “And start on the third floor, making our way down until we’ve covered this entire wing. Station 110 will be starting on the first floor and moving up. Keep your HT’s close by and…” he hesitated, waiting for the memory of that terrible night and the explosion that changed him forever. “And if the call comes to evacuate… Get your assess outta there!”

The four men nodded, pulling on their air tanks. The significance of this run was not lost on anyone. Neither was it lost on the engineer who stood by helplessly, watching the entire event unfold. He kept a close eye on his captain as the morning wore on. Gage and DeSoto were the first to return to replace their air tanks and restock on chalk. Mike pulled two additional tanks from the back of the squad, knowing that Lopez and Kelly would need to replace theirs very soon. One man from 110’s was overcome by heat exhaustion, and was brought out flanked by Chet and Marco. Mike assisted him to the ground, administering oxygen and helping him cool down until one of the paramedics from 36’s could leave the triage area to check him out. 

By the time overhaul began, Hank felt like he had been holding his breath for an eternity. But, the disaster that everyone feared, had been averted. No lives were lost and only one man needed to be treated for minor burns. A couple inhaled too much smoke and one firefighter suffered from heat exhaustion. Still, as Roy and Mike backed their rigs into the apparatus bay a little after noon, Hank allowed himself to sink into his seat and exhale. There had been no flashbacks, no explosions, no backdrafts, and most importantly, no deaths – civilian or departmental. He had just logged his first successful run after returning to his post as captain of his crew, without incident, and the feeling was exhilarating. 

Now, if he could only be as successful in pulling his senior medic out of the quagmire into which he seemed to be slowly sinking…


	6. chapter 6

Chapter 6

Joanne stood in front of the stove, watching the hotdog wieners bobbing up and down within the tiny bubbles boiling up around them. She waited a few extra minutes, making sure they were done, then turned off the gas stove. There was a distinct hissing sound that remained after the flame was extinguished.

“Uh-oh,” she groaned. 

She double-checked the knobs on the stove, making sure the gas was completely turned off. The sound lingered. Searching for the source of the noise, she pulled open the cabinet doors, peering beneath the sink. She found nothing out of order.

“Chris?”

“Yes, Mom?”

“Did you leave the water running outside when you watered my flowers?” She asked, opening up the package of hotdog buns.

“I don’t think so.”

“Go check for me, then come on and eat your dinner,” Joanne instructed, placing a steaming wiener inside the bun in her hands. She continued preparing dinner for herself and the children, placing the plates on the table, just as her son returned through the back door.

“The water isn’t on, but I can hear something spraying underneath the house.”  
Joanne rolled her eyes, blowing a stray tuft of hair off her forehead. “Alright, call your sister in here, and the two of you eat while I go see what’s going on,” she instructed, exasperatedly.

E!

Behind the station, Roy leaned against the back wall watching his partner shoot free throws. The steady thumping sound of the ball being dribbled before each shot, echoed off the bricks surrounding the small enclosed parking lot.

Johnny cut his eyes at his somber-faced partner for the third time in as many minutes. He missed his shot, hustling to make the rebound then dribbling in a small circle, sinking a lay-up. The ball rolled across the makeshift court and Johnny loped over to the edge of the wall to retrieve it, stopping near the place where Roy stood. He propped the basketball on his hip and looked his partner in the eye.

“Wanna talk about it?”

Roy was taken aback by his friend’s sudden question. “Um, about what?”

“Whatever it is that’s been eatin' you up lately.”

Roy wasn’t comfortable discussing his most intimate thoughts regarding his wife, not even with his best friend. He had to think quickly to divert the question. “I'm fine, but I do have a question for you.”

“A’right, shoot,” Johnny said, trying to spin the basketball on his middle finger, failing miserably.

“This morning, at roll call… You never told me you had a girlfriend,” Roy tried to smile.

“Aww, I was just bullshittin’ Chet,” Johnny chuckled, stepping back a couple of steps then sending a bounce pass to his partner.

“Bullshitting a bullshitter, huh?”

Johnny was about to answer when the klaxons sounded, the conversation temporarily forgotten as the duo left the basketball abandoned against the back wall, and headed out on their run.

E!

Joanne reached inside the hall closet, retrieving a flashlight and a blanket. Walking past her children who were sitting at the dinner table, she warned them against horse playing while they ate their dinner. Having a paramedic husband, she had learned to be extra careful around choking hazards with children, especially when it came to hotdogs.

“Okay, I’m going to see if I can find out where this noise is coming from. The two of you eat your hotdogs in peace.”

“Yes, Mom.”

“Okay, Mommy,” Jennifer stated, a small mustard smudge decorating the corner of her mouth.

“Wipe your mouth, Jen,” she said, opening the back door and heading for the small doorway near the back deck, where she could access the crawl space.

Joanne spread the blanket down on the ground to protect her knees, sliding the small bolt to the side and opening the door. The noise grew louder as the cool rush of air made its way from beneath the house, hitting her in the face and neck. She clicked on the flashlight, making a sweeping motion across the pipes. There, in the far corner, there was a pipe spraying water beneath the guest bathroom. 

"Damn it," she cursed, quietly.

The dampness indicated that the pipe had been spraying for quite some time. She pulled herself back out from beneath the house, leaving the blanket in place, and returned inside contemplating her next move.

She stepped inside the kitchen, seeing that Jennifer had finished eating. "Jennifer, go ahead and get your bath, sweetie. I've got to turn off the water to the house in a few minutes. We have a leaky pipe."

"I don't have to take one?" Chris asked hopefully, diving into his second hotdog. At the age of ten years, his appetite was beginning to rival that of his Uncle Johnny.

"No, Chris, you still have to take a bath. But, I need for you to make it quick," Joanne explained, pulling the phone book from beneath the black rotary dial telephone in the living room. Part of her wanted to call Roy at the station, but she didn’t want him to worry and there really wasn’t anything he could do while he was on duty, anyway.

Joanne scanned through the pages, stopping when a name caught her attention. Coulter Plumbing was owned by one of their neighbors, Mr. Lane Coulter. She listened for the water to begin running in the kids’ bathroom, needing to make sure that Jennifer was following her instructions, then began to dial the number.

"Hello?" 

"May I speak to Mr. Lane Coulter, please? This is Mrs. Roy DeSoto."

Half an hour later, both children were bathed and finishing their homework, while Joanne gathered up the flashlight and a pair of pliers, heading to the water connection near the street. Roy had taught her how to turn off the water to the house, in case there was a leak while he was on shift. Thankfully, that had only happened once before. Fortunately, it had occurred early one morning just before Roy got home from his shift, but he had been able to repair it quickly, as soon as he got home. This particular leak couldn't wait that long. She needed to stop the water loss while she waited for repairs. 

Satisfied that she had closed off the water line, she returned to her house to wait for Mr. Coulter. She had just tucked Jennifer in bed, at nearly nine o’clock, when a knock on the door heralded the plumber’s arrival. Lane Coulter had a loud voice, and his appearance was generally unkempt. His sagging dirty jeans were being weighed down by several tools attached to his belt, allowing his obese belly to fall over the waistband of his jeans, as they slipped a little too low. He reached around his ample sides, pulling his jeans up, while a half-smoked cigarette dangled from the corner of his mouth, amid his scruffy face. In spite of the first impression he made on his new customer, she found him to be very polite, and she appreciated that he had been willing to try to repair their pipe at this late hour.

“I’m Lane Coulter. This is the DeSoto residence, right?” He asked, hoping to remove the concerned look he saw on Joanne’s face.

“Yes, I’m Mrs. Roy DeSoto, please come in,” she offered, stepping aside to allow the sluggish man to enter her home.

“Thank you, Ma’am.”

"I've turned off the water, but I can show you which one has the leak," Joanne explained, leading the overweight plumber through their house. With a swipe of her hand, she turned on the lights on the back deck, then walked swiftly to the place where she had left the blanket. 

"Okay, I've got a flashlight,” she said, clicking on the small black instrument. “Everything's wet under here, but let me point the light on the place where the water was spraying out.   
Can you see over me?" She asked, crouching down on all fours and sticking her head through the door of the crawl space once more. 

"Yes, ma'am. Just slide a little to the left, there... Okay, I can see it now," he grunted, attempting to shift his large frame around Joanne's smaller one. "Where’s the leak?"

Joanne aimed the beam of light at one particular spot. "Right there, in the elbow of that pipe."

"It was spraying out of the joint? Where the two pipes connect?"

"That's right," she agreed.

"Well, hopefully, it's just that the pipe is a little loose, and I can fix it up real quick." He struggled to remove his head out from the crawl space. "Just leave me and my tools here for a few minutes, and I'll see if I can stop that leak for you," he offered, getting out of the way so that Joanne could stand back up.

"Sounds great, Mr. Coulter." Joanne extricated herself from the cramped space, stretching her tired back as she stood up. The sight she saw nearly turned her stomach. While Lane remained in his crouching position, his pants had begun to work their way down his hips, exposing more of his backside than Joanne wanted to see. 

She rolled her eyes, trying to look anywhere other than at the cleft of his buttocks peeking out of his jeans. The shadows cast from the deck lighting did nothing to hide his exposure. "I'll be inside, if you need anything," she called out, scurrying back onto the deck and into the house, thankful that her children were not present for the plumber’s impromptu peep show.

Inside her room, the youngest member of the DeSoto family grinned mischievously, using one hand to cover her giggling mouth, and the other to snuggle with the teddy bear she cradled in her arms. The booming voice of the plumber had awakened her from her sleep, and, being a curious child, she had gotten out of bed and stepped closer to the window, seeking the source of the noise. Unfortunately, she had seen the same sight her mother had seen moments before, the semi-naked buttocks of one very large plumber, inadvertently aimed in her direction.

When she heard her mother return inside, she quickly crawled back into her bed, and pretended to be asleep, just in case her mother checked. Joanne, however, was too tired to walk all the way to the bedroom to check on her daughter.

“Chris, it’s bedtime, honey.”

“Aww, Mom. Just a little longer?”

“Not tonight, got to go to school tomorrow. You can stay up later tomorrow night. Corrie will be staying with us.”

“Ugh! Girls…,” he shrugged his shoulders as he wandered to his bedroom, already dreading the silliness he knew would be coming the following night.

The house was quiet, except for the tinkering noises coming from underneath, so Joanne relaxed in her black recliner, raised her aching feet, and waited for Mr. Coulter to finish the job. Suddenly, she was startled by the gurgling sound coming from the kitchen, and realized that she must have fallen asleep because the noise was proof that Mr. Coulter had just turned the water back on. Several minutes later, he walked in from the back deck, and Joanne met him at the kitchen counter.

"Was it bad?"

"Oh, no ma'am, it was an easy fix. I let the water run for a few minutes and it was dry as a bone," he stated tiredly, clicking his pen and pulling out his receipt book.

Joanne graciously accepted the pink copy of the bill, reaching for her purse and removing the cash necessary for payment. Thankfully, she had cashed her paycheck earlier. She counted out the bills then passed them into his grimy hands.

"Thank you, ma'am." He folded them up, placing them into his shirt pocket. "I'll gather up my tools and then I'll be on my way. Call me again, if you need anything."

"Thank you, Mr. Coulter," Joanne said with a polite smile as she ushered him to the door. She was anxious for her own relaxing bath, and a few hours of sound sleep.  
Just as he was exiting the doorway, he turned back around to face her. "Oh, and Mrs. DeSoto?"

"Yes?"

"Isn’t your husband a fireman?”

“Yes, that’s right,” she responded.

“Please tell him how much I appreciate the work he does keeping the rest of us safe. My brother is a fireman back East, and... Well, I know how hard it can be. Makes me appreciate the fine men from our local department."

Joanne leaned against the door, a sense of pride sweeping over her. "I'll do that. Thank you."

Quickly, she cleaned up the kitchen, tossing out the few bites of Chris' hotdog that he hadn’t eaten. She placed the plumbing receipt inside the drawer near the phone, then returned the phone book to its usual location. With one final visual sweep, she determined that the kitchen was in order. She turned off the lights, padding up the stairway ready for a few moments of respite of her own soaking in a long hot bath.

E!

The wake-up tones sounded, jarring the men out of a deep slumber. There had been only one night-time run for a minor traffic accident. Otherwise, the men were well-rested and eager to start their time off. One man in particular, seemed much more energetic than the rest. He pulled his suspenders onto his shoulders then headed for the latrine to brush his teeth and tame his unruly curly dark hair.

Mike stood quietly at the counter, making the first pot of coffee for the crew. Roy trudged in, followed closely by Marco. Johnny yawned widely, as he nearly stumbled into the kitchen. 

“Good morning, fellas,” called the chipper voice of Chet Kelly. His hair had been neatly combed, and his eyes were a clear bright blue.

“What’s ‘a matter with you?”

“Nothin’, Gage. It’s just a fine mornin’ to be alive, don’tcha think?” Chet reached for a mug, rocking back on his heels as he waited for the coffee to finish percolating.

Johnny’s face took on the look of being in a curious drunken stupor. “Huh? What kinda drugs are you takin’?”

Marco slapped Johnny on the back. “He’s living on love, John… Remember?”

Johnny’s mouth continued hanging open slightly, until his brain registered Marco’s comment. “Oooh, oh yea, yea. The date with Caroline’s tonight.”

“Unchaperoned,” Mike said with a wink.

Roy opened his mouth to complain about babysitting, then thought better of it. Caroline and Chet deserved to have a nice night on the town without a three year old toddler in tow. “Treat her right, Chet," he said, instead of the sarcastic response he had been considering.

“Oh, I will, I will. I’m taking her to that new Italian place over on PCH.”

“What about a peach?” Hank asked, slipping through the kitchen door just in time to hear Chet’s last few syllables.

Mike snickered, joining the round of laughter at his superior’s comment, grateful that this shift had seemed to go so well for the older man. “No, Chet’s taking his girl out to dinner at a new place on the Pacific Coast Highway – PCH.”

Hank couldn’t help but laugh at himself, and it felt really good. “Geez, I could’ve sworn you said something about a peach,” he smiled, reaching for the coffee pot that had just finished perking. “Now, ah, don’t come back in here looking like John did on that day Caroline and Corrie stopped by.”

Johnny unconsciously covered his neck with a thin hand. “Cap… I swear, that was a line of duty accident, nothin’ more,” he defended, remembering the bite mark he had received from an incoherent patient.

“You mean, you really didn’t try to get fresh with a crocodile?” Hank’s comment brought another round of laughter from the men, all of them remembering the serious bite mark Johnny had received while working an over-time shift at a different station.

“No, sir… I prefer girls with, ah, slightly softer skin,” he retorted, good-naturedly.

Hank continued to listen to the light conversation going on around the kitchen, noticing that once again, Roy failed to join in. He saw Johnny looking worriedly at his partner a couple of times, and filed that note away for the moment. He needed to have a long talk with his junior paramedic, very soon. 

One by one, the guys were replaced by their B-shift counterparts, each one filing out of the building and heading in their separate directions.

“Hey, Amigo?”

“Yea, man?” Chet responded, turning sideways in the parking lot, facing his approaching partner.

Marco slapped his friend on the back, wrapping his arm around the shorter man’s shoulder as they walked to their cars. “I really do hope you two have a nice time.”

Chet smiled warmly at the older man. “Thanks, Marco. I-I hope we do, too. She’s, um… Well, she’s really something special,” he blushed.

Hank waited for Roy to leave, then quickly made his way to the locker room. He needed to catch Gage before he left. He pushed open the door, seeing Johnny closing his locker. “John, you, ah… You got a couple of minutes?”

“Sure, Cap,” he answered, nervously reliving each run from the previous shift as he followed his captain around the vehicles and into the captain’s office.   
B-shift was just getting ready for roll call so the office would give them some privacy. Hank didn’t want the others to overhear the conversation. He just hoped Johnny would shed some light on what was happening with his partner.

“Take a seat, John. I won’t keep you but a minute.”

Johnny gulped, dropping his bag beside his feet as he sat backwards in the wooden chair. “D-did I do somethin’ wrong?”

Hank felt badly for a moment, giving his man a sad smile. “No, of course not. I didn’t mean to alarm you,” he began.

“Whew! I was just tryin’ to figure out what I had screwed up, and I couldn’t think of anything, but we don’t get called into…”

Hank held up his hand, stopping the younger man’s nervous habit of ranting. “John, if you had made a mistake, I would’ve told you. This isn’t even about you, okay?”

Johnny arched an eyebrow at his superior. “Oh?”

“It’s about Roy; is there something going on with him that I need to know about?” Hank tossed the question out, waiting to see what kind of a response he got back.

“Oh, uh, well see, I mean…” Johnny tried to lick his lips, his mouth suddenly very dry, realizing that he had no good answer for his captain. “I honestly don’t know, Cap. He’s acting all depressed about something, but when I tried to talk to him, he just changed the subject.”

Hank steepled his fingers in front of his face, leaning back in his desk chair. “When was this?”

“Yesterday, between runs.”

“Any ideas? How long has he been like this?” Hank asked, concern filling his voice.

“A few weeks now. And no, sir… I don’t know what it’s about. The only time he gets like this is when he and Jo have a disagreement about something. But, it’s never lasted this long. He usually talks about it, you know, gets it off his chest. This time he’s just… Silent.”

“Alright, I won’t keep you. Just, keep an eye on him, will ya? I’m worried about him. Oh,” he continued, watching Johnny swing his long leg over the chair and return the chair to its proper position. “If there’s anything I can do, please let me know. Day or night, okay?”

Johnny reached for his bag, offering Hank an affirmative nod. He didn’t know exactly how to respond to the request. Would he betray Roy’s confidence, that is, if the man ever talked openly about what was happening? If so, was Captain Stanley the right person with whom to share the information? He stepped out into the apparatus bay, then quickly executed a 180 degree turn. He stepped back into the open doorway, waiting for his superior to sense his presence.

Hank heard the soft footfalls stop abruptly at the office door. He quickly looked into the serious chocolate eyes of his younger paramedic. “Yes?”

“I… Well,” John rubbed his nose, nervously. “I just wanted to say… Welcome back, Cap. This place hasn’t been the same without ya.”

Hank felt almost teary as the warmth spread across his heart. His young crew member had spoken with a voice of honesty, and Hank appreciated the genuine heart-felt words, more than Johnny would ever know. “Thank you, John. It’s good to be back home, again.” 

No other words were spoken between mentor and mentee, none were needed. Johnny walked out the rear bay door of the station, tossing his duffle bag into the back of his Rover, then quickly made his way through the streets of Carson, heading for his apartment. His mind felt relief upon hearing Hank’s reference to Station 51 as being home, now Johnny wondered how he might be able to reach his brooding partner.

E!

Chet made the turn into his apartment complex, parking his van in his usual spot. He smiled briefly when he passed Caroline’s ground floor apartment, then slowly, made his way up the stairs. All the way home, he had been contemplating what his shift mates had talked about the previous morning. He didn't want to make any assumptions about his night with Caroline, they had never actually discussed intimacy yet, but he also didn't want to be caught unprepared. He slipped his key into the lock, walking into his apartment. He dropped his bag down on his sofa and headed for the refrigerator, his stomach needing something more filling than black coffee. Somewhere between drinking his orange juice, and smearing jelly on his toast, he decided to go ahead and be prepared for whatever the night might hold for them. After breakfast, he headed for the corner drug store to make a purchase he had not made in a very long time.

E!

Roy shifted his gold Porsche into gear, turning left when the traffic signal turned green. The sign for The Pourhouse came into view. His mind immediately went back to the pile of cereal bowls he had become accustomed to seeing since Joanne started working outside of their home, and he decided to eat breakfast at the diner, instead. 

Slipping his keys into his pocket, he pushed open the glass door, hearing the familiar jingling bell that announced the arrival of a new customer.

Amy looked up, seeing one of her favorite breakfast customers, and immediately poured him a cup of coffee. She walked over to his table and set the steaming brew down in front of him.

“Dining alone this morning?” She asked, removing the pencil from behind her ear.

“Yea, just me.”

“The usual?”

“You know me too well, Amy,” he said, trying to smile.

The waitress seized the opportunity, and plunged forward, knowing it was none of her business. “Joanne’s kitchen must be on strike,” she snickered.

Roy cupped his hands around the steaming white cup in front of him. He spoke without ever looking up. “Something like that… She’s working, now.” He lifted the cup to his lips, blowing across the hot black liquid.

“Well, lots of women have to work these days, so don’t hold it against her,” Amy said, jotting down his order. She patted him on the back as she turned and walked away, having no idea just how painful her words had been to his soul.

Roy stared at his coffee. Was that what everyone thought? That Joanne HAD to work? Amy made it sound as if he couldn’t make enough money to support his family; did Joanne feel that way, too? She never said so, but he really hadn’t been working as much over time lately as he had when the children were younger. He rubbed a worried hand across his brow, self-doubt filling his anxious heart. Had he somehow let his family down? Sure, lots of women were working these days, but was this Joanne’s choice, or was it a necessity?

Amy stood behind the counter, drying coffee cups while Gretchen made a fresh pot of coffee for the breakfast crowd. “Well, now I know why Roy has had such a long face the last few times he’s been in here.”

Gretchen turned to face her mentor, her blonde ponytail swishing behind her. “Oh? What’s going on?”

“Joanne’s joined the rest of us working gals. I think it’s really bothering him that his wife has to work, now,” she offered, stacking the cups neatly beneath the counter. 

“Well, if money is so tight around their house, then why does he eat out so much?” Gretchen asked.

“Because breakfast is cheap,” Amy responded. “Besides, a lot of times, the firemen need to unwind after a stressful shift. If Joanne isn’t there to talk to, maybe he needs us to be his sounding board.”

“Good point,” the younger woman acknowledged, thinking back to how many folks had come into the diner needing to have a friendly ear to listen to their stories for a few minutes.   
She looked at the clock, then smiled tiredly. “Well, I’m outta here. See you tomorrow.”

“Bye,” Amy called out just as the bell dinged indicating that she had an order up.

Gretchen clocked out, grabbed her purse, and headed for the door. She smiled at the fireman as she passed by. “Enjoy your breakfast,” she called out, flashing him her biggest smile, hoping to cheer him up.

Roy merely nodded his head in gratitude, as his plate was placed in front of him. 

“Can I get you anything else?”

“Oh, no thanks, Amy,” he commented, placing a napkin in his lap and picking up his silverware. “This looks delicious.”

“Enjoy and, ah, let me know if you need anything.”

Twenty minutes later, Roy paid his bill, leaving a generous tip for his favorite waitress, and walked back to his car. He had driven about six blocks when he saw a young woman stumble on the uneven sidewalk. As she slowly picked herself up, he recognized the uniform and pulled to a stop just ahead of her.

“Are you alright?”

Gretchen brushed off her knees and gathered up her purse, embarrassment coloring her face. She heard the soft-spoken voice coming from the street and turned to face the concerned man. “Yes, just clumsy.”

Roy noticed the bleeding on the heels of her hands and knew she must be in pain, even though she was trying to hide it. “You’re hurt,” he said, stepping out of the car and walking in her direction. 

“I’ll be okay,” she muttered. “Damn uneven sidewalks.”

The paramedic in him wanted to help her. “Do you live close by?”

“A few more blocks away,” she said, wincing as she inspected her torn and bleeding hands.

“Why don’t I take you home and dress those for you. Don’t want to get an infection,” Roy offered with kindness in his voice.

Gretchen remembered how kind this man’s partner had been a few days earlier, and felt certain she could trust him as well. “I’d, ah, I’d really appreciate it… If you have time and don’t mind, that is.”

“Of course I don’t mind; come on, let me help you to the car,” he said, gently grabbing her elbow to steady her and opening the door for her.

“Just ahead, second light, take a right and it’s the second building on the left,” she instructed.

Roy looked behind him, before pulling out into traffic, failing to recognize the VW van fifty yards behind him, as he drove Gretchen homeward, her blonde ponytail blowing in the wind.

E!

A/N: Thank you for reading and a special thank you to all those who leave feedback. I appreciate you.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Roy followed the directions given to him by Gretchen, and soon the two of them pulled up in front of her apartment building.

“I’ll be happy to dress those wounds for you,” he offered, stepping around the car and opening her door.

She really didn’t want him to see her apartment and the lack of medical supplies she owned. After all, he was a married man so it didn’t feel right to have him alone with her in the privacy of her home. “Oh, you don’t have to do that; you’ve been so nice to me already. I really do appreciate you for giving me a ride home. You and your partner are really nice men.”

Roy smiled briefly at the comment. “You’re welcome, and… We are nice guys. Anytime you need a ride home, just let us know. It’s kind of a long walk. I’m sure Johnny wouldn’t mind giving a pretty lady a lift.”

Gretchen blushed at the compliment, choosing not to acknowledge it. “Oh, he did, the other day. When that storm came through, he gave me a ride home,” she explained, smiling.

Roy chuckled. Of course, his partner never missed the opportunity to aid a damsel in distress. “At least let me take a look at your hands. You don’t want to risk an infection. I’ve got a first aid kit in the back of my car. Hang on.” 

At the end of the street, Chet Kelly pulled into the parking lot of the corner drug store. He couldn’t help but look down the street, having followed the gold Porsche as it made the turn at the traffic light earlier. There, he saw Roy DeSoto, holding the hand of a pretty blonde-haired woman wearing a waitress uniform, obviously not his wife. “What the hell?” He mumbled to himself.

Roy used an antiseptic wipe to clean the wounds then applied an antibiotic cream, placing a large Band-aid on each hand. He noticed the indentation along her ring finger on her left hand, but chose not to mention it. She had obviously worn a ring on that finger for a long time, only recently removing it. Perhaps that was what Amy meant when she had told Roy and Johnny that Gretchen was getting back on her feet. She was probably a recent divorcee. 

“Alright, if you see any redness or drainage, you really should see a doctor. That could be a sign of infection.”

“I understand,” she said with a smile. She looked into his blue eyes, still feeling the warmth of his hands where he had touched her. “I appreciate it, the ride and the bandages,” she explained.

“You’re welcome,” Roy said, returning the first aid kit to the trunk of his car. “I’ll see you around, Gretchen.”

“See ya,” she waved, turning and walking inside the apartment building.

Down the street, Chet waited for Roy to drive away, then got out of his van and walked inside the store. He had other things to think about than what Roy DeSoto was doing on his off time.

E!

Hank walked into his house, into the welcoming arms of his wife.

“Good morning, how’d it go?” Rebecca asked, concern edging her voice.

Hank exhaled loudly. “Actually, better than I thought. I’m glad to get it behind me though… And glad to be back home with you,” he added, kissing her softly on the lips.

After a few moments, Rebecca pulled back, smiling at her husband. “Dr. Robertson’s office called. He has a crisis case he’s working with this morning. He’s wants us to come in at 4:00 pm. I know that’s late, but he really wants to see us today.”

“Alright, are the girls still okay with this?” Hank hated to drag his daughters into a psychiatrist’s office, but so far they had seemed very agreeable to it.

Rebecca smiled knowingly. Reaching up, she whisked his dark hair away from his forehead. “Honey, they love you. I love you. We’re here for you and that includes whatever therapy sessions we need to go to. We want to do this.”

Hank once again wrapped his long arms around his wife’s smaller frame. “I don’t deserve you, ‘Becca. Not you, not the girls…”

“Honey... We love you. Please just accept that.”

Hank rested his chin on the top of his wife’s head, contemplating her words. “I love you, too. More than you’ll ever know.”

E!

Roy returned home, finding a note Joanne had left him, a honey-do list. He spent the remainder of the morning placing fresh sheets on Jennifer’s bed, vacuuming the bedrooms and living room, and making sure the guest bathroom was clean. At lunch, he made himself a couple of sandwiches and a glass of iced tea, then sat down at the kitchen table to eat. This was the part of having a working wife that he really despised. The house was lonely and quiet, and he hated eating alone. He decided to make spaghetti for their dinner and quickly jotted down a list of ingredients he would need to purchase at the grocery store before the kids got home from school. As soon as he cleaned up the kitchen, he made his way to the master bedroom for a nap. He had no idea what kind of a night they might have with Corrie and was determined to get some sleep while he could.

E!

In her apartment, Caroline stood in front of her closet trying to decide what to wear on her night out with Chet. He had asked her if she liked Italian food, which she adored, and she hoped they would be eating at Niccoli’s. Finally settling on a white skirt and a purple sleeveless top with matching sweater, she laid them out on her bed. Once more, she stepped into Corrie’s bedroom to check on her napping daughter, finding her just beginning to stir. Big brown eyes fluttered open followed by a bright grin.

“Hi, Princess.”

“Mommy,” the little girl mumbled, pushing herself up from her bed and crawling into her mother’s lap.

Caroline held her daughter for a few moments, allowing her to fully awaken. “Listen, Mommy needs to take a shower. Will you watch television for a little while so I can do that?”

The child nodded her head, climbing down from her bed and padding off towards the living room. Caroline followed behind her, turning it on and changing the channel to her daughter’s favorite afternoon line-up. “Alright, Flintstones, Bewitched, and Flipper.”

“I’m thirsty.”

“Okay, I’ll get you some water.” Caroline prepared a sippy cup, setting it down on a coaster on the end table near her daughter. “Mommy will be out soon,” she said, making sure the front door was locked with the safety chain, then heading for her bathroom.

While she stood beneath the hot spray of the shower, Caroline’s heart began to beat wildly. Even though she was very much looking forward to her evening alone with Chet, she was also very nervous. He was so wonderful with Corrie, but what if they really didn’t have much to talk about when they were alone? What if tonight didn’t go well? Then again, what if it did? She shampooed her hair, using the strawberry-scented shampoo she loved so much, then applied the matching conditioner. She allowed it to sit while she took extra care shaving her legs. She didn’t want to take any chances with accidentally cutting herself. Once she completed that task, she stepped back into the hot stream of water, rinsing out the conditioner, and allowing her mind to wonder once more. What if tonight went really well and they ended up back here or at his place? She already knew what kissing him did to her; they had experienced truly passionate kissing on more than one occasion, but was she ready for more? She thought back to the last time she and Corey had been together romantically. It was the week before he had been deployed to Viet Nam. Suddenly, memories of her intimate time with her husband came flooding back. He had been gone for nearly four years, yet in some ways, it seemed as if their time together had been a lifetime ago. She knew that if her relationship with Chet continued, she probably needed to be honest with him about Corey. Right now, it wasn’t important, but if tonight went the way she hoped, then he eventually needed to know. In her mind, being honest was the most important thing in a relationship. It wasn’t that she had been dishonest with Chet, she just hadn’t told him the entire truth. 

Shivering beneath the cooling stream, she quickly turned off the water. She stepped out, drying herself off and wrapping one towel around her hair and another around her body. She peeked out from her bedroom, seeing Corrie still sitting on the sofa, giggling and singing a few words, albeit the wrong ones, to the closing song of The Flintstones. Caroline stepped back inside her bathroom to finish her preparations for the night.

On the second floor of their apartment complex, Chester B. Kelly was making his own preparations for his evening out. He had showered, shaved, and splashed a small amount of aftershave on his neck. Earlier, he had picked up his gray suit from the dry cleaners. It was hanging on the doorknob to his bedroom. He reached inside his closet, retrieving a light blue shirt and his gray and navy blue striped tie. He had gotten compliments on the ensemble before, hearing that it made his blue eyes shine even brighter. He wanted tonight to be special, and more than anything, he wanted Caroline to be happy. He had seen her staring at her daughter, her mind a million miles away, too many times. He figured she was thinking about her deceased husband and never questioned her about it. Now, his own self-doubt began to well up inside him. What if he never matched up to Corey Marks? What if he and Caroline didn’t enjoy themselves as much alone as they did when they went out with little Corrie? What if, after tonight, she didn’t want to see him anymore? He shook the negative thoughts from his head as he continued to get dressed. He always tried to seem so confident around the station when the conversations turned to women, but the truth of the matter was, Chet was anything but confident. John Gage was frequently dumped, and didn’t mind sharing his tales with his fellow crew mates, but Chet also knew the pain of being discarded after one or two dates, he just didn’t want anyone else to know. Now, the entire station knew about his date with Caroline and he had to be honest with himself, he did not want to go back to work on Monday having to explain that he and Caroline would no longer be seeing each other. Deciding he needed to concentrate on good vibes instead of negative ones, he tucked in his shirt, returning to his bathroom to finish getting ready. He combed his curly hair, then began the painstaking task of tying his tie. He hated wearing the dog collars, as he so often referred to them, but he really wanted to look his best. With one final glimpse at himself in the mirror, he flicked off the bathroom light. 

He grabbed his coat off the hanger as he made his way to the kitchen. His mouth was dry and he knew it was just his nervousness. Stepping into the kitchen for a glass of water, he noticed the bag from the drugstore still sitting on the counter where he had left it this morning. He reached inside the bag, withdrawing the black box and stared at it for several long moments. Should he carry one with him in his wallet? He didn’t want Caroline to think that he was expecting anything other than a nice meal and spending a few hours alone with her. If he went on the date prepared for a romantic encounter, would she be offended? If they decided to be intimate, would running back upstairs for protection kill the mood? Finally, he decided that Caroline was indeed very special to him and the last thing he wanted to do was offend her in any way. He wasn’t taking her out with any preconceived notions of how the night would end, and he certainly didn’t expect anything in return. He placed the black box back inside the bag and left it on the counter. He could always make a quick dash upstairs later on.

E!

Joanne and Iris settled into a comfortable routine at the flower shop. They were both working on filling orders for the upcoming funeral. The silence between them was broken when Joanne began asking questions, wanting to get to know her boss a little better.

“So, you’ve been doing this a long time, haven’t you?”

Iris continued clipping the leaves off the flowers for the arrangement she was working on. “Flower arranging? Yes, I have.”

“I mean, specifically for funerals. It seems that it doesn’t bother you,” Joanne said, tying another ribbon using the technique that Iris had shown her shortly after hiring her.

“No, like I’ve told you before, it’s a great feeling to be able to help someone say goodbye to their loved one.” She dabbed quickly at the corners of her eyes. The move did not go unnoticed by her employee.

“I’m sorry, Iris. I didn’t mean to upset you,” Joanne mentioned, worrying that she had somehow said something wrong.

Iris smiled a tired smile. “Joanne, you didn’t say anything to upset me. Tomorrow is a significant day for me, and it’s just that… Well, time isn’t making my loss any easier to handle.”

Joanne felt like she had been kicked in the stomach. “I’m so sorry, Iris. I really had no idea that you had lost someone close to you. Please… Please accept my apology.”

“Oh, no need to apologize. You had no way of knowing. It’s fine, really. It isn’t like I was going to forget about it, you know?” 

Joanne was about to ask whom her boss had lost, when the ringing telephone interrupted the conversation. “I’ll get it, Iris.”

“Bloomers,” Joanne answered on the third ring, using her sweetest voice. “Yes, certainly. Let me get an order form,” she said, digging into the drawer beside the telephone for a pen and pad of green and white order forms. “Alright, go ahead with your order.”

Across the room, Iris Campbell allowed her mind to drift back several years, to a happier time in her life. So much had happened in the last decade. Maybe one day, she would share it with Joanne, but at the moment, it was just too private.

E!

Roy chopped up the vegetables for the salad he was making to eat with the spaghetti dinner he was preparing. He glanced at the clock, realizing that the kids would be home from school very soon. They rarely rode the bus home, but now that Joanne was working, it had to be done on occasion. Arrangements had been made for the bus to drop them off at the corner, where all the kids on their short street disembarked, and they knew to walk straight home. He finished chopping the bell pepper, then snapped the lid on the Tupperware container, placing it in the refrigerator just as the front door opened.

“Hi, Daddy,” six year-old Jennifer called out, running through the front door with a picture in her hand. “Look what I colored for you and Mommy!”

“Let me see that,” Roy said, examining the proffered paper with a rainbow arching over a field of flowers. “That’s lovely, sweetheart.”

“Can I stick it up on the refrigerator?”

“Of course,” he stated, watching as his young artist pushed other pieces of artwork aside, clearing off a spot for her newest masterpiece. “Where’s your brother?”

“He’s talking to Jimmy. He’ll be here in a minute.”

As if on cue, Roy heard the front door opening again. “Hi, Dad.”

“Hello, Chris. How was school?”

“Fine. Hey, can I spend the night with Jimmy?” Chris asked, hopefully.

“Did he ask you, or did you invite yourself?” Roy had a sneaking suspicion that his son was looking for a way not to spend the night with two young girls.

“No, his mom asked me, I promise. I didn’t invite myself. She’s gonna call you in a few minutes,” Chris further explained.

“Alright, if she calls me, then it’s alright by me. Just be on your best behavior, okay, son?”

“I will. Thanks, Dad.”

Fifteen minutes later, the expected phone call was received and Roy graciously accepted the invitation for Chris. Calling up the stairs, he let his son know of his conversation with Jimmy’s mother. “Chris?”

“Yea?”

“That was Mrs. Bumpers. Go ahead and pack your overnight bag. They’re expecting you in the next hour.” Roy turned around, just as a scampering noise was heard coming down   
the stairs.

“I’m ready, see ya, Dad.” 

Roy turned back around just in time to see his son scurrying through the living room and out the front door with his duffel bag slung on his shoulder much the same way that Roy carried his to the station. “Have a good time,” he called after his retreating son, smiling to himself.

E!

Rebecca looked at her watch, standing up and walking across the room again. She was as nervous now as she had been during Hank’s first session. Tonight, he would find out that she and the girls had all three attended a session with Dr. Robertson the previous day – without Hank’s knowledge.

“Mom, pacing isn’t going to make it happen any sooner,” Victoria stated softly.

“If it’s happening at all,” Melissa added.

“Missy, please think positively,” Rebecca suggested.

“But, by now, he knows. He’s gonna be mad, I just know it.”

Rebecca looked at her elder child with compassionate understanding. “Dr. Robertson knows what he’s doing, sweetie. Your father trusts him and we have to trust the doctor’s judgment, too.”

Missy leaned her head against her mother’s shoulder. “I just want Dad back like he used to be,” she sniffled.

“Me too,” Vickie added, leaning against her mother’s other shoulder. 

Rebecca wrapped her arms around her girls, the two beautiful products of the love she and Hank shared. She gently caressed the backs of the girls’ heads, feeling how similar the texture of their hair was to that of their father’s. “I know. That’s what I want too… And, so does your father...,” she whispered quietly, more to convince herself than her daughters. “He can do this… I know he can. We just have to keep believing in him.” She gave each girl a quick kiss on the head, continuing to hold them close, never ceasing praying that a miracle was taking place on the opposite side of the office door.

E!

Once again, Caroline nervously looked at the clock on the wall of her living room. She had packed Corrie’s pink bag with a couple of changes of clothes, her nightgown, toothbrush, hairbrush, and her favorite doll, Mrs. Beasley. She was concerned about the child spending the night away from home for the first time, but she knew that it was time to start letting her daughter experience other things and situations, grateful that the DeSotos would be the ones taking care of her. 

“Corrie, are you excited about spending the night with Jennifer?”

The little girl squealed in delight. “Uh-huh, is it time?”

“Almost, Mr. Chet will be here real soon,” she explained, brushing Corrie’s bangs out of her face. 

A few more minutes of Flipper played out, then a knock was heard at the door. 

“Mizzer Phet?”

“I think so,” Caroline said, brushing the wrinkles out of her skirt, and checking her reflection in the mirror one last time before opening the door.

The sight before him took Chet’s breath away. “Ah, C-Caroline… You look beautiful,” he complimented, unable to take his eyes off the young woman.

“Aww, thank you. Please, won’t you come in?”

Caroline stepped aside, allowing her date to enter her apartment, just as a bolt of three-year-old energy charged in his direction. “Mizzer Phet!”

“Hey there, ladybug,” he said, scooping up the happy little girl. 

Caroline smiled at the interchange between her daughter and Chet. Corrie really was crazy about him and the feeling seemed mutual. “Let’s get your bag, sweetheart.”

“That’s right,” Chet said, wide-eyed. “You’re having a slumber party with Jennifer DeSoto, aren’t you?” He wanted to make the little girl feel excited about the event, having been told how difficult this might be.

“Yeah!” She squealed in his ear, wrapping her chubby arms around his neck and kissing him on the cheek. 

“I’ll carry her out,” Chet said, watching Caroline pick up her purse and Corrie’s bag. 

E!

A knock on the front door, signaled the arrival of the DeSotos’ young overnight guest. Roy opened the door, smiling at the sight of a dressed up Chester B. Kelly. “Well, come in. You clean up real well, Chet,” Roy kidded. “Hello, Corrie. Jennifer is looking forward to you spending the night, tonight.”

“Jen-ny,” the young girl called out.

“Hi, Corrie,” Jennifer responded, rounding the corner into the living room.

“Jennifer DeSoto, where are your manners?”

“Oh, hello Mr. Chet and Ms. Caroline,” she said sheepishly.

“Hi there,” Caroline returned, smiling at the blonde-haired girl. “I hope you girls have fun tonight.”

Chet merely waved at the young duo as Jennifer took Corrie by the hand. 

“Corrie, come give me a kiss before I leave. I’ll see you tomorrow morning. You be a sweet girl, alright?” She encouraged, kneeling down and giving her daughter a hug.

“She’ll be just fine, Caroline. Don’t you two worry about a thing, just go and have a nice evening,” Roy offered, hoping to alleviate some of the young mother’s distress. It truly seemed that Caroline was much more worried than Corrie, at least at the moment.

“Thank you so much for doing this for us,” Caroline said, hugging Roy’s neck.

“Yea, thanks a lot, man,” Chet agreed.

“No problem, that’s what friends are for. Besides, you two need to spend some time together without her. It’ll be good for you both,” he said, offering a quick wink to Chet as the couple turned to leave.

An unexpected blush covered Chet’s face at the comment. 

“Tell Joanne I’ll be by here to pick her up around 10:00 am.”

Suddenly, Roy remembered the last part of the note his wife had left for him. “Oh, Jo wanted me to let you know that she has to go in for a few hours tomorrow morning. They have to deliver flowers for a funeral, and she said she’d just drop Corrie off by your apartment. It’s on the way.”

Chet tightened his jaw muscles; the sound of Joanne’s name reminded him of the scene he had witnessed earlier between Roy and the unknown woman. Then, realizing that he didn’t want anything hampering his mood for the night, he pushed the idea to the back of his mind. Roy was solid, a respectable family man. Surely, there was a good explanation for what Chet had seen. 

“Well, Caroline, are you ready to go?”

She cast a quick glance up the stairs in the direction the two girls had disappeared. High-pitched voices could be heard laughing, and a smile crossed her face. 

Chet caught the look and put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her into a sideways hug. “If you need us, we’ll be at Niccoli’s,” Chet told Roy, hoping to make his date feel better about leaving.

“Joanne will be home soon and everything will be fine. Don’t you two worry about her, just have a good time,” Roy said walking them to the door.

Chet opened the van door for his date, waiting for her to be seated before he closed it. When he sat down behind the steering wheel, he looked over at her. “Are you sure about this?”

Caroline smiled a big smile. “Absolutely, just a little nervous.”

“Me too,” Chet mumbled, although his nervousness was for a completely different reason.

The drive to the restaurant was made in near silence, a fact that worried Chet. He had tried to make light conversation, but Caroline seemed a little lost in thought. “Thinking about Corrie?”

“A little, but I know she’ll be fine. I think I’m having a more difficult time of it than she is.”

Chet chuckled. “Well, maybe a little dinner and wine will take your mind off of it, temporarily.” He turned onto the Pacific Coast Highway and headed for Niccoli’s, tiny beads of sweat starting to pop out along his forehead. This was shaping up to be a very uncomfortable night.

E!

Roy finished dinner and called the girls to the table. “Jen, Corrie? Time to eat.”

Two happy youngsters scurried into the kitchen. 

“Puh-skettie!” Squealed the younger of the two.

Jennifer laughed at the mispronunciation of the word by her younger friend. “It’s spaghetti,” she corrected.

Corrie looked at Jennifer with confusion written all over her round face. Roy caught the look and knew he needed to intervene before Corrie’s happy mood made a drastic change. He did not want to have to call Caroline and Chet to come get her. 

“Jennifer, that’s what she said,” he warned, the look on his face saying what he didn’t say with his words.

“Oooh, okay, Daddy.” Jennifer was only six, but she knew the look and she remembered the discussion her father had had with her before Corrie’s arrival. She needed to make the girl feel welcome and help her have a good time on her first overnight stay. 

The three began eating their spaghetti and Roy soon wondered if he had made a mistake in his choice of a meal. Spaghetti noodles and sauce were smeared along the faces of both girls and several times, forkfuls of pasta landed in their laps. Clean up would be a nightmare, but they seemed to be enjoying the food. Jennifer showed Corrie how to slurp the noodles into her mouth, much to Roy’s chagrin. He was just about to ask her to stop, when a very haggard Joanne walked in.

“Oh, the food smells wonderful, honey.”

“Mommy!” Jennifer called out.

“Hello, sweetheart,” she said dropping her purse down on the sofa as she walked through the living room. “And hello there Miss Corrie,” she said with a smile. “Roy, everything okay?”

Roy caught the concerned look on her face. “So far, so good,” he responded, taking a bite of salad.

“Well, that’s good,” she said, winking in his direction. Both adults understood each other. “May I join you, ladies?”

“Sit by me, Mommy,” Jennifer asked. “Why don’t I sit here beside Daddy, so I can look at you two pretty girls,” she suggested, preparing her plate and taking a seat beside her husband. 

“Let’s have a tea party,” Jennifer suggested, looking at her mother.

Roy saw the grimace on Joanne’s face and knew she was tired. “Hey, can I join you for the tea party so Mommy can rest?”

Joanne smiled appreciatively at her husband. She was really grateful for his thoughtful gesture.

“Yea! Daddy, will you wear the tiara like last time?”

“I sure will. We must all be dressed for the occasion, right Jo?” He winked.

“Absolutely,” she grinned, knowing exactly what was coming later in the evening. She had seen her husband dressed in a tiara and red feather boa more than once. She watched in amazement, realizing just how much Corrie was missing by not having a father around, especially one as good as her husband was to their children. Suddenly, she realized that there was one face missing from the table.

“Where’s Chris?”

“Oh, he’s staying over at Jimmy’s for the night. I’m sure he had a hand in getting the invitation,” he snickered, nodding his head at the two chattering girls sitting at the table.  
Joanne merely smiled, shaking her head. “No doubt.”

E!

Chet and Caroline followed the host to their reserved table. Chet assisted Caroline with her chair then seated himself. 

“Your waiter will be with you shortly, enjoy your meal,” he said, nodding to the couple as he turned to leave.

Caroline looked around at the beautiful red, black and white décor then opened up the menu. She gulped when she saw the prices. “Chet, this is really expensive.”

“I don’t mind,” he smiled. “How about a bottle of wine?”

“Wine, too?” She asked, feeling somewhat guilty at the expense.

“Of course, Caroline. Don’t worry about the money. It’s taken care of, I promise. I just want us to have a good time together.” Chet looked upon the lovely face of his date, the dancing flame of the candle between them reflected in her beautiful eyes. “You look so beautiful, I’m just… I can’t stop looking at you.”

Caroline blushed, tucking her hair behind her left ear. “You look rather dashing yourself.”

“Good evening. My name is Frank and I’ll be taking care of you,” he said, pouring them each a glass of ice water. “Do you have any questions about the menu, or may I make a few suggestions?”

“Um, I think we would like to start off with a bottle of red wine, if that’s alright with you?” Chet asked, raising his eyebrows as he looked at his date.

“Oh, yes… That sounds wonderful.” Again, Caroline blushed. She had never felt so special before.

“I’ll give you a few minutes to look over the menu,” the waiter explained, smiling as he departed.

“Everything looks so yummy. I don’t know what to order,” Caroline said, her eyes sparkling.

“Well, get whatever you want and if you like it, then maybe we can come back again,” Chet offered, hoping she would take the bait.

Another smile spread across her face. “I’d like that.”

Relief washed over Chet as he began to realize that maybe the night wasn’t going to be a bad one after all.

E!

Back at the DeSoto house, Roy sat in a chair much too small for a man of his stature, a red feather boa wrapped around his neck and a tiara adorning his thinning hair. He held a cup of tea to his lips, his pinky finger prominently extended from his hand. “Why Miss DeSoto and Miss Marks, this is the loveliest tea party I’ve ever attended.”

“Why thank you, Mr. DeSoto,” Jennifer said in a mocking grown-up voice.

Corrie giggled, thoroughly enjoying her play time with her new friend and her friend’s father.

A robe-clad Joanne stood in the doorway watching and listening to the tea party. Roy was such a good father. She really hadn’t been treating him fairly through all of this. Tonight, if Corrie did well at bedtime, maybe she and Roy could share a little bedtime of their own.

“Is the party almost over? I know a couple of girls who need to take their baths and brush their teeth.”

“Yes, Mrs. DeSoto. We’re done here,” Jennifer said, once more using her tea party voice.

“Then why don’t you two young ladies come with me while Mr. DeSoto cleans up?” Joanne looked at her husband, smiling as he mouthed the words ‘thank you’ to her.

E!

At Niccoli’s, the bottle of wine was quickly being consumed, and Chet had only had half a glass.

“How’s your dinner?”

“Oh, this is wonderful, Chet,” she replied, her cheeks growing rosy.

“Good, I’m really glad you’re having a good time. You deserve it, Caroline,” he said softly.

Caroline blushed at the comment. She didn’t feel deserving of anything special, but she was certainly enjoying herself. She had never eaten at such a fancy restaurant, and she hadn’t had any type of alcohol since before her pregnancy. She was feeling very relaxed, and more than a little talkative.

“So, do you treat all your dates so well?”

“Only the special ones,” Chet said with a smile. “Actually, this is the first date I’ve had in over a year.”

“Yea, I haven’t had many either. Corey and I…” She stopped short.

“It’s okay, I know you were married and I know you loved him. He’s Corrie’s father, for heaven’s sake. Don’t feel badly about talking about him. I just hope that…. Well, never mind.”

How could Chet mention his fears to her? How could he tell her that he was afraid he might never measure up to her former husband?

“Hope that what?”

“It’s nothing.” He lifted what was left of his glass of wine. “Here’s to us.”

“To us,” she said, finishing off her second glass and pouring herself a third. “This is really good.”

“I’m glad you like it,” Chet smiled.

Their waiter returned to remove their plates. “Would you like to see our dessert tray?”

“Oh, none for me, thanks,” Caroline groaned, patting her stomach.

“Me either, the food was excellent, Frank.”

“Thank you, sir. Is there anything else I can get you?”

“Caroline?”

She shook her head at the handsome fireman.

“I’ll get your check,” Frank said, walking away from the table. 

“Want some more wine?” Caroline asked, seeing Chet’s glass empty.

“No, no, I’m driving. You go ahead and finish it, if you’d like.”

Caroline was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol quite strongly, but her nervousness about what might be coming next made her pour the rest of the contents of the bottle into her glass. By the time Chet had taken care of the check, she had downed the last of it.

“Ready?”

“Sure,” she replied, reaching for her purse as Chet held out his hand. She graciously accepted, standing a little too quickly and finding herself swaying slightly.

“Whoa, you okay?”

“Yea, jus’ stood up too quick,” she said, a slight slur appearing.

“Alright,” he said, wrapping her arm into the crook of his elbow to steady her, then heading for the door. He opened the van door for her and assisted her inside. Once he had seated himself, he turned to her, drinking in her beauty. “Any place you’d like to go?”

With her head swimming slightly, Caroline looked at the man sitting beside her. He seemed like the most handsome man she had ever seen and something stirred within her. “Le’s go back to m’place,” she slurred, reaching over and patting his upper thigh.

Chet took the hint, excitement coursing through his body as he cranked up the van and pulled out of the parking lot. 

E!

With the girls bathed and teeth brushed, Joanne sent them to play in Jennifer’s room. She then returned to her husband who was just coming out of the shower. 

“So, how’s our guest doing?”

“Quite well, actually. I’m thinking this might go better than any of us expected.”

“Hopefully,” Roy responded, pulling on his boxers and a t-shirt.

“Why are you getting dressed?”

He looked at Joanne as if she had taken leave of her senses. She hadn’t been in an amorous mood in quite some time, so Roy certainly hadn’t expected it tonight. “Um, I was gonna go to bed, unless you have something else in mind?”

“I just might,” Joanne said, seductively. She reached for the lamp, and with one click the room was enveloped in darkness. The last thing she saw before the light went out was the happy expression on her husband’s face as he pulled his t-shirt over this head.

E!

A/N: Thank you so much to all those who continue to read this saga and share your thoughts with me. I know you may be wondering when the house division, or in this case the dilemma, but I promise it’s coming very soon.


	8. chapter 8

Chapter 8

Hank sat in the soft chair of Dr. Robertson’s office hearing that his wife and two daughters had participated in a family session the previous day while Hank was on shift. The news was surprising and for a moment, a flash of anger swept across his face.

“I don’t understand. Why wasn’t I told about this?”

“Because I needed to discuss how they were doing, and get their honest perspective on how you were progressing. I know it seems wrong to you, but if you had known they were coming in, then you might have influenced their opinions, without even realizing it. I know you may be upset, but I felt that it was the best way to help.”

“By lying to me?”

“No, Hank… By not informing you ahead of time.”

Hank scrubbed his face with the palm of his hand. It was obvious that he was doing his best to calm himself.

“Don’t you want to know what they said?”

“I figured that’d be privileged information,” Hank shot back sarcastically.

Being the professional that he was, Dr. Robertson ignored the comment. “Your wife and daughters are doing quite well. And, from what they told me yesterday, so are you.”

“Humph,” the fire captain grunted.

“I spoke to all three separately, and each one told me basically the same thing. There’s only one area where they feel you need to continue to work.”

Weary hazel eyes shot daggers in the general direction of the psychiatrist. “And?”

“And I agree with them,” Dr. Robertson commented, 

“Well, you wanna share your little secret with me? I am the reason we’re all here, ya know.” 

Hank’s attitude was growing worse. Sensing the need to alter the course of his patient’s thinking, the psychiatrist spoke up again. “I asked them to each write down what they feel is still missing in your recovery. I have those notes here and I’d like for you to read them. Then, if you’ll allow me, I’d like to work with you on an exercise to help you get past the last hurdle towards your complete recovery.”

Hank looked at the papers his therapist was holding and his heart softened. He looked down at his wringing hands then back up at the man who had helped him come so far in such a short period of time. “Doc, I owe you an apology.”

“No need, it was a surprise. Now, are you ready?” He asked, extending the notes to the fire captain.

Slowly, Hank accepted the proffered papers. Did he really want to know what his family thought of him? He quickly decided that yes, indeed, he did. Looking down at the first note, he recognized the script as that of his youngest, Victoria.

 

Daddy,

I love you so much and I’m so proud of all the hard work you’ve been doing. Actually, I’m proud of everything you’ve done. My whole life you’ve been saving other people and their property. You’re a hero in the eyes of many people, but especially to me. You’re my hero, Daddy. I know you’ve been hurting since that horrible fire and I just want you to know that I’m here for you. You’ve come a long way but there’s just one more thing I hope you’ll do. You seem to know that everyone around you has forgiven you for how you treated them, including all of us. But, Daddy, you’ve got to forgive yourself now. Nothing that happened was your fault. So, please let it go. I love you with all my heart. You’re the best daddy in the whole wide world.

Love,

Vickie

 

Hank wiped a tear from the corner of his right eye. His baby was growing up way too quickly, sounding so mature for a fourteen year-old. He took Vickie’s letter and placed it behind the others, noting that the next one was from his first-born.

Dad,

I love you with all my heart and soul. You are the best father a girl could ever have, even if you do give my dates a hard time. I know you do it because you love me, and honestly, I appreciate that. Lately, you’ve been hurting so badly and I wish I could make it stop. But, I don’t know how. I think that you do, though. Everyone in your life has forgiven you, even for the things that weren’t your fault. Now, it’s your turn. You must forgive yourself, Dad. Vickie and I need you to be there for our proms, our graduations, to help us move in for our freshman year at college and, one day, to walk us down the aisle. Please do this for yourself so that you can be there for all the things that we’ll need you there for in the future. One day, I want to see you holding your grandchildren. But, that’s a long way off from now – haha. Anyway, please do what Dr. Robertson wants you to do, but do it for yourself. He’s helped you come a long way and he’ll help you get to the end of this. I love you, Dad. More than I can say on a piece of paper.

Love you,

Missy

 

Hank ran his open hand down his face, drying it from the tears that had slipped free as he read his daughter’s heart-felt words. He knew who had written the last letter, and in a way, he almost dreaded reading it. He and ‘Becca had shared many talks since his recovery began and he couldn’t imagine what else she had to say to him. With shaking hands, he slipped Melissa’s page behind Vickie’s and stared into the short note from his beloved wife.

 

My Dearest Hank,

I don’t know what else I can say that I haven’t already said. We’ve talked about the need for you to forgive yourself, and I know you are struggling with that fact. But I want you to be here with me as we continue to raise our girls to adulthood. I want to share many more anniversaries, Christmases, and many more birthdays with you. I guess what I’m trying to say, is that even with all we’ve been through lately, I’d do it all again. I love you so much, Hank. I need you to always be by my side. I want to grow old with you. Let go of the guilt you’ve been holding. Please do this for us, do it for the girls, but mainly, do it for yourself. We have a lot of living to do!

I love you from the bottom of my heart,

Your ‘Becca

 

Hank no longer had the energy to wipe the tears from his face, instead, allowing them to course unimpeded down his angular features and drip from his chin. This was it. This was what he needed to do, what everyone had told him he needed to do, and what he now realized had to be done. He swallowed hard, accepting the box of tissues that Dr. Robertson placed in front of him. He dried his eyes and blew his nose. 

“Doc, can I keep these?”

“Absolutely, they may be a source of strength and encouragement for you in the future.”

The weeping fire captain nodded his thanks. “How… How do I let it go?”

“Do you want to let go of it? You’ve been holding on to your guilt for a long time, punishing yourself. Are you sure you’re ready?” The psychiatrist knew what he wanted to do to help his patient, he just hoped the man would be amenable to the idea.

“I’m willing to try,” Hank said, his voice barely a whisper.

“Great,” he said, taking a seat beside his patient. “Part of the problem, is that you have a definite beginning for this ordeal.”

“Carrigan’s death,” Hank mumbled, barely aware that he had even spoken the words out loud.

“Yes, but there’s no definite ending. If you’ll allow me to, I’d like to go over an exercise that I think will help you. It will give you a definite ending and hopefully, closure.”

“Sounds like a funeral.”

“In effect, that’s exactly what it is, Hank. It’s the burial of your guilt, and the beginning of your self-forgiveness.”

Hank looked up at the other man, steely determination in his eyes. “Let’s do it.”

Dr. Robertson cleared the table in front of his patient, turned down the lights and placed a large multicolored candle on it. “Please, take a seat in this straight back chair,” he suggested. 

“Having a séance, Doc?”

“Not exactly; we’re trying to lay a few ghosts to rest, not conjure them up.”

Hank tried to smile, but his nervousness remained.

“Hank, as a firefighter, you know the damage that flames can do. They will consume anything and everything they touch. This candle represents you, and the flame,” he stated, using a lighter to light the candle, “represents your guilt.”

Hank swallowed the bile he was beginning to taste in the back of his throat. 

“Look at the flame, Hank. See how it consumes the wick? Watch as the wax of the candle begins to melt away, slowly warping as the flame continues to inflict its damage.”

Hank nodded his understanding. “I want you to take some time and reflect on how your guilt has damaged you, as a person, a fire captain, a father, a husband…” He stood up, walking to the door. “I’d like to ask your family to join us for this. Is that okay with you?”

Hank nodded as he continued to stare into the flame, remembering the night it all began. He transported himself back to that moment when his whole world exploded along with the structure that took the life of one of the men under his command. He never heard Dr. Robertson open the door. He only heard the sounds of the fire, the smell of the smoke and water, the flashing lights and the shouts of male voices as first Marco and then Chet walked out of the building carrying a fallen brother.

Rebecca and the girls looked up when the door to Dr. Robertson’s office opened. 

“He’s ready.”

Rebecca exhaled in relief. The three of them stood up in unison and walked over to the open door. They knew what to do from this point forward. Dr. Robertson had explained it all the day before. Slowly, they each entered the darkened room. Missy took her father’s left hand, feeling him shaking as he slowly squeezed back, never taking his eyes off the flame. Vickie, sat down on his right, taking hold of his free hand, feeling the sweat on his palm and seeing the tears falling down his face. He was still staring at the flame as wax began to pool along the edge of the candle, threatening to spill over.

Rebecca stood behind him, placing her hands on his shoulders, feeling his trembling and knowing he was struggling internally. His heart was aching, but this was the moment when his soul would find its peace. At least, that’s what she was hoping for. Slowly she began to knead away the tension she felt, making sure he knew she was there, behind him, supporting him as he fought to do what he had been trained to do for the last twenty years. 

Hank thought about all the harm he had inflicted on those around him. He reflected on the fact that they were still here, still supporting him, still loving him. He thought about the note he had received from Kyle Carrigan’s family and how even they were not blaming him for what happened to their loved one. He watched as the puddle of wax grew until it spilled over, rolling down the side of the candle just as his own tears were spilling over on his cheeks. This was it. The fire that had been raging within him since that night had to be extinguished, and only Hank could do it. He squeezed his eyes forcing out the remaining tears, determined to cleanse not only his eyes, but his entire being. He squeezed the two smaller hands holding his, and felt the gentle caresses of his wife’s tender loving care as she continued to maintain her physical contact.

He once again opened his eyes, anger beginning to swell within him at the flame that had caused him so much pain, and pain to so many others whom he loved dearly. He hated it. He hated fire and all it represented. And now, he hated this flame burning in front of him and what it also represented. Using the breathing technique Dr. Robertson had taught him, he inhaled deeply the red breath of the fire engine representing the profession he loved, and exhaled the dark gray smoky negativity that had consumed him for so long. Inhale… Exhale… Inhale… Exhale… His daughters increased their hold on their father, knowing what he was doing. Inhale… Exhale… Inhale… Exhale… Rebecca accepted the chair Dr. Robertson offered her. Sitting behind Hank, she wrapped her arms around the man she loved more than life itself. She rested her chin on his shoulder, feeling his chest expanding and contracting. This was it. He was finally letting it go. Inhale red… Exhale gray… Inhale red… Exhale gray… Suddenly, the three Stanley ladies felt his body tensing up, trembling almost as if he were having a seizure. Inhale red… He held his breath for only a moment more, then opened his eyes and blew out, completely emptying his lungs of air… and his soul of the gray guilt he had been harboring for so long. Aiming his exhalation at the flickering flame, he watched as it seemed to try to run away from him, then disappeared amid his breathy assault. A faint plume of smoke rose silently upwards, carrying with it the last remnants of the guilt he had carried for far too long. His eyes drifted upwards, following the white smoke until it completely dissipated from sight. Once again, he inhaled the fire engine red color he loved so much but this time, there was no gray left to exhale. The fire captain had done his job. There would still be some overhaul to complete, as there was with all fires, but his flame of guilt and subsequent self-destruction had been permanently extinguished.

 

E!

Chet helped Caroline out of the van, the effects of the wine making themselves even more obvious as they tried to walk to her door. “I hope I can fin’ m’key,” she slurred.

Chet helped to steady her, regretting slightly that he had suggested the wine. However, she seemed to be enjoying herself, relaxing completely as they were talking freely. For that, he was grateful.

“Heeere we go,” she giggled, trying to slip the key into the lock, missing multiple times. “I t’ink I need your he’p.”

Chet chuckled, holding his larger hand on her smaller one and guiding the key into the lock. “Here,” he said, wrapping his arm around her waist and helping her inside. He turned on the lights only to have her turn them back off.

“Nu-uh, lamp,” she said, stumbling to the end table, turning on the softer light.

“Easy, Caroline. I don’t want ya to fall.”

She giggled again, uncontrollably, slipping her sweater off of her shoulders and sliding her feet out of her sandals. “S’long’s I fall o’ you,” she said, planting an open-mouthed sloppy kiss on his lips as she relaxed into his embrace.

Somehow, the two made their way to the sofa and Chet was completely taken aback by her brazenness. “Um, are you… sure you’re… okay?” He asked between kisses.

“I’ve ne’er fel’ better, Che’ter, ah, ah-ha,” she giggled, leaning forward and snorting as she laughed into his shoulder.

Chet’s blue eyes nearly bugged out of his head as she pulled her skirt up slightly, straddling his lap, and began removing his tie. He couldn’t stop his hands from roaming up and down her bare arms, feeling the effects of her nearness in his groin. When she began to unbutton his shirt and plant a trail of hot kisses along his neck up to his ear, he groaned in pleasure. 

“Uh… Ohmygod, Caroline,” he whimpered.

“Do ya got prote’tion?” she asked, continuing to nibble around his ear, her panting breaths causing a definite yearning from his body.

“Upstairs, ho-hold that thought. I’ll be right back,” he said, gently easing her off his lap and onto the sofa. “I’ll hurry,” he said wincing slightly as he rushed to the door.

Taking the stairs two at a time, he fumbled with his own keys as he nervously found the right one and inserted it into the lock. He rushed into the kitchen, tearing open the box and pulling out two, placing them in his pocket. He made a quick stop by the bathroom for a quick brush-up, not wanting the lingering effects of the garlic from their meal to dampen Caroline’s mood, then slammed his door shut and headed back to his date.

Caroline stood up, wanting to go to the bedroom, but the room began to spin uncontrollably and instead, she slid down on the carpet, burning her knee. “Owww, shi’,” she groaned, struggling to get herself upright and down the hallway. She bumped into the door facing, trying to get into her bathroom. The wine and the water were beginning to create another problem. Forgetting that she was wearing a skirt, she merely unsnapped it and pulled it down as if she were wearing shorts, plopping sideways on the toilet, nearly falling off. As soon as she had finished taking care of her business, she began trying to brush her teeth, her previously discarded garments left on the floor. She didn’t have enough coordination to hold her toothbrush in one hand and squeeze the toothpaste out with the other. After dropping a couple of globs of toothpaste into the sink, she finally set the brush down and used both hands to load the bristles with Colgate. The running water, along with the toothpaste, made her even more dizzy and nauseated. 

Chet opened the front door, closing and locking it behind him. Not seeing her anywhere, he pulled out the condoms as he walked down the hallway, calling out her name.

“Caroline?”

“I’m ‘n heeere,” she slurred out, from behind the closed bathroom floor. Finally, holding onto the cabinet with one hand, she rinsed out her mouth with the other. She turned to go into her bedroom, tripping over her skirt and panties lying haphazardly on the floor. Losing her balance, she reached out and grabbed the shower curtain. 

Chet tossed the condoms onto the nightstand, removing his shirt and shoes as he waited for her to come out of the bathroom. A crashing sound startled him and he rushed to the bathroom door.

“Baby? Are you okay?” He asked, gently knocking on the door. He thought he heard a mumble from the other side, and wasn’t sure what to do. Deciding that since they were obviously about to get to know one another on an intimate level, he opened the door and peeked inside.

“Oh, Baby, your back!” He stated in a raised voice, remembering the initial injury from the car accident where they first met. “Did you hurt yourself?” Chet was shocked to see her sitting on the floor, partially covered by the green shower curtain. She had one arm stuck in her sleeveless top and tangled in her bra, the purple mass wedged on top of her head. She had forgotten to unbutton the button at the neck.

“I can’t ge’ ou’,” she said, struggling.

Carefully, Chet stepped over the small pile of clothing left near the toilet, and began peeling away the tangled mass, shocked by her appearance - and missing clothing - as she sat on the cold tile floor of her bathroom. “I think we need to get you to bed, sweetheart.”

“Yea, you too,” she giggled, reaching for his neck.

Carefully, Chet lifted her, carrying her to her bed. He pulled the covers around her, making sure to cover her completely, then sat on the edge of the bed. He realized that any sexual encounter with her would have to wait until she was sober.

“C’mon, join me,” she groaned, trying once again to unbutton his shirt. He grabbed her hands, kissing them as he tucked them back beneath the covers. 

“Not tonight, sweetheart,” he said, trying to hide his disappointment. He knew that she was in no condition to consent for any romantic activity. 

“Y-you don’ wan’ me?” She said, tears beginning to well up in her drunken eyes.

Chet tenderly brushed the hair away from her face. Did he want her? Yes, in the worst way. But, he wasn’t the kind of man who would take advantage of the situation. He wanted their first time to be memorable for them both. “Yes, Baby. Yes, I want you. But, you need to sleep this off.”

“I-I not s’eepy. I wan’ ya, Che’ter. I-I wanna p’ease ya,” she slurred.

Chet couldn’t believe what he had just heard. She wanted to please him? Maybe she didn’t want to make love after all. Maybe she was just trying to give him what she thought he wanted, a payment of sorts for their night out. He shook the thoughts from his head, knowing that she was too inebriated to make sense at the moment. When he looked back at her face, her eyelids were growing heavy, but tears were streaming down her face.

“Baby?”

“P’ease… P’ease don’ lea’e me?” She cried.

“I won’t leave you, sweetheart. I’m right here. Are you hurting?” He feared that she may have re-injured her back when she fell.

“No… Jus’ wanna be hel’… Wan’ ya to hol’ me… P’ease?”

Chet removed his socks, shoes, his outer shirt, and his pants, then crawled into the bed beside her, wearing only his boxers and t-shirt. More than anything, his body wanted to be making love to her, but his heart and his head wouldn’t allow it. He was glad that he was laying on top of the covers, rather than beneath them with her. He held her as she curled up beside him, holding her in his arms as she silently wept. He wanted to ask her why she was crying, but he figured he knew. She was missing her husband, and once again, Chester B. Kelly didn’t measure up.

E!

Across town, Roy lay on his back, his hands locked behind his head. Joanne lay curled away from him sleeping, but Roy couldn’t find the rest he needed. He stared into the darkness, thinking back over what had happened a few hours earlier. They had been together for so many years that he knew her body as well as he knew his own. Something wasn’t right. What he had felt was different than at any other point in their lives. Granted, neither of them had ever experienced a sexual relationship with anyone else, and neither had any regrets about the fact, but maybe that was why he knew what had happened. There was no mistaking it and it left Roy once again feeling emotionally unfulfilled and somehow less of a man. For the first time in their sexual relationship, Joanne had faked it.

 

E!

Chet lay still, spooning Caroline, feeling the even breathing that proved she was sleeping. He pulled her a little tighter, making sure she remained on her side in case she got sick. He inhaled the scent of her shampoo, felt the softness of her skin, and wondered if what he thought was developing between them was somehow slipping away from him. He lay there, quietly, inwardly kicking himself for suggesting the wine. Would their night have ended better without the alcohol? Then again, maybe the wine just hastened what was sure to happen anyway. Unable to sleep, he continued to hold her, allowing her to sleep off the effects of the alcohol, and vowing to leave before she awoke. He couldn’t face her and the rejection he felt was coming.

Eventually, as sleep grew closer and closer, he extricated himself from around her and slowly got out of bed. He sat there, staring at her sleeping form, her beauty still obvious to him even with the smudged mascara and tousled hair. He reached down, once more brushing the stray strands out of her eyes and gently kissed her forehead. “Goodbye, Caroline.” He gathered up the clothing he had left on the floor, stepping into his pants as he walked down the hallway of her apartment. He didn’t bother buttoning his shirt or even putting on his socks. No one would see him at two in the morning. He slipped his bare feet into his shoes and quietly left his sweetheart, and his dreams, locked in the apartment behind him.

E!

A rapping noise woke Roy and Joanne up. 

“Mommy? Daddy?”

“Come in sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Joanne asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as Jennifer slowly entered the room.

Behind her, Corrie made her way inside the bedroom, holding tightly to the older girl’s hand, tears streaming down her chubby cheeks. “I want my mom-my,” she cried.

Joanne quickly stood up, wrapping her robe around her and reaching for the upset toddler. “Come with Jo-Jo, sweetie. We’re gonna see your mommy real soon, I promise,” she said, kissing the toddler lightly on the forehead as she lifted her into her motherly embrace. 

“I can sit up with her, Jo. You’ve got to go to work in the morning,” Roy offered with a yawn, feeling as if he had just drifted off to sleep.

“It’s okay, I’ve got her. It’s time for me to get up anyway. It’s seven o’clock.” Joanne took the two girls and left the room, talking to them about getting breakfast as they made their way downstairs, the younger girl’s crying abating.

Roy leaned back on his pillow with a huffing sound. He thought about the previous night and what he could have done differently. For the life of him, he couldn’t imagine what he had done wrong. Why he hadn’t been able to please her, he didn’t know. Was there something physically wrong with him? He didn’t think so. But, why had their love-making ended with a less than pleasing experience for his wife? And why hadn’t she just been honest with him?

Eventually, realizing he wasn’t going to be able to go back to sleep, he got up and got dressed. He needed to relieve Joanne with the girls so she could get ready for work. 

E!

Somewhere in the deep recesses of her sleeping mind, Caroline heard Corrie calling for her. She forced her eyes open, her head throbbing, and called out for her daughter. “I’m here, baby.”

Sitting up in bed, she looked around the room and realized that she had been dreaming. Corrie was still at the DeSotos’. She pushed her hair back away from her face and tried to get out of bed. Her aching body protested the movement. “Ugh,” she groaned, then looking down realized that she was completely naked.

Memories from the previous night assaulted her. Eating at the restaurant with Chet, drinking several glasses of wine, returning home and… “Ohmygod,” she gasped, remembering bits and pieces of the events that followed their return to her apartment. Her knee was stinging, her back ached terribly, her head was pounding and her stomach was swirling. She recalled sitting on his lap removing his tie, kissing passionately, his hands touching her body as he pulled her clothing over her head… She reached for the nightstand to steady herself, urgently needing to get to the bathroom. There, on the nightstand, were two unused condoms. Her eyes scanned the floor, not seeing what she desperately needed to see. 

“No… Please, no, he wouldn’t…,” she mumbled, her breathing coming in short gasps. 

She stumbled into the bathroom, turning over the empty wastebasket, again not finding what she was searching for. More memories pushed forward from years earlier and her stomach began to lurch. She managed to reach the toilet before emptying her stomach into the porcelain bowl, gagging on both the burning stomach acid and the memories. It was going to happen again, she just knew it. “Oh god, Chet… I trusted you… I’m such an idiot…,” she cried out, once again gagging into the toilet. 

Eventually, she managed to pull herself up off the floor and looked into the mirror. There was a small bruise right at her hairline near her right temple, but she didn’t remember what happened. She wet a wash cloth with cool water and began washing her face, the cool feeling relieving the burning from her tears. She couldn’t stop crying no matter what she did. She was completely disgusted with her behavior from the previous night. She had allowed herself to become vulnerable and now she was going to pay the price for it - again.

E!

Joanne brushed Corrie’s hair then packed the brush up in her pink bag. “I’m so glad you spent the night with us, Corrie,” she commented with a smile. 

“Me, too,” Jennifer said from her place beside her guest on her bed.

Roy stood in the doorway watching the scene. He wondered how the evening had turned out for Chet and Caroline and hoped it had gone better than it had for Joanne and himself. Shaking the thoughts from his mind, he joined in with the conversation. “You’ll have to come back and stay again sometime, okay, Corrie?”

“Okay,” she grinned, previous pleas for her mother seemingly forgotten.

Joanne stood up, planting a kiss on her husband’s cheek. “See you in a little while, honey. Goodbye, Jennifer. Be good for your father.”

“I will,” the little girl said, watching her mother take Corrie by the hand and head off to work.

A few minutes later, Joanne pulled into the apartment complex where Corrie and her mother resided. Taking her small charge by the hand, she guided the toddler up the sidewalk to her apartment and knocked on the door.

Inside, Caroline had done her best to hide her appearance behind a thick layer of make-up.

“Hey, how’d it go? Hello, Princess,” the young mother said, rushing through her greeting to her friend and diverting her swollen eyes.

“She did great, Caroline but… What’s wrong?” Joanne’s voice held alarm.

“Nothing, just, uh, slept late,” she lied, unable to hide the definite limp in her gait.

Joanne followed her friend inside without waiting for the invitation. “Corrie, will you take this to your room for Jo-Jo while I talk to Mommy?” She asked, pleased when the little girl complied happily, seemingly unaware of her mother’s distress.

“It’s nothing Joanne, really.”

“Nothing? Your eyes are blood shot and swollen, you’ve been crying, you’re limping and,” she gasped at the mark on the young woman’s knee. “And what happened to your knee?”

“Please, don’t do this, please?” She asked, her chin beginning to quiver. 

“Talk to me, Caroline,” Joanne pleaded.

“My date started off well enough, but… Let’s just say it didn’t end that way… For me, at least,” she mumbled, turning away just as her older friend pulled her into a hug.

“Did Chet do this to you?” Joanne whispered, the younger woman’s silence answering her question. She looked around the room, noticing the purple sweater on the floor and a man’s tie on the back of the sofa. Grit and determination coursed its way through her veins. She pulled back from the hug, brushing the hair away from her friend’s eyes. “He won’t get away with this, Caroline.”

Caroline grimaced at the venom-filled words. “No, he didn’t do anything wrong. I’m to blame. I, uh, had too much to drink so…”

“No way, don’t say that. He had no right to hurt you, no matter what,” she said, seething.

“No, Joanne, really… It wasn’t like that,” the younger woman said, back-peddling. 

“Are you going to be okay for a little while? I need to work for a couple of hours, but then I can…”

“No, I’ll be fine, honest. I just need some rest and….” She looked up just as Corrie came back into the room. “And spend time with my Princess,” she smile, her face lighting up just as Corrie came back into the room. “Thanks for everything, Joanne. I mean it,” she emphasized.

Joanne didn’t want to leave her friend hurting, but she had a responsibility to her employer and their customers. She left with a heavy heart, walking down the walkway staring at a certain apartment on the second floor. “You sleazy sonofabitch,” she mumbled, opening the door of her car and slamming it shut. Ten minutes later, she wheeled into the flower shop, deciding to park in the back. She inhaled a cleansing breath, calming herself before facing Iris. As soon as she walked inside, she went immediately to the phone to make an urgent call to her husband. 

E!

Johnny donned his aviator sunglasses as he pulled out onto the freeway heading for a local business he knew well. It was Saturday, making it a safe day for him to take care of the business at hand, Joanne would be at home with the kids. He parked the Rover along the street, slipping his sunglasses into his shirt pocket, and walking into the front door. He smiled at the older woman who looked up to greet him, a hint of surprise forming on her face.

Just as she opened her mouth to speak, a familiar voice was heard in the background.

“Roy, you’ve got to do something… I don’t know, talk to him… Well, what he did is criminal!” She stated in an emphatic stage whisper. “Well, if you don’t, I will. Arrgh!”

Back out front, Iris once again looked warmly at the handsome man in front of her, watching as he became noticeably uncomfortable.

“Thorn, have you…,” She began, only to have her train of thought derailed by his animated facial expressions.

Johnny knitted his eyebrows together, quickly shaking his head from side to side just as Joanne came around the corner. “Um, John, John Gage,” he offered in response to the older woman’s greeting.

“Arrgh, men!” Joanne growled, then realized they had a customer. “Oh my, oh I’m terribly sorry, I didn’t see you come in and… Johnny?”

“Hi, Jo. Everything alright?”

“Yea, I’m sorry, just a… A slight misunderstanding,” she answered, unconvincingly. “So, what brings you into Bloomers?”

“Oh, I was just, um, thinking about sending my aunt some flowers,” he said, stumbling slightly over his words, still thinking back over the greeting he had received.

“Oh, goodness, where are my manners. Iris Campbell, this is my husband’s paramedic partner, John Gage. Johnny, my boss, Iris Campbell.”

“Pleasure to meet you, John,” Iris said, still a bit confused, but beginning to see things a little clearer.

“Johnny, can I talk to you for a minute, please?”

“Sure,” he said, turning and following Joanne out the back door, but not before casting Iris his trademark grin. “Nice to meet you, Iris.”

Joanne led Johnny through the back door and out into the back parking lot. If Roy wouldn’t call Chet’s hand on his inexcusable behavior, then maybe Johnny would.

E!

Back at the DeSoto residence, Roy hung up the phone, rubbing a worried hand across his face. Joanne had to be mistaken. There was no way Chet Kelly would do what Joanne was accusing him of doing. He was a bit arrogant and a nuisance at times, but there was just no way the lineman would ever treat a lady the way Joanne had described. He looked out the back window and saw their neighbor, Mrs. Seabury pulling weeds in her flower garden. Jennifer always enjoyed helping Mrs. Seabury and the older lady seemed to enjoy the young girl’s company. Perhaps the older woman would enjoy a little company while Roy paid his shift mate a visit.

“Jennifer, I’m going to be out back for a minute,” he called out to the little girl who was upstairs in her room. He wanted to ask the older lady for her assistance.

“Okay, Daddy.”

Roy stepped out on the back deck heading next door when he saw a crumpled blanket on the ground. Picking it up and shaking it out, he recognized it as the spare blanket that his wife kept in the linen closet, the one they often took with them to the beach. He began folding it up, when he noticed it was dirty and had a distinctively male footprint on the corner, a footprint much larger than his own. “What the…”

“Daddy, I wanna swing,” Jennifer called out, rushing through the back door onto the deck. When she saw the blanket her father was holding, she began to giggle.

Roy looked at her curiously, still trying to figure out what the footprint could mean. “What’s so funny?”

“That blanket,” she said, pointing at the faded cloth in her father’s hands.

“The blanket is funny?”

“Yea, the other night, I saw a big man’s naked booty when he was kneeling on it,” she stated, still giggling.

Roy’s stomach somersaulted then fell to his feet. Various reasons for his daughter’s comments rushed through his mind, none of them acceptable. Had there been a streaker, a peeping Tom or a flasher in the neighborhood? Or, was the reason something much more sinister? “Jen-baby, tell me more about what you saw,” he said, careful not to make her fearful of telling him anything. The last thing he wanted to do was make his innocent daughter think she had done something wrong.

“It was when you were working, Daddy. I woke up ‘cause I heard this loud man’s voice talking to Mommy outside. When I looked out the window, I saw his naked booty.”

“Wh-where was he?” Roy asked, afraid of the answer he might get.

“They were on the blanket. He was bending over Mommy’s back, and his pants were falling down,” she said, giggling again. “Isn’t that funny?”

Roy’s mind was racing a thousand miles a minute. Jennifer’s revelation was something alright, but funny wasn’t exactly what he had in mind.


	9. chapter 9

Chapter 9

Johnny leaned his hips back against Joanne’s car with his feet crossed at the ankles, his hands on either side of his hips gripping the car. He watched as she paced, and listened to her make accusations that infuriated him. The only problem was, he wasn’t sure with whom he was most furious – Chet or Joanne. On the one hand, he simply couldn’t believe that his crew mate would do what Joanne was insinuating, but on the other, he couldn’t imagine her making it up.

“Johnny,” the green-eyed woman looked up, clearly on the verge of tears. “You’ve got to do something. Roy is acting like he doesn’t even believe me. If you don’t believe me either, then go see Caroline for yourself.”

He pushed off the car and stepped over to offer her his shoulder. “Sshhh,” he crooned, wrapping his arms around her and halting her pacing. “It’s not that Roy or I don’t believe you. It’s just that we work with Chet and we’ve never seen this side of him,” Johnny said, carefully choosing his words so as not to set her off again.

“Will you at least go talk to him? See what he has to say about it?”

“Jo, I feel like I’m prying into his personal business if…”

“Damn it, Johnny!” She pushed away from him. “This is serious!”

“Look, I know it’s serious. I know it is… Is she going to sign a warrant against him?” Johnny was growing more and more concerned for his friend’s future.

Joanne looked back down at the ground before answering. “I doubt it. She kept trying to tell me that he didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Then… maybe he didn’t,” Johnny suggested in a soft voice.

The seething woman began to calm down a little, her shoulders relaxing visibly. “I don’t know. Maybe I should go talk to her again. I told her I’d be back in a couple of hours when I got off work and…,” she stopped mid-sentence. “Oh crap, Iris needs me to help her get ready for the funeral.”

“Funeral?”

“Yes, I’m only working a couple of hours, but now I’m making her run late.” She turned to walk back into the florist’s shop. “Please go talk to him, Johnny. I’ll go back and talk to Caroline and then maybe we can compare notes.”

Johnny waved at the retreating woman. “Okay, I can do that. Try not to worry,” he shouted over his shoulder as he walked around the front of the building, got into his Rover, and drove away.

Inside the shop, Joanne began to apologize profusely to her boss. “I’m so sorry. I’ve had a really rough morning, but that’s no excuse.”

“Relax, Joanne. We still have plenty of time to get the flowers finished and delivered before the service starts,” Iris consoled, her heart still warmed by the young man who had entered her shop earlier.

“Thanks, Iris, I just… Oh no, Johnny didn’t place his order. I’ve cost you a customer.”

“No worries… If he wants to make a purchase, then he’ll be back. Besides, he may not have been here to buy anything anyway. Lots of folks come in just to browse and then leave. Maybe he saw something that’ll make him return soon,” she said, cryptically. She had a feeling he would definitely be returning, but whether it was to make a purchase or not, remained to be seen.

E!

Chet stared at his telephone, part of him wanting it to ring and the other part unsure if he wanted to hear what Caroline might have to say. He realized last night just how much he cared for the young mother and now, it seemed that all was lost. How long did a widow grieve for her deceased husband anyway? 

“Forever,” he mumbled out loud, just as a knock broke through his concentration. He could tell by the forcefulness of the knock that it wasn’t Caroline on the other side of the door. 

“Ugh, really?” He complained, trudging to the door. Opening it, he was stunned at who was standing on the other side. “Gage?”

“Mornin’, mind if I come in?”

“Uh, no… C’mon in,” he invited, stepping aside.

Johnny took in the sight of his friend. Chet was wearing jeans, a t-shirt and no shoes. He hadn’t shaved and his hair was mussed up. Obviously, he was not happy.

“Want some coffee? I was about to start a pot.”

“Oh, sure… S’long as you don’t mind company,” Johnny said, trying to find a way to broach the subject of Caroline. He watched as Chet walked into his kitchen, stunned that the young man hadn’t even asked why Johnny was there. He walked to the doorway between Chet’s kitchen and living room, observing as his host made a pot of coffee. “So, how’d the big date go?”

Chet was glad his back was turned to his friend, the question bringing a grimace and eye roll to his face that he didn’t want Johnny to see. He finished rinsing the coffee pot then filled it with water. His silence continued as he opened the coffee can, inhaling the rich aroma before carefully measuring out the required amount. He set it on the stove to begin percolating then turned to his crew mate, leaning one-handedly against his counter top.

“Is that why you’re here so early, Johnny? Come here to gloat at my misery?” He asked sarcastically.

Johnny’s heart thudded inside his chest. Something had happened between Chet and Caroline, and now he knew he needed to push for more details. “It’s ten-thirty in the mornin’, Chet. That isn’t early. Besides, what do ya mean by gloating? Wha-what happened?”

Chet pushed past Johnny, pulling out a chair at his small table. “I really don’t wanna talk about it. Let’s just say that… Well, Caroline and I won’t be seeing each other again,” he huffed.

“Chet, I’m… I’m really sorry, man. I know you really cared about her,” Johnny said, continuing to search Chet’s face and body language for answers. “I really thought the two of you were getting serious.”

“Hey, it happens, right. You of all people should know how it feels.” Chet regretted his words as soon as they escaped his mouth. “I’m sorry, Johnny. I didn’t mean that like…”  
Johnny held his hand up to stop the other man’s apology. “You’re right, don’t apologize. But, why do I have the feeling there’s more to this than what you’re telling me?”

Chet struggled, staring at his table. No way was he going to hurt Caroline’s reputation by telling his friend that she got drunk and behaved rather loosely on their date. “It’s nothing. Just something between Caroline and me, alright? Nobody else’s business,” he commented, his voice rising slightly.

Johnny tried to tamp down the frustration he was feeling. “A’right, look. I gotta level with ya. I ran into Joanne earlier and apparently she saw Caroline a little while ago and…,” he exhaled loudly. “Joanne somehow got the impression that… Well, that something bad happened between you and Caroline last night.”

“Bad, like what?” Chet really had no idea what Joanne might have been thinking.

“Chet, I don’t know how else to say it. Joanne is under the impression that you, ah, may have forced yourself on Caroline last ni…”

“WHAT?” Chet jumped up, running his hands through his curly hair and walking away from his friend.

“I know, I know you wouldn’t do that, Chet. That’s why I’m here. I’m concerned about you… and Caroline.”

Chet was shaking his head in disbelief. “Why the hell did she call you?”

“I told you, we just ran into each other. I went into a store and she was there.”

“But, she’s told Roy, though, right? Where’s he? On his way over here to kick my ass? Two paramedics against one lineman really isn’t a fair fight, ya know.” Chet leaned both hands on the back of the chair he was previously sitting in. 

“No one’s pitting us against you.”

Chet looked back at Johnny. “Joanne needs to be more concerned about what her husband’s doing instead of what I’m doing,” he voiced loudly, pointing at his own chest.  
Johnny looked at his frustrated friend questioningly. “What are you talkin’ about?” He asked, eyes squinting.

“Nothing, Johnny, just forget it.” Chet turned, walking into the kitchen to pour the coffee, leaving his friend wondering how the conversation had turned to his partner.  
“Now, wait just a minute,” Johnny called out, standing and following Chet into his kitchen. “Are you accusing Roy of doing something wrong?”

The Irishman felt the steam blowing out of his ears, his hands trembling with anger as he poured the coffee. Returning the coffee pot to the stove, he spun around with a look of mock horror on his face.

“Oh noooo, there’s just no way the perfect family man Roy DeSoto would do anything dishonorable is there? Oh, but Chester B. Kelly, now that’s a different story. Everyone knows he’s nothing but some fuckin’ scumbag,” he raged.

“Just calm down, Chet. Take it easy. No one’s callin’ you a scumbag.”

“Joanne is!” He shot back, his blue eyes widening.

“Look, there’s been a big misunderstanding. That’s all.” Johnny hoped the upset man would settle down a little. Unfortunately, Chet’s rage continued.

“Yea, that’s right. A big misunderstanding. I didn’t do anything wrong, Johnny! I could’ve… but I didn’t. That’s all I’m gonna say about it, but…,” his voice faded as he nearly fell against the counter, his body weakened by the shocking thoughts rushing through his mind.

“Chet?”

“S-she could press charges against me, couldn’t she?”

“No, Joanne has her opinion, but she can’t…”

“No, Johnny. I mean Caroline. If she really thinks I did this, then… It’s my word against hers… Ohmygod,” Chet’s voice cracked. “I-I didn’t do it. I didn’t, I swear.” Chet’s pleading words nearly broke Johnny’s heart.

“Take it easy, buddy. Here, sit down,” Johnny ordered, vacating the chair he had been sitting in. He was concerned by Chet’s sudden paleness and reached for his wrist.

“S-so, Caroline thinks I hurt her, too?”

“I don’t know,” Johnny said softly, counting the other man’s pulse then releasing his wrist. “Joanne mentioned that Caroline tried to say that you didn’t do anything wrong, but…”

“But, you don’t know for sure. I mean, she had to have told Joanne something, so…” Chet’s eyes grew as large as saucers. “Johnny, what if… What if something happened to her after I left? What if… Ohmygod!” Chet tried to get up. “I have to go to her. I have to check on her. She might be hurt and…”

“No, just… Just stay here. Don’t make it worse. Joanne will be back here in a little while to talk to her again. Let’s see what she says then, before you go down there.” Johnny tried to be the voice of reason.

“Sh-she may need help,” Chet kept rambling, staring blankly at the space above the table. “Please, Gage. Ya gotta go check on her for me. Please?”

Johnny stood staring at his friend. He had only met Caroline once and knew that he couldn’t just show up to check on her. The problem was, at the moment, Chet didn’t need to do that either. 

“Joanne would’ve called for a squad, if she felt like Caroline needed it.” He hesitated before continuing, trying to put together the muddled pieces of the puzzle. “Has she called you or anything?”

“No,” Chet replied, nearly catatonic.

Johnny ran a worried finger beneath his nose, propping one hand on his hip. He was truly at a loss for what to do. “A’right, listen. Joanne is coming back by to see Caroline when she gets off from work. Let’s just wait and see what happens then. Maybe things will have calmed down and Caroline can clear this whole mess up.”

“Humph.”

“C’mon, you didn’t do anything wrong so, surely she’ll clear it up with Joanne. I mean, why would she lie about it?”

Slowly, worried blue eyes looked up at John Gage. “She probably doesn’t remember it, Johnny…,” the dazed man mumbled softly.

“Why not?”

Chet hesitated, desperately wanting to hide the details of the previous night, but knowing that he no longer had a choice. “She was drunk, okay? Ya happy, now?”

Johnny gulped at the revelation. The situation was going from bad to worse. If Caroline was inebriated, then perhaps she did believe that Chet had done the unthinkable. And Chet was right, it was going to be his word against hers.

E!

Roy felt like a brick wall had just crumbled on top of him. His tongue felt sticky, and he realized he was mouth-breathing, his chin having dropped at the information his young daughter had just given him. 

“Will you swing me, now?” Jennifer looked up at her father, not understanding that the look she was seeing was one of complete astonishment. 

“Huh? Oh, um, yea...,” he stammered, still replaying the child’s words in his mind.

He walked over to the tire swing in their backyard and waited for her to climb inside. He felt the swing moving beneath his hands as Jennifer positioned herself, and he began to slowly push her back and forth.

“So Jen, who was this man you saw on the blanket?”

“I dunno,” the child called out, blonde hair flowing behind her as he pushed her higher and higher. “Somebody Mommy knows; she called him on the phone and then he came over after I went to bed.”

Roy’s stomach lurched and for a moment he thought he was going to vomit. Was Joanne cheating on him? Was she doing it so blatantly that she called her lover over with the kids at home? Then a thought crept into his mind that began to slowly infect his wounded heart. Was it because he could no longer satisfy his wife? He continued to push his young daughter higher and higher, his mind taking him further and further away from the present moment. Could Joanne be working now just so she could get out of the house and away from him?

“Daddy?” Jennifer spoke up.

Roy continued the mindless activity of pressing his strong hands on Jennifer’s back, feeling her long soft hair swishing lightly against his forearms. Was his wife really working because she enjoyed it, or was she using that as an excuse to be out where she could meet with her lover? Who was he anyway?

“Daddy, please?” 

He couldn’t believe Joanne had called him wanting him to go talk to Chet. Whatever had happened between Chet and Caroline was between them. He wasn’t going to get involved; they were adults. Now, he had his own problems going on at home. No, he wouldn’t be going to talk to Chet, at least not today. 

“Daddy, don’t… please?” The little girl’s voice began to falter.

Anger began to boil deep within his soul. He worked hard for his family. Maybe he didn’t make as much money as some other men did, but that had nothing to do with how much he loved them. How could she do this to him? He continued staring at the small patch of dirt where the kids had dragged their feet to stop the tire swing over the years. He saw the white streak of the little girl’s sneakers rushing back and forth as he continued to push her in the swing, his mind in a distant chamber of self-torture. 

“Dad-dy… please stop!”

Furthermore, how could she do it in front of their children? Their precious innocent babies knew nothing of the evil in the world and he wanted to keep it that way as long as possible. How could his wife, their own mother, conduct herself in such a repulsive manner when she should’ve been taking care of their children? Instead, she was outside on a blanket, in a position that she had never been willing to try with him and…,”

“Dad-dy stooooop, aarrgghhhhh!”

Roy’s mind was jerked back into the present by Jennifer’s terrified screams. His blue eyes widened in shock as he realized just how high he was pushing her. Her small hands were clenched so tightly to the rope that they had gone white, and her tear-stained face, frozen in terror, broke his heart.

“Jen, ohmygod, Jennifer!” He called out, watching as the tire swing reached the peak of its ascent then rapidly returned towards him. He wrapped his strong arms around his crying daughter, stopping the pendulum-like movement of the tire swing and trying to pull her hiccupping body from the black rubber tire. Her grip was so tight around the rope that he had to forcefully peel her small fingers off of it. He clutched her tightly to his chest, cradling her in his arms. “Ssshhh, baby girl. Daddy’s got you now. It’s okay, honey,” he continued to console.

The little girl held onto his neck as if her life depended on it, sniffling while trying to catch her breath. “W-why?”

“Ssshhh, it’s okay, Jennifer. I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

“W-why d-did you d-do that t-to me?” She cried, ripping her father’s heart out of his chest and stomping on it as he continued to hold her trembling little body.

“Jennifer… Daddy’s sorry, okay?” He tried to pull her back, to force her to look at his sincere face, but the little girl was still too frightened to release her death grip on his neck. He stood up, still cradling her in his arms, and headed for the house. 

Once inside, he sat down in his recliner and began gently moving back and forth. Jennifer had always enjoyed being rocked as a baby, especially when she was crying. It was how he and Joanne had soothed her when she had colic. Now, it was the only thing he could think of to do to settle her down. His anger continued to boil inside his chest as he listened to her sniffling and felt the silent sobs that racked her entire body. He had allowed his anger at his wife to cause him to nearly hurt their daughter. If she had fallen off the swing, he would surely have been on his way to Rampart General Hospital with her at this moment. She would, no doubt, have sustained serious injuries, or worse. He felt the sweat beads popping out on his upper lip and forehead. ‘Damn you, Joanne,’ he thought to himself silently. 

As Jennifer’s crying began to soften, he released his tight hold on her, thankful that she had also loosened her grip on him. He looked down into the tear-stained reddened face of his precious daughter and wanted to choke the living daylights out of himself. He was a negligent father and that negligence could have cost him dearly. Never, no matter how long he lived, would he ever forget the horrific screams of Jennifer as she cried out to him in terror, a terror he had inflicted on her. Never would he forget the look on her face at this moment, as her crystal blue eyes, so much like his own, looked questioningly up at him. Her voice was raspy and she continued to hiccup, but her little soul needed an answer to her question, so she spoke up.

“Dad-dy, did I d-do some-thing wrong? Are y-you mad at m-me?” She asked, her small chest heaving.

Roy quickly checked her pulse and respirations, the paramedic in him finally making an appearance. Her respirations and pulse were much too fast. “Sssshhhhh, princess. No, of course I’m not mad at you. You need to try to breathe a little slower though, okay? If you keep breathing so fast, you’ll get sick.” He knew she didn’t know what it meant to hyperventilate.

“B-but you scared m-me,” she continued to whine, crying softly. “Dad-dys aren’t s’posed to b-be mean.”

“No, baby… No, Daddy didn’t mean to do that. I was thinking about something else and I didn’t realize how hard I was pushing you. I’m so sorry, baby girl. Daddy is soooo sorry,” he whispered, his own voice breaking as he continued to apologize while he tenderly brushed her blonde hair away from her face. He had made a horrible mistake; one he would never make again. At the moment, he was glad Joanne was not at home. Hopefully, he would calm down before he saw her again. He just had to decide how to confront her about what he knew.

E!

“Iris… You okay?”

Joanne had been watching her boss, seeing her staring into the spray of purple and pink flowers, unmoving for several moments. This was the third time it had happened since Joanne had arrived.

“Hmmm?” Iris asked, returning to her task.

“I was just wondering if you were alright. You seem a little distant.”

Iris smiled softly. “I’m sorry, Joanne. It’s nothing, really. I sometimes get lost in the past, that’s all.”

They continued on in companionable silence, not speaking again until it was time to load up their items for delivery.

“Tell me something,” Iris began.

“Sure, what would you like to know?” Joanne said, trying to smile, but her mind still clinging to the memory of Caroline and Chet.

“John Gage, is he from this area? He reminds me of someone I once knew.”

“Johnny? Oh, no, he isn’t from Los Angeles, not even from California. He grew up in another state and then came to live here with his aunt when he was an older teenager, I think. He’s never really told me much about his past.”

Iris picked up the two potted plants she had just adorned with bows. “I see. Handsome young man. Is he married?”

“Nooo, not even close,” Joanne chuckled. “Well, actually, he came close a time or two, but those are stories for another day,” Joanne said with a smile. “No, he doesn’t even have a serious girlfriend at the moment. He’d be a good catch for someone, though. He truly has a heart of gold…unlike a couple of other men I know,” Joanne murmured, thinking of both her husband and his curly-haired crew mate. She picked up a floral spray and followed Iris to the van.

“And he’s easy on the eyes,” Iris said with a smile, using her backside to open the back door. 

“Haha, yes, he is. He’s also the kind of man who feels deeply about things,” Joanne continued. “If he’s doing something he really believes in, then he gives it all he’s got,” she said, sliding open the van door and setting the spray inside. She waited for Iris to empty her arms before closing the door and returning back inside the shop for another load. “He’s such a caring man, always putting other people before himself…. And he NEVER gives up.” 

“I have to agree with you there,” Iris said, cringing at her mistake.

“What was that?” Joanne asked, needing clarification from her boss. It almost sounded as if Iris knew Johnny.

“I said, I can see that he cares,” Iris offered, hoping the young woman would accept her corrected version of her earlier statement.

“He really does, Iris. I think it’s what makes him such a good rescue man and paramedic,” Joanne continued, gathering up another load of flowers. “Roy used to have that same sense of caring… I just wish I knew what happened to it.”

Iris knew that Joanne hadn’t intended for her to hear that last statement. She picked up a couple of baskets of flowers and carried them to the door, choosing to ignore Joanne’s comment about her husband. Iris knew to keep her nose out of other people’s business… Except when those other people were family.

E!

 

Johnny and Chet continued drinking their coffee in silence, sitting at Chet’s table.

“Look, can I fix you something for breakfast? I’m sure you haven’t eaten, have ya?”

Chet looked up at his friend before answering. “No, and no thanks. I’m not hungry,” he replied, lifting the cup to his mouth. 

Johnny felt a sense of helplessness. He had no answers for his friend, but one thing was for sure. Johnny believed that Chet was innocent. But, he also believed that Joanne had seen or heard something that led her to the conclusion she had told him about. Then there was Chet’s off the wall comment about Roy. Where had that come from? Johnny’s world was becoming more and more confusing. Somehow, he had to find a way to sort it all out.

“Okay, look. I’m getting hungry. So, I’m gonna go round us up a few burgers and fries. You got any sodas here?” He asked the dazed lineman.

Chet gulped, trying to swallow back the sour taste in his mouth. “Um, yea, yea, in the fridge.”

“A’right, just hang on, buddy. I’ll be back in an hour or so and we’ll talk some more,” Johnny offered, standing up and heading for the door. “Don’t go anywhere.”

“Got nowhere to go,” Chet muttered.

Johnny sighed, his shoulders drooping. “I know it feels like it right now, but… I promise you, we will sort out this whole mess.” Johnny opened the door, but Chet calling his name halted him just as he stepped over the threshold.

“Gage?”

“Yea?”

“Thanks, man.”

Johnny nodded in acknowledgement of Chet’s gratitude. Around the station, they seemed to be at each other’s throats on a daily basis. However, it was all a front, a way of dealing with their feelings. Because the truth was, deep down, they were good friends, and each one respected and appreciated the other. 

Johnny closed the door, blowing out his cheeks in frustration as he walked down the stairs and headed for his Rover. He knew his crew mate was in a mess, especially if he and Caroline had been intimate while she was intoxicated. Chet never said that the two of them hadn’t slept together, just that he hadn’t forced her into the act. Johnny couldn’t help but wonder if Chet realized that in the eyes of the law, an intoxicated person was incapable of consenting. He slammed his door shut, donned his sunglasses once again then cranked up his vehicle. As he drove away, he also couldn’t stop replaying in his mind the comment that Chet had made about Roy. Chet knew far more than he was telling and that fact frightened Johnny. He had tried to get Roy to open up about whatever was bothering him during the last few shifts, but Roy had always refused. He remembered the way Joanne had seemed so angry at Roy and how she thought Roy wasn’t taking her seriously. Something was definitely off with his friend. He just wished he knew what. Johnny eased to a stop at the traffic light and flipped on his left blinker.

“What’s going on with you, Pally?” He said out loud as he waited for the light to turn green. There, at the intersection, he vowed to help Chet through whatever the future held for him, but he also vowed to continue talking to Roy until the truth came out. He had spent the last few years as a rescue man, then paramedic. He would never leave someone behind in a bad situation without doing his best to get them out. Now, he had more than one friend in desperate circumstances; he just hoped he had enough energy, strength and wisdom to help get them out – ALL of them.

E!

Inside her apartment, Caroline was just putting Corrie down for her nap, a little earlier than usual. “You and Jennifer must’ve stayed up late playing last night,” she whispered to the sleeping child, pulling the pink and blue blanket up around her shoulders. She returned to her living room, picking up the sweater and folding up Chet’s tie that he had left there the previous night. She then sat down, going over everything that she could remember about their date. She knew she needed to speak to him, but did she have the courage to face him after their previous encounter?

As soon as her work was completed, Joanne got in her car and headed back over to Caroline’s apartment. She knew she should’ve called Roy to let him know she would be getting home later than anticipated, but at the moment, she was still furious with him. She pulled into a visitor’s parking spot and got out, thankfully noting that a certain white Rover was sitting across the lot. 

Caroline heard a knock on the door, jolting her out of her reverie. She made her way to the front door, feeling the achiness in her body as she walked across the room. She looked through the peep hole and saw her friend’s auburn-chestnut hair, so she unlocked it to invite her inside.

“Hi, come in. Everything go okay at work?”

Joanne smiled at her friend. It was obvious the younger woman had tried to make herself look a little better. Her eyes were less swollen and the purple sweater that had been on the floor earlier was gone. A man’s tie, she could only assume belonged to Chet, was folded up and sitting on the back of the sofa.

“Fine, but how are you feeling now?” Joanne asked, stepping inside and taking a seat in the living room.

“I’m okay, really. You shouldn’t worry about me,” Caroline commented, looking down at her hands in her lap.

“But I am worried about you.” Joanne hesitated before continuing. She hated to ask such a bold question, but she needed to know the answer, not just assuming the worst. “Caroline, I need to ask you something and I want you to be truthful with me, please?”

“Okay.”

“Did Chet, um, hurt you last night?” There it was; the question was out there waiting to be answered.

Caroline looked around the room, fidgeting in her seat. The topic of conversation was making her very nervous. The last thing she wanted to do was give her friend the details of what she remembered from her date. But, she knew she had to say something.

“No.”

Joanne wasn’t sure how she felt about the answer she received. Was she relieved for Chet or was she still worried about her friend? She needed more information in order to sort through this whole sordid mess.

“Alright… Then who did hurt you? And don’t try to pretend that nothing happened because I can see that it did,” Joanne continued.

Caroline gulped. Who had hurt her? She felt the sarcastic answer of ‘when?’ rising to the surface, but managed to control her tongue. “I, um, I really need to talk to Chet. I just put Corrie down for a nap. Would you mind sitting with her while I go upstairs?”

Joanne knew that she wasn’t going to get any direct answers from her friend, at least not right now. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“I have to… please? I’ll only be a few minutes,” she pleaded, remembering his tie on the back of the sofa. “I need to take his tie back to him.”

“Well, I can do that for you.” Joanne said reaching for the tie. She had a few things she wanted to say to the young lineman, too.

“No, I really need to do this. Do you mind?”

“Of course not,” she acquiesced. “Take your time.” She knew Johnny was with Chet so she knew her friend would be alright. She and Chet wouldn’t likely get into a heated argument in front of John Gage.

“Thank you,” Caroline responded, clutching the tie and walking out the door.

Taking the stairs, she realized just how sore her back was. However, it wasn’t bad enough to prevent her from going to see the man she had grown so fond of in recent weeks. She dreaded him opening the door, very ashamed of her behavior from the previous night, but she needed to ask him a very serious question and she hoped he would give her an honest answer. 

She stood outside his apartment, rehearsing in her mind how she would react when he opened the door. She couldn’t let her embarrassment prevent her from doing what she needed to do.

Inside Chet’s apartment, Johnny was cleaning up from their lunch. “Want me to put that in the fridge for you? Maybe you’ll feel like eating it later,” he asked, pointing at the barely touched hamburger and fries on the plate in front of his friend.

“Um, I’ll put it up. I’m sorry I couldn’t eat it right now, but I do appreciate it.”

A gentle knock on the door interrupted their conversation. Both men looked at each other, each assuming he knew who was on the other side of the door.   
Johnny stood up, picking up the plate. “Want me to answer that?”

“That’s her knock, Johnny.”

Johnny nodded his head knowingly. He watched as his crew mate slowly pushed away from the table and headed for the door. Johnny walked into Chet’s kitchen, covered the plate with aluminum foil then placed it in the refrigerator as he heard the front door opening.

Chet looked out the peep hole just to confirm what he already knew. He saw the top of Caroline’s head. He exhaled deeply, squinting his eyes shut as if to summon up the courage to face her. Finally, after the second knock, he opened the door.

Caroline looked into Chet’s face and immediately saw the hurt he was experiencing. She quickly diverted her eyes. “May I come in?”

“Sure,” he said, unable to say anything else at the moment. 

Meanwhile, Johnny stepped into the living room and immediately felt out of place.

“Oh, uh, I didn’t know you had company,” Caroline stammered. “I can come back…”

“No, no. You stay and I’ll split. I have a feeling you two need to talk,” he said, eyeing Chet.

Remembering that Joanne had dropped Corrie off earlier, Chet asked about her whereabouts. “So, where’s ladybug?” The question served as a good icebreaker, giving Johnny time to make his exodus. 

“She’s taking a nap. Joanne’s with her.”

Johnny turned the doorknob of Chet’s front door. “I think I’ll drop by to say hello. I need to talk with Joanne about something anyway,” Johnny mumbled, leaving and closing the door behind him.

He jogged down the stairs and over to Caroline’s apartment. He softly knocked on the door, waiting for his partner’s wife to let him inside. This was a great time for them to compare notes, as she had suggested earlier.

Back upstairs, silence hung in the room like a thick fog. Caroline knew that she had initiated the visit and needed to open up the conversation. She was unable to look him in the eyes, fearing the rejection and disgust she would see there while they talked.

“Chet, I’m really ashamed of how I acted last night. I wish I could take it all back.”

Chet couldn’t sort out the different emotions swirling around inside his heart. He was hurt by Joanne’s accusations and angry that Caroline had not set the other woman straight about what had actually happened. He was also relieved to see Caroline standing here, looking hung over, but otherwise seeming alright.

“It wasn’t what happened last night that has me upset, Caroline. It’s what Joanne DeSoto is accusing me of today that has me so pissed off.”

Caroline continued staring at the floor. Neither one of them had taken a seat, both standing in his living room. Chet stared at her and she stared at the floor. She felt the tie folded up in her hands and handed it to him. 

“I found this in the living room this morning,” she offered.

“Thanks,” he said, accepting the accessory, remembering how she had removed it herself the night before.

A few tense moments passed between them before Caroline got up the nerve to ask the question that had haunted her all day. “Chet… I need to ask you something and I’d really appreciate it if you’d give me an honest answer.”

He looked over at her, seeing how upset she truly was. “I’ve never been anything but honest with you. I’d never lie to you… or about you either, for that matter.”  
Caroline felt the sting of his words. She knew what he meant. She pressed her lips into a thin line then continued. “Did you use a condom last night? I looked all round this morning, but I didn’t see a used wrapper anywhere. All I saw was a couple of unopened ones on my nightstand.”

Anger coursed through Chet’s veins and he couldn’t prevent the venomous words from escaping his mouth. “For cryin’ out loud,” he nearly shouted, using a phrase he had heard Johnny say over the years. “You don’t remember?” He waited for her to shake her head then continued. “No, I didn’t. There was no reason to.”

“Why?” She asked, her voice cracking at his response. “You knew I wasn’t on the p-pill,” she sniffled.

“Do you even realize what you’re asking me, Caroline? You’re acting like I’m some kind of dog who can’t control himself,” he argued, beginning to pace. “You really don’t think very much of me do you?”

“Chet, I… I just….”

“Just what? Just assumed that I would take advantage of you in that condition? Well…,” he huffed. “You know what they say about assume, don’t you?”

“What?” She said wiping her eyes, her voice barely a whisper.

“It makes an ASS out of U and ME,” he said forcefully. “No, Caroline. No, I didn’t use a condom because we didn’t have sex. You were in no condition for that. Oh, and just for the   
record, I don’t take advantage of situations like the one we were in last night. I’d NEVER,” he emphasized, “take advantage of a lady. I certainly wouldn’t do it to someone I was falling in lo…,” he choked on his words, thankful the phrase that was on the tip of his tongue hadn’t been spoken.

“I, um, ahem, I need to be alone right now,” he said softly, stepping to the door and opening it.

Caroline took the hint, slowly walking across the floor. There was so much she wanted to say to him, but at the moment her words eluded her. “I’m sorry,” she said, knowing it wasn’t nearly enough. 

Chet nodded his head, unwilling to look at her. As she walked past him, he saw her suddenly spin around. 

“Chet… Thank you. Thank you for being such a gentleman,” she turned, hesitating when she heard him say something else.

“I’m sorry that I don’t match up to Corey. I know you still love him and… I’m here if you need anything, but I guess it’s best if we don’t see each other. I can’t compete with a cherished memory. Please give ladybug a hug… I’ll miss her too,” he concluded, his throat constricting.

Caroline’s world tilted and she grabbed the railing in order to remain upright. He thought she was in love with her deceased husband? He thought he didn’t match up to Corey Marks? She wanted to tell him the truth about her marriage, but instead she walked slowly down the stairs. The best man she had ever met had just asked her to get out of his life and she knew it was her own fault. She didn’t even try to hide her tears, allowing them to fall unheeded as she limped down the stairs and back over to her apartment.

Chet stood in the doorway, watching her walk away from him. Even in his grief, he noticed her abnormal gait and worried that she had reinjured her back when she fell in the bathroom during her drunken escapade. Before she reached the bottom of the stairs, he closed his door. He needed to get out of his apartment and think for a while. He noticed his huarache sandals beside the door and slipped his bare feet into them. He took his keys off the key holder beside his door. His favorite place to relax was the beach and he needed to let the sounds of the waves and the salty air clear his mind. Locking his door behind him, he stepped out and walked down the stairs just as Caroline reached her own front door. As he stepped onto the sidewalk, Caroline opened her door and a child’s high-pitched blood curdling scream flooded his ears, followed closely by Caroline shouting out her daughter’s name.

“Corrie!!”


	10. chapter 10

Chapter 10

Johnny took a seat on the sofa across from Joanne. “They needed a little privacy to talk,” he said, opening the conversation. "That's good, don't ya think?"

“I don’t know. Something definitely went wrong last night. She just isn’t talking to me about it.” Joanne’s frustration was etched on her face. “What did Chet say?”

Johnny really didn’t want to tell her what Chet had confided in him, but he also didn’t want Joanne to continue to think Chet was capable of such an evil act. 

“Look, what he told me makes a lot of sense, but please don’t tell anybody what I’m about to tell you. He didn’t even want to tell me.” He waited for her agreement before continuing.

“Okay.”

“They went out to Niccoli’s and Caroline drank a little too much. After they got back to her place, she was in her bathroom where she fell, and Chet helped her get in bed to sleep it off. They didn’t... you know.”

“They didn’t?”

Johnny just shook his head slowly from side to side.

“Then why didn’t she just tell me that, Johnny? Why make me think something awful had happened to her if it hadn’t?” Joanne wasn’t quite sure she was willing to accept Chet’s version of the story.

“Maybe she doesn’t really remember. Chet says she was pretty messed up, so maybe she thinks something happened that really didn’t.”

Joanne heaved a big sigh. “I don’t know… Poor girl.”

“Humph, poor Chet,” Johnny said softly. “Jo, please make sure you clear this up with Roy.”

“Oh, I will. Don’t worry.”

Johnny had found a way to gingerly bring Roy into the conversation, and now he had to ask the follow-up question that had been on his mind. “Speaking of my partner, how’s he been lately?”

Joanne looked at him with a surprised expression on her face. “Fine… Why do you ask?”

“He’s just been kind of down the last few shifts, just not himself. I’ve tried to talk to him, but he won’t discuss it with me.” 

Joanne thought for a moment. She wasn’t sure how to tell Johnny what she thought the answer to his question might be. “Well, we haven’t had much, um… quality time together recently, with me working and all, but I think after the last few nights, he may have a whole new attitude,” she grinned, looking up just as Corrie walked groggily into the room.  
Johnny couldn’t hide the blush that he felt creeping up his neck, warming his ears. He knew what Joanne meant, and he hoped she was absolutely right. If that had been the problem with Roy, then Johnny would know just as soon as he got to the station in the morning.

“Mommy?”

Joanne smiled at the toddler who was looking around the room. “She’s upstairs talking to Mr. Chet, sweetie. Why don’t you come sit with Jo-Jo?”

“I’m hongee,” the little girl said with a yawn.

Joanne stood up, holding her hand out, grasped Corrie’s, then walked with her into the kitchen. Spying a jar of creamy Skippy on the counter beside the bread box, she had an idea. “How about a peanut butter sandwich and some milk?”

“Yea,” Corrie grinned.

Johnny had his back to the kitchen, listening to the conversation between Joanne and Corrie. Joanne was so good with children. He couldn’t help but hope that one day, he might find a wife who was just as good with kids as she was. He just hoped that whomever he married wouldn’t jump to conclusions quite as quickly as his partner’s wife did.   
Joanne prepared the sandwich, cutting it in half diagonally and placing it on a plate. She then led the little girl to the small kitchen table. 

“Okay, can you sit in the big chair for me?” Joanne asked, putting the sippy cup of milk down beside the plate with the sandwich on it.

Corrie climbed onto her knees and reached for the sippy cup first. She took several long drinks from it before setting it down, then picked up a sandwich half. She took a bite out of the middle and began to chew it up. Suddenly, her eyes got very large, and she began to scream while forcing her chubby fingers into her mouth.

At the sound of the child's frightening cry, Johnny sailed over the back of the sofa just as Joanne pulled the little girl out of the chair. Neither of them saw Caroline open the front door, but they all heard her terrified scream.

“Corrie!!”

One look at the sandwich and Johnny had an idea of what had happened. He tried to restrain the bellowing child, but found himself fighting off her mother in the process. 

“Hold her arms. Owe! Caroline, stop,” he stammered with Corrie still screaming and resisting his efforts to help her. “Joanne, hold her arms for me.”

“She’s choking! My baby’s choking!” Caroline screamed, her own back pain completely forgotten.

Chet had been walking down the stairs when he heard the frantic screams. Without thinking, he raced into the room, hearing both Corrie’s cries and Caroline’s wails. He saw Johnny trying to hold the child’s head while Joanne attempted to restrain her flailing arms. Both were struggling with Caroline who was in a state of panic.

“She isn’t chokin’, she’s… le’ go…” Johnny looked up just as he realized that someone else had entered the room. “Chet,” he called, tilting his head in the direction of the frantic young mother.

Chet recognized the gesture. He had no idea what was happening, but when it came to taking care of sick or injured people, he knew that Johnny was one of the best in the business. He wrapped his arms around Caroline, and began pulling her back.

“Ssshhhh, let ‘im do his job. If she can scream, then she can breathe. She isn't choking. Johnny knows what he’s doin’. She’ll be alright,” he consoled.

Caroline continued to resist him, never taking her eyes off her red-faced daughter.

As soon as Chet removed Caroline from the area, Joanne was able to hold Corrie’s arms, freeing Johnny up to do a finger sweep inside the child’s mouth. He felt the roof of her mouth, and immediately dislodged a large gummy mass of peanut butter and fresh white bread. He wiped the offending mess on his jeans, then made one more sweep to make sure he had gotten it all. Unfortunately, Corrie had other ideas and promptly bit down on his finger.

“Owie!”

The toddler was startled by his yelp, and released her bite on his finger. The screaming was over and she immediately began calling for her mother.

“Mom-my!”

“See, she isn’t choking. She's just scared,” Chet tried to explain. 

Caroline was only half listening to him, pulling free of his restraint when she heard her daughter calling for her.

“Oh, baby… Mommy’s here.”

Chet looked and listened as Johnny explained that the peanut butter and bread had simply gotten stuck to the roof of her mouth and it had frightened her. Knowing that Corrie and Caroline were safe, he slowly and quietly left their apartment and continued on his way to the beach.

“Dat a bad sam’wich,” the child sputtered.

Snickering sounds filled the room as the three remaining adults heard what Corrie had said. 

“I agree,” Johnny laughed, wiping the glob off his jeans and looking around for a paper towel and garbage can. 

“Jo-Jo will be sure not to feed you a peanut butter sandwich ever again,” Joanne grinned.

“Chet, I’m sorry I…,” Caroline stopped, realizing that the man who had come running to her aid when she screamed, had left without even saying good-bye.

E!

Roy carried Jennifer to the bathroom, wetting a washcloth with cool water, and wiping away her tears. “There we go. Does that feel better?”

The sniffling child could only nod her head.

“Do you want to watch some cartoons, or play in your room? We can have a tea party, or play with your Barbie dolls, or…”

“No… I wanna play by myself,” she snubbed, turning and racing up the stairs. 

Roy could only watch her retreating from his presence. He couldn’t blame her, not after he had frightened her half to death. He scrubbed his face with his hand as he turned to walk back into the kitchen for a cup of coffee. He knew he couldn’t keep this from Joanne; Jennifer would see to that. After all, it was Jennifer who had spoken up about the unknown man in the back yard with Joanne. That thought sent a new wave of jealousy pouring down his spine like a bucket of cold water. He wasn’t sure whether what he was feeling was physical pain or emotional anguish, but whatever it was, he couldn’t tolerate it. 

He turned on the burner on the stove to reheat the coffee left over from breakfast. As he waited, he pondered the situation he now found himself in. There was a time in his life when he felt confident in his abilities. He had served his country well in the Army. The skills he acquired as a medic had led him to be among the first paramedics to be trained in the state of California. He thought back to the day Johnny had signed up for the program, remembering how he had needed to persuade the younger man about the need for paramedics to save lives in the field. He recalled the night of Johnny’s birthday party at Dixie’s apartment, and how Joanne had stood up for him to Dr. Brackett. She had told Roy later what she had said, and her words had encouraged him to continue the fight. She was proud of him and what he was trying to do. They had always had a relationship built on trust and honesty. He had felt needed and wanted. She had made him feel confident and capable in a multitude of ways. Now, he felt none of those things. He felt as if he was no longer able to provide for his family, so Joanne had needed to take a job. After the morning he had with Jennifer, he no longer felt capable of being a father. Then, there was the fact that he no longer felt confident with Joanne during their most intimate moments. 

He saw the steam rising from the coffee pot, and turned off the burner. He poured himself a cup then walked over to the kitchen table and took a seat. The only place he felt truly competent was at work. His belly rumbled, prompting him to glance at his watch. Joanne was late. Once again, the sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach made him queasy. She had said she’d be home around noon, and yet it was nearly 2:00 pm, and he hadn’t heard from her. Had there really been a funeral service today? For that matter, had Joanne actually gone to work, or had she used that as an excuse to get away from home to be with the unknown man? He remembered the angry phone call he had received earlier, when she had asked him to go to Chet’s apartment and talk to him. Surely she wouldn’t have made such a phone call from the florist’s shop, would she? Then again, would she have called him from her rendezvous with her lover? Perhaps the phone call was meant to provoke an argument, providing her with an excuse for returning home later than expected. The longer he sat the angrier and the more hurt he felt. He tasted the bile rising in his throat, mixing with the coffee he was drinking and creating a bitter taste in his mouth. Bitter. That was the word he had been searching for to describe how he felt. He was bitter about his situation. And the only way to combat bitterness was with something sweet to offset it.

E!

Chet parked his van in the parking lot, stepped out into the warm sunshine, and headed for his favorite bench. He was thankful that it was currently vacant. Closing his eyes, he leaned his head back and allowed the sounds of the ocean waves to soothe his aching soul. He stretched both arms out on the back of the bench and slipped off his sandals, digging his toes into the warm sand. He was at a crossroads in his life, a position he despised. Did he love Caroline? Yes, he was able to admit that to himself now. What were his feelings about Corrie? Being honest with himself, he had to admit that he loved the little girl, too. He grinned a sarcastic smirk, remembering how he had once questioned his own paternity, and had even commented that a man couldn’t love a child that wasn’t his own as much as he loved his own flesh and blood. Now, he couldn’t believe he had ever felt that way. Somehow, being around Corrie brought out his paternal instincts… Instincts he never thought he had, or even wanted to have until that little brown-eyed beauty stole his heart by wrapping him around her little finger. He really thought that Caroline was ready to move forward with her life, that she had grieved for her deceased husband long enough. Now, he realized that she may never be ready to move beyond her mourning.

Seagulls screeched at each other over head, the sound being the perfect accompaniment to the steady rhythm of the waves. A breeze blew lightly across his face and arms, ruffling his curly hair. He took a few deep cleansing breaths, allowing his thoughts to continue drifting back to Caroline Marks. He had no idea why she had accused him of having sex with her while she was intoxicated. He thought he had let her know that he cared about her, and would never do anything to harm her in any way. Could he continue to have a relationship with a woman who didn’t trust him? Did he even want to continue it when doing so might mean he would never be the most important man in her life? Could he live with the fact that he might always be in second place? 

He lifted his head up, staring across the stretch of sand between the park bench and the water. He glanced to his right, noting how the waves crashed against the rocky shore. They pounded relentlessly, spraying salt water into the air with each splashing wave, losing a little bit of themselves each time. Was he the water and Caroline the rocky landscape? Was he wasting his time trying to move a solid rock when all that was accomplished was losing some of his integrity in the futile repetitive attempts? 

Closing his eyes for a moment, he turned his head to the left. He opened them once more and there, in the hazy distance, he could see the Santa Monica Pier. He recalled the last trip he had made to that spot, the laughing families, children squealing and playing in the sand beside the large structure. He had stood on the wooden planks and watched a young couple with their two children taking pictures and laughing as the kids played in the sand. The younger child was a girl, a little younger than Corrie, who was struggling to walk across the sand trying to keep up with her older brother. Was that what he was doing? Was he struggling to navigate the sinking sands of a romantic relationship, trying to catch up with Corey Marks, but only able to walk in the other man’s shadow?

“Damn it,” he mumbled out loud. Why couldn’t he just have a normal relationship for once in his life? All he wanted was the chance to prove his worth to a woman who would allow him to love her without the memory of someone better hanging over their heads?

His thoughts turned to Roy and Joanne DeSoto. He had always assumed they had the perfect marriage, but now he was questioning that thought. He had seen Roy with another woman, and while that in itself wasn’t a crime, it did seem suspicious. Maybe their marriage wasn’t so perfect after all, but at least Roy had someone to go home to at the end of the shift. He had his family, his wife and kids. Who did Chet have waiting on him at the end of the shift? For a few precious weeks, he had been blessed to have Caroline and Corrie.   
Now, he felt like he had no one.

He watched as a couple of surfers in shiny black wetsuits, carried their boards into the water, and paddled out in search of the perfect wave to bring them back to shore. It was a lot of work for just a few minutes of fun, but they all said that it was worth the effort. Why did he feel as if he were paddling out into a vast sea of nothingness, with no way to return home? He had no problem with hard work; after all, being a fireman took a lot of strength, both physically and mentally. He just wished that he could feel that sense of fulfillment the surfers spoke of after riding a big one in. Some relationships took more work than others and sometimes you got bruised along the way, but in the end, it was all worth it.   
He thought of his captain and the struggles he had been going through with his wife. She had loved him through it all, and now they were rebuilding their marriage. Even in his downtrodden state, he knew that Hank and Rebecca Stanley would come out of this struggle with a marriage that was stronger than it had been before the test. That’s what he wanted, a woman like Rebecca Stanley.

Realizing that he was still just as confused as ever, he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. He needed to make a decision about where he stood with Caroline. Did he want to risk everything… and lose? Or did he want to protect himself, risk nothing, and miss the opportunity for his happily ever after? He had asked her to leave his apartment, essentially shutting her out of his life. That meant, the next move was his to make…. The problem was, he really didn’t know whether he wanted to make another move or just allow what they once had to simply fade away like the receding surf separating itself from the shoreline. That’s really what this was all about. He had drawn a line in the sand between them… Now, he had to step across that line, or turn and walk away forever.

E!

“Where did he go?” Caroline asked of no one in particular.

“Um, I dunno. He was just here,” Johnny spoke up, still wiping his pant leg with a damp paper towel trying to remove the last of the sticky peanut butter mess. 

Joanne stepped just outside the door, and noticed that his van was no longer where it had been parked. She also noted a couple of Caroline's neighbor's eyeing her suspiciously.

"Oh, Corrie panicked for a moment. Everything's fine," she offered with a smile, glad that they seemed to understand. She watched them return to their own apartments before walking back inside.

“His van is gone, so I guess he left. Did he say where he was going?” She asked Caroline.

The young woman shook her head sadly. “Our talk didn’t go well,” she mumbled.

Joanne cut her eyes at Johnny as if to say ‘I told you so.’ Johnny arched an eyebrow at her. Obviously, they did not agree on what had happened the previous night. 

“I wanna ‘nana, peas.”

Joanne and Caroline both smiled at Corrie, the excitement having caused them to forget that the child still had not eaten. 

“Come on, sweetheart,” Caroline said, walking into the kitchen and pulling a banana out of the fruit bowl. She peeled it for her daughter, handing her half of it. “Eat that and then I’ll give you the rest, okay?”

“’Kay,” the little girl piped up, grinning, her peanut butter trauma already forgotten.

Joanne looked at her friend, hating to leave her in her current state. “Would you like for me to stay a while longer? I really don’t mind. Roy has the kids, so I’ve got all day.”  
Caroline gave her a weak smile. “I appreciate the offer, but I really think I’d like to be alone now. Corrie and I will be fine.”

“Just hide the peanut butter, a’right?” Johnny said, trying to lighten the dark mood. He was relieved when the two women smiled at his comment. “Okay, well, I guess I’ll be heading out, too,” he said, walking towards the door. “Bye, Corrie,” he called out with a wave.

“Bye-bye,” she said, smacking on her banana.

Joanne kissed the little girl on the top of the head. “Jo-Jo’s going to go now, too. You come back to my house and play with Jennifer any time you want to, okay?”

Caroline knew the comment was aimed at her more so than her daughter. It was Joanne’s way of saying that she would babysit any time Caroline needed her to. “Thank you… for everything. I-I really mean it,” she said softly to her friend, her eyes downcast.

“I’m here for you, Caroline. Any time, day or night.” She wrapped her younger friend in a hug and whispered into her ear. “You're not alone; you've got friends.” She then gave Caroline one last look, ensuring herself that the young mother was okay, and walked out of the apartment. 

Caroline closed the door, leaning her sore back against it, fighting to dam up the tears that she refused to shed in front of her daughter. “I’ve always been alone, Joanne. Until my little girl came along, I was always alone,” she whispered to herself.

E!

Roy needed to change the oil in Joanne’s car, but finding a chance to do that had been difficult since she had begun working. This would have been the perfect day to do it, if she had returned home as promised. Now, he stood before the washing machine, stuffing a load of towels into the basin. He scooped out enough Cheer powder for the size of the load and started the cycle. He looked down at the blanket on the floor of the laundry room, the one he had brought inside, that had the man's footprint on it. Part of him wanted to wash it and pretend that nothing had happened, but the married man in him wanted to face the problem with a fist in the face of the man who had intruded on his happy family. The only problem was that he had no idea who the mystery man might be. He kicked the soiled blanket into the corner then stormed out of the room just as he heard the front door opening.  
Joanne turned the knob on her front door and stepped inside. She had expected to be greeted by her husband and children, but instead, the house was relatively quiet. 

“Roy?” She called out to her husband, dropping her purse and keys on the table in the foyer.

He gritted his teeth, walking into the hallway and closing the laundry room door behind him. He felt the sarcastic comment forming in his throat and was unable to stop his vocal chords from doing their job.

“So… How was work?”

“Ugh,” she sighed, pulling open the refrigerator door looking for some cold soda. She found a quart sized green glass Coca-Cola bottle. She reached into the dish drain, pulling out a pale blue Tupperware tumbler, and began pouring the fizzing liquid. While waiting for the foam to settle, she spoke up. “After you wouldn’t go talk to Chet, Johnny came in the shop and I talked to him for a little while. He went over to, uh, address the issue.” The bubbles receded and she finished filling the tumbler with Coke.

“Johnny? In a flower shop?” Roy almost started laughing at the absurdity of the idea. “He doesn’t even have a girlfriend, so what was my partner doing in Bloomers on his day off?” He felt the heat rising up from his chest. She was going to get tangled in her own web of lies, and he was prepared to pounce.

“I don’t know,” she began, gulping down several swallows of the refreshing drink before continuing. “My conversation with him made him leave before he placed his order,” she grumbled. “Iris was nice about it all, though. I mean, I cost her a customer and she didn’t make a big deal out of it.” Joanne smiled, turning around only to see Roy standing directly behind her.

Roy was only half listening to Joanne's explanation. The more she talked, the angrier he felt because from what he could tell, she didn't feel the least bit remorseful for what she had done. He inched up behind her, waiting for her to turn around. He wanted to look her in the eyes when he asked the question. 

"Who is he?” He whispered harshly.

Joanne moved back a couple of steps, startled by her husband’s voice and attitude. “Uh, who’s who?”

“Mommy!” Jennifer called out, sailing into her mother’s midsection.

“Wow, what a welcome home,” she grinned, running her hand along the length of her daughter’s golden hair. When Jennifer didn’t release her arms from around Joanne’s waist, she became alarmed. “Jen? Honey, what’s wrong?”

Roy rolled his eyes. He knew what was coming and certainly didn’t want to be present for the tongue-lashing he knew was coming. He decided that a preemptive strike might be his best strategy. 

“Look, I was pushing Jennifer on the tire swing and I got a little carried away and pushed her too high. She got scared… I-I didn’t mean to do it, right Princess?” He asked, running a hand through his thinning auburn hair.

“Jennifer,” Joanne spoke softly, pulling the child away from her and looking into the sad blue eyes. “Daddy didn’t mean to frighten you,” she offered, not allowing the little girl to see the glare she tossed over to Roy.

“But, I-I asked him to stop and he wouldn’t. I’m mad at him.”

Roy saw the look his wife gave him and, again, shook his head with a sarcastic smile. “I was thinking about something and just didn’t hear her, okay. Look, I’m sorry.” He looked down at his little girl once more. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

Joanne took a step closer to her husband, Jennifer still clinging to her hip. “Really? And what could be more important than taking care of our daughter?”

Roy felt his nostrils flair with anger. Had Jennifer not been present, he didn’t know what venom may have spewed from his mouth, aimed directly at Joanne. He certainly could have thrown her question right back at her, but this was not the time or place for a confrontation, not in the presence of their younger child. 

In a deep throaty voice spoken through clenched teeth, he spat out the only thing he could say at the moment. He had traumatized Jennifer enough on this day. “I’ve got errands… Now that you’re FINALLY home.”

Joanne closed her eyes, one hand still wrapped protectively around Jennifer. “Fine.”

Roy pulled his keys out of his front pocket. “Chris is still at his sleep over. He should be home within the hour.”

“And when will you be home?” Joanne shot back, unsure how their conversation had taken such a drastic turn in only a few short minutes.

Roy ignored the question. He had no idea where he might be going and even if he did, he wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of knowing when he would be back home. He was a grown man, after all. He would make his own decisions, and set his own curfew.

E!

Chet walked over to a street vendor and paid for a hotdog and Sprite. He didn’t want to add caffeine to what was sure to be a sleepless night. He had to return to the station tomorrow and knew he needed to be as alert as possible. He sat in his van with the windows rolled down, enjoying the late afternoon breeze while he ate his food. When he finished, he noticed that several people were beginning to leave the beach, the sun was falling closer to the horizon where it would soon appear to sink into the Pacific Ocean. He felt his own heart sinking and knew that he had put off the inevitable long enough. 

Cranking up the van, he blew out his breath and ran his fingers through his curly hair. He had made a decision, and before he went back on shift, he needed to talk to Caroline.

E!

Caroline sat with her back in the corner of her sofa with her legs stretched out towards the opposite end, Corrie snuggled up next to her. She was reading her daughter a new story in the Mother Goose Storybook she had bought a few days earlier. Corrie listened intently, staring at the beautiful princess in the purple and lavender ball gown. A knock on the front door made both of them look up.

Caroline drew her eyebrows together; she wasn’t expecting company.

“Mizzer Phet?” Corrie asked.

“I-I don’t know. Sit right here for me, okay?” Caroline winced as she stood up, heading quickly to the door. Opening it, she was taken aback by the man standing on the other side.

“Chet… Won’t you come in?” She invited with a smile.

“Um, I-I really can’t. I’ve got shift tomorrow and I, uh, I have a lot of things to get done first,” he said shifting from one foot to the other. He stuffed both hands into his front pockets, nervously, then looked up. “I just needed to say that, I…,” he began before a squeal interrupted him.

“Mizzer Phet!” 

Big brown eyes peeked out from behind her mother’s left thigh.

“Hi there, ladybug,” Chet said, squatting down so that he was eye to eye with the child. He was nearly knocked onto his behind by the force of the pudgy arms wrapping around his neck, climbing into his embrace. 

Chet wrapped both arms around the child, lifting her up while inhaling the scent of her shampoo mixed with the apple sauce on her breath. “You came to pway wiff me?”  
Chet stood up to his full height, tear-filled eyes meeting those of Caroline. “No, ladybug. No, Mr. Chet can’t play today,” he explained softly, rubbing soothing circles on the little girl’s back. He looked over her shoulder at Caroline, who stood with tears streaming down her face.

“Chet… Please, I really need to talk to you about all this,” she began, her breath hitching.

“I… I can’t, Caroline. I just can’t be…”

“No,” she cried out. “Please, please Chet… Please just hear what I’ve got to say? You don’t know the truth about my marriage. I-I haven’t been totally honest with you and… And I want to make it right. I,” she sniffled, wiping her eyes with her sleeve, glad that Corrie was resting her head on Chet’s shoulder and unable to see her crying. “I know I don’t deserve another chance, but… Please, at least let me tell you everything before you walk away from me…,” her eyes shifted to her daughter still in his strong arms. “From us.”

Chet struggled with his emotions, the tingling in the back of his throat feeling like it was going to strangle him. He swallowed a few times, sniffling before he looked back down at her. “I… I don’t know if I can,” he whispered, the words nearly choking him.

“What you said to me in your apartment earlier today was…. It’s been ringing in my ears since you left. You think that I’m still in love with Corey, but…,” she coughed a little. “Ahem, the truth is… I’m not… And, I never was,” her voice faded away.

“He was your husband, Caroline. He’s her father,” he stated cutting his eyes quickly at the little girl in his arms, sounding perplexed. 

“I know. That’s the part I want to talk to you about…when you have time.”

Chet was silent for a few moments as he gently swayed from side to side with the child relaxing in his arms. This was not what he had planned. He had wanted to simply say goodbye, but now he stood here, his heart aching more than it had all day. Slowly, he nodded his head in agreement. He needed to hear her out, or he might spend the rest of his life wondering what might have been.

“When my shift is over…,” he cut his eyes down at the limp little girl, now asleep on his shoulder. “We’ll talk then. Um, is she ready for bed?”

Caroline could only nod her head affirmatively, her sparkling eyes watery with tears. She stood back, watching as Chet walked inside, heading straight for Corrie’s bedroom. She stood in the doorway as he laid her down, tucking her beneath the covers, and kissed her lightly on the forehead. Caroline allowed the burning tears to sting her cheeks when she saw him stand up again, and step closer to her. More than anything, she wanted to feel his arms wrap around her, his lips pressing firmly against her own. Instead, he walked back down the hallway and out the door. Caroline slowly staggered down the short corridor, wiping her face with her hands. She made sure that the door was locked, then returned to her own bedroom. She had to make things right when he returned off shift. She couldn’t let him walk out of her life. She needed him, as did Corrie. Now, she had to convince Chet Kelly that he needed them, too.

E!

Roy stopped at the auto parts store, and picked up the supplies he needed to service Joanne’s car. Then he drove around trying to find a place to hang out for a few hours. He needed time away from Joanne and what she represented in his life. He thought about a place he hadn’t been in years, a place he and a few Army buddies used to frequent right after they were discharged. It was in a seedy part of town, but it was definitely what he needed to remove the bitterness from his being. Twenty minutes later, he pulled into the parking lot of the establishment, marveling at how little the place had changed in the last decade. He saw a couple of men walking through the dark brown door, noticing the cigarette smoke snaking out as the door quickly closed. He made his way into the building, looking around for a vacant table near the front. The lights were flashing and the music was blaring, but it wasn’t the music, the lights, or even the liquor that brought him here on this afternoon. He was here for the entertainment.

Across the room, unnoticed by Roy as he ordered his drink, dark eyes were scanning the interior looking for a certain elusive beauty. The man kept himself in the shadows, watching the waitresses and the dancers, waiting for the shift change. He had learned to time his visits for maximum exposure. That’s when Marco saw him. Roy DeSoto had walked into the club. The lineman didn’t want to be seen by his friend, and assumed the same could be said of Roy. After all, why would a happily married man be seeking this type of entertainment? The dark-haired man slumped down slightly in his corner seat, praying that he wouldn’t be recognized by his crew mate. He continued scanning the room as the next shift of dancers took to the stage. She wasn’t among them, but Marco didn’t know whether to rejoice or curse. As always, he would have to wait for the next shift of waitresses, and if she wasn’t among them, he would make a quick exit. He had vowed to find her, and Marco Lopez was a man of his word.

E!

A/N: The scene with the peanut butter sandwich stuck to the roof of Corrie’s mouth was based on a similar event that happened to a friend’s granddaughter. The poor scared little girl was running around the house screaming with her mother chasing her – and laughing!


	11. chapter 11

A/N: Thank you to those who are still reading this saga. A few readers have chosen to discontinue following due to the characterizations I have placed our favorite firefighters in and I respect that. However, to those who remain, I thank you for your continued support. The series is called “House Divided” so there will be controversy in each story. Thank you for understanding.

Warning: language

Chapter 11

Roy returned home after dark, knowing he was in for a severe tongue-lashing from his wife. He also knew that he deserved at least part of it. However, he felt partially justified in his actions. If Joanne was cheating on him, then why couldn’t he enjoy a few hours of relaxation in the presence of pretty young women dancing on a stage? At least they were off limits - after all, there was no touching. He slipped his key into the lock on the front door and tried to enter quietly.

The foyer was dark; the only sound to be heard was the ticking of the clock in the living room. He closed and locked the door, then began his assent up the stairs. With any luck, Joanne would be asleep.

He slowly turned the door knob, gaining entrance to their bedroom. The street light outside the window beside their bed cast just enough glow across it that he could see her form beneath the covers. She was facing the wall, which was not the way she normally slept. If she wasn’t asleep, then she was shunning him.

He crept quietly across the carpeted floor, toeing off his shoes as he stepped inside their bathroom. He removed his clothing and prepared to take a shower to rid himself of the rancid cigarette smoke. He stepped beneath the warm spray and quickly shampooed his hair and soaped up his body. After a thorough rinsing, he stepped out into the cold air and quickly dried himself off. 

“Shit,” he cursed softly. He had forgotten to get his t-shirt and boxers before entering the bathroom. He continued with his nightly ritual, brushing his teeth and combing his damp hair. He turned off the bathroom light before stepping back into the bedroom. He certainly didn’t want the light to disturb her if she was sleeping. A silent Joanne was preferable to an angry one. 

Quietly, he stepped over to the dresser to get the clothing he would need for sleeping. 

“Don’t even think about it,” Joanne spat out, noting that he was standing naked near her side of the bed.

Roy rolled his eyes, glad the lights were off, then quickly clothed himself for bed. “Wouldn’t dream of it,” he shot back, reaching for the covers.

“I don’t know where the hell you’ve been, but you smelled like a smoke stack when you walked in here.” Joanne never moved. In fact, she was so angry that she had actually enjoyed listening to him tip-toeing around their bedroom trying to be quiet. She knew that he thought she was asleep, but she just had to make sure he knew she had been awake the entire time. She wished she could have seen the look on his face when she spoke up, letting him know that all his careful efforts were in vain.

Roy understood her comment completely. She had been toying with him, pretending to be asleep so that he would make the extra effort to be quiet. He reached down, gripping the covers firmly, then snatched them quickly to the foot of the bed, exposing her to the coolness of the room. If she was going to play games and aggravate him, then he would reciprocate. 

“Ugh,” she grunted softly. “You’re behaving like a child, Roy,” she grumbled, sitting up and pulling the covers back up around her shoulders once more. 

“Well, better to behave like a child than a…” No, he wouldn’t say what he was thinking. The derogatory word was on the tip of his tongue. It was all he had thought about all afternoon, but he refused to stoop so low as to actually verbalize it. He briefly considered heading to the guest room, but chose to climb into bed with his back to hers. He had as much right to sleep in his own bed as she did.

Joanne waited for him to finish his statement, but when he didn’t she decided to pursue it. “Than a what?”

“Huh?” He groaned.

“Better to behave like a child than a…what?” She repeated. She honestly had no idea what he was thinking.

“Nothing, Jo. Just go to sleep,” he huffed, shifting his position seeking a bit of comfort. He needed to be rested for his shift tomorrow.

Joanne sat up, clicking on the lamp on her nightstand. “Oh no, you don’t! You started this, now finish it,” she spat out angrily, arms crossed over her chest as she stared at his back.  
“Fine, I’m behaving like a child. There, are you satisfied?” He asked sarcastically.

“No… I want to know what you were gonna call me. Don’t leave something like that dangling out there and then not finish it,” she said, her green eyes boring holes into the back of his head.

“From what I hear, there are a lot of things DANGLING OUT around here,” he emphasized, hoping she would understand the sexual connotation of his remark.

“Just what’s that supposed to mean? You’re drunk, aren’t you?”

“Nope, only had two beers over the last five hours or so. I’m stone cold sober. Besides, it’s illegal for a CHILD to drink,” he smirked. He had found a way to throw her words right back at her. 

“Oohhhhgggrrrraaww,” she growled. “Please tell me what I did to piss you off so badly, Roy. Obviously, you’re really mad at me, and I haven’t the slightest idea why. Is it because I asked you to talk to Chet?”

“Nope.”

Joanne turned slightly towards him, still unable to see his face. “Then what? Everything was fine when I left for work, so what happened between when I left and when I got back home?”

Roy rolled over so he could glare at her. “Well, now, seems I could ask you the same question about what went on around here during my last shift!”

“What do you mean?” She asked, sincerely perplexed.

Roy exhaled loudly. He had been married long enough to know that when Joanne had something on her mind, she was not going to let it go. He sat up, cutting his blue eyes in her direction. 

“You’re like a dog with a bone, aren’t you?” He cringed inwardly as he thought of the double meaning of what he had just said.

“I don’t give up easily, if that’s what you mean?” She said through gritted teeth. Then her eyes widened. “Oh, so you were gonna call me a bitch, huh?”

Roy almost told her that he had a different word in mind to describe her, then thought better of it. After all, the word she used was actually nicer than the one he had been thinking of. “Jo… I’m tired and I need to get some sleep. I go back on shift tomorrow. Now just let it go,” he said, making a cutting motion with his left hand aimed in her direction.

“You went to a bar, didn’t you?” Joanne asked, refusing to relinquish the conversation. “One of those with strippers or go-go dancers, right?”

Roy ran a hand through his thinning hair, leaving a tuft standing up in the back. “So what if I did?”

“You have a family, Roy. You should’ve been here with us.”

Roy’s fuse had just been ignited and he knew he needed to make an exit before he exploded. Throwing the covers off his legs, he stood up and headed for their bedroom door.

“Don’t walk out on this conversation,” she ordered, knowing she was pushing his buttons, but finding herself powerless to stop.

Roy spun around, pointing his index finger in her direction. “Don’t you DARE tell me what I can, or can’t do! I KNOW I have a family. I KNOW I’m married…” He took a step back away from her and closer to the door. “I,” he began, his voice shaking as he turned his index finger away from Joanne and pointed it at himself. “I haven’t forgotten… my vows,” he said, his chest heaving with emotions. “I… I haven’t neglected… our babies for some…,” he tried to continue, but found his voice fading. “Damn it!” He turned, stepping out of their bedroom, heading downstairs for the guest bedroom. 

Joanne sat stunned in their bed. Up to this point, she had considered their marriage to be as close to perfect as any marriage in the world. They had always loved each other and had a very stable relationship. The only thing that might be considered rocky was Roy’s relationship with her mother. She closed her eyes, fighting back the tears of shame for her own behavior and hurt from the things her husband had said. She couldn’t believe what she had just heard. She repeated the entire conversation over and over in her head, but she still had no idea what he meant. Had she somehow neglected her children because of her job? Did she break her marriage vows by going to work? She didn’t think so. Yet, Roy was obviously much more upset than she had originally thought. She wanted to chase after him, wanted to set the record straight. However, she also knew that his life, and the lives of many others, might depend on him being at his best the next day. She had learned a long time ago, never to say or do anything that might jeopardize his rest. This conversation would simply have to wait until he returned from the station. 

Slowly, she sank back down in the bed, her tears spilling over, burning her cheeks. Never had she seen this side of Roy. Truthfully, it frightened her. She lay, silently sobbing as she stared at the dark ceiling, until sleep finally claimed her about an hour before sunrise. She had just fallen asleep when Roy began stirring around getting ready for his shift. This time, she wasn’t pretending to be asleep, she really was, and she never heard him leave… and never thought about correcting her telephone call with him about Chet. As far as Roy knew, Chet really had hurt Caroline.

Roy closed the door to his house, walking down the sidewalk to his car. He had never left Joanne to go on shift without saying goodbye and telling her that he loved her. It was something they had agreed on years earlier, knowing that each time he left, he might not ever return. It wasn’t something he liked to think about, but they both knew it was a possibility. He stood at the driver’s side door of his car, contemplating going back inside and apologizing for his behavior. Then he thought of the soiled blanket he had left in the laundry room, and of the scene their young daughter had obviously witnessed. He was grateful that she was too young to understand exactly what she had seen. Now, he wished his mind would prevent him from seeing it over and over again. 

He looked up and down the street, wondering if one of their neighbor’s might be the unknown man. Was he being watched now? Leaving for a twenty-four hour shift would give his wife and her lover plenty of time for a clandestine meeting. Tossing his duffel bag into the passenger’s seat, he jumped in and cranked up his car. He had to rid his mind of the image that Jennifer had unknowingly seared into his memory. As he drove down the street, he forced his mind to think of anything other than what was happening in his home.  
He looked at his watch, realizing that he had plenty of time for breakfast. He flipped on his blinker and turned into the familiar parking lot. He always enjoyed his breakfast at The Pourhouse, and today he could use the company of the friendly waitresses.

E!

Chet walked slowly down the stairs at his apartment complex. His blue eyes found their way to Caroline’s door, tugging at his heart. What was it that she had to tell him? He had spent most of the previous night wondering what it might be, waking up already tired. He hoped this shift would be a slow one, then realized that would only give him more time to contemplate his situation. He continued on his way to his van, tossing his bag into the passenger’s seat and cranking it up. With one final glance at her door, he drove away. 

E!

Marco slammed his hand down on his alarm clock, not realizing that he had already hit the snooze button a few times. He had stayed out until well after midnight, and now he was going to be paying the price for it. He forced his sticky eyelids open, then shot out of bed like a bullet. He had not been late to work in years, but depending on traffic, that streak could end today. 

Quickly, he jumped into the shower, then gave himself a quick shave. He finger-combed his dark hair before dressing in his uniform. Normally, he would have changed at the station, but he had so little time on this particular morning that he decided to go ahead and dress at home. He grabbed his duffel bag with his extra clothing in it, then grabbed an apple on his way out the door. He hoped that someone had thought to cook breakfast at the station. If not, he just prayed that they would have a slow morning so he could prepare something to eat there. He backed out of his parking space, then pulled out onto the street. He silently rejoiced that today was Sunday, making the streets a little less crowded than they would have been on a weekday. 

Yawning, he finally reached his destination and turned into the back parking lot. He stepped out of his car just as a streak of white made the left hand turn. He waited for Johnny to get out of his Rover, both men looking around the back lot curiously.

“My partner’s always late, but not yours,” Marco stated.

“Yea, I dunno where he could be,” Johnny replied, shouldering his duffel bag and walking with Marco into the station. Mike and Hank were already present, but the apparatus bay was empty. “Hope whatever they’re out on isn’t too bad,” he commented, nodding his head in the direction of the bay as he made his way into the locker room. 

“Want some breakfast, John?” Marco asked.

Johnny allowed his usual half-grin to spread across his face. “If you’re cooking, then you bet I do!” He chuckled, as the locker room door swung closed behind him and he began untucking his shirt.

E!

Roy snapped the lid down on his coffee cup, appreciating the fact that Gretchen had thought to serve him with a to-go cup so he wouldn’t be late getting to work. He paid for his meal, leaving a generous tip for the young waitress. Amy’s section had been full on this particular morning, but he really didn’t mind. He had found the young woman to be interesting when he gave her a ride home a few days ago. 

“What time do you get off shift?”

“Oh, I’ve gotta work until ten this morning,” she groaned, blowing her bangs out of her face.

Roy could tell she was tired and wished he was in a position to give her another ride home. “Sorry, Johnny and I are both working today. If we weren’t then, I’d be glad to take you home. You look tired,” he smiled.

“That’s very thoughtful of you,” she blushed, wiping down the table with the cloth she had on her shoulder. She thought about what Amy had told her the first day the two paramedics had eaten breakfast in The Pourhouse after she began working there. She had found that both of them had been just as nice as Amy had told her. She flashed Roy a toothy grin, catching his eyes before he turned to walk away. “But, if you decide to eat breakfast here tomorrow, then I could certainly use a ride then,” she stated, raising her eyebrows hopefully. “I’ve gotta work a split shift plus my own, so I’ve got a quick turnaround today. I’ll be dead on my feet tomorrow.”

Roy smiled, unable to control the slight blush he felt tinting his face and ears. “When we’re on shift, we never know what might happen.” He certainly didn’t want to commit to anything. He was married, as Joanne had reminded him, albeit unnecessarily, and the position he found himself in at the moment was making him a bit uncomfortable. While he wasn’t doing anything nearly as bad as committing adultery, he realized he was treading on thin ice. He nodded to Gretchen as he walked out the door. He walked over to his car, slamming the door shut as he cranked it up, and headed for 223rd Street to start his shift.

E!

Chet pulled to a stop at a traffic light and looked down at his watch again, noting how close he was cutting it on the time. “Shit, I can’t be late again, or Cap will hang me from the hose tower.” Just as he looked back up, he noticed a familiar gold Porsche backing out of a parking space at the local diner. He knew it was Roy, and his mind took him straight back to what he had seen a couple of days ago. His blue eyes opened wide as he made the connection between the woman, whose hand he saw Roy holding, and the local diner. The waitress uniform was the same one that The Pourhouse waitresses always wore. Obviously, Roy was seeing one of the waitresses from the local diner. Chet smirked as he made the turn onto 223rd Street. Joanne was so busy accusing him of something unthinkable that she didn’t even know her own husband was messing around with another woman. For a split second, he thought that maybe Joanne deserved it. However, just as quickly as that thought entered his mind, it once again faded. No one deserved to be treated like that, no matter what she had done. 

Chet pulled into his usual parking spot, exiting his van and slamming the door harder than was necessary. He was still upset over the outcome of his date with Caroline. He knew that Marco and Mike would likely want to know all the details and he was in no mood to rehash it. He knew that Joanne had shared her version of events with Roy. He just hoped the senior paramedic would keep his mouth shut until Johnny had a chance to explain what had really happened that night. Chet was in no mood for a lecture from Roy DeSoto, especially since he knew what Roy was hiding.

E!

Hank smelled the distinct scent of bacon and eggs wafting through the bay. He glanced at his watch and noted that it was only five minutes until roll call. He pushed his chair back, determined to make sure his men knew to eat quickly so they wouldn’t be late for roll call. His long strides covered the distance between the Captain’s Office and the kitchen in record time. Pushing his way through the door, he was surprised to find only three members of his crew present.

“Whoever cooked that, it smells delicious, but don’t be late for roll call. Five minutes, fellas… And where’s Roy and Chet?” 

Johnny didn’t bother to swallow his mouthful of eggs before commenting. “Dunno, but at least we don’t have latrines, right?”

Hank rolled his eyes, grabbing a piece of bacon before answering his junior paramedic. “Well,” he bit off half the bacon strip. “Lopez and Stoker won’t, but whether or not you do, all depends on how badly you piss me off in the next five minutes.” He grinned at the stunned look Johnny gave him, seeing his other two crew members laughing out of the corner of his eye.

“Could be worse, Gage. C-shift is still out, so he could have you hanging hoses,” Mike chuckled.

“By yourself,” Marco added, knowing that that particular job was a two-man assignment.

Johnny cut his eyes at both men, then looked back down at what was left of his breakfast. He picked up the last bite of bacon before looking back at his crew mates, worry carving a line above his arched eyebrow. “He wouldn’t really do that… Would he?”

“Twit,” Hank chuckled to himself as he returned to his office, hearing two vehicles turning into the back parking lot. Five minutes later, he stood in the empty apparatus bay in front of three of his men, wondering when the other two might join them.

Chet rushed out of the locker room, still tucking his shirt tail in, but determined not to be the last man to roll call. A despicable smirk parked itself beneath his bushy mustache as he straightened up to his full height and waited for Roy to join them. They had both been in too much of a hurry to do more than nod at each other in the locker room. If Roy made a comment about Chet’s date, the lineman would be ready with a comeback of his own about Roy’s secret.

Hank looked at his watch, then at the locker room door just as it opened and a red-faced Roy emerged. 

Roy hustled to the line at the opposite end from Chet, figuring the Irishman might have some smart-aleck comment about Joanne interfering in his life. Even though he was angry at her, he still felt very protective and would not allow someone to speak negatively of her; he might say something against her, but he wouldn’t stand by and let anyone else do it. He thought about what Joanne had told him Chet had done, and wondered if the young man was capable of such an act.

“Well…,” Hank began, pausing for added effect. He eyeballed Roy to his left, then swept his eyes across the three who were on time – Marco, Johnny, and Mike – ending his gaze by locking his eyes on his younger lineman. “Glad you two could join the rest of us here, today.”

“Sorry, Cap.”

“Yea, sorry,” Chet piped up, not wanting Roy to be the only one who apologized for his tardiness.

Hank looked back down at his clipboard. There was a memo on top asking all captains to remind their crew about off duty conduct. “Gentleman, I’m being asked by Headquarters to remind you that your off duty conduct should never reflect negatively on the department.” Before he continued, a snort echoed from the group. Hank shot his hazel eyes up to see Marco and Johnny glancing in Roy’s direction. He did not see the eye roll Chet made after hearing Roy’s response. Hank chose to ignore the remark, for the moment, and returned to the task at hand. “Ahem, anyway, it seems that someone decided to go watch his kid’s baseball game while wearing one of our county fire department t-shirts, then proceeded to heckle the referee. The heckling turned into a free-for-all after the game, leaving the unnamed man on suspension without pay.”

Roy, being the only subordinate in the line-up with children, simply shook his head. He couldn’t imagine how anyone could do something to embarrass his family and the department. He looked back as his superior walked down to the end of the line, facing him directly. Roy already knew what his chore assignment would be. “Alright, Roy and John, I’ve got some fire inspections for you to do today at a few of the local eating establishments. Make sure…”

“Better warn the waitresses,” Chet grumbled a little louder than he had intended. He didn’t see the glare that his engineer gave him, nor the arched eyebrow of Johnny. 

“Care to repeat that comment, Kelly?” Hank asked, growing more and more perturbed at the attitudes he was seeing in the line-up.

“Uh, no… no sir.”

“Very well, then I’ll take back the floor, if you don’t mind. I am still the captain of this shift.”

“And we’re glad you’re back here with us,” Johnny said, wondering what he had done to cause Chet to insult him.

“Thank you, John. I’m really…”

Roy heard Chet’s earlier comment, also assuming it was aimed at Johnny. As the conversation between his partner and their captain began, he leaned his upper torso over and looked down the row at Chet. “At least Johnny wouldn’t make a move without an invitation,” he shot back. 

Four sets of stunned eyes opened wide at the brazen comment.

Chet leaned out of line far enough to see the man who had just insulted him. “I wasn’t talking about Johnny.”

Hank felt his anger beginning to swell within him. He was losing control of his men and he had no idea why. The behavior he was seeing would not have shocked him if it had involved Chet and John, but it was Chet and Roy who were engaging in a verbal sparring match at the moment.

“Oh, so you, of all people, are saying that women shouldn’t be around me? Ha!” Roy scoffed.

“Fellas, drop this nonsense now,” Hank warned.

“Roy, you better tell your wife to stay outta my personal life, or…”

“Hold it!” Hank said raising both hands.

“You leave my wife outta this,” the older paramedic warned, incensed by what he had just heard.

“Well, seems you’ve been the one leaving her out,” Chet called out, having no idea of the direction Roy’s mind would take at that comment.

Roy felt as if he were about to have an out-of-body experience, blowing up at Chet Kelly. He raised his index finger and pointed it at the shorter man at the end of the line. “How the hell did you...?” Roy questioned, assuming Chet had somehow found out about his amorous inability of late and possibly Joanne’s perceived unfaithfulness.

“Cause I saw it.”

Marco knew that Roy was at the boiling point. He took a step closer to the fuming man, raising his palm and placing it against Roy’s chest. Mike had the same idea about the man to his left and assumed a blocking stance in front of Chet. Neither man wanted to see their crew split up over a fight, yet both feared that was where the conversation was quickly escalating towards. Johnny continued whipping his head from side to side following the words as if he were watching a tennis match, a stunned expression on his face. He kept trying to interject his own words, but was quickly cut off each time. That left him looking like a gasping fish out of water. 

Hank, however, was fed up. Using both hands, he slammed the clipboard down on the concrete floor, breaking the instrument and sending his pen skittering across the gray expanse, stopping when it reached the brick wall near the kitchen door. The loud sound of the clipboard meeting its demise echoed within the empty bay, silencing all parties.

“DeSoto, Kelly, in my office, NOW!” he demanded. “Lopez, you’ve got kitchen duty, Stoker, take the dorms, Gage has latrines,” he spouted off as he turned to follow his two men into his office.

“But, I wasn’t the last man here,” Johnny mumbled, still stunned by what he had just witnessed.

Hank had somehow managed to hear Johnny’s comment, even though his ears were pounding from his elevated blood pressure. “Because you need a haircut!” He tossed over his shoulder, too angry to think of anything else to say at the moment.

“Damn, guess you did manage to piss him off in only five minutes,” Mike commented, uncharacteristically. He wanted to somehow bring a sense of normalcy to a situation that was anything but normal. 

“What was that all about?” Marco questioned his two shift mates as they continued to stand around flabbergasted.

Johnny thought he understood most of it, but he wasn't about to divulge anything he knew to anyone. John Gage was a man of his word, and he had promised to keep what he knew to himself.

Hank charged into his office on the heels of Roy and Chet. He didn’t want to leave them alone with each other for any length of time. He slammed the door shut with enough force to rattle the pictures on the walls. Piercing hazel eyes stared at the two men, neither of whom was looking back. He deposited one hand on his narrow hips, using his other hand to point a finger at the men in front of him.

“Both of you look at me and don’t you dare say a word!”

Two sets of blue eyes looked up, simultaneously. 

“Sit!” He ordered through gritted teeth, and both men complied out of a combination of respect and fear.

Chet crossed his arms over his body, feeling the heat rising from his chest up around his neck. He could feel the veins in his temples throbbing and briefly wondered if he was about to have a stroke. 

Beside him, Roy slumped in his chair, propping one elbow on the arm, and strumming the fingers of his free hand along the opposite chair arm. He felt like a child in a school principal's office, then chided himself for the comparison; Joanne had referred to his behavior last night as childish.

Hank stared at the scene before him, wondering once more what might be going on with his senior paramedic. Captain Shep’s visit to him the previous week replayed in his memory. He allowed the silence to make his men even more uncomfortable as he paced in front of them. This was a dilemma he had never found himself in. He had mediated plenty of disagreements in his career, but never at 51’s. His crew had always been the epitome of professionalism, leaving him stumped as to what had gone so horribly wrong between the two men before him.

“I don’t know what the hell just happened out there,” Hank said in a raspy voice, pointing towards the apparatus bay. “But I’m damn sure gonna get to the bottom of it right now, or I’m sending both of you home on suspension without pay. The citizens of this great county do NOT pay us to jeopardize their lives because of some pissing contest among ourselves.” Hank had learned a long time ago to always count himself as one of the group while referring to the entire crew as one single unit. They had to remain a cohesive team at all costs, and he chose his words to reflect that idea at all times. “Now, I want to know what’s going on between the two of you and you better stay cool, calm, and collected while telling your story. Understood?”

“Yes, sir,” Roy stated, worriedly. He certainly couldn’t afford time off without pay, not with a young family to support.

“Yea, Cap. I got it,” Chet groaned.

Hank sat strategically on the corner of his desk, elevating his position both physically and mentally. “Alright then… Spill it.”

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: It took me a little longer to post this chapter because I’ve been on vacation. Thank you for your patience and I hope you enjoy this one.

Warning: language

Chapter 12

Chet watched as his captain’s black shoes walked past his field of vision, stopping at the edge of the wooden desk. He heard the command for the two of them to ‘spill it’ and wondered if Roy was going to throw him underneath the proverbial bus. He knew there was no way Roy was going to say anything about his new girlfriend from The Pourhouse. Chet still had no idea which waitress Roy might be seeing. The only sound he heard was his own breathing, and he knew they were both pushing their captain nearer and nearer to his breaking point.

“I’m waiting… but not for much longer,” Hank growled.

Roy shifted nervously in his seat when he heard his captain’s fire-filled voice giving them a second order to explain their behavior. He knew they were running out of time. He straightened up in his seat, clearing his throat. He couldn’t afford any time off without pay and assumed the same could be said for the angry lineman who sat next to him.

“Ahem, Cap, it’s really a private matter between the two of us,” he offered, knowing the older man would not accept that answer.

“Maybe it started out that way, but both of you made it public when you brought it with you to the station this morning. Now, I’m only going to say this one more time. Tell me what’s going on between the two of you, or I’ll go ahead and start the paperwork for the suspension of you both.” Hank really hoped he wouldn’t have to make good on his threat, but as a captain it was his duty and he would carry it out regardless of his personal preferences.

Chet exhaled loudly, not wanting to speak up and yet knowing that suspension wasn’t an option for either of them. His heart thudded inside his chest and he wondered if the other two men in the room could hear it. He tried to swallow, but his mouth was too dry to complete the task, and, for a moment, he thought he might choke on his tongue. Finally, he released his arms from across his chest and leaned forward. He would say as little as possible, still unable to look his superior in the eye.

“Um, Joanne and I kinda got crossed up yesterday,” the lineman mumbled.

“Crossed up?” Hank knitted his eyebrows together, looking back and forth at his men. He noted that the two of them did not look at each other, and Roy made no move to contradict what Chet had said.

“Uh, yes sir,” Chet confirmed.

Hank inhaled a cleansing breath. He hadn’t been given much to go on, but at least one of them was talking. He crossed his arms over his chest. “Alright... Roy?”

The paramedic continued looking down at his own feet. “Like he said, they got crossed up.”

“And is this, um, crossing up still on-going?” Hank’s patience was wearing thin.

“Johnny was gonna talk to her and clear it up. What she thinks happened didn’t happen. It could’ve happened, but it didn’t happen,” Chet tried to explain.

Hank rolled his eyes. Somehow hearing John’s name mentioned along with the confusing statement actually made sense to him. “Okay, and did John clear it up, or not? The two of you were about to come to blows and I will NOT have that kind of behavior happening on shift.”

“I, uh, haven’t had a chance to speak to him about it yet." Reluctantly, Chet looked to his right. "Did she say anything to you, Roy?”

“No, nothing other than when she called wanting me to talk to you about what you did,” Roy said in nearly a whisper.

“Didn’t do,” Chet corrected.

“For heaven’s sake, just spit it out. What the hell is this all about?” Hank ordered, his voice rising along with his blood pressure.

Chet gulped audibly. The heat of his embarrassment crawled up his chest, crossed his face and settled in beads of sweat along his forehead. He found himself unable to remain silent. “Joanne thinks I forced myself on Caroline. There, I said it. Are ya happy, DeSoto?”

Roy ran his hand through his thinning hair. Hearing Chet say it out loud made the accusation seem even more unlikely. He tried to swallow the lump he was feeling in his throat while shame colored his face. If Joanne was having an affair, the marital equivalent of lying, then perhaps she would lie about Chet, too. 

“No… No, not at all. I, um, I don’t really believe her anymore,” Roy said, his voice trailing off as he looked away from the upset lineman.

Chet couldn’t stop himself. He jumped up, both hands spread out at his sides, questioning what he was now hearing. “WHAT? How can you say that? You made me spill my guts to Cap about something so private and embarrassing and then you tell me you don't believe her? I don’t get it, man,” he argued, shaking his head.

“Sit back down, Chet,” Hank commanded, although his voice was much softer than it had been earlier.

Chet melted back into his assigned seat with a huff. He exasperatedly began running his hands through his curly dark hair, briefly locking his fingers behind his neck. He slammed his right hand back down on his thigh. “I don’t believe this,” he muttered to himself.

Roy felt as if his entire world was falling apart. His wife, the woman he had pledged to love for the rest of his life was apparently cheating on him. She had accused his shift mate, a man he had always considered a friend, of committing an atrocity that Roy knew he wouldn't commit. Now, he sat here in his captain's office, in a position of having to choose between Joanne's version of events and Chet's. He never thought he would end up taking sides against his wife, but that seemed to be what was happening. He had simply lost his faith in his beloved spouse.

“I’m sorry, Chet.”

The Irishman looked over to his right and noted the lost look on the paramedic’s face. He drew his eyebrows together in confusion. “Sorry?”

“Yes… I’m sorry for her accusations. I don't understand why Caroline hasn't just set the record straight, but that really isn't the point now." He allowed his somber gaze to drift over towards his silent captain. 

"And, I’m sorry for how I acted this morning.” Roy looked up at his superior, feeling the pressure of the hazel eyes staring at him. “I’ll sign the acknowledgement for my suspension, Cap. This was my fault, not his,” he stated remorsefully, jerking his head quickly in Chet’s direction.

“I see,” Hank said, standing. He stepped over to the filing cabinet, pulling open the top drawer. He thumbed through the folders in search of the form he had never used, and had never thought he would have to use with this particular crew. “In order to assure our citizens that they are being protected by a cohesive unit, I really have no choice but to do this, Roy. I have to know that all six of us can work together without anything hindering us and…”

“We can work together, Cap. Don’t do it. Don’t suspend him. If he can work with me, I can work with him,” Chet said hopefully, remembering how Roy had stood up for him during his own period of duress.

Hank looked over the open drawer at the two men. He paused, allowing each one to think about what the other had said. When neither spoke up, he addressed them both. “Roy, Chet, can you each assure me that you won’t let your personal issues affect your job performance?”

“Yes sir, Cap. I promise. I won’t bring it up again.” Roy’s blue eyes brightened slightly.

Chet looked at Roy, realizing how relieved the other man appeared. “Me, too. No problem working together. I won’t mention it again, either.”

Hank waited a moment then slammed the drawer shut. “Alright, as soon as the engine gets back, I want the two of you to hang hoses – together. Until then, I want you both finishing up the latrines for John. I want you to prove to me that you can work together before I allow you to stay for the entire shift. If I see or hear so much as a peep out of either of you, I’ll have you back in here. Understood?”

Both men agreed, and began to stand. 

“Chet, go ahead and take Johnny’s place, and send him in here. Roy, I want to talk to you alone for a moment.”

Chet gave Roy a brief glance before heading for the door. He wanted out of the office in the worst way, but couldn’t help wondering if his alleged poor conduct with Caroline was going to be the topic of conversation when he left. He closed the door behind him, walking across the empty bay heading for the latrine.

“Sit back down, Roy,” Hank began, watching for a reaction from his senior paramedic. “I’m worried about you. Something’s wrong; this isn’t like you. If you tell me what’s going on I might be able to help. Will you give me a chance?”

Roy sank down in the seat, not wanting to share his own private agony of betrayal with his captain. He once again stared at the floor, willing his aching heart to quiet its pounding inside his chest. “I’m sorry, Cap. It won’t happen again.”

Hank listened closely, both to what was said and what wasn’t said. “Roy,” he spoke, taking a seat at his desk, placing himself at eye level with his paramedic. “That wasn’t my question.”

Roy began picking at his fingernails, and brushing off his pristine navy blue pants. He busied himself to keep from having to meet the gaze of his officer. “It’s, um, it’s complicated.”

“You and Joanne?” Hank knew that only a very personal family matter would cause Roy to behave the way he had this morning. 

Roy, unable to verbally acknowledge the truth, merely nodded his head. 

“It’s more than just a misunderstanding with Chet, isn’t it?”

Again, Roy only nodded, tapping his shoes nervously on the gray floor. 

Hank leaned forward, hurting for his crew member. He knew the pain of marital discord first hand. “I’m not trying to pry into your personal business, Roy. But I do want to remind you that you were there for me when I needed someone, even though I didn’t realize it at the time. I’m here for you now, if you’ll let me be.”

Roy gulped, not at all comfortable with the emotional offering from Hank. “I, um, I appre-ahem, I appreciate that,” Roy stammered out. “I’ll be fine, though.”

Hank knew not to push it. He had already said more than he had wanted to say, but felt that it was needed. “Okay, it’s up to you, Pal. But if you need me anytime, day or night, you let me know.”

“Yes sir, I will,” he said, standing.

E!

Johnny stood in the latrine, staring into the mirror over the sinks. He turned his head from side to side making sure his unruly dark hair didn’t go below the collar of his light blue uniform shirt. He repeatedly lowered and raised his shoulders, studying how each movement made his hair appear shorter and then longer. Had he somehow stood in such a way as to make his hair appear below regulation length? He knew he always pushed the limits, but he had just gotten his hair cut the previous week. He knew he had worn his hair longer on occasion than it was today, and yet today was when his captain had raised his voice and punished him for it. Finally, giving up on figuring out why his hair was thought to be too long, he began sweeping the concrete floor, continuing to mumble to himself. 

Suddenly, the door opened and a long-faced Chet Kelly walked in alone, his hands stuffed into his front pockets. “Gage, Cap wants to see you.”

“Uh-oh,” Johnny said out loud, assuming he was in deeper trouble than he thought regarding his hair. “So, um, how’d it go with you and Roy?”

“Well, we aren’t suspended…as long as we can work together. He, um,” he hesitated, leaning a hip against a sink. “He didn’t tell Cap what Joanne said. In fact, he didn’t say anything. I’m the one who told Cap what happened.”

“Damn,” Johnny said, propping the broom into the corner. “You okay?”

“Yea…,” he said, his voice trailing off. "He said she never changed her story... even after you talked to her."

"What? But I told her exactly what you said," he spoke, his arms flailing animatedly. "She seemed like she was beginning to doubt it herself."

"Well, she didn't share those doubts with him," Chet said, jerking his thumb in the direction of the bay.

"Maybe I'll have a chance to talk to him between runs," Johnny offered.

“When you get a chance, tell him that if he’ll just leave me alone, then I won’t tell Cap about his…” He stopped, realizing that Johnny might not know about Roy and the waitress. “Aw, never mind. You better get going before Cap comes after you.”

Johnny stood dumbfounded. He had no idea what his friend had been about to say. Finally, he walked to the door, reaching out to push it open.

“Hey, Johnny?”

“Yea?”

“Thanks, man. Thanks for believing me and for… well, you know,” Chet offered, pulling out the scrub brush to begin working on the toilets.

Johnny nodded slightly, knowing what Chet meant. This was the second time in recent months that Johnny had shown Chet how deep their friendship had grown. He pushed through the door, allowing it to swing shut, as he made his way across the empty bay to the closed office door.

He exhaled as he lifted his hand and knocked swiftly on the door. He was surprised when it was his partner who opened the door, his face long and filled with sadness. John wondered briefly what had transpired between Roy and their captain after Chet had left the room. He watched as Roy walked past him, a forced smile quickly appearing then disappearing from the older man’s face. Johnny then turned his attention back to his captain.

“Come on in, John.”

E!

The bright Sunday morning sunlight slowly crept up the comforter beneath which Joanne DeSoto slept. It had been nearly dawn by the time she drifted off after she and Roy had gotten into a rather heated argument. Slowly, the sharp fingers of light reached her face, and she began to stir. She was startled by the brightness in the room, realizing that it was well past the time when Roy normally left for work. 

She threw the covers back on the bed, grabbed her robe and scurried down the stairs to the guest bedroom. She had to get Roy up as quickly as possible, knowing he was already late for shift. When she pushed open the door, she found the bed already made. She peeked out the window at their empty driveway, covering her mouth with her trembling hand. He was gone. For the first time in their married life, he had left her to go on shift without saying goodbye. 

She allowed herself to drop heavily onto the twin bed where her husband had spent the night. Slowly she ran her fingers over the red, white and blue stripes on the bedspread, noting how neatly he had made it up; his corners were absolutely perfect. “Oh, Roy…”

Perfection. It was something Roy was constantly striving for and for the most part usually attained. She thought back to the first few months of his pairing with John Gage, and allowed a chuckle to escape her tearfully-trembling lips. She had stood in the shadows and watched as her husband had endured one exasperated moment after another when it came to his fun-loving partner. Johnny was as laid back as Roy was wound tight, but one thing they definitely had in common was their constant need for perfection on the job. 

Neither man would settle for anything less. A sniffle and a quick swipe of her hand removed all evidence of the emotions she was fighting. 

She had always considered their family to be the perfect example of the American dream. They had a home and two children, a boy and a girl. They didn’t have a lot of extra money, but they had been comfortable. She had watched Roy work so hard while the children were babies. Now, all she wanted to do was add a little extra income to their household; to be able to relieve him of some of that stress as the children grew older. 

Instead, she sat in the guest room alone, the children still in bed, and her husband gone to work without so much as a kiss on the cheek. Her perfect world was crumbling, and yet she felt powerless to stop it. She stood up, straightening out the small wrinkle she had left in the bedspread, and headed for the kitchen to cook breakfast for Chris and Jennifer. She had to make a decision, one she never thought she would have to make. Should she continue with her part-time job, or should she work out a two-week notice and straighten the crooked course down which the DeSoto household seemed to be quickly following?

E!

Johnny shifted nervously from one foot to the other as his captain returned to his chair.

“Have a seat, John,” Hank said, gesturing to an empty chair beside the desk.

“Yes sir, uh, Chet said you wanted to see me.”

“Yea,” Hank began, rubbing a hand over his lower face. “I owe you an apology, John. I shouldn’t’ve yelled at you at roll call.”

“It’s okay, Cap. I’ll, um, I’ll get another haircut after shift tomorrow,” he offered, propping his elbows on the arms of the chair, clasping his fingers together. He tried to elongate his neck so that his hair appeared shorter, but felt like an anxious turtle. He cleared his throat, finally allowing his shoulders to relax in a more natural position.

“Not necessary… I was just so damn mad at those two twits, that it was all I could think of at the moment. They’ll finish the latrine for you. Why don’t you see if Marco needs any help in the kitchen?”

Johnny knew he was being dismissed, but he also felt like he needed to explain the truth as he knew it. “Cap… I don’t know exactly what’s goin’ on, but what Joanne said Chet did, he didn’t do.”

Hank leaned forward, elbow resting on the corner of his desk. He allowed a hint of a smile to be displayed on his rugged face. “And, you’re sure?”

“Yes sir. I talked to him for a long time yesterday morning. Um, he asked me not to tell anyone ‘cause it’s kinda embarrassing for Caroline, I guess, and he wants to protect her and all, but…”

Hank held up his hand. “If you tell me he didn’t hurt that young lady, then I’ll believe you. Somehow, I just can’t see him behaving like that anyway. You don’t have to tell me anything; confidences between friends are sacred.” He waited a moment, hoping his younger paramedic might take the bait and divulge something useful about Roy. 

“It’s Roy I’m not sure about. I talked to Joanne briefly about him yesterday, but she didn’t seem to know any more than me.”

Hank couldn’t hide his disappointment. He needed his men to be at the top of their game, all of them. “Well… If you come up with anything, or if you know of a way I can help, then just let me know, alright?”

Johnny once again nodded not really knowing what to say or do at the moment. He stood up to leave, looking back down at his superior. “Cap?”

Hank looked up at the sound of his nickname. 

“Thanks. They’re both good guys, and I know they’ll work together with no problems during the shift,” he offered, hoping to reassure Hank that he had made the right decision in not suspending either of them.

“I hope you’re right, John.”

E!

Two hours later, the previous shift had returned and gone home. Hank stood in the shadows of the station watching his two wayward crew members sweating as they hoisted the wet hoses on the hose tower. He sipped his coffee, one hand on his hip, as he listened and watched for anything that might lead him to believe they couldn’t work together. He knew that hard work was good for men who were angry, helped them get their frustration out in a more constructive way. They had already cleaned the latrine together, silently. At least now, they were talking as they worked. It wasn’t the usual friendly banter he normally witnessed from his crew, but they were communicating and working together. The sound of a slamming door caused him to look behind him. Johnny was finishing up the morning calibrations and inventory check, returning the biophone to its designated compartment. Their eyes briefly met and Hank nodded toward the tower. 

Johnny’s gaze shifted over the older man's shoulder and a slight crooked grin crossed his face. As always, Hank’s plan seemed to be working. He dipped his head, a silent acknowledgement and wordless thanks to his superior for his wisdom and judgment. There was no doubt, his captain was back to normal.

Johnny had just turned towards the kitchen when the klaxons sounded. He executed an about face and quickly slid into the cab of the squad waiting for his partner to appear.  
Behind the station, Chet and Roy heard the familiar tune. Chet watched as Roy shimmied down from the tower, making sure he didn’t need any assistance, then jogged quickly to his seat on the engine.

Marco climbed in behind his engineer, feeling the rumble of the rig coming to life as Stoker started it. 

“Station 51, man injured in a domestic dispute…”

Hank wrote down the address, listening to the disturbing details, then picked up the mic to acknowledge the call. “Station 51, KMG-365. Do we need to stage for this call?”

“Affirmative,” the dispatcher quickly responded. “The suspect has reportedly fled the scene, but the ETA on law enforcement is three minutes.”

“10-4.” Hank realized that the sheriff’s deputy would likely arrive on-scene before he and his men could get there, and anticipated being given the all-clear before they arrived. However, he would not knowingly jeopardize the welfare of his men by approaching an unsecured environment. He passed the slip of paper with the address on it to Roy. “We’re going to stage at the Union 76 Gas Station on the corner unless law enforcement secures the scene before we arrive.”

Roy nodded in understanding, passing the slip of paper to his partner just as the bay door rose. Soon, the two emergency vehicles were heading down the street on their way to the scene of a domestic dispute.

Johnny looked over at his sweaty partner, noting the determined expression on his face. He leaned forward slightly, his hand on the dash, watching for any wayward drivers. His job as navigator involved more than just consulting the book of maps. His dark eyes were looking forward, occasionally darting to his right then returning to a forward stare, his chin strap blowing in the wind. “Take a left at the next light.” Johnny said, watching as the sea of vehicles parted in advance of the approaching vehicles.

“Station should be just ahead on the right,” Johnny instructed as Roy made the turn.

Roy followed the verbal instructions, trusting his partner completely. Ahead, he saw the orange 76 sign and pulled in beneath it, allowing Stoker enough room for the engine as well. 

“Man, I hate these calls,” Johnny complained. Too often, domestic disputes ended up with one of the rescuers being injured as well. 

“So do I.” Roy shifted into park just as the dispatcher spoke again.

“Station 51, your scene is secure.”

“10-4,” Hank responded, then continued with the notification of his squad. “Engine 51 to Squad 51.”

Johnny had already removed the mic from its bracket holder in anticipation of the call while Roy pulled back out into the yielding traffic. “Squad 51, copy direct.”

Roy pulled to a stop along the curb, nose to nose with the Sheriff's Department car. Vince Howard was standing in the open door of his patrol car communicating with dispatch.

"I need a BOLO issued on a male subject, age 14, wearing a brown button down shirt worn open over a striped t-shirt and jeans with a Dodgers baseball cap. Consider the suspect armed and dangerous. Last seen running south on Oak Avenue."

"10-4."

Hank made his way over to the deputy as the 'be on the lookout' request was being broadcast. "What've we got?"

Vince looked over his shoulder at the crew who seemed to be busily pulling equipment out of the compartments of the squad. The linemen were assisting the paramedics while Mike Stoker stood sentinel over the vehicles. 

"Male, victim of a gunshot wound in the upper left shoulder. Wife's pregnant. The alleged assailant is her son. Victim said it was his own Smith & Wesson Model 14 K-38 revolver."

Hank whistled lowly. “Single?”

“Double action,” Vince corrected.

Hank had seen similar situations occur before and surmised that there would be injuries to the wife as well. He nodded his understanding, turning to face his crew.

“Alright, we’ve got a pregnant female and a male with a gunshot wound to the shoulder from a 38 caliber revolver inside. The alleged shooter is her son.” Hank rattled the information off quickly, knowing that time was critical. 

Chet and Marco pulled the stokes out of the back of the squad, filling it with blankets, portable oxygen and the OB kit. Johnny and Roy grabbed the remainder of the gear and led the others into the front of the house. They found their victim propped up against the sofa with his legs extending beneath the coffee table. His wife, holding a bloody cloth against his shoulder near his collarbone, looked up at the men when they walked in. Her face was tear-stained and a reddened area was beginning to form a bruise wrapping around her wrist.

“Let’s get this coffee table moved outta the way,” Johnny requested as they set down their equipment. 

Marco and Chet set the stokes down near the doorway and rushed to move the requested furniture.

“I’m Roy DeSoto and this is my partner John Gage.” Roy and Johnny both removed their helmets as Roy began his assessment. Johnny opened up the orange box, screwed in the antennae and made contact with the hospital.

“Rampart, this is squad 51. How do you read?”

“I-I didn’t know what t-to do,” the woman said, her voice trembling uncontrollably. 

“You did just fine,” Roy soothed, placing his hand on top of hers encouraging her to relinquish her hold on the blood-soaked cloth. He noticed her bruise, but made no mention of it. He turned his attention to his patient. “Sir, what’s your name?”

“Winston, Paul Winston,” the man said in a breathy voice. His pain level was obviously acute. 

“Mr. Winston, can you tell me what happened?”

“I got shot! What’s it look like happened?” He responded sarcastically, grimacing with pain as Roy took a look at the wound. 

Roy began cutting away the man’s shirt, palpating along his back in search of an exit wound. 

“Owe! Damn that hurts! Disrespectful little bastard,” the injured man grumbled in reference to his perpetrator. 

“Alright, I can feel the bullet back here, so it didn’t exit.” He began taking vitals, knowing that Johnny was poised with his pen taking notes.

“Ma’am?” Johnny called out, the black handset trapped between his left shoulder and his ear. He needed to get some basic information from her while Roy got the needed vitals. 

“Vi-Vivian,” she answered, moving closer to the dark-haired paramedic to answer his questions. The entire situation seemed so surreal to her. She felt like she was moving in slow motion, as if in a trance or a dream. “Brett…have they found Brett?”

Johnny noted that she wrapped her arms protectively around her abdomen as she shifted her position. “They’re looking for him, but right now I need to get some information from you. What’s your husband’s age, medical history, taking any medications?”

While Johnny was getting the specifics and Roy was treating the patient, Hank and Vince consulted on the front door step.

“So what started this?”

Vince shook his head in frustration. “Best I can tell, the kid was mad at his stepfather and shot him. The victim recognized the gun as his own handgun. I’ve got some guys looking around the house to see if he ditched it when he ran.” Vince looked at Hank with obvious concern in his eyes. “Take a look at the wife’s wrist. I’m guessing that her husband was being rough with her and the kid stepped in to defend her.”

“Well, let’s just hope that young man doesn’t do anything stupid.” Hank knew these situations could go from bad to worse with lightning speed, especially where juveniles and guns were concerned. The Mayfield ambulance arrived and Hank directed them to the front door as Vince approached the other officers on scene for an update.

Back inside the residence, Johnny was taking orders from Dr. Early.

“51, start an IV lactated Ringer’s, large bore. Draw blood for type and cross match. Administer 5 mgs MS IV push, monitor vitals and transport as soon as possible.”  
“Large bore IV Ringer’s, type and cross, 5 mgs MS IV push, 10-4 Rampart. Ambulance is on scene.”

As soon as the patient was ready for transport, Johnny shifted his concern to the wife since Roy would be riding in with the patient. “Chet?”

The lineman looked up at the sound if his name being called.

“Take this out to Roy, will ya?” He asked handing Chet the biophone. 

“I-I need to find m-my son,” Vivian stuttered, still looking dazed.

“Let the police do that. They’ll do it faster than you can. Now, why don’t you let me check you out? How far along are you?”

“Uh, seven and a half months,” she mumbled, allowing Johnny to ease her down on the sofa. 

Johnny began checking her vitals. He tried to keep his face neutral, not liking the readings he was getting. “Has the pregnancy been progressing normally so far?”

“Yea… I-I’m hoping it’s a girl.” She smiled, tiredly.

Johnny was concerned that they were going to find out the gender of the baby much sooner than they would like. He looked around for a telephone, seeing one on the far wall in the kitchen. “Is that your only phone?”

“Oh, um, no there’s one on the fl-floor by the chair,” she said softly, pressing her lips into a thin line as a sudden pain spread across her abdomen radiating around to her back.  
Marco heard the comment and immediately retrieved the phone for Johnny. “Want me to call Rampart?”

“Yea, thanks Lopez.” Johnny wrote down the vitals in his small pocket-sized notebook. “Have you been having any contractions?” 

“I’m not su-sure. My back’s been hurting a little today.”

“Have you hurt your back somehow?” Johnny hoped his suspicions were incorrect. 

“I bumped into the kitchen table earlier.”

Johnny knew there was much more to the story, but for the moment, he was more concerned about the health and safety of his new patient and her unborn child. 

Marco thrust the handset of the landline into Johnny’s line of sight. “Dixie’s on the phone. Want me to get another one rolling?” He asked cryptically.

“Yea, I think we’re gonna need it.”

E!

Inside the ambulance, Roy’s patient was still complaining, even though the morphine was making him a bit woozy. “They found that kid yet?”

Roy finished counting the man’s pulse then checked the flow on the IV. “I haven’t heard. Has he been in trouble before?”

Paul looked away before answering. He knew he carried some responsibility in his own injury. “No, he just needs to stay outta my business is all. What happens between me and my old lady is my business, not his.”

Roy swallowed hard, looking out the window trying to judge their ETA. “So, having marital problems, huh?”

“Something like that… You married?” The injured man asked, flinching as the ambulance hit a small bump in the road.

“Yes.”

“Got any kids?” He continued his line of questioning.

“A couple.” Roy didn’t like where the conversation was going.

“Women change when they get pregnant, don’t they?”

Roy contemplated his answer. “Lots of things change when a child is on the way.”

“Well… I just had to remind her that she’s still my wife.”

Roy felt the familiar turn of the ambulance into the long emergency entrance and was grateful that the conversation was ending. “We’re at the hospital now. Just relax for me, alright?”

E!

By the time the second ambulance arrived on scene, Johnny had his patient ready for transport. He was doing everything he could to keep her calm. He had been able to establish an IV and had used the portable oxygen from the engine, placing the mask over her face before loading her in the back of the ambulance. He positioned himself beside her as his captain closed the doors, tapping twice to signal the driver they were safely inside the vehicle.

As the ambulance pulled away from the scene, Vince stepped over to Hank. He wanted to give the man an update on their domestic situation.

Chet and Marco finished cleaning up the debris inside the residence, closing the door behind them as they walked out the front door. They saw Hank lower his face as if looking at the ground. After a few tense moments, they saw him look back up and turn to walk towards them. One look at his face and they both knew something was wrong. 

E!

Marco climbed back into his jump seat, his eyes misting over for the young man he had never met. His heart broke for the mother who might be bringing one child into the world on the same day that she lost another. He thought of all the other teenagers being swallowed alive in the city of angels, praying that somehow he and his family would not receive the sad news that the Winstons’ were going to receive soon. His mind then shifted gears as Stoker pulled the engine out onto the street heading back to the station. Would knowing the painful truth be better than living with the agony of unfulfilled hope?

E!

Nearly an hour later, Chet pulled up at the emergency entrance at Rampart General Hospital. He slid himself out of the seat, slamming the door behind him. Just as he walked up to the automatic glass doors, he saw the paramedic duo walking towards him. He tried to read their faces, but couldn’t tell how their patients were fairing based on their facial expressions alone. He hated to be the bearer of bad news.

“Hey fellas,” he said glumly.

Roy didn’t speak to the lineman, trying to decide whether his somber mood was related to their earlier confrontation or the run they had just completed. He was glad when Johnny spoke instead.

“What’s the matter with you?” Johnny questioned, looking at Chet from the side, one eyebrow cocked higher than the other. 

“The, uh, the shooter, you know, that kid? The police spotted him over on Chalmer’s Street and he ran.”

“Did they catch him?” Roy asked, deciding to join the conversation.

Chet shook his head. “Naw, ran into the street and got hit by a utility truck, a dually. He, ah…his head was…” Chet looked down at his feet. “Cops called the coroner.”

“Sonofabitch,” Johnny mumbled, slamming his hand against the back of the squad. He hadn’t felt this frustrated since the day at Station 10 when he and his partner lost the patient who had been electrocuted. Ultimately, that was the event that had led him to the fledgling paramedic program. He looked up at the two sets of blue eyes staring at him, looking just as disappointed as his own. “Why the hell can’t adults just act like adults? Then so many kids wouldn’t get hurt… or killed.” He had no idea that the arrow his words had just hurled had hit a bull’s eye in his partner’s heart.


	13. chapter 13

Chapter 13 

Caroline scanned through the Sunday paper, occasionally glancing at Corrie, who was sitting on the floor playing with the Mrs. Beasley doll the DeSotos had given her for her birthday.  She was such an easy child to care for.  Caroline knew she was going to miss little moments like this, but it was time for her to look for a job.   

Her deceased husband’s military benefits and life insurance had been enough to sustain them since his death, but the funds were beginning to dwindle, even though Caroline had been extremely careful with them. Medical bills had taken a toll on her bank account after she and her daughter were injured in the motor vehicle accident, on that foggy morning over a year ago.   She would always be grateful that Corey had thought to make arrangements for them in the event of his death, even though the young couple had hoped she would never need those funds.   

She looked back down at the ads, searching for a job for herself and daycare for her daughter.  She had planned to wait a little longer before going back to work, but after the disastrous weekend she had had with Chet, she decided that getting back into the workforce, and exposing Corrie to new environments would do them both good.   

She took down the information for a few jobs she might be qualified for, and for a couple of in-home daycares that had vacancies.  She preferred that Corrie be kept in a home setting rather than a more crowded center.  Her daughter’s daycare arrangements were much more important than any job she might find so finding a good daycare was her top priority.   
Closing the newspaper, she reached for a paper tablet and a pen.  She had asked Chet for the chance to explain things to him, to which he had reluctantly agreed.  Now, she didn’t think she could look into those sad blue eyes again, knowing that the hurt they exhibited was entirely her fault.  Instead, she had decided to write him a letter.  She would explain everything about her life, up to the point where they met, in the hopes that he would somehow understand that she never intended to hurt him.  The most she could hope for now was his forgiveness, even if it didn’t come immediately.  Whether he forgave her or not, she knew that their relationship would never be the same.  In fact, she was sure it was over.  She couldn’t hold that against him, though.  The demise of what might have been was completely her fault. 

She looked back down at Corrie, chatting happily with the bespectacled blonde-haired doll.  Yes, Chester B. Kelly would always be her hero because he had given back to her the only person who had ever loved her completely and unconditionally – her precious daughter. 

E! 

Roy felt the pain in his entire body from their last run.  How could a grown man mistreat his wife so badly that his stepson felt as if he had no other alternative but to shoot him?  He knew there was more to the story than what they had been told, but no matter what had previously happened within this family, it had left a boy dead, a man shot, and a pregnant woman’s world imploded in a way that was unimaginably cruel.  He drove back to the station, hearing the endless droning of his partner complaining about something, yet hearing nothing specific.  He ignored the feeling of Chet’s shoulder rubbing against his own, unconcerned by the cramped space in the small cab. His mind was back at home with his own family, mulling over the turmoil in his relationship with his wife.  Suddenly, shouts and extended arms jerked him back to reality. 

“WHOA!” Johnny cried out, stomping the floorboard of the squad as if the brake pedal had shifted to the passenger’s side of the vehicle. 

“STOP!”  Chet yelled, echoing Johnny’s alarmed voice. 

Roy nearly jumped out of his skin, gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles turned white.  He ducked his head, even though he had no idea why he was doing so.  The road ahead was clear. 

Chet’s blue eyes were still opened wide in disbelief.  Both arms were straight out in front of him, bracing him for the impending impact with the dash.  “Ugh… shit,” he groaned, relaxing and letting his head fall back against the seat.  Riding in the middle of the bench seat basically assured him that he would have been thrown through the windshield had they collided with another vehicle. 

“What?”  Roy questioned his two passengers, continuing to casually drive back to the station. 

Johnny cut his dark eyes at his partner, one hand splayed openly on his heaving chest.  “Oh nothin’, Pally.  I’m sure the county just put that stop sign there as a suggestion, not a command.”  He narrowed his eyes sarcastically, feeling the pain in his chest as he sucked in a deep breath. 

“Stop sign?”  Roy gave a quick glance into his mirror and was stunned to see the back of the octagonal sign.  He had been so preoccupied that he had not seen it as he barreled through the intersection.  His stomach flipped, his chest burned and for a moment, he thought he might faint.  “Oh my god!” 

“You a'right?”  Johnny realized that his earlier comment may have been a little too sarcastic.  Roy had been their driver since they became partners and he had never had a close call where he was at fault.  In fact, his driving record was impeccable.   

“Uh, ye-yea… I guess,” Roy continued, his voice trembling.  His thighs felt like he had just run a double marathon.  He knew it was only the adrenaline in his system, but he hated the feeling.  He slowed down as he approached the next intersection, grateful for the break the red traffic light gave him. 

“I-I’m sorry, fellas.  I just… I didn’t see it.”  Roy looked over at the two men riding with him.  “I better let one of you drive.” 

“No, you’re fine, Roy.  It was just a simple mistake,” Chet offered.  He didn’t want Roy to begin doubting himself.  Chet looked over at Johnny, trying his best to be discreet about it.  He caught the younger paramedic’s worried eyes and noticed that Johnny’s lips were pressed into a thin pale line.

“Yea, well… Mistakes kill people,” Roy mumbled. 

Johnny understood what Chet was doing and decided to join him.  “Not this time, Pally.  Not this time.  We’re good.” 

Roy blew out his breath, accelerating slowly when the light turned green.  He hoped that they might get a break before the next run.  He desperately needed to collect himself before heading out again. 

E! 

Caroline picked up the phone and called her friend, Joanne.  The two had grown close since their initial meeting at Corrie’s birthday party and today, she really needed that friendship.  She listened as the phone began ringing on the other end of the line. 

Joanne had just finished mopping the kitchen floor, and was returning the mop to the laundry room when she heard the phone ring.  Assuming it was Roy, she rushed to the kitchen and swiped the receiver from the phone on the wall. 

“Hello?” 

“Joanne? Hi, it’s Caroline.  Did I catch you at a bad time?”  Caroline could hear her friend breathing a little hard into the phone. 

“Hello, Caroline.  No, no, of course not.  I was just finishing up some house cleaning.  So, what’s going on?” 

Caroline bit her lower lip.  “Um, I was just wondering if you might be able to watch Corrie for me for a little while this afternoon?  I need to run some errands.”  Caroline held her breath.  She really needed some time alone to go visit the daycares she had found.  Being home daycares, the owners had been happy to meet with her even though it was Sunday and they didn’t have any kids on site.   

“Sure, I’d be happy to.  Jennifer loves having her around.  She’s like a little sister for a girl who's the baby of the family,” Joanne chuckled softly.  It was ironic that her bossy little girl was the younger of their two children, never getting the chance to play the part of the big sister.   

“Are you sure you don’t mind?”  Caroline didn’t want to interfere with Joanne’s Sunday plans.  She would never do anything to jeopardize their friendship. 

“Of course not.  That little girl of yours is so easy to look after.  You’re very lucky.” 

Caroline smiled to herself.  Joanne had just reiterated what she had been thinking about earlier; Corrie was an easy child to raise.  “Thank you so much.  Is four o’clock alright?” 

“Sounds good.  Just bring her on over.  I’ll let Jennifer know.  She’ll be so excited,” Joanne exclaimed. 

“Thanks, I really appreciate it.” 

“Anytime, Caroline.  See you soon.” 

Joanne hung up the phone.  She had hoped Roy had been on the other end of the line, calling to apologize for leaving without saying goodbye.  She closed her eyes briefly, wondering if perhaps she should call him at the station.  Maybe she had been unreasonable with him last night.  Maybe he was having problems adjusting to her being gone during the day when he wasn’t on duty.  He had cleaned up some around the house when she was at work.  He had also cooked a little, too.  Perhaps he was trying to adapt harder than she realized. 

She shook her head, blowing out her breath.  Her own aggravation crept back into her mind.  Why should she be the one to apologize?  She had taken care of the leaky pipes without even calling him at the station.  That alone had saved him a lot of work after a busy shift.  He should be grateful that she loved him enough to handle it herself, instead of pestering him about it.  With her working, she could help pay for odd jobs around the house that he had previously had to take care of, himself.  That would give him more time to rest and relax.  Surely, he wasn’t still upset about the lack of bedroom time.  Yes, that had been an issue earlier, but not anymore.  Then again, what did he mean by ‘not the only thing dangling out’? That comment made no sense to her, but did leave her wondering what he had been thinking about. No, she wasn’t going to apologize for anything.  Roy DeSoto would just have to learn to let go of the 1950's utopia he had grown up in.  After all, this was the 1970's and she was a modern woman. 

E! 

Later that evening, Marco and Johnny were washing the dinner dishes while Chet and Mike argued over which new movie was going to be the biggest hit of the summer. 

“You’re crazy, Chet.” 

“I’m crazy?  No way, man.  I’m tellin’ ya. There's no way that a movie that’s gonna make people afraid of the ocean is going to make it big.  Now, we all love the Pink Panther, so I’m sayin’ that the Return of the Pink Panther will be the biggest hit.”  Chet leaned back in his chair, a smug expression on his face. 

“Movies that make people scared, especially if the threat has a chance of being real, always do well.  Jaws will be the biggest hit, hands down.”  Mike rarely spoke, but when he did, he was usually right.   

Johnny and Marco exchanged snickers. 

“That partner of yours will argue with a brick wall, won’t he?”  Johnny asked, drying the last glass and putting it away before tackling the casserole dish. 

“Always… even when he’s wrong.”  

Johnny cocked an eyebrow at Marco.  “You really think Mike’s right?  You think that Jaws will be a bigger hit than Return of the Pink Panther?”  Johnny turned around, leaning his hips against the counter, the damp dish towel draped over his shoulder. 

“Yes, John.  Besides, it’s more fun to take chicks to scary movies,” Marco teased, wagging his eyebrows. 

“Oh, why’s that?” 

Marco rolled his eyes and shook his head.  “Gage… They get scared and they want you to protect them.”  He made an exaggerated motion of pulling his girl into a sideways hug.   
Johnny’s half grin appeared.  “Ooohhh, yea, I get it.” 

As the movie discussion progressed, Hank walked back into the kitchen.  He poured himself a cup of fresh coffee and looked around at his crew.  One man was obviously missing.  One look at his watch told him that it wasn’t nearly late enough for Roy to be in bed.  With his level of concern growing, he tapped Johnny on the chest with the back of his hand and nodded for the younger man to follow him into the bay.  He took a sip of coffee on his way to the door, confident that his paramedic was directly behind him. 

“Somethin’ wrong, Cap?”  Johnny asked worriedly as they stood just outside the kitchen door. 

“I don’t know, John.  I was wondering if you knew where Roy might be.” 

Johnny looked at his watch, noting that it was almost eight o’clock.  “Usually, he calls Joanne around this time each night.  Maybe he’s in the dorm.” 

“No,” the older man said shaking his head slightly.  “I checked, and the phone isn't in use.  You, ah, did you happen to have a chance to talk to him, yet?” 

“I tried a couple of times, but he just blew me off.  I dunno what’s wrong, but it’s really got him down.”  Johnny suspected it had something to do with Roy’s marriage, but he was hesitant to interfere again, especially after what happened with Mike’s spaghetti sauce recipe.   

"Very well.  Let me know if you find out anything." 

"I will, Cap," Johnny stated softly, peering over the older man's shoulder in the direction of the dorm. 

E! 

Inside the darkened dorm, Roy sat at the desk staring at the phone.  Twice he had reached for the receiver to call Joanne, then changed his mind at the last second.  Eight o’clock was their designated call time when he was on shift.  Normally, he was the one who initiated the telephone call since she wouldn’t know whether or not he was on a run.  He wondered for a moment if she might be waiting for him.  Part of him wanted to make the usual call, just to reassure himself that all was well with the kids, and yet, another part didn’t want to be the first to make contact.  He didn’t want to be so predictable, his mind’s eye allowing unspeakable images to drift about behind his closed eyelids. She had wronged him, he reminded himself.  She hadn’t tried to call him at all during this shift.  After all, it had been a slow one so she could have reached him if she had wanted to.  She could have apologized for what she had done, yet she had chosen not to do so.  Besides, it seemed she had someone else to turn to nowadays.  He glanced once more at his watch, noting that it was half past eight.  The time for their nightly ritual had come and gone. 

He pushed back the desk chair, wincing at the scraping sound it made, then moped into the locker room.  Even though it was still early, he really wanted to go to bed.  The last thing he wanted was for someone to talk to him.  He readied himself for bed, removing his uniform and brushing his teeth, then returned to the dorm.  He placed his bunkers into position at the side of his bed, ready to slide his feet into while still half asleep. Then he crawled beneath the covers.  He had barely shut his eyes when he heard the door open and his partner call out his name. 

"Hey, Roy?  You in here?" 

Without moving or opening his eyes, Roy grunted more than spoke.  "Yea." 

Fast footfalls rounded the corner, then stopped suddenly.  "Uh, are you feelin' okay?" 

"Yea... Just a little tired." 

Johnny rubbed a worried finger beneath his nose, then took a seat on his own bunk.  "Wanna talk about it?" 

Roy snuggled a little deeper into his bed.  "No... I want to sleep." 

Johnny eyed his partner, not liking what he was seeing in the dim light from the closed window blinds.  "Is everything a'right, Roy?" 

The older man huffed loudly, rolling over with his back to Johnny.  "It was, until about 30 seconds ago."  Inwardly, he cringed. Johnny was just trying to be a friend and deep down, Roy knew he needed one. After a few moments of reflection, he inhaled deeply, trying to decide how to tell his best friend that Joanne was cheating on him.

Johnny understood what Roy meant, and quickly stood up to leave.  He lingered in the shadows for a few moments, his concerned dark eyes seeing only the balding spot on his partner's head.  He wanted to help him somehow, but Johnny was a bachelor with a terrible track record with women.  If Roy's behavior was the result of marital problems, then maybe he wasn’t the best person for the distressed man to talk to about it.  Finally, he heard Roy exhale loudly and assumed it was a signal for Johnny to leave. He turned and walked out the door, unaware that his partner had been on the verge of talking about his relationship with Joanne. 

Roy lay silently in the dark, sensing Johnny standing at the foot of his bunk. He opened his mouth slightly in order to ask Johnny for a few minutes of his time, but before he could get the request out, he heard Johnny turn and walk out the door.  His chance to have a rational conversation about his home life walked out with his partner.  Rolling over onto his back, he locked his fingers behind his head and stared at the ceiling.  Sleep was evading him and he hated it.  Almost as much as he hated being angry at Joanne. 

E! 

Joanne waved as the taillights of Caroline's car drove away from the curb in front of the DeSoto house.  She had really enjoyed keeping little Corrie for the afternoon, and she knew that her own daughter had enjoyed the visit as well.  She stepped back inside the house, closing and locking the door, staring wistfully at the wood grain forming what looked like flames along the edges.  Those images led her mind to her husband and she realized that he hadn't called at eight o'clock.  That meant that he was out on a run and she probably wouldn't hear from him until tomorrow.  She made her way back to the kitchen, turning on the water and pouring the pink Palmolive dishwashing liquid into the sink beneath the running water.   

"Jennifer, get your bath, honey.  You've got school tomorrow, and I've got work.  We need to get to sleep." 

"What about… Chris?"  The sleepy child yawned as she trudged through the kitchen.  She and Corrie had played outside until it was almost dark and now she was beginning to feel tired.   

"He took a bath while you and Corrie were watching television.  It's your turn now." 

"Ok-ay," she drawled out amid another yawn.  "Good night." 

"Don't forget to brush your teeth.  And good night to you, too."  Joanne washed up the few dishes that remained then wiped down the counter.  She stared at the phone on the wall one last time, deciding not to make the call her heart so desperately wanted to make.  If he had been in quarters, he would have called.  She turned again, turning off the light and slowly making her way upstairs to their bedroom.  She knew that she was going to be in for a long lonely night. 

E! 

It was nearly three o'clock in the morning when Caroline finished her letter. She sealed up the envelope and wrote Chet's name on the front, then crept down the hallway to peek at her daughter for just a moment.  Assured that everything was in order, she made a quick trip across the small courtyard and up the flight of stairs, then slipped the envelope beneath Chet's apartment door.  He would find it in the morning, but she would make sure she was long gone in search of employment by the time he finished reading it.   

She hurriedly walked back down the stairs.  The only sounds in the night were the distant sounds of traffic and the occasional barking dog.  Quietly, she returned to her own apartment, slipping inside and locking the door behind her.  She was exhausted, physically and emotionally, but she knew she had done the right thing.  Now, she could walk away from the relationship knowing she had made things right... Or, as right as they could be.  Now he would know the truth about her marriage and about Corrie's father.  

She cringed at the creaking sound that Corrie’s bedroom door made as she peeked in once more and saw the child sleeping peacefully.  She wiped a tear from her cheek as she closed the door and stepped into her own bedroom.  She couldn't stay here much longer, not in the same apartment complex as Chet.  She had only signed a six month lease which would be over in just a few more weeks.  Now that her back had improved, she wouldn't be relegated to the bottom floors of apartment complexes.  Now, she could live on higher floors, which meant she would have an easier time finding a new apartment.  She had to get away from him and all that he represented.  Chester B. Kelly was a reminder of everything that she had ever dreamed of, drifting away from her grasp like dandelion seeds floating on the wind. 

E! 

When the wake-up tones sounded, Chet trudged slowly to the latrine. As soon as he finished his personal business, he brushed his teeth and combed his unruly curly hair. He stared at himself in the mirror for a moment, noticing the dark circles beneath his eyes. He had not slept well since his fateful date with Caroline. Turning his head from side to side, he knew he needed a haircut as well. He decided to stop by the barber shop on his way home after shift change. After all, the only thing he had to do today was talk to Caroline. He wasn’t sure how he felt about the impending conversation, but he had promised her that he would listen to whatever it was she needed to tell him. He lathered up and quickly ran his razor over his morning stubble. Lowering his face over the sink, he splashed some of the running water along his cheeks to remove the remaining shaving cream. He was so caught up in his musings that he never noticed Marco walking in.

“Chet?”

The younger man continued splashing his face.

“Chet?”

“Huh? Oh what’d ya say, Marco?” Chet reached for his towel and began patting his face dry.

“I was wondering if you wanted to go out or something, while we’re off.” Marco leaned against the shower stall waiting for his friend to respond. The truth was, Marco had been having a rough time at home in recent weeks and he really needed to get away with his friend for some down time.

Chet thought about the offer, but knew he would have to decline. He needed to hear what Caroline had to say and he knew that he wasn’t going to be much company due to the foul mood he had been in for the last few days. 

“Sorry, man. I gotta get some things done around my apartment. How about a rain check?” He asked, hoping he hadn’t offended his best friend.

Marco tried to hide the hurt he felt. “Sure, just let me know when you want to go out.”

“Sure thing. Thanks.” Chet wrapped the towel around his neck, tugging on either end as he wandered over to his locker. He really wanted to get dressed and go home, but it wasn’t quite time for B-shift to arrive. He unceremoniously tossed the dampened white towel into the back of his locker then went in search of some caffeine.

In the kitchen, Johnny sat at the table nursing a steaming cup of coffee. His dark eyes peeked out from behind the rim of his cup as he looked at the downtrodden face of his partner. Roy hadn’t said more than a few unsolicited sentences to him all shift and that was very unlike the senior paramedic. Johnny was about to ask Roy one more time what was wrong with him, when suddenly Marco pushed through the doorway and went straight for the coffee on the stove. A few moments later, Chet followed. The chance to speak to Roy privately was gone.   
Hank pushed through the kitchen door, noting the long faces of his crew. “Did I miss something? You fellas look like you’ve lost your best friend.”

“Sorry… Just tired, Cap,” Roy offered.

“Yea, long shift, and I didn’t sleep too well last night.”

“Aww, c’mon, Chet. You snored half the night,” Johnny joked, hoping to lighten the mood around the kitchen.

“Yeah, whatever, Gage.” Chet picked up his coffee cup and took a seat beside Henry on the couch. 

The lazy dog’s eyes were always bloodshot and he hardly ever moved. Somehow, he seemed to fit right in with the A-shift on this particular morning. Hank merely rolled his eyes and walked back out the door, silently praying that the klaxons would not sound until A-shift was off the clock.

E!

As soon as the B-shift paramedics arrived, Johnny and Roy changed into their street clothes and headed for their respective cars. Deciding that this might be the only opportunity he would have, Johnny spoke.

“Hey, how ‘bout some breakfast? That pretty new waitress might be working this morning, and I’d love the chance to give her another ride home,” Johnny grinned.

Roy tried to smile, but the action didn’t light up his face as it normally would. He shrugged his shoulders a bit, knowing that Johnny was just wanting to find out what was bugging him. Having spent most of the night thinking about the status of his marriage, Roy was no longer in the mood to talk to Johnny about it. “I think I’ll pass, Junior. Maybe next time.”

“Are ya sure?” Johnny asked opening the door of his Rover, realizing that he had forgotten his duffel bag. “Shit,” he mumbled, slamming the door and turning back to Roy. “Forgot my damn duffel bag.”

“Yea, thanks for the invitation anyway,” Roy said, smirking slightly at his partner’s antics, then shutting his door and cranking up his car.

Johnny watched as his friend pulled out of the parking lot, making the usual right turn onto 223rd street. He had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach; he needed to find out what was wrong with Roy. He turned toward the locker room and saw Marco exiting with his forgotten bag.

“Forget something, John?” The lineman asked good-naturedly.

“Yea,” the paramedic grinned, accepting the bag and tossing it into his car. Quickly, he cranked it up and was on his way. He had only made it a couple of blocks when he reached down to turn on his radio. When he looked back up, ahead in the distance, he saw a gold Porsche making the left turn that would take it by The Pourhouse. Johnny assumed that Roy had changed his mind and a bright smile spread across his handsome face. “So you are hungry, aren’t ya, Pally?” 

Roy, assuming that Johnny would be several minutes behind him, had decided to ride past The Pourhouse. He knew that if Gretchen was working, then she would have gotten off work a few minutes earlier. Knowing that, he reasoned that the courteous thing to do was to offer her a ride home. After all, she seemed to be a genuinely nice young lady in need of a little assistance and she had mentioned needing a ride the last time he saw her… And he was in no hurry to get back to his lonely house.

As he made the turn, he slowed down in order to scan the parking lot of the diner. He didn’t see her anywhere and thought briefly about stopping for a bite to eat. However, he would feel badly if Johnny somehow found out that Roy had gone to breakfast without him. So, he shifted gears and accelerated past the building, heading in the direction he knew she would be walking in. He was so busy scanning the sidewalks, he never noticed the white Rover make the turn several car lengths back.

Johnny was surprised when Roy didn’t turn into the parking lot. His curiosity was piqued and even though he wanted to see Gretchen, Johnny decided to follow his partner instead. As Johnny slowed to a stop at the traffic light, he noticed the gold Porsche pull over into a no parking zone, and a young lady in a waitress uniform climbed inside the car. Johnny sat stunned at the scene before him, realizing that the waitress looked a lot like Gretchen. The honking horn behind him, caused him to jump and look in his rear view mirror. The man in the pick-up truck behind him was flipping him off – the light was green. Johnny just ignored the obscene gesture and drove ahead, keeping adequate distance behind the vehicle he was following.

After driving several blocks, the Porsche made a familiar right hand turn. Johnny had taken Gretchen home once, and he knew that now Roy was doing the same thing. Once again, the uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach surfaced. He followed the Porsche, parking his Rover in a drug store parking lot that he knew would give the best visual on the two people in the small car. He held his breath as he watched his partner and best friend step out of his car and walk over to the passenger’s side door. He felt his pulse quicken when Roy opened the door and helped the lady out. Then, he felt the wave of nausea roll over him like a tsunami as he watched his best friend walk into the building with the pretty young waitress.

His eyes narrowed in anger and his mouth was suddenly dry. He fought hard to keep the coffee he had consumed earlier remaining in his stomach. This wasn’t right, not for a married man and certainly not for Roy. 

“What the hell are you up to, partner?” 

John Gage had no idea what was going on, but he knew what it looked like. He didn’t want to believe what he was seeing, but his mind began to shout at him that where there was smoke there was fire. He shifted in his seat, nervously running a hand across his forehead and through his mussed up hair. John Gage was a fireman and a friend, and he vowed to do whatever it took to save his partner from whatever might be smoldering inside Gretchen’s apartment.   
   
   
 


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Chet shivered as the barber brushed the back of his neck to remove the loose hairs after his haircut. The cape was removed and the anxious lineman stood up from the chair, reaching into his back pocket for his wallet. 

“Thanks, Wally.” 

“You’re welcome,” the elderly barber said, accepting the bill offered. Walter was a favorite among the fire department; he knew exactly how the men liked their hair cut in order to stay as current as possible with modern styles while still meeting department regulations, and his prices were the best in town. 

Chet pushed through the doorway, nearly bumping into Johnny. “Whoa, hey Gage.” 

“Mornin’… again,” the distraught paramedic mumbled. He was still reeling from seeing his partner follow Gretchen into her apartment building. 

Chet held the door open for Johnny, noticing the abrupt change in his mood from the station earlier. “Uh, you okay?” 

“Fine.” 

Chet watched as Johnny passed on through the doorway and took a seat in the waiting area. Something had happened after he left the station, leaving the paramedic visibly upset. Chet shook his head, releasing the door and letting it close behind him. “See ya,” he said, knowing his friend couldn’t hear him. 

Inside Walter’s Barbershop, Johnny pulled an outdoor magazine from the small table and opened it. He wasn’t interested in reading anything, but he also wasn’t interested in talking to anyone. The black letters of the article blurred as his mind took him back to the drug store parking lot where he had watched his partner escort Gretchen inside her apartment building. What was Roy doing there? No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t think of a logical explanation for his partner's actions. One by one, he counted the reasons why the whole thing didn’t make sense.  Roy DeSoto was a married man. Johnny had expressed an interest in Gretchen. Gretchen knew the phone number to the station, so if she had needed anything, she could have called Johnny there. Of course, being rejected by a pretty face was nothing new to John Gage. Roy had declined Johnny’s breakfast invitation, so had he planned on meeting up with Gretchen and taking her home? Had they planned something else? Johnny knew that Joanne was at work, so she wouldn’t know that Roy was going to be late getting home, or that he had gone to Gretchen’s apartment. As much as Johnny didn’t want to believe it, the evidence certainly made it seem as if Roy was walking on thin ice with another woman. The waiting paramedic was still trying to sort through the details when he heard his name called. 

“Earth to John Gage,” Walter snickered. 

“Huh? Oh, um, sorry. Great article,” Johnny lied, standing up and tossing the magazine back down on the table. He took a seat in the chair. “Just a slight trim, Walter. I was just in here not long ago.” 

“I know; you like to push the limits, don’t you, Johnny?” The older man chuckled. 

“Yea… a couple of us like pushing limits,” the paramedic spoke, thinking of his best friend, and something other than hair length. 

E!

Inside Gretchen’s apartment, she reached for the door knob, a bit saddened that Roy was about to leave. She had forgotten how much she enjoyed being in the presence of a true gentleman. She stood beside the open door as Roy stepped into the hallway then turned around to say goodbye.

Gretchen smiled at the blue-eyed paramedic. “Thank you, Roy. I’m so glad you came along on my way home.” 

“Glad I could help,” Roy said, feeling suddenly light-hearted. It had been the first time in weeks that he had felt good about himself, outside of the station, at least. He had only doubted his paramedic abilities once, when he had treated a patient without a way to communicate with Rampart, and the patient subsequently died. His friends, especially Dr. Brackett, had helped him through that difficult time, reassuring him that the victim had been fatally wounded in the accident, and that his death was not the result of Roy's treatment. Ultimately, the support of his friends, and saving the life of little Tomas and his dog had been what brought Roy out of his depression and restored his confidence.*

Now, he was filled with self-doubt about his ability to take care of his family, especially his wife. He smiled back at the young woman and was surprised when she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him on the cheek. 

“I really appreciate your assistance. I never realized how much I needed Brian until he was no longer around. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going back to him or anything – not after everything he did to me, but he was handy to have around sometimes,” she smiled quickly, then allowed the light on her face to fade. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have mentioned him.” 

“Gretchen,” Roy soothed, suddenly aware of how closely they were standing to each other in the hallway of her apartment building. “He was a part of your life. It’s okay to talk about him. It might even help you get past him.” 

“Maybe... But your presence has helped more than anything. Thanks again, Roy. Have a good couple of days off.” 

Roy dipped his head, watching as she disappeared behind her closed door. He stood there for a moment, unsure of what he was thinking or feeling. “Bye,” he whispered to the closed door, turning and heading back to his car for the long lonely drive home. He hated knowing that an empty house awaited him, but today it was probably best that Joanne wouldn’t be at home when he arrived. His feelings toward his wife were becoming muddled.

E!

Chet parked his van in his usual spot and got out, looking around for Caroline’s sedan. He wondered where she might be so early in the morning, but didn’t let the question linger. Instead, he trudged up the stairs to his own apartment. As he opened the door, he noticed a thick envelope lying on the floor. “What the…?” 

He turned it over, seeing his name written in a very feminine script, and immediately felt his stomach lurch. “Uh-oh,” he mumbled to himself, closing and locking the door behind him. He hung his keys up by the door, dropping his bag on the sofa as he walked by heading to his bedroom. 

He sat down on the edge of the bed, toeing off his shoes. His fingers trembled as he fumbled with the flap, finally resorting to tearing the envelope into a couple of pieces. Part of him wanted to read the letter and the other part didn’t, because he knew who it was from. He also knew that good news was delivered in person, bad news came in writing. 

E!

Roy made the turn into his driveway, sighing at the sight of the empty garage. He exited the gold Porsche, slinging his duffel bag onto his shoulder and heading for the front door. The door squeaked as he opened it, and he made a mental note to lubricate the hinges. He carried his bag up the flight of stairs to the master bedroom, the room where he and Joanne had spent many mornings, just like this one, nestled in each other’s arms. They often made love when he returned off shift, while the children were in school. They could enjoy each other without the concern of waking their little ones. He stared at the unmade bed, evidence of the rush Joanne had been in to get the kids to school and herself to work on time.

After showering, he stepped into his boxers and pulled a t-shirt over his damp hair. He crawled beneath the cool covers, needing to sleep for a little while. Even though he had gone to bed early at the station, he had not been able to rest. The night had been uneventful, only a couple of minor runs, but his mind simply could not turn off the images that kept replaying over and over again. Who was the man Joanne had spent time with on the blanket in the back yard? And why would she risk being seen by their children in the midst of such a sordid encounter? 

Eventually, fatigue took over his body, and he fell into a deep, albeit restless, sleep. Unfortunately, his subconscious refused to relinquish its hold on his mind, and the demons that had been nagging him during his waking hours seemed to gather up reinforcements and continue their relentless assault in his dream world. 

E!

Chet scrubbed his face with his hand, removing the damp evidence of his heartache that had streamed down his cheeks while he read Caroline’s letter. Around his shift mates, he was usually able to maintain his jovial and, when necessary, stern exterior. However, Caroline and Corrie Marks touched him in a way he had never felt before, in a place he never knew existed. He flipped from one page to the next, continuing to feel Caroline's pain as he read the words she had obviously struggled to write. The beautiful penmanship at the beginning of the letter deteriorated into barely legible sloppy smudges by the end. She had poured out her heart, bearing her soul to him. As he sat trembling on the edge of the bed, hugging himself with his free arm, he realized that what he held in his hand represented her life, her entire existence. He also knew that the letter wasn't the only thing he held. She had made it clear that he also held her heart. It was open and exposed within his hands, just as surely as the white-lined paper he gripped between his fingers. He had the power to wad it up, and cast it off like a crumpled piece of scrap paper. Or, he could soothe it, mend it back together into an organ that was stronger and more full of life than it had ever been. Somehow, even with the sound of blood rushing through his ears, he could hear not only his own heart beating, but hers, as well. He closed his eyes, listening as the two hearts synchronized until only a single thumping rhythmic beat was heard.  He could almost smell her scent, feel her arms around him. Then, slowly her heartbeat began to become fainter and slower.  Her scent faded and he thought he could feel her arms slipping from around him.  Eventually, her heartbeat faltered then stopped, leaving only the pounding of his own heart, causing his temples to throb, unmercifully. With the images of her gone, he was left alone in his bedroom, and there, he made a decision that could possibly change his future forever. 

He opened his eyes, now fully aware and accepting of his feelings for Caroline and Corrie. The memory of her fading presence dipped its icy fingers down inside his chest and squeezed him painfully hard. The resulting heartache served as a catalyst, spurring him to do what he should have done weeks ago. 

He folded up the letter, dropping it onto his nightstand, then headed for his bathroom for a shower. He wanted to look his best, removing the tiny snippets of cut hair and cleaning up his tear-stained face. Then, as soon as he could make himself presentable, he would go down to her first floor apartment to share his own heart with Caroline. He had something to tell her, and he knew she needed to hear it.

E!

As the morning wore on, Johnny took care of housekeeping chores around his apartment.  He scrubbed the bathroom until it sparkled, vacuumed the carpet in his bedroom, and swept and mopped the floor in his kitchen.  After washing and drying the few dishes he had left the previous morning, he plopped down in front of the television set.  It was nearly eleven o’clock, and the only programs on were soap operas.

“Too damn realistic these days,” he groaned, walking over to the set and turning it off.  

It seemed that the soap operas were filled with nothing more than lying, cheating men and women.  In spite of his busy morning, he had not been able to stop thinking about Roy following Gretchen into her apartment building.  He had tried to think of every plausible explanation, but so far he had come up empty handed.  He inhaled deeply then blew out his breath, staring at the silent television screen.  He knew that there was only one way to settle his curiosity.  He had to talk to Roy.

E!

Curled up in his bed, Roy’s eyes jerked and twitched beneath closed eyelids.  His forehead had become sweaty, and his mouth formed a slight grimace.  Grunts and groans managed to escape from his throat.  His jaw muscles flexed and his teeth were grinding together, painfully.  He was having a lucid dream, knowing that he was dreaming, and yet, feeling powerless to alter the course of the nightmare.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
He crept slowly through his front door, again hearing the squeaking sound and cringing. He closed the door and became aware of mumbling sounds coming from the kitchen. Curious, he walked around the corner and gasped at the sight before him. There, leaning against the kitchen sink was his wife, passionately kissing another man. “What the hell’s going on here?” He questioned the two of them.

“Sorry, man… But she needed the attention and appreciation of a real man,” Chet exclaimed, then lowered his lips back down to Joanne’s to continue what Roy had interrupted. 

Eventually, the unsettling image faded, replaced by a disturbing image Roy could see through the glass door. Laughing could be heard from the lounge chairs on the deck, and Roy rushed through the open door. There, relaxing on the deck he had built with his own hands, was Mike Stoker. Joanne was sitting very close to him, and they were feeding each other chocolate-covered strawberries, her legs draped over his at a ninety degree angle. “Damn you, Stoker!”

“Hey, what’s eating you? You weren’t here and I just wanted to do something nice for her; make her feel special,” Mike stated, opening his mouth for the proffered strawberry. He allowed his lips to linger on Joanne’s fingertips, seductively licking the chocolate that remained there. He then used the chocolate-covered tip of the fruit he was holding to sweep gently across her sensuous lips. He smiled when she parted her lips, allow him to gently insert the strawberry tip inside her mouth. Joanne slowly chewed the juice sweet fruit, then turned slightly and glared at Roy.

Roy couldn’t stand the sight any longer and returned to his living room. There, sitting on the sofa with Joanne’s bare legs across his lap, was Marco. “Lopez?”

“Hi, Roy. She was tired and her feet were sore,” Marco said, his dark eyes filled with desire as he massaged Joanne’s arches then slowly made his way higher and higher. He caressed her calf muscles, eliciting a groan from her pouty lips. 

“Oh, Marco,” she crooned, closing her eyes and arching her neck in ecstasy.

The lineman shifted his position, continuing to run his hands higher over her knees to her thighs, kneading the firm muscles he found there. 

“Damn it!” Roy shouted, running up the stairs and into the master bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

“Well, hello, Pal. You’re a little late to the party aren’t you?”

Roy nearly gagged at the sight he saw in his bed. There, bare chested and propped up on the pillows, was Hank, his naked lower body covered by only a thin sheet. Curls of wispy smoke floated up from the ashtray on the nightstand. A couple of cigarette butts were crushed out in it, and one of them was encircled with Joanne’s favorite shade of lipstick. 

“Wha-what the fu…?”

“Oh, c’mon, you twit. You know we’re only here because you haven’t been meeting her needs.” Hank pulled another drag from the cigarette before extinguishing it. He then stretched his long arms over his head, bending them at the elbows and locking his fingers together. “Aahhh,” he sighed. “Roy, a woman like Joanne needs to know you appreciate her hard work. She needs to know you’re there for her, supporting her. She’s quite a gal, DeSoto. Maybe you shouldn’t take her for granted.”

“Why you miserable piece of…”

He was about to attack his captain when noises coming from the bathroom pulled his attention away from the bed. He glanced at the bathroom door, cracked open slightly with steam spilling out into the bedroom. He then returned his angry blue eyes back to his captain.

“He wouldn’t dare…”

Hank chuckled heartily, never responding to his senior paramedic’s remark.

Roy slowly pushed the door open, walking into the sauna-like room, his stomach lurching at the familiar sounds he was hearing from behind the shower curtain. Loud kissing, moaning, and the unmistakable sound of skin slapping skin continued as he walked closer and closer to the closed shower curtain. The room was foggy from the stream of hot water flowing over the two occupants. He reached out a shaky hand, needing to pull back the pale yellow curtain to expose their deeds, and yet not wanting to face the reality himself. His stomach protested again as the noises became louder and more desperate while both his wife and her lover continued striving for the ultimate goal. 

He swallowed back the bile that was burning the back of his throat, then grabbed a handful of the slick plastic curtain and yanked back as hard as he could. Joanne stared at him, her green eyes were darkened with desire. Behind her, her dark-haired lover continued his ministrations. His hands covered her naked breasts, caressing the soft mounds, tweaking her nipples. The undulating motion of his hips left Roy with no doubt as to what was going on. Joanne leaned forward, ignoring her husband’s presence as she used her hands to brace herself against the tile wall. Johnny’s thrusts were increasing in intensity and speed. Joanne tilted her head to one side, an invitation Johnny accepted to nibble along her long neck, erotically. He kissed his way down the back of her neck, sucking on her earlobe, obviously pleasuring her. His face remained downcast, his puckering lips barely touching her sensitive skin, his fingers continuing to knead her breasts, as he opened his eyes and looked at Roy through his dark long eyelashes. “Hi, Pally,” he said allowing his half-grin to surface sarcastically, continuing to withdraw his cock and slam it back inside of Joanne, grinding his hips into her fleshy buttocks over and over again. She moaned in ecstasy with each animalistic thrust. “Looks like this time the ole Gage charm worked.” Johnny grinned knowingly at his partner, puckering his lips and lightly kissing her again before pulling the curtain closed. Joanne’s groaning seemed to grow louder and louder, her breath coming in short pants. He recognized the sound of her impending orgasm. As she reached her climax, it wasn’t Roy’s name she called out.

“Oh god, oh Johnny… Yes, just… like that… don’t stop, I’m close…” 

“Yea, that’s it Jo… come for me, baby,” he grunted, continuing his thrusts at a feverish pace. “Come for me… I’m almost there too, I’m…aarrgghhh!”

Roy rushed forward, both hands reaching out, pulling at the shower curtain in an effort to inflict harm on his wife and the man he had once called his best friend. Instead, he became wrapped in the curtain and fell hard onto the tile floor. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The feeling of being entangled in the shower curtain and the hardness of the floor jerked him from sleep.  He awoke, wrapped in the comforter from the bed, but lying in a heap on the bedroom floor.  His breathing was much too rapid, causing him to hyperventilate.  He felt the tingling in his fingers and the pain in his chest; he had to slow down his respiration.  Quickly, still unsure of what was real and what wasn’t, he pushed the comforter into a pile around his face, trying to rebreathe his exhalations enough to reduce his oxygen intake.  He lay as still as he could, waiting for the sensations to abate as consciousness began to push back the nightmare into its dark hiding place.  He didn’t know how long he lay there, thinking back over the dream, but eventually he was able to push himself off the floor and back onto the bed.  A few more minutes passed before he was able to stand.  He felt the need to relieve himself, but was uneasy about entering their bathroom, remembering the horrific images from his dream.  Finally, convincing himself that Johnny and Joanne were not in the shower, he was able to walk into the bathroom and take care of his most immediate needs.

He leaned over the sink, splashing cold water onto his sweaty face.  With water dripping off his nose, he looked into the mirror, alarmed at the face he saw staring back at him. He looked much older than he had only a few weeks ago.  His blue eyes no longer sparkled, dark circles growing beneath them. He reached for the hand towel, patting his face dry, then looked in the mirror again.  Suddenly, his eyes widened as he thought about the possible meaning of his dream.  “Do they know?”

He shook his head, trying to dismiss the thought.  How could they possibly know?  He hadn’t mentioned it to anyone, not even Johnny.  Johnny.  The very thought of his partner stirred up something deep inside his gut.  The images of the younger man in the shower with Joanne simply could not be unseen – even if they were only seen during a nightmare.  He threw the towel onto the counter top, then pushed through the door heading back into the bedroom to get dressed.  The door squeaked as it slowly shut, reminding him that he needed to fix the squeaking on the front door, too.    
He quickly redressed, then made his way down the stairs and into the laundry room where he kept a can of lubricant.  Returning to the front door, he opened it to find the exact spot that needed the oil.  There, standing on his doorstep with his hand raised as if about to knock, was the last person Roy wanted to see at the moment.

“Oh, um, hi,” Johnny said, surprised by the door opening before he had made his presence known.

Roy was stunned by the sudden appearance of his partner, and something primal inside him nearly snapped.  Grunting through clenched teeth, he tamped down the urge to lunge at his partner.  With his mind’s eye, he still saw Johnny in the throes of passion with Joanne.

“Roy?”  Johnny’s voice cracked, caught off guard by the icy cold greeting he was receiving.  “I, uh… I just wanted to, um, to check on you.”  Johnny’s feet shuffled as he tried to explain why he had dropped by the DeSoto residence.  He realized he wasn’t coming up with a plausible explanation, and knew his friend could tell something was definitely up.

“Why?”

“Well, I…” Johnny rubbed the side of his nose, propping his hands on his hips to stall for a little time while he thought up an excuse.  “I just wanted to… to, ah, to see how you…how you were doin’.”  
Roy continued moving the front door back and forth until he found the exact location of the squeak.  He held the nozzle of the can near the targeted location and sprayed.  He purposefully did not look at Johnny, knowing the young man was struggling to explain himself.  “Yea… You said that already.”

“Yea… Okay, so, um, h-how are ya doin’?”

“Fine,” Roy said curtly, moving the door slightly, testing the effectiveness of his lubricant.  “I was fine at the station yesterday.  I was fine on the calls we went on.  I was fine while we slept in the dorm last night. I was fine at the station this morning when we woke up, and I’m fine now.”  He snapped the lid back on the canister and stood up.  Standing in the doorway with one forearm propped on the door-facing, he stared into his partner’s dark eyes, making it obvious that he wasn’t going to invite Johnny inside.  “So… any more questions?”

Johnny bit the inside of his jaw, realizing that Roy was in a very bad way.  In his heart, the only explanation he could think of was that Roy had seen Johnny following him when he picked up   
Gretchen, and knew that Johnny saw him go inside her apartment.  He could tell that Roy was very upset, and part of him thought he needed to apologize to the older man.  However, another part felt that somehow he was justified in what he did, and he wanted to help Roy see what he was doing to his family.  Not knowing what else to do and becoming increasingly uncomfortable being stared at by Roy, Johnny turned around for a moment as if he were about to leave, then decided to address the issue head on.  He spun back around just as Roy was closing the front door.

“You know, don’t you?”  Johnny asked, referring to him following Roy earlier.

Roy stopped the motion of the closing door, narrowing his eyes at his partner.  As far as Roy knew, Johnny had just confirmed having knowledge of Joanne’s infidelity. Roy stood there, staring at the man before him as if the two had never met.  As much as he didn’t want to know the answer, he had to ask the question.  “Yea… I do.  But how?  How did YOU find out?”

Johnny looked around the front of the DeSoto house.  “Look, let’s not discuss it out here, a’right?  Do ya mind if I come in?”

Roy spread his feet a little further apart, crossing his arms in front of his chest.  “Yea… Yea, Johnny, as a matter of fact, I do mind.  Now,” he glared at his partner, knowing he had his partner’s full attention.  Johnny had obviously been hiding the information about Joanne from him while they were at work. “I’ll ask you one more time.  How did you find out?”

“Listen, let’s just go inside and…”

“NO!” Roy shouted, feeling his temples beginning to throb again.  “W-Who,” he stammered, gulping back the contents of his stomach that were threatening to spew.  “Who the hell have you told?”

Johnny heard and felt the unspoken threat in Roy’s defiant stance and raspy voice.  “Nobody, I swear.  Nobody else knows, unless…”  Johnny stopped, unsure of how to proceed.

“Unless?”  Roy questioned, remaining firmly rooted in his open doorway.

“Unless someone else… I mean, I think I was the only one who, um, who saw it.”

Roy felt the heat rising up around his chest, rivulets of sweat began pouring from his forehead, coursing down his temples and across his cheeks.  Jennifer had seen Joanne and her lover while Roy and Johnny were at the station.  So then, when had Johnny seen them?  And where was Roy when ‘it’ had happened again?  “Wait,” Roy pointed a finger at Johnny’s chest.  “You saw it?  When?”

Johnny, still thinking Roy was asking when Johnny had seen him and Gretchen, answered with as few words as possible.  He desperately wanted to maintain their friendship and felt stuck in the middle of a pool of quicksand, with no way out.  “Um, this morning.”

“WHAT?”  Roy couldn’t believe that Joanne would be so open about her affair; especially in a place where she might be seen by one of their friends, or by Roy himself.  “Where?”

“Roy, I know it was wrong of me to follow, but I…I just I couldn’t believe it, ya know.  I thought there must be a good explanation for it, but now…,” he hesitated, waving his hand in front of Roy as if to indicate their current conversation.  “Now… I-I don’t know what to think.”

“I’ll tell you what to think.  Or I’ll tell ya what I think… She’s behaving like some brazen whore!”  Roy could no longer keep his anger in check.

Johnny’s eyebrows quickly lifted into his hairline.  He couldn’t understand why Roy would make such a reference to Gretchen when Roy was the one who was married.  He still had no idea that he and Roy were talking about two completely different situations.  “Look, it’s not like she’s in it by herself, ya know?  I think maybe you ought to accept some of the blame yourself ‘cause,” Johnny began, but was quickly interrupted.

“Are you saying this shit is MY fault?”  Roy seethed, his anger reaching the boiling point as he still thought Johnny was talking about Joanne having an affair.

Before Johnny could answer, he heard a car turning into the DeSoto’s driveway.  He turned his head quickly, seeing Joanne stepping out of the sedan and shouldering her purse. With his mouth agape, he quickly turned back around to see what Roy might do, worry lines creasing his forehead beneath his freshly cut bangs.

Roy stood, glaring at his wife as she walked up the sidewalk to the front door, acting as if today was just another day.  “Hello, Johnny…Roy.  How was your shift?”

Roy stepped out of the way, allowing his wife to pass into the house.  He then stepped quickly to block his partner’s entry.  With a quivering index finger, he pointed it a few inches from Johnny’s nose.  “Not one word, you hear me, John Gage?  Not one word to anybody!  I’ll take care of this myself.”  Abruptly, he stepped back slamming the door in Johnny’s face and following his wife into the living room.  The kids were still at school so now was the perfect time to lay it all out in the open.

Joanne couldn’t help but notice that neither man had responded to her question. She had also noticed the way Johnny was standing, and hoped that he was on his way out of the house.  She needed a little time alone with her husband.  She had been grateful that Iris had not needed her help this afternoon.  She began putting up the groceries, waiting for her husband to come back inside the house.  With the children not around, they would have time to discuss whatever it was that had Roy so upset with her.

E!

Johnny pulled to a stop at the intersection, strumming his fingers on the steering wheel. His mind was still trying to sort out Roy’s situation. As much as he tried to understand it, or at least explain it away, Johnny simply couldn’t make the pieces fit together. Roy hadn’t said or done anything to clear up the mystery either. As he sat at the traffic light, he thought back over the words his captain had told him. He knew that Hank meant it when he said that he was there for his crew any time. Johnny just hoped that now was one of those times.  
The light changed to green and Johnny accelerated. Within minutes, he was pulling to a stop in front of the Stanley residence. He saw Hank standing in front of his black sedan with the hood raised. He had an oily rag in his hand, wiping off the dip stick he was holding in the other.  
“Hey, Gage.  What brings you here this afternoon?”  Hank asked, replacing the dip stick and then removing it again.  
“I, um, I need to, ah…”  Johnny shifted his weight from one foot to the other.  He didn’t want to betray his best friend, but he also knew he was in over his head with Roy.  “Cap, ya got a few minutes?  Um, Roy’s in BIG trouble.”  
    
E! 

A/N: *Reference to episodes “Problem” and “The Promotion.”


	15. chapter 15

Chapter 15

Roy stood in front of the bar which separated the kitchen and dining room, arms crossed over his chest, watching Joanne put the last of the groceries into the refrigerator. He waited for her to close the door and look at him before he began.

“What the hell have you been up to, Jo?”

Joanne’s eyes widened at his choice of words and the tone he used with her. Rarely did Roy use that kind of language, especially around her. The longer she stood there looking at him, the stronger her feelings of frustration and anger seemed to grow. “How dare you swear at me like that? I think I could ask you the same question,” she sneered, remembering the thick smoky scent he brought home with him a couple of nights ago.

Roy inhaled deeply, silently counting to five to keep from completely losing his temper with her. 

“Well?” Joanne questioned when she got no immediate response to her remark. 

Roy watched as she arched one eyebrow in a manner that reminded him of his partner’s mannerism. The thought of Johnny sent his blood pressure up even more.

“Who is he?” Roy asked, his jaw locked in frustration.

“Who is who?” Joanne responded, clueless as to the meaning of his question but mimicking his tone and stance.

“Don’t play games with me, Jo. I’m NOT in the mood for it,” Roy answered, emphasizing his words by slamming his open palm down on the kitchen bar that separated them.

“Games? What games? This isn’t funny, Roy.”

“Aarrgh!” Roy groaned, running a hand through his thinning red hair. “C’mon, Jo. It’s not a secret anymore, alright? You got careless, and now you’ve been caught… First by our own little girl, and now by Johnny!”

Joanne couldn’t stop the tears that began to melt her green eyes. Her lips quivered as she forced the words out. “Seen doing what? What are you talking about, Roy?”  
“I want his name, and I want to know how long it’s been going on. I at least deserve that much.”

Joanne couldn’t believe the conversation that was happening between them. Roy was angrier than she had ever seen him in her entire life, and obviously his anger was directed at her. Somewhere, deep in her soul, she began to be afraid of the man she had loved since she was a young girl. With trembling knees, she backed up slightly, away from the place where he was leaning against the bar. His eyes were full of scorn and bitterness, sending chills down her spine.

“Roy? I don’t… know what’s going on here, but y-you need to calm down… so we can discuss this rationally… like ad-adults.”

“Adults? Humph, I think the word you’re looking for is adultery, Joanne,” he seethed.

Joanne’s eyes rounded in alarm, her hand flying to her open mouth in dismay. “WHAT? You can’t be serious!”

“Oh, I’m serious. I’m dead serious.” Roy’s bloodshot eyes narrowed at her. “Didn’t think I’d find out, did you?”

Joanne’s shock and anger swirled inside her forming an emotional volcano that erupted, spilling onto her checks. She could barely see the blurred image of her husband standing in front of her. Had he really just accused her of cheating on him? Shaking her head in disbelief, she retreated from his presence. She had to get away from his angry accusations and cold-hearted jeers.

“Jo!”

She rushed past him, heading for the stairs, hearing him following behind her, calling out her name. She hurried inside their bedroom, slamming and locking the door behind her.  
Roy heard the clicking of the lock on the bedroom door, but decided to twist the knob anyway. When the door wouldn’t open, he slapped it with his open palm. “Great! Hiding won’t make it go away!” He yelled to the closed door. “Where were you this morning, huh?”

“WORK!” She yelled back.

“And just who were you working on?” He asked, sarcasm dripping thickly off his tongue as he continued pounding on the locked door. “Open this damn door, Jo.” 

“Not until you… calm down,” she sniffled.

“I’m not gonna calm down. I’m too pissed off to calm down!” He continued yelling, pacing back and forth in the short hallway. 

Joanne leaned her forehead against the door, sucking in each breath between sobs. She had no idea why Roy would think she was cheating on him. She had never done anything like that nor had she ever even considered such a thing. Then, his comment about being caught reverberated in her memory. He had said that she had been seen by Johnny and Jennifer. She couldn’t imagine what Roy had meant by that statement. She began drying her eyes, trying to find her voice.

“R-Roy?”

“Yea… I’m waiting for some answers,” he grunted, halting his pacing.

“I’ve ne-ever cheated on you. I-I don’t know what, um, what Johnny and Jennifer saw, or… or when they saw it, but…Roy, it isn’t true. You have to believe me.”

Roy stood in front of the door. He knew he could breach the lock with just one well-placed kick, having done it many times before on rescues. That act would only leave him with a damaged door to repair, and an injured wife. He could hear her sniffling on the other side of the door. Instead, he slammed his hand against the door one final time. “No… No, I don’t have to believe you.”

Joanne jumped back away from the door, startled by the sound of his hand hitting it. This was so unlike Roy. He had always been so calm and even-tempered. What had happened? What had caused him to change? What had led him to believe that she would have an affair? And what had Jennifer and Johnny seen?

Roy, his frustration continuing to build, finally retreated back down the stairs. He opened the refrigerator, grabbing a couple of beers, then headed for the deck. He needed some fresh air, as fresh as Los Angeles could provide, anyway. On his way to the sliding glass door, he noticed her purse on the table and snagged it with his right hand as he passed by. He could wait as long as she could. And, without her keys, she couldn’t leave without walking… or calling her lover to come and pick her up. 

“Humph,” he grunted at the thought, plopping down in his favorite Adirondack chair, overlooking his well-manicured backyard. He hooked his finger through the pull-tab, allowing the beverage to spew away from him when he broke the seal. He finished removing the tab, and gulped several large swallows of his beer, leaving the small metallic circle on his finger digging into his knuckle. If she called her lover to come and pick her up, then Roy would be ready for him – whomever he may be.

E!

Hank lowered the hood on his car, running his grimy hands down the sides of his jeans. He leaned against the hood with his backside, staring at his junior medic. “What kind of trouble, John?”

Johnny suddenly felt very uncomfortable. Never had he ever snitched on one of the guys, especially not his best friend. However, Roy had been so distant lately, and now Johnny thought he might know why. As much as he hated having this conversation, he had simply reached a point where he didn’t know what else to do. He couldn’t stand by and watch Roy self-destruct, even if it meant that he lost his best friend because of what he was about to do. He preferred to lose his friendship with Roy forever than for the DeSoto family to be broken apart.

“Cap… I,” Johnny turned sideways, staring off into the distance at nothing in particular. The light afternoon breeze blew tufts of dark hair up, leaving them standing on his head. He squinted his eyes as he returned his gaze to his superior, pressing his lips into a thin line before opening them again to speak. “I think Roy is cheating on Joanne.”

“What?” Hank couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Roy DeSoto had always been the epitome of upstanding – a true man of integrity and honor. He always put his family first. “What makes you think that?”

Johnny ran a worried finger beneath his nose, a habit his captain was very familiar with, and one the older man knew meant that Johnny was thinking about more than he was saying. 

“He… He’s been acting really distant and, I don’t know… Distracted, I guess. I thought it was because Joanne had started working at Bloomers, but now…” Johnny’s voice faded. He searched for the right way to phrase what he needed to say, but the words seemed to get lost on his lips. “I mean, he was really mad about it because she did it without telling him, but…”

“John.” Hank was accustomed to redirecting conversations when John Gage was involved. “What makes you think he’s having an affair?” 

“I saw him with that new waitress, Gretchen, from the Pourhouse.”

Hank smiled, thinking he knew where the conversation was headed. “Well, just because he was talking to a waitress doesn’t mean he was sleeping with her.”

“I know, Cap. But, I saw him pick her up, and give her a ride home, and then… then he went inside her apartment with her.”

Hank felt a twinge of something suspicious, but dismissed it. “Aren’t you jumping to conclusions? Maybe he was just helping her out. Besides, what did you do, follow them?”

Johnny planted both hands on his hips. “I know I shouldn’t’ve done it. But… Yea, I did. Then I went over to his house a few minutes ago, hoping he could give me a good explanation as to why I saw him going inside her building.” Johnny shook his head, thinking back to Roy’s reaction. “He was so upset. I really thought he was gonna deck me. So, if it was so innocent then why was he pissed off about me seeing them together? If he wasn’t doing anything wrong, then why was he acting so guilty…. Oh, and get this, Cap. He called her a brazen whore! Can you believe that?” Johnny’s temper was rising. He still couldn’t believe Roy had called Gretchen that when Roy was the one who was married, not her.

“Maybe he was pissed off because you followed him around.” Hank knew how he would feel if his best friend had followed him around, jumping to conclusions about what he was doing.

“Yea… But why call her a brazen whore, Cap? I mean, a whore is a woman who…”

Hank held up his hand, quickly halting the vocabulary lesson. “I know what the word means, John.”

“Oh, yea… Sorry, Cap.”

“I take it that you’ve talked to Roy about all this and he confirmed it? The affair, I mean; not the definition of a…”

Johnny scrubbed his open palm down his face. He shook his head slowly from side to side. “I tried, Cap. I really tried, but he, ah… He didn’t have a chance to admit it, exactly, before Joanne came home and… Aww man, you should’ve seen how he looked at her.”

“At Joanne or at Gretchen?” Hank asked, feeling the need to clarify when having a conversation with Johnny.

Johnny looked curiously at his captain.

“Johnny, you’re zigging and zagging all over the place. I just wanna make sure I’m following you,” Hank explained.

“Oh… At Joanne… I’ve never seen him like that before.” Johnny thought back to the way Roy had simply stepped aside, and let Joanne pass without even looking at her or acknowledging her question about their shift. It was almost as if he couldn’t stand the sight of her, and yet he certainly didn’t seem remorseful. “I’m… I’m really worried about how she’s gonna take this.”

Hank thought back to his own marital problems, which thankfully had been resolved recently. “What makes you think he’s gonna tell her… if it’s even true?” He asked. 

“Because he looked so mad about me catching him,” Johnny explained, animatedly. “She’s gonna ask about his mood for sure.”

Hank mimicked his paramedic, running a hand through his own dark hair. “I’ve known a few men who’ve justified their extramarital activities because they were upset with their wives. I don’t agree with it, mind you, but I understand it. A man can’t love his wife like nothing’s going on, then have a roll in the hay with his mistress a few minutes later. It seems that if the wife becomes the object of his anger then he begins to feel like it’s okay to cheat on her – a way to get back, I suppose. It starts with finding tiny faults; things that never bothered him before will suddenly become unbearable. Then it gets twisted into somehow being her fault that he has to fall for another woman. Does any of this sound like what’s been going on with Roy?”  
Johnny arched an eyebrow at his superior, silently questioning how Hank knew so much about extramarital affairs.

“Oh hell no, Johnny. Don’t look at me like that. You know I’d never do that to ‘Becca.”

“Yea, geez… I’m sorry, Cap. You just sounded so sure about it and… aarrgh, shit.” He slapped his hand against his jean-clad thigh, embarrassed. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“You’re upset, Johnny. Look, just take a deep breath and settle down.” Hank smiled, cupping the back of the younger man’s neck. “Take a little of your own advice – take it easy, alright?”

Johnny couldn’t help but chuckle at the reference of the most common phrase he used with his patients, and was relieved by his captain’s display of fatherly affection. “I’m really sorry, Cap.”

“Apology accepted. Now, if what you’re saying is true, and if Roy and Joanne are having problems, do you think they’d be open to some marital counseling?”

“Humph,” Johnny shook his head. “I don’t know, Cap. I’ve never seen him like this before. He was so angry that he was… uh, almost icy cold.” He ran his fingers into the rear pockets of his jeans. “I’m really worried, Cap. I’m worried about the whole family.”

“John, are you saying Joanne and the kids might be in danger?”

“Nah, I… I don’t think he’d hurt her or anything, but… Damn, he was pissed.”

“I never thought he’d do anything like this, either,” Hank responded. He allowed silence to linger between them for a moment. “Well, do you think he’d talk to me?”

“I dunno… Um, what would you say to him?”

Hank exhaled loudly, running his hands back down his jeans one more time. “I really can’t answer that, John. I’ll just have to see what he says… If he says anything to me at all.” Hank knew that going over to the DeSotos’ home, unannounced, might backfire on him, but he knew he had to do something. Captain Shepherd had noticed Roy’s odd behavior, Hank had noticed it, and now Johnny was basically confirming it. Roy was in a rapid downward spiral, and Hank saw this as one of the most difficult rescues he had ever undertaken.

“Do you need my help?” Johnny offered, knowing that he was asking his captain to go into a very hostile situation.

Hank had been staring at the ground, but he looked up when Johnny offered his assistance. “You know that if we both show up, he’s really gonna be mad as hell. He’ll know you said something to me and….” Hank thought about the possible results of such a confrontation. “He may never forgive either one of us.”

“I know… But, Cap,” Johnny looked into the caring hazel eyes of his captain. “If we don’t try, we’re gonna lose him anyway. I do believe that. And then I couldn’t forgive myself for not trying to do something.”

Hank paused for a moment, again staring at the ground. “Alright. Give me a few minutes to shower, and we’ll head on over there.”

Johnny nodded his appreciation, unable to find his words as he began to think about the upcoming conversation. He just hoped that in the end, the DeSotos’ marriage, and Roy and Johnny’s friendship, could survive what was about to happen.

E!

Back on the DeSotos’ deck, Roy sat squeezing the second empty beer can in his hand and staring at the place where he had found the incriminating blanket with the large masculine footprint on it a few days earlier. His mind’s eye allowed him to see unthinkable images of Joanne and her unknown lover on the blanket in the backyard. He squeezed his eyes shut, a mixture of confusing feelings fluttering inside his heart. He was angry at her for cheating on him, and yet, depressed at his own lack of ability to satisfy her. He was hurt by her betrayal, and yet, mad at the way she pretended that nothing was wrong. He was deflated by the fact that he didn’t make enough money to support his family without his wife having to work, and yet, he was ticked off that she obviously wasn’t working as much as she was telling him. After all, she had to be meeting her lover instead of working if Johnny had seen them this morning. This morning. He remembered how he used to come home from shift to find her waiting for him, then was crushed by the fact that on this particular morning, she had chosen to meet her lover instead. He dropped the compressed can to the wooden deck beneath him, jolted from his reverie by the clanging sound the act created.

He looked around on either side of his chair, suddenly realizing he had drank all the beer he had brought outside. Normally, he never drank more than two beers at a time, but normally he wasn’t this angry. Then, it dawned on him that anger wasn’t the only thing he was feeling. He was humiliated. Joanne’s behavior had humiliated him in front of his partner. Johnny was used to being rejected by women, but Roy was not accustomed to being rejected by his own wife. Now, Johnny knew. He sat staring through the slats in the deck railing. He thought again about his partner, and what the younger man must think of him. 

The sound of a car door slamming caught his attention and he quickly stood up. He knew she must have done it. She must have called her lover to come pick her up. Well, Roy DeSoto was not going to allow the unknown man to take his wife away without a fight. The angry paramedic slammed the half-filled beer can down on the deck, uncaring that it spewed onto his pant leg. He stormed inside, expecting to see Joanne rushing down the stairs heading to the front door. Instead, the room was silent until the doorbell rang. He stood staring at the closed door, wondering who was on the other side. His nostrils flared, his respiration rate increased, and he stood clenching and releasing his fists as he heard the doorbell ring a second time.

“Roy?” Joanne called from the top of the stairs, having heard the ringing doorbell. Her eyes were red and swollen.

“You called him didn’t you?” Roy seethed.

“Called who?” Joanne questioned, weakly. Her knees trembled, causing her to reach for the banister to prevent her from falling down the stairs.

“Him… Your lover,” he spoke curtly. “That’s him, isn’t it?” He asked, nodding his head in the direction of the door.

“No… No, Roy. There is no lover. I don’t know who’s here,” she said, her words floating down the stairs in barely a whisper. She truly had no idea who had come to pay them a visit, but she wanted to be as polite as she could, not wanting anyone to find out what Roy had accused her of doing. She was filled with hurt and shame, but she was determined to present a stellar image to whomever was on the other side of the door.

A loud knocking sound caused both Roy and Joanne to jump slightly, their nerves on edge. Once again, Roy clenched his fists, closing the distance between himself and the doorway. He wrapped his hand around the knob, feeling the cold hardness in his palm, wanting to replace it with the pain of a well-placed punch on the nose of Joanne’s lover.

He twisted the knob, pulling back on the door with a violent tug. There, on the other side of the door, stood Hank Stanley and John Gage. Roy drew his eyebrows together in confusion, then narrowed his eyes. Johnny must have run to their captain to tell him of the dilemma in the DeSoto household.

“Cap? Johnny? What are you doing here?”

“Mind if we talk for a few minutes, Roy?” Hank questioned, sensing the tension between the two paramedics.

“Now’s not a good time. Joanne and I are having a… uh, a discussion about a serious matter,” Roy stated flatly. He figured his partner had already shared his silent shame with their captain, but he wasn’t ready to face the older man yet.

“Look, please let us come in, Roy. We just wanna talk to ya for a….” Johnny was quickly interrupted.

“Is that Johnny?” Joanne called out, making her way down the stairs. “John Gage, you’ve got some explaining to do!” She began, standing at the base of the stairs.

“Uh, Jo… I-I think it’d be best comin’ from R…”

“Shut up, John,” Roy began, shifting his azure gaze to their captain. “And I sure don’t need anyone else to know about all this. It’s nobody’s business.” His teeth were gritting together again.

“Now hold up just a minute,” Hank began, holding a palm out toward the two other men present. The last thing he wanted was to referee a fight between his paramedics.

“Cap, I think you and John need to go home,” Roy spoke calmly, too calmly.

“Oh no they don’t! I want to hear what Johnny has to say. If he saw something this morning, then he needs to tell me where and when.” Joanne glared at the man she had always considered to be her little brother.

“I, uh, I mean,” Johnny stuttered, unprepared for a conversation with Joanne.

“Let us come in, Roy. Please?” Hank could tell the situation needed to be diffused, but he didn’t want to try to do it with the two men sparing at each other over the threshold of the front door.

Roy quickly weighed his options. Deciding that he might as well get everything out in the open and confront Joanne with what he thought Johnny knew, he smirked. “Fine. Be my guest,” he said, stepping aside, using exaggerated arm motions to usher his two guests inside. Maybe having Johnny explain where he saw Joanne and her lover was a good idea. At least she couldn’t continue to deny it.

It was obvious that Roy was being very sarcastic. Hank made sure he kept his back to the wall, facing Roy at all times, yet trying to remain between his two paramedics. 

“Alright, thanks. Now, shall we have a seat and discuss this rationally?” Hank was about to take a seat on the sofa when he realized he was the only one moving in that direction. “C’mon Roy, Johnny… Joanne.”

No one moved a muscle. Both Roy and Joanne stood several feet apart, staring at Johnny who was jerking his brown eyes between the two upset Desotos. 

“Well, Johnny? Let’s hear it. What did you see this morning, hmmm?” Joanne’s question was emphasized with her thin arms crossing over her chest.

Johnny felt his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as he swallowed. Did Roy really want him to tell Joanne what had happened? “Uh, Roy… I, um,”

“See, Roy. He didn’t see anything, because there was nothing to see,” Joanne leered, her previous fear flashing over to fury.

“Go ahead, Johnny. Tell us where you saw it?” Roy encouraged, leaving Johnny and Hank bewildered.

Johnny looked at his captain for support, and saw the subtle nod Hank gave him. “Uh, okay… I, um, I saw her get in the car about four blocks from the diner and then I followed. I saw the two of you get out and go inside the apartment building.” Johnny said, staring at his partner. He almost winced, expecting the backlash from Joanne.

“What?” Joanne was dumbfounded. No one had picked her up, certainly not near a diner, and she sure hadn’t gone inside an apartment building with anyone.

Roy stood staring at his partner as if he had grown a second head. “What did you say?” He questioned, feeling a sense of déjà vu by what his partner was saying.

Johnny licked his lips, his tongue feeling sticky and uncomfortable. “I said, I saw you pick her up and take her home.”

Joanne’s mouth formed a scream, but it never made it to the surface. “Wha-who? Who?”

“Gretchen,” Johnny said in almost a whisper.

“Gretchen? Who the hell is Gretchen?” Joanne asked, suddenly realizing she had sworn. Her face tinged a pale pink, but her eyes were keenly locked onto the face of her husband.

“We’re not talking about Gretchen. We’re talking about you,” Roy argued, pointing his index finger at his wife. “Now, who the hell were you with this morning, and where is this apartment building?”

“Oh, turn the tables, huh? Well, maybe I need to hear more about Gretchen? I don’t know any Gretchen.” Joanne’s mood suddenly shifted to absolute rage. “YOU…” She pointed a finger at her husband. “You accused me of cheating and yet, here I am finding out about some woman named Gretchen?”

“Johnny, damn it. Can’t you be serious for once? I need for you to tell me who she was with this morning. You said you saw her, now who was she with?” Roy’s angry eyes turned to his partner.

“You! A’right? I saw her with you. I was driving behind the two of you when you took her home, and then went inside her apartment,” Johnny hated the way his partner was making him feel.

“Oohhhhh,” Joanne seethed. “You were in another woman’s apartment, and yet you accused ME of cheating? You bastard!” She yelled at Roy, stepping up to him, and slapping him across his cheek.

Something inside Roy snapped. He lunged for his wife, unsure what he would do when he got hold of her. He had never hit a woman, and had always thought he never would, but he couldn’t just stand there and let her further humiliate him. He felt a tugging on the back of his shirt and saw Johnny’s arm cross over his chest.

“Stop it, Roy. Not now. Just let her go. She’s upset,” Hank soothed, pulling back on Roy’s shirt.

“Yea… Let her cool down,” Johnny added, watching as Joanne raced up the stairs, her wails filling the entire house.

“Get your damn hands off me!” Roy yelled, pushing Johnny as hard as he could. He watched as the younger man fell against the floor, hitting his head on the piano stool.

“Ugh,” Johnny groaned.

“Knock it off, Roy,” Hank ordered, using his most authoritative voice. “John?”

“I’m a’right,” Johnny responded, pressing his scalp lightly feeling for blood.

“Well good for you, John Gage. Stand up, you coward. Stand up and face me like a man! You want to screw with me and my life, then come on!” Roy wasn’t even sure what he was saying. All he knew, was that Johnny was trying to turn Joanne’s affair into something that was his fault. Why wouldn’t he say where he had seen Joanne and her lover?

“Roy…”

“Shut up, Johnny! It’s bad enough that my wife is screwing around on me, and you had to run tell Cap. Now, you act like you never saw anything just so I’ll look like an even bigger fool.   
Well, I’ve had it with you John Gage. Get the hell outta my house!” Roy screamed, pointing towards the open door while watching Johnny slowly pull himself up off the floor.

“Roy, you’re taking this a little too far,” Hank suggested. “Now, Johnny told me he saw you and Gretchen this morning, and he’s worried about you having an affair, and…,” he hesitated, looking up the stairs for Joanne before continuing. “… ruining your marriage.” Hank felt a little freer to say what he was thinking now that Joanne was no longer in the room.

“What do you mean? Why do you care what I do with my off time? She needed a little assistance that’s all. Jo’s the one fooling around, not me!” Roy continued, still fuming.

“A little assistance? Is that the code word for it now?” Johnny asked sarcastically. His concern for his partner was beginning to morph into frustration and anger at the way he was being treated.

“Code word for what? Helping a lady open a window that’s been painted shut by an idiot landlord?” Roy asked. “Because that’s all I did, ya know.”

Johnny finally stood up, dumbfounded by what he had just heard. “What? You opened a window for her?”

“Yea… I saw her walking and I stopped to give her a ride home. On the way, she asked me if I minded trying to open a window that was stuck in her apartment. She had called the landlord, but he hadn’t come out to fix it yet and it’s been getting hot these last few days.” Roy looked back and forth between his two bewildered coworkers. “Did you really think I’d do something like that?”

“I’m sorry, Roy.” Johnny tried to apologize. 

“Sorry? Is that all you can say?” Roy threw his hands up in disbelief. “When you came over here earlier, you came to ask me if I was cheating on Joanne, didn’t you?”

Johnny hung his head, feeling horrible about what had just transpired. He merely nodded.

“Well damn it all to hell!” Roy wanted to hit something or someone, but couldn’t find anything to punch. Instead, he sat down doing everything he could to tamp down the rage in his heart. He was angry at Joanne for her affair and angry at Johnny for not believing in him. “How could you, Johnny? After all we’ve been through, how could you think I’d do something like that?”

Johnny was too embarrassed to answer Roy’s question. Instead, he shook his head, taking a seat near their captain. Roy finally realized that he was the only one still standing and chose a chair on the opposite side of the room. He sat down with a huff.

“Johnny’s been very concerned about you lately, Roy. So have I. Captain Shep even noticed it and brought it to my attention before I returned to the station. You haven’t been yourself lately. Now, I,” Hank leaned over with his elbows on his knees, hating to say what was on his mind. “Now, I guess we understand why.”

“No,” Roy sat staring at the air in front of him, not seeing either of the men. “No, you don’t understand, Cap. No one does… Although, I guess by now you’ve figured it out.”

Johnny and Hank exchanged a knowing look, as Johnny took a seat on the sofa beside his superior.

“Roy… ahem,” Hank cleared his throat searching for the right words to continue. “Do you really think that Joanne would do that? I mean, are you sure?”

Roy only nodded his confirmation, too ashamed to look at his captain. “Yea…,” he whispered. “I have the proof,” he said, thinking back to the soiled blanket in the laundry room. “And the worst part is… Our baby girl saw them… in the act… in the backyard a few nights ago.” There, Roy’s humiliation was complete. Now, even his superior knew his secret shame. “I, I don’t know… what to do… how to feel… I just don’t know anything, anymore.” He finally looked up at Johnny. “Johnny, I thought you were here telling me you saw Jo and… him… but you were talking about seeing me and Gretchen, weren’t you?”

“Yea,” Johnny whispered. “I didn’t know about Joanne. I swear, I didn’t know.”

“Roy, you said you had proof. I know it’s none of my business, but, if you don’t mind me asking… What kind of proof?”

Roy wiped his eyes, trying his best to hide his emotions from the two men. “I found a blanket… in the backyard the other day. It had a man’s footprint on it, but it wasn’t mine. I really didn’t think a whole lot about it until Jennifer mentioned seeing… seeing a naked man on the blanket… be-bending over Joanne.”

“In your backyard? With the kids home? Damn, so…,” Johnny’s eyes widen as he realized what Roy meant by his earlier comment. “Then it was Joanne you were calling a brazen whore, not Gretchen.”

“Yea… Of course it wasn’t Gretchen. She hasn’t done anything.”

“I suppose Joanne denied it when you asked her about it?” Hank asked.

Roy nodded. 

“And when you told her what Jennifer saw and you showed her the blanket, what did she say?” Hank continued to press.

“I never actually told her what evidence I have.”

Hank stood walking over to Roy and reaching out his hand. “Do you still have the blanket?”

“Yea,” Roy responded, accepting the proffered hand and rising to his feet. 

“I have an idea. Go get the blanket and come back in here. Johnny, go get Joanne and bring her downstairs. I think you two need to lay it all out, all the evidence, and let’s see what’s really going on.”

“But, the kids… We’ve got to go pick up the kids from school.” Roy explained, not sure he was ready for an all-out war in the living room with his wife, and he sure didn’t want his superior present for the display.

“I’ll get the kids from school and they can stay at my place tonight,” Johnny offered. “The two of you need to get this settled if you can, and you don’t need the kids around to see or hear what might happen.”

“Roy, are you okay with that?” Hank inquired.

Roy gave his affirmation then turned to go to the laundry room, leaving Hank and Johnny alone in the living room. 

Hank turned to his junior paramedic. “This could get ugly, John.”

“Yea, I know. But it’s for the best, isn’t it, Cap?”

“I’ve learned a few things from Dr. Robertson, and with any luck, I’ll be referring him a couple of new clients first thing in the morning.” Hank blew out his breath.

“Guess I better go talk to her and then pack a couple of bags for the kids.” Johnny turned and walked up the stairs, his feet feeling as heavy as his heart. He didn’t know how he was going to explain to the kids that they would be staying with him tonight. He just hoped that he’d be able to return them to their parents, both of their parents, very soon.

Johnny trudged across the carpeted hallway and knocked on the bedroom door. “Jo? Joanne, it’s me. Open the door, please.”

Slowly, Joanne reached for the doorknob, her face splotched red from her crying. She opened the door, turning quickly and sitting on the bed, hugging Roy’s pillow.

Johnny walked in slowly, reaching out to her and pulling her into a sideways hug as he took a seat beside her. “Joanne, Cap wants to talk to you and Roy downstairs.”

Joanne slowly leaned into the shoulder of her husband’s best friend. “H-how could h-he do this to m-me and the k-kids,” she hiccupped. 

Johnny was at a loss for words. He sat there holding Joanne, wondering who else may have held her recently, convinced that his partner had done nothing wrong, and yet not so sure that Joanne was innocent. “Look, just dry your eyes. I’m going to pack a couple of bags for the kids, and I’ll pick them up at school. You and Roy need to talk tonight. I-I don’t think it’s as bad as you think it is.” He really didn’t think that his partner had cheated on his spouse, but he wasn’t sure he could say the same thing for Joanne.

“Okay, thanks, Johnny.” She pulled back away from his shoulder, looking up at his beautiful brown eyes. “I really do appreciate you.”

Johnny smiled, squeezing her one more time before standing and heading for Chris’ room. He needed to pack quickly and then head over to the elementary school. He also needed time to think of something to tell the DeSoto children.

E!


	16. chapter 16

Chapter 16

Across town, Chet stood sentinel near his front window, a position that gave him a perfect view of the parking lot and Caroline’s front door. It was mid-afternoon, and he was beginning to worry about her. Feeling anxious, he stuck his hands into the back pockets of his blue jeans as he waited. Finally, he saw her sedan drive into a parking spot. He watched as she helped Corrie disembark from the backseat, and the two headed towards her apartment. Chet was a bit startled when she cast a glance up to his front window. Before he could wave at her, he saw her face fall sadly, facing the concrete sidewalk. He watched her unlock her door, standing frozen in place as the two Marks ladies entered their ground floor apartment. His heart flipped inside his chest. He had to get to her now. What he had to say couldn’t wait any longer.

He closed his door then walked rapidly down the stairs. He stood in front of her door for a long moment, trying to decide what to say. Then, he raised his hand and knocked, using his normal cadence.

Inside, Corrie’s big brown eyes widened. “Mizzer Phet!” She squealed rushing to the front door, trying with both hands to turn the doorknob to allow her favorite fireman to enter. 

“Slow down, Corrie. Let Mommy open it.” Caroline too, knew who was on the other side of the door, and her own heart slammed around wildly. She pulled open the door, expecting to see a dejected or even angry man on the other side. Instead, she saw the most beautiful pair of caring blue eyes looking at her, then felt strong arms pulling her into a warm embrace. No words were exchanged between them. None were necessary. There in the doorway, with little Corrie standing beside them, Chet pulled Caroline’s head tightly against his chest, his strong arms covering her back, soothing her silent sobs. 

Chet tilted his face downward, lightly kissing her forehead as her tears continued to fall onto his white shirt. “It’s okay. Everything’s gonna be okay.”

“But… I’ve…Uh.” She could only sputter amid her tears; this was not the reaction she had been anticipating.

“Ssshhh,” Chet crooned, rocking her slightly from side to side. He cut his eyes to his left, noticing how quiet Corrie had become. 

Corrie leaned against her mother’s leg, one arm wrapped around Caroline’s knee, and holding onto Chet’s pant leg with the other. She was well aware that something was wrong, although her three year old mind couldn’t comprehend what was happening. All she knew was that her mother was sad, and her friend, Chet, was comforting her. 

Chet felt Caroline pulling away from him and released his hold on her. He watched as she glanced around at their feet, knowing she was struggling to face him. He was not going to allow her to feel any shame about the past she had shared in her letter. He crooked his index finger, using the edge to gently lift her chin until she was looking at him. “Thank you. Thank you for trusting me with that letter. I will never break that trust.” He slid his thumb up along the edge of her cheek, wiping away the stream of tears that continued to flow. “We need to sit down and talk about this…. But, please…,” he gulped, his own emotions trying to surface. “Please don’t turn your back on me.”

Caroline released a nervous laugh, burying her head back into his chest, enveloped by his protective embrace. She tried to speak, but only managed to nod her head. She couldn’t believe he had said that; she was the one who feared being left behind.

Once again, Chet kissed the top of her head. Now wasn’t the time to say what he wanted to tell her. He needed to wait until she settled down. “Look, I know you’re tired. I can see it in your eyes,” he began. Truthfully, he didn’t know where she had been all day, but the dark circles beneath her eyes were noticeable when he first saw her. “Why don’t I take Corrie to the apartment playground for a little while, then she can ride with me to pick up some tacos for dinner? That will give you some time alone to rest, and then after she goes to sleep tonight, we can talk.”

Caroline looked down at the confused big brown eyes of her little girl. She gave Corrie a tentative smile, then returned her red swollen eyes back up to Chet. “Y-you don’t mind?”

“Of course not.”

“I’d really like that,” she smiled, bending down to look at Corrie eye to eye. “Corrie, would you like to play with Mr. Chet for a little while?”

“Yeah!” she squealed, clapping her hands together. She hugged her mother briefly then latched onto Chet’s leg.

“Sounds like fun, ladybug,” Chet snickered. “Then you and I can go pick up some tacos, and bring them back to share with Mommy.”

“I like ha-cos,” the little girl cheered.

“Ta-cos,” Caroline corrected. “Make the tee sound, remember?”

“Ta-hacos,” Corrie spoke carefully.

“Atta-girl,” Chet laughed, picking the child up and hugging her. He loved the feeling of her small arms around his neck – more than he had ever realized. 

“Thank you,” Caroline whispered, leaning against Chet’s open free arm. She smiled at the way he held Corrie in one arm, hugging Caroline with the other. It felt right, somehow. “I think I’ll take a long bath, if you don’t mind.”“Just, ah, well… Can I take your apartment key with me? I don’t want you in the bathtub without locking the door, but I want to be able to get back in if Corrie needs something before you get out,” he hoped she understood his predicament.

“Oh, yes, of course,” she said, leaving the security of his embrace to dig her keys out of her purse. “Here you go. You be sweet for Mr. Chet, alright?” She asked, tweaking her daughter’s nose.

“Okay,” Corrie responded, laughing as she patted her friend on his shoulder.

Chet pocketed the keys, then hoisted Corrie onto his shoulders, smiling at the sound of her childish laughter. “Up you go, ladybug!” He locked his fingers together behind her back, creating a type of chair for her safety. There was no way she could fall, especially not while she held onto his dark curly hair with both hands. Chet leaned in towards Caroline, puckering his lips for a quick kiss. “It’s all gonna be fine. I promise,” he reassured the nervous woman, his jovial blue eyes turning serious again. 

“Ahem, ‘k,” she managed to say, following them to the door.

“Alrighty, duck!” He called out as he bent his knees to cross the threshold, so as not to bump Corrie’s head. “Tell Mommy good-bye.”

“Bye-bye.”

“Bye, you two,” Caroline managed to say, then closed the door and locked it. She hugged herself for a moment before heading down the hallway to her bathroom. Dare she believe that this wonderful man could somehow look beyond her past, and open himself up to a relationship with her, after all?

E!

At the DeSoto residence, Johnny pulled two bags onto his shoulder – one for Chris and one for Jenny. As he stepped back out into the hallway, he saw Joanne walking out of the master   
bedroom. Her eyes were red and swollen, and she carried a wet washcloth in her trembling hands. Johnny’s heart broke for her and, yet he didn’t know what part she may have played in the current emotional dilemma Roy was in. He swallowed hard, reaching out to pull her into a sideways hug.

“Listen to him, Joanne. Listen with your heart. Hopefully, he’ll do the same for you.”

She nodded, again raising the washcloth to her face, smearing what little eye make-up remained. 

He then smiled at her. “Just stay calm, okay?”

“I’ll try… Thank you, Johnny.”

“You’re welcome,” he spoke softly, gesturing for her to go ahead of him down the stairs. He followed behind her, quietly slipping out the front door. He needed to hurry to get to the school to pick up the kids.

Joanne made it to the living room, greeting Hank with her eyes, but unable to even look at Roy.

“Thank you, Joanne,” Hank spoke, rising when she entered the room. He gestured for her to take a seat, pleased when she joined him on the sofa across from Roy. He was about to explain what he wanted them to do when Joanne suddenly realized that Roy was holding a blanket in his lap.

“R-Roy… What’s with the blanket?” She asked nervously, unsure if he had calmed down any or not.

“Why don’t you tell me?” He asked, rolling it out on the floor, the footprint near her.

“Joanne,” Hank began, feeling unskilled for the position he found himself in. “Roy has a question to ask you about this blanket.”

Roy looked at his captain, hearing the warning in the older man’s voice. Roy knew he needed to hold his tongue, and merely ask the question without the accusatory tone he had been using. “Ahem… Jo, that isn’t my footprint over there,” he pointed at the far corner, the one nearest his wife.

Joanne looked at the blanket, her memory skittering to a stop on the night of the leaky pipes. Tears welled up once more in her eyes as she realized why he was asking the question. “No… No, Roy, it isn’t. It’s Lane’s, Lane Coulter, the plumber.” She gulped, trying to find her voice to continue her explanation when his voice boomed across the room.

“Who the hell is Lane Coulter? And how dare you fuck him…”

“ROY!” Hank yelled out, standing to further emphasize his authority. “Give her a chance to explain how the footprint got there, alright, Pal?”

Joanne wiped her eyes with the cool cloth, and waited for Hank to sit back down before she continued. “He’s the plumber I called when we had a leaking pipe, while you were on shift.”

“Humph! We’ve never needed a plumber before. I’ve always been able to fix anything around here,” he said, feeling the need to validate his own masculine abilities. “Besides, plumbers are normally paid with cash, NOT sexual favors!”

“ROY DeSOTO!” She gasped.

“Roy, stay calm. Let her explain,” Hank continued, raising his hand to halt Roy from standing. He waited for Roy to ease back down in his seat. “Okay, Joanne. Please, continue with your full explanation.”

She sniffled, then began again. “How could you think that a simple footprint on an old blanket could mean I was cheating on you? I’ve never, ever cheated on you, Roy DeSoto. Never have… Never will,” she cried. “I-I didn’t want to burden you with a fix-it job when you got home. I’m working now so I knew I could pay for a plumber, so that’s what I did. I-I thought I was helping you.”

“Jennifer saw you!” Roy’s anger was surfacing again.

“Jennifer and Chris were both here!” She raised her voice back at him, unaware of what Jennifer had actually seen. “I had sent Chris out to water my flowers, so later on, when I was in the kitchen and heard the hissing sound, I thought he’d left the water on outside. I sent him back out to check, and he said he had turned the water off, but he could hear the sound of something spraying underneath the house.” She wiped her face again, looking down into her lap. “I spread the blanket on the ground in front of the crawl space door, so I wouldn’t soil my clothes, and used a flashlight to find the leak. It was bad, Roy.” She looked up at him.

Roy felt a lump forming in his throat, still unsure how Jennifer could have seen a naked man with Joanne, but also sensing that his wife was speaking the truth. “Go on,” he croaked out, hoarsely.

“I made the kids take quick baths while I looked for a plumber in the phone book,” her eyes suddenly widened. “Here,” she stood quickly, rushing to the drawer where they kept their phone book. “The receipt is in here.” She dug around for a moment before removing a crumpled pink slip of paper. “Here,” she rushed over, shoving the paper at him. “Here’s the receipt, see?”  
Roy looked over the hastily printed words, noting the date and doing some mental calculations. The dates matched, and again, the lump in his throat grew even larger. “B-but, Jen said she saw a naked man. She was looking out of her bedroom window, and s-said he was leaning over you. Jo? How…?”

Joanne’s tears began to stream down her cheeks, yet a slight smile made its way to her face. “Oh, Roy… She must’ve gotten the same view I did,” she chuckled slightly. His voice had sounded so childlike to her ears, and she began to understand what he was thinking. “When Lane got here, I had already turned the water off, just like you taught me. I had seen where the leak was, so I went out back to show him. I knelt down on the blanket and stuck my upper body underneath the house. Then I shined the flashlight on the two pipes that had been leaking at the joint. He leaned over me so he could see the exact spot.”

“But, why did Jennifer say he was na-naked?” Roy still struggled trying to repeat Jennifer’s description.

“Because she must’ve seen his plumber’s crack,” she laughed, nervously. “When he saw the place that had been leaking, he leaned back on his knees so I could get up. Believe me, when I looked back down, I saw waaaayyyy more of Lane than I wanted to see.”

Roy covered his face with both hands, scrubbing them up and down his reddened features. “And Jennifer’s window faces the crawl space door, so…”

“So she would’ve been looking at his backside,” Joanne said, completing his sentence.

Hank snickered, trying hard not to laugh out loud. “You mean, you got mooned by the plumber?”

“Yes!” She smiled at Hank through her tears. “Roy, he’s rather large, and he keeps small tools and things hanging on his belt. He’s a really sweet man. Even told me his brother was a firefighter back East, and wanted me to tell you ‘thank you’ for your service to our community. But, Roy… nothing happened. He just sealed the pipes at the joint, waited a few minutes, and then turned the water back on. I paid him, and he… I paid him CASH,” she emphasized. “And he left. That’s all.”

“But, you… uh, I mean…” He glanced at Hank with an expression the older man understood completely, then dug the heels of his palms into his eyes, obviously drying his tears. “I feel like such a fool.”

Hank felt a huge sense of relief. “Um, is it alright if I leave you two alone now? I think I’ve heard enough,” he grinned at Roy, hoping the younger man understood.

Roy got the message loud and clear. Hank knew there were other issues that could now be discussed, and having recently endured his own marital discord, he knew that some of those details probably involved intimate issues. Those issues didn’t need to be heard by a third party, certainly not by Roy’s captain. 

“I’m okay, Hank. Roy?” Joanne nodded at her husband. She still had a lot of questions, particularly about a woman named Gretchen, but she preferred to discuss the matter privately.

“Yeah,” he said in barely a whisper. “Yeah, I’m alright.” Roy looked at Hank then stood up. “Thanks, Cap. I’m sorry about…”

“No way, no need for apologies. I’ve been there, remember? Becca and I have been through some difficult times. The two of you were there for us then. We’re here for you now.” He reached into his shirt pocket. “Roy, I want to give this to you and Joanne. This is the business card of the man who… Well, he helped me and my family get through that tough time. I thought you two might want to give him a call.”

Roy nodded, accepting the card. He didn’t know if he and Joanne needed any counseling, and truthfully, he didn’t know if he could tell a stranger about all of this, but he did want to get past the difficulties that they seemed to be entrenched in.

“Call me if you need anything,” Hank offered. “I mean it. And I promise that what was said here, tonight, will never be repeated to anyone by me.”  
Again, Roy nodded. “Thanks, Cap. That… that means a lot.”

“Yes, thank you, Hank. Give Rebecca my best,” Joanne said, still drying her own tears. She reached up, hugging Hank’s neck then watched as Roy walked him to the front door.  
Hank stepped onto the small front porch, then turned around to face his host. “Roy, you sure you’re calm?”

“Yea, Cap. I’m good, just… uh, ashamed of myself.”

“You’ve got to let that go. You had reason to be suspicious. I’m just glad it turned out not to be what you thought.”

Roy hung his head. “Yea, me too. Thanks again, Cap.”

Hank shook his paramedic’s hand then watched as Roy returned to his living room, closing the heavy wooden door behind him.

Roy stepped over to the place where his wife stood, her eyes still red and watery. “Jo, I’m so sorry. I-I know you wouldn’t cheat on me, but I just… I don’t know… I guess between the shoe print, and what Jennifer said, and I haven’t been able to, to….” How could he explain how broken he had been regarding his perceived inabilities in the bedroom? “I just… I made a big mistake. Jo, I love you. Please, please forgive me?”

Joanne looked at her husband, his blue eyes filling with unshed tears. “You hurt me, Roy DeSoto. How you could think I would do something like that is beyond me. I’ve brought your two children into this world, and you know that I’ve never… NEVER been with anyone except you! I can…,” she gulped. “I can forgive you for jumping to conclusions, but…”  
Roy watched as her face clouded over. She had reached across her body, grabbing her left elbow with her right hand, effectively closing herself off to him. She was still angry and he knew it. “I know… I know it’ll take a while. I understand that…”

“Yes…,” she looked up at him. “Yes, it will. But you still haven’t told me who Gretchen is,” she spat out, her tear-filled eyes turning angrier with each heartbeat. “Up until today, I knew beyond a doubt that neither of us had ever had sex with anyone except with each other. I still know that I haven’t. Now… I wanna know, Roy. Now, it’s my turn to ask the question of you?”  
Roy’s face turned crimson, knowing what she was about to ask him.

“Have you? I mean, this Gretchen… Um,” she shook her head, gulping as she tried to find her voice. “Can you honestly look at me, and swear that I’m still the only woman you’ve ever been with?”

Roy’s blue eyes seemed to shimmer as he lost his battle to hold back his tears. Looking deeply into her eyes, he spoke from his heart. “Joanne, yes… Yes, I can honestly look at you, and swear on my life… I’ve never ever been with another woman… And I never want to be. I made a mistake….”

“Damn right, you did!”

Roy gulped at her outburst. He deserved it, and he felt the guilt deep in his soul. “My mistake was assuming that you had cheated on me, not that I did anything with Gretchen, or any other woman.”

Joanne swiped at her eyes, hating how she was unable to stop crying. “Then tell me why Johnny thought you were cheating, Roy. Your own partner thought something was up.” She could feel the trembling that seemed to be taking over her body, and decided she needed to sit down.

Roy saw her take a seat and chose to sit down in the chair beside her. “Gretchen is a waitress at The Pourhouse. She’s new, just moved into the area, I think. She doesn’t have a car, and lives in an apartment that’s a long walk from the diner. I saw her walking home this morning, and decided to ask if she needed a ride.” He watched as his wife hugged herself, noting how much she was shaking. He wanted to hug her, but knew not to reach out to her, yet. 

“That diner is NOT on a direct route home. You, you had to go out of your way to ride by there. Why?”

Roy hated feeling so weak, but he also knew that Joanne deserved the truth. “Because, I didn’t want to come home to an empty house. Jo, I miss you being here when I get home off shift. I – I miss spending time alone with you, without the kids around.” He hoped his explanation made sense to her. “So, I thought about getting breakfast there instead of coming home to eat,” he lied, hoping she wouldn’t see through it.

“But… you went inside her apartment… Why?”

“The window in her bedroom was painted shut. She had tried to get her landlord to open it, but the guy never showed up. She doesn’t have air conditioning, Joanne. It’s been getting warmer lately, and she needed to be able to open that window to let some air in. She asked me if I would try to open it and I did. Then I left.” He sat up straighter, watching for any sign that she might be doubting him.

Joanne sniffled, still refusing to look at her husband. “That’s all?”

“Yes… That’s all. I swear it.”

“And did you tell Johnny… And Hank?”

“Yes, sweetheart. Yes, I did. They understood. Johnny’s taken her home before too,” Roy explained, regretting the remark immediately.

“Oh sure, you’re comparing yourself to the Station 51 skirt-chaser? That doesn’t make me feel any better, Roy.” She was beginning to feel a little sick to her stomach.

“It isn’t like that, Jo. I was just trying to be nice. That’s all… I swear, nothing happened.”

Finally, Joanne looked up, staring into the worried face of the man she loved. “Why didn’t you just ask me about that footprint? Or ask for clarification about what Jennifer saw? We’ve always been able to talk things out before, so why not this time?” She looked back down at her hands in her lap, afraid to ask the next question. “You’re hiding something, aren’t you? There’s something you aren’t telling me, isn’t there?” 

Roy felt his knees begin to tremble, thankful he was already seated. Dare he confess that if the opportunity had presented itself, he couldn’t say with absolute certainty that he wouldn’t have at least flirted a little with the pretty young waitress. But, she had been completely honorable, knowing he was a married man with a family, and he had not pushed the issue at all. He tucked that thought down deep in his soul, vowing to never admit such a thing to her, or to anyone else. It was a secret he would take with him to his grave. “No, I’m not hiding anything. I’ve just… I’ve been feeling so… Damn it,” he swore, not wanting to begin the conversation, but he knew it had to be done.

“What?”

“Joanne, I… I know that… Um, I mean, I know you – you aren’t happy with my, um, my performance lately. I just, I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”  
Joanne looked at Roy in confusion, unsure what he was trying to say. “What? What performance?”

Roy stood quickly, running a worried hand across his face. He couldn’t face her, so he turned his back to say what he needed to say. “Joanne… I know that you… Um, the last time we… made love, you, ah… You faked it, didn’t you?”

Joanne was completely crushed. She had not been the bedroom actress she had assumed she had been. This was it. This was the heart of the matter. She had completely destroyed his masculinity. She had been too exhausted that night, so she had tried to fake it in order to end their activity a little quicker. She hadn’t wanted to hurt his feelings by telling him she was too tired, so she had simply tried to pretend that everything was as good as ever. Her intentions had been noble, but her dishonesty had hurt him much deeper than she ever imagined. 

“Roy… I’m so sorry. It isn’t you, I promise. I’ve just been so tired. I’ve been working far more hours than I had intended to work, and I’m on my feet the entire day. When I get home, I feel like I don’t have a spare moment. I guess…,” she stood up, walking slowly to the place where he stood with his back to her. “I guess I never realized how much I could get done around here when the kids were at school. I never knew how much you, ah, needed me to be here when you came off shift.”

Roy turned around, looking at his wife in a completely new light. “Jo, I love you. I love you more than anything. I want you to be happy, and if working makes you happy then so be it. I’ve started doing some things around here, to help out when I can. It’s just that… After a really bad shift, I had gotten used to coming home to you. The way you used to look at me. The way you would hold me, even if we didn’t make love, you still made everything seem so much better. I miss that… I miss you.” He took another step closer to her.

“Oh, Roy…,” she reached out, placing her shaking hand against his reddened cheek. “What have I done?”

“Nothing, sweetheart. You haven’t done anything. A lot of couples these days are both working. If they can do it, then so can we. I’ll try harder,” he struggled to say, leaning his face into her soft hand.

“But, we don’t have to. I don’t have to work. I just felt like I wasn’t needed here as much as I was needed when the kids were babies. Most of our marriage, I’ve been taking care of you and the house, then the kids came along so I was busy with them. Once Jennifer started school, I just didn’t feel as needed anymore. I, I didn’t realize how important me being here was for you.”

“I should have never taken you for granted, Jo. Please, forgive me?”

Joanne could barely see through her own tears, her fingers feeling their way around his familiar face while she nodded her head up and down in response to his request. She closed the distance between them, and for the first time in many weeks, they shared a truly passionate and unhurried kiss. There was still healing that needed to take place in their marriage, at least they were beginning the process.

E!

Johnny waved to Chris and Jennifer as they waited in the car-riders line. Jennifer’s face lit up, happy to see her Uncle Johnny. 

Chris opened the door and allowed his younger sister to climb into the backseat before he took his position at shotgun. “Hi, Uncle Johnny. Where’s mom?”

“She and your dad are just fine. They’re at home, but they said that the two of you could spend the night with me. So, how about some pizza for dinner?”

“Yeah,” Jennifer cheered.

“We had pizza for lunch,” Chris sulked.

“Okay, well… How about burritos?” Johnny asked, trying to think of something else that he could easily pick up that wouldn’t be too expensive.

“I haven’t had burritos in a long time,” Jennifer shouted.

“Yeah, Mom doesn’t cook for us anymore,” Chris said, sounding like the weight of the world was sitting squarely on his shoulders.

Johnny hated seeing how Joanne’s job seemed to have affected more than just Roy. He just hoped that it was only the job, and not something more devious that was getting in the way of her being a wife and mother. He knew he needed to change the subject. “Both of you have homework, right?”

Immediately, their countenance fell. 

“Yes,” Chris said. His sister merely nodded her head affirmatively.

“A’right, gotta do the homework, but as soon as you’re finished then we’ll go get burritos. Deal?”

“Deal!” Both children agreed in unison.

E!

“Push me,” Corrie called out to Chet as she tried unsuccessfully to climb into the swing. 

“Again?” Chet groaned, running the back of his arm across his forehead wiping the sweat from his brow. He glanced at his watch, realizing that they had been playing on the playground for over an hour.

“Yeah!” She squealed. “Do again.”

“Okay, but only for a few more minutes, and then we’ll need to go get the tacos. Are you hungry?” He asked, picking her up, and setting her into the seat of the swing. He gripped the chains, stepping back a couple of steps before letting go.

Corrie giggled, completely ignoring Chet’s question. He smiled, enjoying her laughter for another few minutes. Finally, knowing he needed to go get the food, he reached around her on the backswing, smoothly plucking her from the swing, eliciting a squeal of delight from the child.

“Alright, ladybug… Gotta go get some food,” he explained, spinning her around landing her on his shoulders again. 

“Horsey!” Corrie called out, grabbing two handfuls of curly hair. 

Chet held onto her tightly, then began galloping towards his VW van, bouncing her around on his shoulders. He couldn’t stop the grin that overtook his face as he listened to her laughing. He also thought about how close she came to dying. He knew then that if he had never done anything right in his entire life, he had done the right thing that day. He had used his training to breathe life back into the child who lay unresponsive on the asphalt that foggy morning. He dismissed the thought as soon as he got to his van.

“Okay, my lady. Your carriage ride is over. Time to get in and let’s go get Mommy some tacos,” he explained, gently lifting her off his shoulders and onto the ground. He fished his keys out of his pocket, unlocked the door then assisted her in climbing into the vehicle. Once she was seated, he belted her in. He rushed around to the driver’s side of the vehicle and climbed   
in. “Alright, ready to go?”

“Ready go,” she repeated.

E!

“We’re done Uncle Johnny,” Jennifer called out, sliding her chair away from the kitchen table. “Can we go get burritos now?”

“Chris, are you finished too?”

“Yes,” he said, his face looking sullen. 

Johnny knew that Chris suspected something was wrong. At his age, he was much more aware of such things than his younger sister. Johnny reached out, rubbing Chris’ head. He allowed his hand to rest on Christopher’s neck, much the way Roy would clap a hand on Johnny’s neck in a brotherly display of affection. That hadn’t happened in a long time though, and Johnny couldn’t help but wonder if their friendship would ever be the same again.

Half an hour later, Johnny drove his Rover up to a Taco stand. He and the children got out, and made their way up to the window to place their order. They then took a seat at one of the picnic tables to wait for their burritos. Jennifer was steadily chatting away about nothing. Johnny tried to follow the conversation, but found it difficult with Chris acting so depressed. 

“Somethin’ buggin’ you, Chris?”

The youngster looked up at his adopted uncle. “Are Mom and Dad getting a divorce?”

Johnny gulped, not anticipating such a pointed question. “Um, not that I know of,” he answered as honestly as he could. “What makes you think that?”

“Cuz they don’t like each other no more,” Jennifer spoke up. “Mommy stays tired and Daddy stays mad and…,” she sniffled for a moment.

“Hey, no tears, a’right? Now, don’t you ever have misunderstandings with your friends? You know how that can be. You’re mad one minute, and then before you know it, everything is alright again.” Johnny hoped what he was saying was true.

Before anyone else spoke, the sound of a vehicle parking near their picnic table made them look toward the parking lot. 

“Chet?” He spoke out loud, watching the lineman walk over to the passenger’s side of the vehicle and remove Corrie. 

Chet held Corrie’s hand as the two walked over to the place where Johnny and the DeSoto kids sat waiting. “Fancy meeting you here, Gage.”

“Yea, I see you finally found a chick who isn’t ashamed to go out with ya,” Johnny shot back.

“Oh, real funny,” Chet said, smiling.

“I wasn’t trying to be funny, man. I’m glad to see you out on a date, even if you did have to rob the cradle.” Johnny couldn’t stop when he had Chet on the ropes.

“We’re just giving Mommy a break, right ladybug?” He smiled down at the grinning little girl.

“Jen-ny!” She squealed, pointing a pudgy finger at the blonde-haired girl sitting across from Johnny.

“Come sit by me, Corrie,” Jennifer ordered, scooting over to make room for the younger girl.

Corrie released Chet’s hand, then began to wiggle. “I gotta potty,” she announced.

“Uh-oh,” Chet groaned, his eyes wide like saucers. This was a predicament he hadn’t planned on.

“I’ll take her Mr. Chet,” Jennifer replied, extricating herself from the picnic table.

“Uh, Chris will you go with the girls please?” Johnny requested,.

“What? I’m not goin’ in no girl’s bathroom!” He groaned.

“You don’t have to go IN the bathroom. Just stand outside the door and wait on them,” Johnny shook his head in exasperation.

“Oh… Okay,” Chris said glumly, slowly trudging behind the two girls as Jennifer held tight to Corrie’s hand.

“So what’s with him?” Chet asked, nodding his head in the direction of the retreating children.

Johnny exhaled loudly. He didn’t want to tell Chet about the DeSotos’ current problems, but he knew that Chet was smart enough to figure it out eventually. “Uh, Roy and Joanne needed some time alone.” He hoped that was enough to keep Chet satisfied. 

“Yea… I figured something like this was gonna happen. She found out, didn’t she?” Chet asked.

Johnny looked over at the lineman, squinting his eyes, a sinking feeling developing in the pit of his stomach. “Found out about what?”

“Oh, don’t tell me I know something you don’t?”

“What, Kelly?” Johnny’s voice was filled with concern, and a hint of frustration.

“About Roy’s girlfriend, that waitress,” Chet mumbled, looking around him to make sure no one else could hear.

“Sonofabitch,” Johnny murmured into his steepled hands. He glared at the Irishman, narrowing his brown eyes. “Who said what to whom?”

Chet wrinkled his forehead, unsure of what Johnny meant. “Um, if you’re asking how I know, then the answer is that I saw them. They were holding hands in front of her apartment building. He had driven her home, or something.” Chet could see the irritation on his friend’s face. He raised his hands up with his palms facing Johnny. “Hey, no biggie, man. I mean, it ain’t no skin off my nose. I ain’t gonna say nothin’.”

Johnny felt his stomach turning somersaults. Had Roy lied to him and Captain Stanley? If so, he had done so quite convincingly. “Who have you told, huh?”

“Nobody, I swear… I got my own lady problems to deal with, remember?”

Johnny pursed his lips, looking around behind him to see if the kids were nearby. Not seeing them, he turned his face back to Chet. “Look, I wanna know more later on, but just keep this between us, a’right? I mean, this kinda thing can ruin marriages and break-up families.”

“I know, man. Mums the word. Hell, I didn’t even tell you until now,” Chet said, regretting he had mentioned anything about seeing Roy and a waitress. “I saw it the morning of my… uh,” he groaned at the memory. “My date with Caroline… When all hell broke loose, remember?” 

“Yea, I remember.” Johnny wanted to ask if things were returning to normal, but he was so shocked by the news Chet had just hit him with that he could hardly think straight.

“Order up for John Gage!”

Johnny turned towards the window of the Taco stand. “Oh, my order’s ready.” He unfolded his long legs from beneath the picnic table. “I mean it, Kelly. Keep your lips zipped!”

“Alright, alright, Gage, Jeezus!” Chet followed John to the window. He had forgotten to place his order when he and Corrie had first arrived. He waited for Johnny to pay for his burritos, then stepped in front of the window. “Um, yeah, I’d like uh… Hmmm,” he paused, turning to face Johnny, a pink tint coloring his features. “Hey, Gage? How many tacos can a three year old eat?”

“How do I know?”

“Uncle Johnny?” Jennifer called out.

Chet looked up, not noticing that anything unusual had happened. “Um, lemme just get ten tacos,” he ordered, then turned his attention to the returning children. 

“Name?” The lady at the window asked.

“Oh, uh, Chet.” Chet responded absentmindedly.

“Yea, somethin’ wrong?” Johnny asked, looking at Jennifer.

“Somebody bit her,” Jennifer said, holding tightly to Corrie’s small hand.

“Corrie? Are you hurt?” Johnny asked.

“Haley bited my back,” the younger girl tried to explain.

The paramedic in Johnny kicked in as he pulled the little girl’s shirt up. There, he found a light purple bruise in the shape of a child’s mouth along the little girl’s back, just above her left kidney.

“Corrie? When did this happen? Who’s Haley?” Chet asked, his heart aching at the sight of the obviously painful mark.

“At Miss Faye’s house… I don’ like her,” the child pouted, crossing her pudgy arms across her chest, poking out her bottom lip.

“It’s probably sore, but she’ll be fine. Not the first kid to ever get bitten. This one here,” he patted Jennifer on the head. “She used to bite poor Chris all the time.”

“Who’s Miss Faye?” Chet asked, flattening out the little girl’s wrinkled shirt.

“I stay wiff her while Mommy works,” she sniffled. “I don’ wanna go back,” she cried again.

“Did you tell your Mommy?” Johnny asked.

“Nu-uh,” she said, crying again while reaching for Chet.

Chet picked her up, hugging her tenderly. He was angry at the biter, even though the guilty party was only a small child. He also had to wonder when Caroline had started working.

“Chet, order’s up,” the lady at the window called out.

“Alright, stand right here for just a minute. Lemme pay for our tacos and then we’ll go home and tell Mommy all about it.” Chet stood the girl beside him, feeling her hugging his leg. He   
waved at Johnny who was gathering the DeSoto kids and their burritos and heading for the Rover. “See ya next shift, Johnny.”

“I’ll call you,” Johnny responded, opening the driver’s side door. He wanted to hear more about what Chet had seen between Roy and Gretchen.

Chet paid for the tacos, grabbed the bag in one hand, and Corrie’s small hand with his other. Now, he definitely needed to talk to Caroline… and not just about her past.


	17. chapter 17

Chapter 17

Chet pulled his van into his usual parking spot, shifted into park, and looked over at the brown-eye beauty sitting in the seat beside him, the bill of his Station 51 cap she wore nearly covering her eyes. In her small lap, she held the bag of tacos they had just picked up for dinner. He couldn’t help but snicker as Corrie’s face contorted in a big yawn.

“Tired?”

“Nu-uh,” she struggled to say as a second yawn overtook her, leaving her big brown eyes watery.

“C’mon, let’s go eat dinner, alright?” He got out, making his way around the front of his van and opening the passenger’s side door. He scooped the child into his arms, smiling when she lay her head on his shoulder. With the bag of food gripped tightly in his hand, he walked up the sidewalk heading for Caroline’s apartment and the conversation he had been both looking forward to, yet dreading all day.

Inside her apartment, Caroline busied herself with cleaning her already pristine kitchen. She needed to keep moving to prevent her mind from fixating on what might happen when Chet and Corrie returned. A soft rapping on the front door made her heart flutter. She returned the sponge to the soap dish behind the kitchen sink, quickly dried her hands, then walked to the living room. When she pulled open the front door, a huge grin lit up her face. 

Chet stood still, watching the expression on Caroline’s face as she took in the scene. Corrie’s head was propped on Chet’s shoulder, her sleepy brown eyes at half-mast beneath the bill of the over-sized navy baseball cap she wore. The child smiled half-heartedly at her mother, making no attempt to climb out of the comfortable embrace in which she found herself.

“Oh my goodness… Where’s my little girl?” Caroline joked, peeking beneath the bill of the cap, and snickering at the grin her daughter gave her.

“Hey, we were headed west on the drive back, and the sun was in her eyes. The sun visor didn’t help shorty here, so I gave her my cap from 51’s to wear. I think she looks good in navy don’t you?” Chet pushed the bag of tacos into the waiting hands of Caroline. He walked inside carrying his precious bundle to the sofa.

“I think she looks just dandy,” Caroline agreed, although she was thinking more about how comfortable Corrie looked with Chet than about the ball cap she was wearing.

Chet set the girl down on the sofa. “Ladybug, you should probably wash up. We played very hard on the playground, didn’t we?” He said, reaching down to remove the cap from the little girl’s head.

“No,” she fussed, slapping both hands on top of her head. She loved the cap she was wearing, and didn’t want to have it removed. 

“Corrie, that’s Mr. Chet’s cap. Besides, it’s not good manners to wear a cap inside the house.”

Corrie’s lower lip trembled as she removed the cap. Chet watched as she slowly handed it back to him, strings of wayward blonde hair crossing in front of her eyes. His heart melted at the sight. Kneeling down on one knee, he looked into the big doe eyes of the little girl. 

“It is my cap, but…,” he looked up at Caroline with pleading eyes then returned his gaze to the little girl. “If you eat your tacos, take a bath, and then go to sleep…,” he rattled off counting each step on his fingers. “And if your Mommy says it’s okay, you can have it.”

The tickle that began in the back of Caroline’s throat when she had opened the door and seen Corrie in Chet’s arms, seemed to grow stronger. She coughed a little as she answered, trying to keep the tears at bay. “Yes, that’s very kind of you…but, you don’t have to do that.”

“I want to,” he explained, returning to a standing position without ever taking his eyes off of Caroline. “She likes it, and….” He stopped, glancing back down at the child who had quickly replaced the cap on top of her head. “I want her to have it. I really do.”

Caroline’s eyes misted over. “Well,” she croaked out. “Will you do what Mr. Chet asked?”

“Uh-huh,” the child agreed.

“Okay then; what do you say to him?” She reached for her daughter’s hand. 

“Tank ku,” she spoke, giggling.

“You’re welcome,” Chet said with a smile, reaching down and tapping the bill of the cap upwards so he could see her happy face. 

“Let’s go get you washed up while Mr. Chet pours us something to drink with our tacos, okay?” Caroline suggested.

“O-kay.”

Chet watched as the two went down the hallway and into the bathroom. He inhaled deeply, exhaling as he turned toward the kitchen. For the first time in a very long time, he felt the beginnings of contentment within his soul.

E!

Johnny watched the two DeSoto kids picking at their food, and wondered what he could say to make them feel better. Jennifer had always been somewhat of a picky eater, but Chris was beginning to develop the appetite of a young preteen boy, and Johnny knew from experience how ravenous that could be. Some days, he still felt like a teenager when it came to eating. He swallowed the final bite of his second burrito, wiping his mouth with the white paper towel that had been resting in his lap.

“Jenny, are you finished?”

“Yea, can I watch television now?” She asked, her blue eyes holding a little less sparkle than usual. 

Her eyes reminded him of Roy’s, and he couldn’t help but wonder when, or if, his partner might get that brightness back in his sky-blue eyes. “Sure, just put your dishes in the sink, a’right?”

“Okay,” she responded, standing up with her plate in her hands, unaware that her paper towel had fallen to the floor when she stood up.

Johnny bent down, picking up the lost paper towel. When he sat back up, he saw Chris dropping his paper towel onto his plate, covering what was left of his food. “Um, are you sure you’re finished, Chris? You only ate half of your burrito.”

“I’m just not very hungry, Uncle Johnny,” he groaned, his head resting in the palm of his hand as he picked at the burrito’s paper wrapper.

Johnny hesitated for a moment, allowing Jennifer time to walk out of hearing range. He looked at the young boy who sat beside him at his small kitchen table. “Look, I know you’re worried about your folks. But, when I left, they were talking to each other. And Cap’n Stanley was there to help them out.” Johnny reached out, patting Chris on his shoulder. “It’ll all work out; you’ll see.”

The youngster sighed, his shoulders sagging. “It didn’t work out for Donny’s folks. They started yelling all the time, and then they got divorced.”

Johnny knew that he couldn’t argue with facts. Nothing he could say was going to make Chris feel any better. “I’m sorry that things went bad for Donny and his family. But let’s cross that bridge when we get to it.”

Chris looked at his honorary uncle with confusion on his face. “What’s that s’posed to mean?”

“It means, let’s not worry about them getting a divorce until we know that’s what’s gonna happen? Odds are, it won’t even happen, and then we’ve both just worried about it for nothing.”

“But what if it does?” 

Johnny’s heart broke at the defeated sound in Chris’ voice. “Well, we’ll just hafta deal with it then… Not today. But if it happens… And that’s a big IF… It isn’t your fault.” Johnny saw the   
child swipe at his eyes and knew he had hit on the key problem. “Hey, it’s okay, Sport.”

“NO! No, it’s not okay,” Chris cried, standing up. “If they get divorced… I’ll never speak to either of them again.”

“Wait… Chris?” Johnny watched as the child hurried down the hall to the guest room, slamming the door behind him. “Awww, man,” Johnny sighed, huffing as he stared at his empty plate, and wondering if things were going any better at the DeSoto household.

E!

Roy and Joanne had eaten their dinner in silence. Neither one knew what to say to the other. Afterwards, Roy began clearing the table while Joanne started running the water in the sink. He scraped the remnants of their meal into the trash can, then gently placed the dishes into the sudsy water, careful not to splash any water onto his wife. 

Joanne picked up the sponge, plunging her hands into the white suds, and began washing each dish and utensil. Roy stood beside her, pulling the towel off the drying rack, resting it on his shoulder. As each dish was washed and handed to him, he rinsed it then placed it into the drying rack. As soon as they were finished, he pulled the towel off his shoulder, and began drying the dishes before placing them in the cabinets. As soon as the task was completed, he spun around and leaned against the counter beside the sink.

“Jo… Please talk to me.”

Joanne’s teary green eyes looked up at the man she had loved since the fourth grade, wanting to ask the question that was weighing heaviest on her heart. “R-Roy… What do I n-need to do to…,” she sniffled, fighting to force back the lump in her throat. “To make you, um, lo-love me again?”

Roy’s world began to tilt and swirl. “What? Jo, Baby, I do love you. I’ve always loved you. I’ve told you repeatedly how sorry I am for jumping to conclusions about the plumber. What makes you think I don’t love you?” He couldn’t believe the change in her attitude, the deflation in her voice.

“Because you… You were with her… Gretchen. You’ve never done anything like that before.” Joanne was beyond being hurt and angry. Now, she was heart-broken… And afraid of losing her husband.

Roy ran his hand through his thinning auburn hair. He had not been prepared for her to ask this question. “I-I just wanted to do something nice for her. I’d want someone to give you a ride home from work if you didn’t have a car. That’s all it was, Honey.” He reached out, placing both hands on her upper arms. “I was just trying to do something nice for someone who’s going through a difficult time. She needed my help. Please try to understand, okay?”

“Did you kiss her?” Joanne asked, feeling like a failure as a wife.

Roy’s eyes widened, and he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He thought of how Gretchen’s lips had felt on his cheek, swallowing hard at the memory. “No, Joanne. No, of course I didn’t kiss her. I love you, Joanne DeSoto. I know I’ve disappointed you a whole lot lately, but I did not kiss her. It just wasn’t like that.” Technically, he hadn’t lied to her. He didn’t kiss Gretchen; Gretchen had kissed him, and it was only a peck on the cheek.

“Then,” she hiccuped, trying to find the right words to ask the question she most feared the answer to. “Then why don’t you want me anymore?” She lifted her hands to cover her face, sobbing into the palms of her trembling hands.

Roy could no longer keep the distance between them. He quickly wrapped his arms around his wife, pulling her tightly against his own body, and smoothing her chestnut-auburn hair down the back of her head. He leaned down, kissing the top of her head as she cried into his chest. “Oh Baby, no… I do want you. I love you, and I do want you, but I… I know I just… ah, I’m not able to make you happy anymore, and I don’t know why. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, and…”

“You’ve never done anything wrong. You’ve always been such a loving, gentle man. Our… Our sex life has always been so wonderful… it’s just that, when I started working I was just so tired. Then you stopped initiating anything, and… Now, you… You don’t even touch me when we’re lying in bed together. I just, I’ve tried to satisfy you, but you don’t seem interested in me, and then… Gretchen…”

“Whoa, whoa.” Roy pulled back, lifting her chin, and looking deeply into her eyes. “I love you, and I want you as much now as I did when we were newlyweds. I,” he began, wiping her tears from her face. “I thought you weren’t interested in me anymore, because I wasn’t, um, giving you what you needed, but…”

“Oh, Roy, no. Of course not. That’s never been the case,” she interrupted.

“But that’s how I felt, and-mmm” he said, unable to utter another word when her soft lips met his in the most emotional kiss they had ever shared.

Hungrily, Roy’s arms wrapped around her tightly, his hands rubbing lightly along her back. He parted his lips, his tongue seeking entrance. She greedily responded as her own primal need grew, allowing him better access to her partially opened mouth. Each groaned with desire. Joanne’s knees felt weak when their lips parted, and Roy began trailing hot kisses along her lower cheek, breathing hotly into her ear as he sucked her lower ear lobe.

“Ohmygod, Joanne. I love you, baby,” he whispered in a husky voice as he continued to nip and kiss his way down her arching neck. 

“I-I love you, too. Please,” she breathed heavily, her eyes rolling into the back of her head as his ministrations continued. “I want you… I need you… I, aahh,” she yelped, feeling his strong arms sweeping her off her feet, and heading for the stairs.

Once inside the bedroom, Roy gently placed his beloved wife on their bed, then stood up and began removing his clothing. Once he was down to just his boxers, he began undressing Joanne. Slowly, he peeled back each article of clothing, revealing her body which he knew better than his own. He enveloped her mouth with his own, his tongue darting around inside her moist cavern, dancing with Joanne’s own tongue. He began nipping and kissing his way down to her naked breasts, encouraged by the low guttural moans she was emitting and the way she arched her back. He suckled hungrily at her nipples, knowing how much she had always enjoyed it. His hands passed gently across her abdomen, then found the moistness at the apex of her thighs. It was almost enough to make him explode. 

“Roy, please… I need to feel you inside me.”

Roy felt his cock spring free as her fingers dipped inside the waistband of his boxers, pushing them down. He quickly removed them, tossing them to the floor, the positioned himself between her open knees. “I’ve missed you so much, baby,” he said, gripping his manhood at the base as he guided it to her opening. Then in one slow push, he buried himself deep inside her hot moist tunnel. 

Joanne arched her back as he entered her, unable to contain the groan of pleasure that escaped her parted lips. “Ugh, yeesss.”

Roy found his rhythm, pumping into her womanhood with everything he had. His grunts and pants matched the movement of his hips and joined with the higher pitched sounds Joanne made as her pleasure increased. Moments later, she felt her toes begin to curl as the beginnings of her orgasm gripped her. She arched her neck, meeting Roy’s thrusts with those of her own, then cried out in absolute pleasure – like none she had ever experienced. He buried his face into her exposed neck, sucking on her erogenous zone as he thrusts one final time. He buried his cock as deeply as he could, then groaned as he found his release, filling her with cum. 

Breathless, the two of them continued to kissing, neither wanting the moment to end. As his shrinking erection slipped from inside her, Joanne ran her fingers through his hair. “I love you, Roy. I’ve need this for such a long time.”

“Me too, baby,” he gasped out, slowly rolling onto his side so that he was no longer on top of her. “I love you, too.”

E!

“I aw…all done,” Corrie announced, as yet another yawn interrupted her words.

“And I think we better get your bath quickly before you fall asleep in the bathtub,” her mother said with a grin.

The thought of Corrie taking a bath reminded Chet to tell her mother about the bite mark. “Oh, um, I forgot to tell you this. When we went to get the tacos, she had to go to the bathroom, and… Okay, first of all, Johnny was there with the DeSotos’ kids, and Jennifer took her to the restroom, not me.” He held his hands up, feeling the need to explain that he had not seen her daughter naked.

“Chet,” Caroline laughed. “She’s a little girl, not a centerfold. It’s okay to help her potty if you need to.”

“Oh, uh, yea, well… Okay,” he stuttered, his face reddening in embarrassment. “Anyway, Jennifer told me that she had a bite mark on her back.”

“A WHAT?” Caroline immediately knelt down in front of her daughter, pulling up her shirt. “Oh, Corrie… What happened?”

“She bited me. I don’ like her,” the child muttered.

“Who bit you?”

“Haley,” the little girl sniffed. “I don’ wanna go ba-ack,” she cried, climbing into her mother’s arms.

“Sshhh, oh sweetie. Mommy’s so sorry. I-I won’t make you go back. I promise. I’m sorry,” she cried, her own tears mixing with those of her young daughter.

Chet gulped back his own emotions, wanting to reach out to the two of them, and yet feeling as if it wasn’t his place to do so. “Um, I’ll clean up the dishes,” he whispered to his hostess before making a hasty exit. 

Fifteen minutes later, Chet dried his hands, and returned to the living room. He was relieved to hear the giggling and splashing sounds of a happy toddler playing in the bathtub. He sat down, trying to decide what he needed to say when he and Caroline began their conversation. Suddenly, a squeal caught his attention, and he looked up just in time to see a slippery wet naked little girl shimmy into his lap.

“Whoa!” Chet sat back quickly, stunned by her sudden appearance.

“CORRIE!” Caroline called out, rushing into the room with a towel in her arms. “You don’t run around the house without your clothes on,” she scolded.

“I naked,” the little girl giggled, snuggling beneath Chet’s arm.

“Yes, ladybug, I do believe you are!”

“Chet, I am so sorry. I don’t know what got into her.”

“It’s alright. She’s just a little girl, not a centerfold, remember?” Chet responded, tossing Caroline’s own words back at her.

Caroline blushed, wrapping the towel around her daughter. She dried her off, then looked into her cherubic face. “Now, you have to go to bed, or else Mr. Chet won’t give you his cap.”

“MY cap,” the little girl responded.

“Only if you go to sleep,” Chet answered.

“Okay, night-night, Mizzer Phet,” Corrie said, leaning up and kissing the cheek of her whiskered friend.

“Goodnight. I had fun today,” he grinned at her.

“I have fun, too,” she grinned, hugging her mother around the neck as Caroline picked her up carrying her to her bedroom. 

Ten minutes later, Caroline quietly exited her daughter’s bedroom, leaving only the night light on. She inhaled deeply, trying to settle her nerves as she returned to the living room.   
Chet had turned off the overhead lights, choosing to lessen the brightness by using only a lamp instead. 

“I can NOT believe I have a three year old streaker,” Caroline laughed, trying to hide her embarrassment with humor.

“Hahaha, wait until I tell the guys at the station that I had this completely naked chick climbing into my lap and kissing me. Gage is gonna be so jealous.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Wanna bet?” Chet laughed, patting the place beside him on the sofa. “Have a seat. I fixed us some iced tea.”

Caroline’s face fell somewhat. This was the moment she had been dreading. She sat down near him, relieved when he reached around her shoulders, pulling her into him. He wanted to make her feel safe and secure so that she would feel comfortable talking to him.

“I put her in daycare today. I thought it would help with her language skills if she was around older kids, and I… I started looking for a job. But I can’t leave her in a place where she gets hurt. Aargh,” she groaned, frustrated with her situation. “I’ll just have to wait before I go back to work. She’s more important than having extra money.”

“I know this is none of my business, but… Is money that tight?” Chet felt horrible asking the question, but he wanted to help her out somehow, and yet, he needed to know how desperate the situation really was before he could offer her any assistance.

Caroline looked down at her lap. Truthfully, her budget wasn’t as tight as she had tried to make herself believe. If she and Corrie had to make it on the money left by her husband’s death, then they could make it last for a few more years. There wouldn’t be any extra for anything, but they would survive. “No, I’m not quite ready for the welfare line,” she mused. “I just… Well, god, how do I say this?”

Chet lightly rubbed a small circle along her upper arm, just enough contact to let her know he was there. “You just spit it out.”

She sighed heavily. “After what happened between us, I… I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again, and I… I knew Corrie needed to get out more and experience more before she has to start school. I- I just felt like it was time that I got back into the work force. We can make it on what we have, but I just don’t have anything extra for emergencies or… Or another car, if that one breaks down. I mean, I’m gonna have to replace it at some point, and….” She stopped, realizing that she was rambling. “I’m sorry… My financial situation isn’t why you’re here tonight.”

Chet squeezed her in a sideways hug. “I’m here for you… And I’m here for Corrie. Whether it’s financial woes, or any other kind of thing, good or bad, I’m here.”

“I owe you some real explanations, about what I said in my letter,” she shrugged her shoulders, nervously. 

Chet could tell that she was nervous, and so was he, but he also knew that if they didn’t get to the heart of the matter, then they were just making it harder on themselves, especially Caroline. “I know this isn’t easy for you but,” he shifted slightly so that he could look into her beautiful face. “But, I’m here. Not just here tonight, but I’m here for as long as you’ll let me be. What you told me… It broke my heart, honestly. You deserve so much better than…” He saw her looking down into her lap. He swallowed hard before beginning again. “Please, please look at me.”

Caroline felt her lower lip quiver as she looked up through watery eyes. Chet’s blue eyes were filled with compassion and sincerity. Then, she heard him say the words that she never thought she would ever hear anyone say to her; especially not a man as wonderful as Chester B. Kelly. 

“Caroline Marks, I want you to know that you’ve brought happiness into my life that I honestly didn’t think I’d ever find. And the things you told me in that letter make my feelings for you even stronger.” He swallowed again, clearing his throat before he finished what he had to say. “Caroline, what I’m trying to say is… I love you. I love you and Corrie, both.” He leaned in slowly, kissing her on her forehead, unsure of how she felt about him. “I hope that one day, maybe you might love me, too.”

Caroline felt her heart leap into her throat. She saw him leaning in, and she closed her eyes, forcing out the tears that were quickly gathering in the corners. She felt his lips tenderly brush across her forehead, his fingertips lightly caressing her face. When she opened her eyes, she couldn’t believe the love she saw in those crystal blue pools looking back at her. He loved her, really loved her. No one had ever truly loved her in this way before.

“Chet… I,” she gasped for air.

“Ssshh,” he crooned, placing his index finger along her rosy lips. “I don’t want to pressure you into anything, so I’m not expecting you to say it back to me. I… I want to ask you a few things about your letter. Not because I’m judging you or that I don’t believe you… I just wanna understand where you’ve been. That’s all. Will you talk to me? Please?”

She raised her finger into the air between them. She wanted to ask him to give her a moment, but she was unable to form the words. He understood, and leaned back into the sofa. Caroline got up, quickly going to her bedroom and returning with a box of tissue.

“Sorry, but… I’m gonna need these.” She removed several, drying her eyes. “Okay, I’m ready.”

Chet cleared his throat. “Ahem, okay… You, uh, you said that Mr. and Mrs. Marks were your foster parents, right?” He waited for her affirmative nod, then continued. “And you said that you and their son were good friends, but not, um…”

“We weren’t in love,” she quickly interjected, seeing that Chet was trying to figure out how to ask the question. “We got married because I was pregnant,” she explained, shamefully.

Chet struggled to continue the conversation. He knew it was painful for her, yet he needed answers. “You mentioned that a sexual relationship is something you’ve never fully understood, and that it was because of how your parents raised you, but you were raised in foster care, so…” Chet held up both hands as if weighing two objects of equal mass.

“Let me just explain it all to you. Then, if you want to leave, I’ll understand,” her voiced cracked, but she continued on. “I won’t hold it against you.”

“I’m not leaving, Baby. Nothing you can say will make me want to leave you,” he said hugging her again. “I just want to understand.”

Caroline nodded. “Alright… My parents were involved in some strange religious cult or something. From the time I was a little girl, I was taught that sex was for the creation of children. Men wanted to have sex, and women wanted to please their husband and have babies. In other words, it was wrong for a woman to enjoy sex.” She looked up hoping he understood.

“That’s so messed up.”

“I know it is. I mean, I understand that sex should be pleasurable for both, right?”

“That’s right,” Chet agreed.

“Well, anyway… We kept moving around a lot because of this cult, so I got behind in my school work. One day, my parents were killed in a car accident while I was at school. I didn’t have any relatives, so I ended up in foster care. The Marks’ were great people, and their son Corey was like a big brother to me. He was two years older than me.”

“How old were you?” Chet asked, pulling her into a sideways hug, grateful when he felt her lay her head against his shoulder.

“I was thirteen. I know it sounds crazy, but I felt comfortable talking to him. Not at first, but as time went on, I found I could really talk to him. A few years later, he fell in love with a girl at the junior college he was attending. They dated for a couple of years, and then he decided to pop the question. He took me with him to pick out the ring. It was my senior year in high school, but I was already nineteen. I got held back because of all the moving around we did with that stupid cult.”

“So he trusted you to help him with the big decision. I’m lost, though. He’s Corrie’s father, right?”

She nodded. “The girl broke his heart, and left him completely devastated. Mim and Charles Marks, my foster parents, had gone on a short vacation, and… Corey came home, completely wasted. She had broken up with him before he had a chance to propose. He never saw it coming. So, he went out and got drunk. He was angry and hurt and tried to drown it all away. I heard him come in, and went to congratulate him. I took one look at him and… and I knew what had happened.”

“Man, that’s really awful.” Chet still had no idea how all the pieces fit together, but he didn’t want to rush her.

“We stayed up and talked for a couple of hours. He cried in my arms. I don’t know how, but somehow, we ended up kissing, and then… Well, I felt needed and wanted for the first time in my life. I, we, I mean…”

“I think I get the picture,” he whispered, caressing her shoulder where his arm was draped. “You two, uh, you had sex, right?”

Caroline nodded, wiping at her face with another tissue. “Yea, he felt so horrible when it was over. I mean, he knew that I had given him my virginity, and he understood why. The problem was, he was too drunk to even realize what he was doing at the time.”

“And you have felt guilty about it ever since, haven’t you?”

Caroline exhaled a cleansing breath. “I, I still do. I felt so cheap and dirty. The only consolation I had was that I… I didn’t exactly enjoy it,” she said with a brief smile. “I did what I had been taught by my parents. I pleasured my ‘man’,” she said, drawing quote marks in the air. “And then a month or so later, a trip to the clinic confirmed that I was pregnant.”

“Oh, Baby…” Chet pulled her into a hug, feeling her sobbing against his chest. “Don’t be ashamed, please. I’m not judging you, or holding any of this against you, either. Lots of young people get carried away, and lots of young folks end up as parents afterwards. Corrie is a wonderful little girl. I’m just sorry that your first experience was…” Chet stopped, not knowing how to phrase what he was thinking.

“It’s okay. It’s my fault. I mean, he didn’t rape me or anything. When I told him I was pregnant, he was about to go off to boot camp. He said he wanted us to get married, so that if something happened to him in Vietnam, then the baby and I would be able to get his benefits.” She sniffled, drying her eyes at the memory of that long ago afternoon. “So, we told his parents about the pregnancy and our plans. They weren’t exactly happy, but they did understand that I was carrying their grandchild, so they were supportive. Corey and I went down to the courthouse before he left, and made it official. He left for boot camp and a couple of months later, I graduated from high school. I never told anyone at school that I was pregnant. They just assumed Corey and I had been in love for a long time, and wanted to get married before he got shipped out. It was a common thing at the time.”

“But, they know the truth about what happened, right?”

“Not exactly. Corey and I never told anyone the truth, until now…. And I never want our precious daughter to ever know the truth.” She looked up, fearing what she might find, but thankful when she saw love and acceptance on his face. “I stayed on living with them after graduation, and they helped me during the pregnancy. Corey sent money home for me until…” She stared off into the amber color of the iced tea sitting on the coffee table. “I was in my seventh month when I got the notice. He had been killed in action.”

“Oh, sweetheart.”

“I lost my husband, my best friend, the father of my unborn child, and the son – the only child – of my foster parents. My world had fallen apart. The baby was all that kept me going. I just wish he could’ve met her. He would’ve been so proud.” 

Chet had no idea what to say, and so he chose to say nothing. He squeezed her shoulder just to let her know he was there, encouraging her to continue.

“So, I became even more like a daughter to them. They were there with me the night I went into labor. Mim even went into the delivery room with me. She held my hand and cried as much as I did. It was a difficult labor and delivery. I’ve always wondered if maybe that was my punishment.”

“No, no it wasn’t. It just happens sometimes. I’ve been a firefighter long enough to have seen a few babies delivered. I remember Roy and Johnny were trying to deliver this baby in the middle of a brush fire. The fire was racing towards the house, and when I ran in to tell them that Cap said they had to get out, Gage got all sarcastic with me. He said something about letting the baby know, or something like that.” Chet grinned a little, remembering how he felt when he had charged into the room and got a view of a woman about to deliver. “I nearly threw up, but don’t ever tell Gage that.”

“I’ve shared my secrets with you so you can trust me with yours,” she smiled.

“I do trust you. I really do.” His heart warmed when he saw how his words had made her blush.

“Anyway, Corrie and I stayed with the Marks’ until I moved down here a couple of years ago to go to work. That was tough on Mim and Charles, but I couldn’t stay with them forever. Then, I was in the accident and… Well, you know the rest.”

Chet could feel the heat rising up around his collar. He wanted to ask her one other question, but didn’t know if he could muster the courage to do so. 

Caroline mistook his silence for disappointment. “It’s okay, Chet. I don’t blame you. I know you must be really disappointed and…”

“No, not at all. I just, I mean, I…” Chet sighed, knowing his hesitation was only making her feel worse. “So, you were nervous about us becoming intimate, right?”

She lowered her head again. “Yes, it was, ah… I was kinda scared ‘cause… ‘Cause I’ve never, except that night with Corey, and…”

That was the answer to the question Chet had been so nervous about asking. Her one and only sexual experience had resulted in a pregnancy. Feeling a little more confident, he continued with his comment. “And you drank a little too much, trying to relax and calm your nerves, right?”

“Guilty as charged. I woke up the next morning, found the unused condoms on the nightstand, and couldn’t find any evidence of a used one. I assumed we’d had sex, and that you hadn’t used a condom. All I could think about was that it was going to happen again. I was going to get pregnant again just like I had with Corey.”

Chet shook his head slowly. He reached out with the crook of his index finger and lifted her chin until she was looking at him. “Caroline, I love you. I would never hurt you or take advantage of you in any way. I certainly would not do something like that.” Chet had another question he wanted to ask, but wasn’t sure if he could.

“I know that now. I just panicked that morning. It… It was, um, if it had happened, then it would’ve only been my second time and… Anyway, I had been crying uncontrollably when Joanne got here, and she made an assumption based on that. I couldn’t figure out how to explain what had happened, so I let her believe what she assumed had happened. It was wrong of me, and, Chet… I’m so sorry,” she spoke, her voice fading to a whisper.

“No apologies. It’s all okay. I promise,” he kissed the top of her head lightly.

“I need to tell you though, that I don’t… I mean, I don’t want you to be disappointed with me, but I don’t know… uh, I’ve never…”

“You’re afraid you won’t know how to make me happy in the bedroom. Am I right?”

Caroline bit her lower lips, dropping her chin down to her chest. “I want to be there for you, in that way, but I don’t know if I’ll be what you want.” She kept her chin down, unable to face him.

“Baby, I love you. If we never make love, I’ll still love you. When the time is right, we’ll both know. But I will never ever push you into something you aren’t ready for. I do want us to experience what it’s like between two people in love, but not until the time is right. And right now… It isn’t right. Not yet. But that doesn’t change how I feel. Caroline,” he whispered through his own tears. He was pleased when she lifted her face to his. “You are the part of my soul that’s been missing my entire life. You have made me a whole person. I’m a better man because of you and Corrie. Nothing you’ve said changes that. And my feelings aren’t based on sex.” He used the backs of his fingers to caress her smooth cheek. “You and Corrie fill a void in my life that nothing has been able to fill in the last 28 years. I’m happier tonight than I’ve ever been in my life, and it’s because of you and Corrie… And who I am when I’m with the two of you.”

Chet pulled her into a hug, crying with her as her tears wet his shirt. This evening would be the first of many that Chet and Caroline would spend together getting to know each other better. They had been totally honest with each other, and even though parts were painful, it was a cathartic process. Both had risked everything on this night, and both had reaped the rich reward… And down the hall, a little girl slept snugly in her bed. Her pink and blue quilt was pulled up to her chin, and a Station 51 cap had found a new home on the bedpost above her head.

But across town, another child stared at the ceiling of his Uncle Johnny’s guest room, unable to sleep for fear of his parents getting a divorce, breaking apart his family forever.


	18. chapter 18

Warning: extreme language

Chapter 18

The following morning, Johnny dropped the downtrodden DeSoto children off at school, then returned to his apartment. He wanted to talk to Roy and find out how the previous evening had gone, but he wanted to talk to Chet first. 

The tall lanky paramedic made the return trip up the stairs to his apartment, taking them two at a time, then headed for the third door. He jingled the keys around, knowing that there was a certain way he had to turn the key inside the lock in order to make it work, and then entered his living room. He quickly poured himself another cup of coffee before taking a seat beside his black rotary dial phone. As soon as he dialed the number, he propped his feet on the ottoman and waited for his friend to answer.

“Hel-lo,” Chet slurred into the phone, his voice husky from sleep.

“Oh, did I wake you? Man, sorry ‘bout that.” Johnny looked down at his watch, noting that it was 8:30 am.

“Oh, ‘s okay, Gage. I just hada… a late ni-ight,” Chet responded, a yawn interrupting his last word.

Johnny couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across his chiseled face. “Ooohh, good for you,” he responded knowingly.

“Nope, wasn’t that,” Chet explained, sitting up in bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “But, Caroline and I did talk for a long time, and we got some things out in the open. It was a really good night, but that’s all I’m sayin’ so don’t even ask.”

“Hey, whoa, I wasn’t gonna pry, man. I’m happy for ya. I mean that. Caroline seems like a nice lady and she has a really cute kid, too. I hope you two, er, I mean, you three will be very happy together.”

“Thanks, Johnny. Speakin’ of bein’ happy together, how’s Roy and Joanne?”

Johnny blew out his breath, hesitating before answering. He took a sip of his coffee, returning the cup to the end table before answering.

“That bad, huh?” Chet didn’t like the silence he was hearing. He knew that a quiet Johnny was a worried Johnny. “I guess you wanna know more about what I saw, don’t ya?”

“Yea, I do. I wanted to get the details before I talk to him about it and…”

“Wait just a minute, Gage!” Chet’s eyes were beginning to bug out of his head. “I don’t want Roy pissed off at me. If I’d’ve wanted him to know what I saw, then I’d’ve told him myself.”

“A’right, okay, just take it easy. I won’t tell him then. But, ya gotta tell me what ya saw, Chet. This is really serious. Chris is, ah… He’s worried about them gettin’ a divorce. I need to know what happened before I go over there and tell Roy about what his own son said.”

“What did Chris say?” Chet swung his legs over the side of the bed, threading his feet through the legs of the jeans he had carelessly tossed on the floor the night before.  
Johnny pinched the bridge of his nose as he recalled the anger the young boy had displayed the previous night. “He said that if Roy and Joanne got a divorce, then he wasn’t ever gonna speak to either of them again.”

“Shit,” Chet cursed, pulling on his pants and feeling an extra set of keys in his left front pocket. 

“Yea, so you see what I’m up against here,” Johnny commented, reaching once more for his coffee.

“No, I wasn’t swearing about what Chris said. I just found Caroline’s key in my pants pocket. I forgot to give it back to her.”

Johnny couldn’t help but snicker at Chet’s situation. “So, you had to steal her keys to keep her from running away from you, huh?”

“Aww, real funny, Gage. I’ll have you to know that I had a…. Oh never mind.” Chet decided to save his joke until he saw his pigeon face to face at the next shift. He thought seriously about what Chris had said, realizing that Johnny really was in a tight spot. “Alright, yea, I guess I do see what you’re up against. Okay, you know how you fellas were all raggin’ me about gettin’, you know, protection before my date with Caroline?”

“Yea.” Johnny crossed his legs at his ankles, preparing for a long explanation.

“Well, I decided to take the advice and I drove down to the drug store on the corner. I think it’s called Adam’s drugs or somethin’ like that. Anyway...”

“I know the place, Chet. It gives you a good view of the front of Gretchen’s apartment,” Johnny interrupted, already feeling sick to his stomach.

“Who’s Gretchen?” Chet asked, snapping his jeans and reaching for his t-shirt, his phone receiver cradled between his ear and shoulder.

“She’s the new waitress at The Pourhouse; the one you saw Roy taking home.” Johnny hoped that all Chet had seen was Roy helping her out of the car.

“How do you know it gives you a good view?” Chet questioned, beginning to think he might not have been the only one who saw their married paramedic in a compromising situation.

“Because I followed them too, a’right?”

“I didn’t follow them, Johnny. I swear, I didn’t. I wouldn’t do somethin’ like that to a… Wait a minute. You FOLLOWED them? You asshole!” 

“Look, I saw Roy stop and pick her up when she was walkin’ home. I thought it was suspicious and I followed them. And if I want Roy to know that, then I’ll tell him myself, understand?”   
Johnny mirrored Chet’s earlier words, growing frustrated with the conversation. Now he and Chet both had something they didn’t want Roy to know. That fact guaranteed that neither would ever divulge the secret of the other to their senior paramedic.

“Yea, that’s cool. Um, did he hold her hand?”

“NO!” Johnny nearly shouted into the phone. “Sorry, but no, I didn’t see that. But that’s why I’m callin’ you. What exactly did you see?”

Chet suddenly felt like he was in grade school again. Back then, he had made the mistake of telling the second grade teacher about another student who had placed tiny pieces of paper in a little girl’s hair during class. When the girl stood up, pieces of paper showered around her, leaving her as the laughing stock of the entire class. Shortly afterwards, the teacher asked Chet if he had committed the act. He denied being involved, but quickly told the teacher which boy had been the prankster. After school, he had been punched and kicked several times by the guilty kid, who was also much bigger than Chet. Afterwards, Chet had been called a tattletale for the rest of the school year. Now, he felt the same sick feeling in his gut as he was about to tell Johnny what he had seen Roy do.

“When I saw them, they were standing outside Roy’s car and he was holdin’ her hands, both of them, like he was lookin’ at them or something.”

“Did you see anything else? Did he go inside with her?” Johnny felt the heat rising around his throat and face.

“No, he put something in his trunk. She went inside the building and Roy split.”

Johnny wasn’t sure whether to be angry about what Roy had done, or relieved that there hadn’t been more to it. “Okay, nothin’ else? You’re sure?”

“Yea, I’m sure. But, damn Gage, he’s a married man. Don’t you think he should’ve shown a little more restraint, or at least have hidden his indiscretion a little better?” Chet sat up again, sensing that Johnny was about to defend his partner’s questionable behavior. He brushed his curly hair out of his eyes as he waited for an answer.

“I’m not gonna judge him about somethin’ when I wasn’t there. Yea, yea, I know it looks bad right now, but I’m just gonna have to go back over there and have another chat with him.” Johnny sipped his coffee again. “When I left there yesterday, he and Joanne were beginning to talk, so I’m hopin’ they got it all worked out.”

“Talkin’ sure helps. It helped Caroline and me last night. We both had misunderstood each other, and… Well, let’s just say that it’s amazing how a few hours of honest conversation can change everything in a relationship.”

“I hope you’re right, Kelly. I sure hope you’re right,” Johnny sighed. “I’ll let ya go, man. Go back to sleep. I’m gonna go do some talkin’ myself.”

“Hey Johnny?”

“Yea?”

“I hope you can get through to him. I really mean that. I hope what I saw was a misunderstanding, too. And you have my word that I won’t tell anybody else.” 

In spite of the animosity Chet and Johnny often displayed towards each other around the station, the truth was that they were actually close friends. Johnny knew that Chet was being sincere and he didn’t worry about Chet telling anyone else what he had seen. Now, Johnny just needed to find out the truth about the incident.

As soon as he had hung up the phone with Chet, he immediately dialed the DeSotos’ number. Joanne answered it on the third ring.

“Hello?”

‘She sounds chipper,’ Johnny thought to himself. “Good mornin’; how are ya?”

“Good morning, Johnny. We’re fine. Did the kids give you any trouble last night?” Joanne knew the real reason Johnny was calling. He wanted to know how the night had gone for the two adult DeSotos.

“No, of course not. Their Uncle Johnny knows how to handle them,” he grinned even though no one could see him.

“In other words, you let them eat what they wanted and go to bed when they wanted, right?” She giggled.

Johnny was relieved by the tone of her voice. “Oh, I’m wounded, Joanne. No, they were just fine. They did their homework. Then we ate burritos for dinner, watched a little television, and went to bed. I got them off to school without a hitch this mornin’.”

“Good, glad to hear it.”

“So,” Johnny began. “Is my partner awake, yet?”

“He is, but he’s in the shower. I’m just starting breakfast. Wanna come over and join us?” She asked, knowing that seeing the two of them would ease Johnny’s mind more than hearing their voices.

“Oh, naw, I don’t wanna intrude or anything.”

“John Gage, you took care of our kids for us yesterday, and gave us a chance to really talk things through. It went very well, by the way. You are a part of this family and I’d be honored if you’d join us for breakfast.”

The thought of Joanne’s cooking made Johnny’s mouth water. “Well, if you’re sure you don’t mind.”

“I’m sure. Come on over. I’ll have it ready when you get here,” she said, opening the refrigerator door and removing the egg carton.

“Yes, ma’am,” Johnny quipped, hanging up the phone with his trademark grin plastered on his face. ‘Maybe things are going to be alright after all.’

E!

Chet brushed his teeth, then ran a comb through his curly mussed up hair. Slipping his feet into his sandals, he then patted his front pocket to make sure Caroline’s keys were there and headed out of his apartment. He felt as if he were walking on air as he seemed to float down the stairs. Once he reached the bottom step, he walked over to Caroline’s front door. He knocked quickly, hoping he wasn’t disturbing her sleep.

Inside, Caroline smiled to herself. She would recognize that knock anywhere. She walked over to the door, a huge grin spreading across her face as she opened the front door. There, standing in front of her with her keys dangling from his index finger, was her favorite fireman. 

“Oh, my goodness. I forgot all about those,” she exclaimed.

Chet gave her a flirtatious wink. “Well, I had to do something so I’d have an excuse to come and see you today.”

Caroline took the keys from his finger, wrapping her arms around his waist. “You don’t need an excuse. Won’t you come in?”

“Thank you,” he began, leaning down and giving her a quick peck on the cheek as he crossed the threshold into her apartment. As soon as they were inside and the door closed behind them, Chet pulled her into a hug, planting a kiss on her soft lips. “Hmmm,” he moaned pulling back from her when the kiss was over. “Now THAT makes it a truly good morning.”

E!

Johnny weaved around a station wagon on his way to the DeSoto residence, hoping that he would find Roy in as good a mood as Joanne had seemed to be in when he had spoken to her earlier. Arriving at their home, he pulled to a stop behind Roy’s Porsche and quickly exited the Rover. He strode quickly up the steps and knocked on the front door. Joanne opened the door, clipping an earring into place and pressing the wrinkles out of her skirt. “Come on in. I’ll get you a cup of coffee,” she said, turning around and returning to the kitchen.

Johnny closed the door behind him, following his hostess around the corner into the kitchen. “You seem like you’re feelin’ better.”

Joanne handed him a fresh mug of coffee. “I am, but…”

“But?” He asked, arching an eyebrow as he raised the cup to his lips, blowing a cooling breath across the steaming liquid.

Joanne glanced out the kitchen window. After ensuring that Roy was still sitting on the deck and unable to hear what she was about to say, she turned back to Johnny. “Something is still wrong with him, Johnny. He’s still distant for some reason.”

“I’ll talk to him after breakfast,” Johnny offered, more concerned than ever that perhaps Joanne had indeed cheated on Roy and Roy was having a difficult time forgiving her.

“Thanks, give me about five more minutes and I’ll have the pancakes ready.” She turned back around to the mixing bowl she had left on the counter. She stirred it with one hand while reaching for the stove with the other. She turned on the burner to heat up the frying pan, then continued whipping the batter.

Johnny headed for the glass door leading to the deck. He was careful to close the door behind him, nodding to Roy as he stepped closer to the seated man. “Mornin’.”

“Morning, didn’t expect to see you here so early.” He leaned forward, pitching the remnants of his coffee into the yard. “Is everything okay?”

“Yea,” Johnny said, leaning his elbows on the upper deck rail and propping his foot along the bottom of the railing. “Yea, I called while you were in the shower and Joanne invited me over for breakfast. I, uh, was wondering how things went after I left yesterday.”

Roy nodded slowly, his eyes unfocused as he stared into his back yard. “Well,” he sighed. “It seems I jumped to conclusions. The footprint on the blanket was from the plumber. We had a leaking pipe while I was on shift. She had spread a blanket out on the ground over there,” he pointed to the small crawl space door. “She was trying to find the source of the spraying sound she was hearing. She left it there and the plumber stepped on it when he came over to make the repair.”

Johnny nodded, turning to gaze across the back yard, unwilling to look at his partner as he asked the next question. “And, what about what Jennifer saw?”  
Roy grinned faintly. “Plumber’s crack.”

“What?” Johnny snickered.

“Plumber’s crack. Joanne got bare-assed by the plumber and Jennifer saw it, too.” He smiled at the look on his partner’s face. 

“You’re kiddin’.”

“No, I’m serious. It does make sense, but I never would’ve figured it out on my own. I’m glad I asked her.”

“You mean, you’re glad Cap pushed the issue with the two of you?”

Roy thought for a moment. “Yea, I guess so.” Roy stood up, stepping over to the railing and matching Johnny’s stance. “There’s something I need to say to you. I’m really…”  
Both men turned around when they heard the glass door open. “Breakfast is ready.”

“Thanks, hon.” Roy knew that Johnny was more likely to listen on a full stomach so he motioned for Johnny to walk in front of him to get breakfast.

The smell of bacon and pancakes permeated the kitchen. Johnny inhaled deeply as he pulled out a chair and took a seat. “Hhhmmmm, aahhh. This smells delicious, Joanne. Thanks for the invitation.”

“You’re welcome,” she commented with a smile as Roy pulled out her chair. She was about to take a seat when the telephone rang. “Oh, I’ll get it.”

Roy sat down, knowing that whenever Joanne started talking on the phone, she would likely be talking for a while. “Pancakes?”

“Oh, you bet. Your wife makes the lightest, fluffiest pancakes in the world,” Johnny remarked, using a fork to place three of the large pancakes onto his plate. He took three pieces of bacon then passed the plate to Roy.

Joanne returned with a worried look on her face. “Johnny, how was Chris this morning?”

“Seemed fine. Why?” Johnny wasn’t ready to discuss Chris’ outburst and comments from the previous night. He preferred to discuss the boy’s behavior with Roy.

“That was the school. He’s in the office complaining of a stomach ache,” she said turning around and reaching for her purse. “I’m going to go pick him up.”

“You want me to go with you?” Roy asked, wiping his mouth as he swallowed his first bite. 

Joanne thought for a moment. Then, remembering the conversation she had shared with Johnny a few minutes earlier, she decided against asking Roy to join her. She preferred that Roy stay behind, hoping that talking to Johnny would help him out of his odd mood. “I’ll be fine. If I think he needs to see a doctor, then I’ll go on over to the pediatrician’s office and call you from there,” she explained, shouldering her purse and heading for the door. “I’ll have to be at Bloomers by 1:00 o’clock, though.” She gave Johnny a knowing look and he returned it with a slight nod. The message between them was understood. Johnny would talk to Roy while Joanne took care of Chris.

As soon as Johnny heard the front door close, he looked over at Roy. His mouth was full, but as usual, he chose to speak around it. “I hope he’s okay.”

“Yea, me too. He’s hardly ever sick. What did he eat last night?”

“Oh, we just got some burritos. He only ate a half of one, though.” Johnny hoped that Roy might take the bait and continue the conversation by questioning Chris’ behavior.

“Huh, that’s not like him. Lately, he’s been eating like he’s starving. I swear, Johnny. That boy is developing an appetite like yours,” Roy said with a smile.

The two continued their light conversation until they had finished their breakfast. Roy walked to the kitchen, retrieving the coffee pot and returning to give his friend a warmer. “It’s really nice out. Wanna go back out on the deck? At least until the sun moves a little higher in the sky. We’ve got another couple of hours of shade back there.”

Johnny accepted the coffee, then stood up, taking his empty plate to the sink. He followed his partner out the back door and the two sat down beside each other. There was a brief moment of silence before Johnny spoke up. “Uh, Roy, I think I might know what’s wrong with Chris?”

“Oh yea?”

Johnny set his coffee cup down beside his chair. “I gotta level with ya. Last night, he asked me if you and Joanne were gettin’ a divorce.”

“He what?” Roy was stunned, unaware that Chris had noticed anything being wrong between his parents. “I-I had no idea he knew anything. God, I feel awful. I bet he’s worried himself sick about it.”

“Probably. He’s a great kid, Roy. You and Joanne have done a good job with him,” Johnny said, hoping his words would encourage Roy.

Roy scrubbed his face with his hands. “I always hoped so, but… Parents shouldn’t worry their kids like this. It’s supposed to be parents worrying about their kids.”

Johnny saw his opening and jumped in. “Chris isn’t the only one who’s still worried, is he?”

Roy cut his eyes at Johnny, but didn’t respond. Instead, he chose to sip his coffee while leaning back in his seat and closing his eyes. “I’m not sure I know what you mean.”

“C’mon, Roy. I can read you like a book. Things aren’t going as well as Joanne said they were, are they?” Johnny watched as Roy opened his eyes and stared at the wooden planks on the deck. 

Roy’s jaw muscles began to tense and release repeatedly as he tried to decide how to phrase what he was thinking. Finally, he exhaled loudly and stood up, resuming his earlier position near the railing. He heard Johnny standing and walking up beside him. Johnny didn’t say anything; he merely reached out his hand and clamped his friend on the back of his neck. He could almost feel the pain Roy was experiencing. 

“Johnny… I’m, ah… I’m so sorry for what I did to you yesterday,” he said, looking at the tire swing in the backyard and feeling Johnny squeezing his neck in a display of brotherly affection.

“What did you do?” Johnny questioned, oblivious to what Roy meant.

“I got angry and I shoved you. I-I could’ve hurt you and… I’m sorry, really sorry,” Roy mumbled, feeling ashamed of his adolescent behavior from the previous day.

“Oh, ‘s a’right. Ya just caught me off guard, that’s all,” Johnny said, trying to shrug off the apology. He waited another moment, watching his partner’s face fall again. “There’s something else bothering you, isn’t there?”

Several moments passed before Roy was able to speak again. Johnny waited patiently, sensing the internal struggle of his best friend.

“Johnny, I…” Roy looked over at the man standing beside him. They had been through a lot together over the years. Each had saved the other’s life on multiple occasions. He knew he could trust Johnny with the truth, he just hoped that the truth wouldn’t cause him to lose his best friend and partner. “If I tell you something, will you promise not to hate me?”

Johnny couldn’t help but draw his eyebrows together in confusion, slowly lifting them into his shaggy bangs as he thought about what Roy was asking of him. “Hate you? Damn, what the hell did you do?” Johnny asked, half-jokingly.

“It’s not what I did… It’s what I almost did… Or what I thought about doing…”

“Huh?” Johnny’s mouth hung open, unsure of what Roy was alluding to.

Roy swallowed hard, fighting with his own private demons lurking around inside his heart. How could he explain something to Johnny that he didn’t fully understand himself? “It’s about Gretchen.”

“What about her?” Johnny once again got a queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“When I went inside her apartment, it really was just to help open her window, but… Afterwards, as I was leaving, she, uh, she kissed me.” Roy winced at the way that had sounded to his own   
ears. He waited for a moment for the backlash from his friend. When all he got was silence, he slowly turned his head to look at Johnny.

“What? You’re a married man, Roy. What do ya mean she kissed you? She knows you’re married, so what did you do to lead her on?” Johnny was feeling his fury resurface from yesterday.

“I didn’t lead her on!”

“Yea, right,” Johnny mumbled sarcastically.

“I didn’t, Johnny. I swear, I didn’t, but…” He exhaled loudly. “Shit, I knew this was a mistake,” he said, slamming his hand down on the railing.

“Yea, it was a mistake, a’right. You’ve got a wife, Roy. That means something to most men, but I guess you don’t give a damn about it, do you?” Johnny began, running a worried finger beneath his nose and turning his back to Roy.

“Yes, Johnny. Yes, I do and… I-I’m… I’m,” Roy struggled, breathing heavily and fearing he was about to hyperventilate. His legs began to tremble and sweat beads popped out along his upper lip. “I’m sca-scared,” Roy cried, the lump in his throat nearly choking him.

Johnny turned around, seeing Roy’s eyes watery and realizing that his friend was doing something that Johnny had only witnessed a couple of times before. Roy DeSoto was so upset and wracked with guilt, he was crying.

E!

Joanne parked her car near the entrance to the elementary school, and hurriedly walked to the office. Seeing the friendly aging secretary sitting behind the desk, she cleared her throat. “Ahem, excuse me. I’m Mrs. Roy DeSoto. I received a call that my son, Chris, isn’t feeling well. I’ve come to pick him up.”

“Oh, yes. He’s sitting in Mr. Newell’s office now.” She pushed away from the desk as she stood up. “Please follow me.”

Joanne walked behind the school secretary down the short hallway to the first door on the right. The secretary knocked softly, then entered. “Mr. Newell? Mrs. DeSoto is here.”

“Please, have her come in.”

Joanne walked in and was greeted by a short round man, standing courteously behind his heavy wooden desk. Chris was sitting slumped in the chair in front of the imposing desk. “Hi, I’m Mrs. DeSoto,” she introduced herself, unnecessarily. Then, her eyes drifted to her son. “Chris? Honey, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t feel good,” he grumbled, never looking at his mother. He continued staring at his lap, his shoulders seeming to fold into his chest.

Joanne instinctively reached for his forehead, checking for a fever. Finding none, she looked up at Mr. Newell. “I suppose I should take him home. Has anyone else been sick?”

“Not that I’ve heard,” the principal stated. “The school day just started so he’ll have to make up his school work, but if he isn’t feeling well, then he probably shouldn’t remain around the other children. I hope you understand.”

“Oh, absolutely. Thank you for calling, Mr. Newell,” Joanne commented, wrapping her arm around her son, urging him to stand and walk with her. “I think I’ll take him to the doctor, just in case.”

Chris tensed when he heard his mother’s plan. The change in his posture did not go unnoticed by his perceptive parent. “I don’t think I’m that sick, Mom.”

“If you’re too sick to attend school, then you are sick enough to see a doctor, young man,” she admonished. The two walked out to the car, Joanne’s arm still wrapped around her son’s shoulder.

After climbing into the car, Chris looked at his mother, pleading with his eyes as well as his voice. “Please, Mom. I don’t wanna go to the doctor. Lemme jus’ take a nap, or something and see if I feel better then. If I don’t, then you can take me to the doctor, okay? Please?”

“Did you stay up late watching television at Uncle Johnny’s last night?”

“No, I promise. I even went to bed early,” Chris explained, carefully avoiding telling his mother that he wasn’t able to sleep.

“Did you eat a lot of junk food?” She asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

“No, I only ate half a burrito. I wasn’t hungry.”

Joanne’s heart broke at the way her son was behaving, especially the way he was answering her questions. She began to wonder if perhaps his illness was more psychosomatic than pathological. Against her better judgment, she decided not to take him to the doctor. “Okay, let’s go by the grocery store and pick up some ginger ale and saltine crackers. Let’s see if that will settle your stomach. I’ll let you take a nap and, then if you’re not any better, your father can take you to see a doctor because I have to go to work, alright?”

“Where is Dad?” Chris was afraid of what the answer might be, but he couldn’t get the subject off his mind. He needed to know if his father had moved out last night.

“He’s at home visiting with Uncle Johnny,” she replied, nonchalantly. However, the question had struck a chord with her. Chris was worried that she and Roy were going to split up. Perhaps that was why he had a stomach ache.

“Why’s Uncle Johnny there?” Chris questioned, fearful that Johnny had gone over to tell his parents what he had said about them getting a divorce.

“Oh, I just invited him over for breakfast. You know how he loves my pancakes. I was making some for your father anyway so I thought I’d invite Johnny over too.” She hoped that the explanation might make 

Chris feel better, and improve his alleged stomach ache.

E!

Roy ran his hand down his face, drying his cheeks and eyes. “I’m… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be telling you any of this. Just forget about it, alright?” Roy’s words sounded angry, but the tone of his voice was soft and meek.

Johnny swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing along his wiry throat. “The hell you shouldn’t. I’m your best friend, Roy. If you can’t tell me, then who can you tell?”

Roy leaned on the railing again, his forearms supporting him while he clasped his hands together. He looked around the backyard. Chris’ bicycle was leaning against the tool shed. Jennifer’s tire swing hung from the limb on the old tree, spinning slowly in the gentle breeze. Joanne’s flower garden was becoming overgrown with weeds since she hadn’t had time to properly care for it since she started working. He gulped as the realization hit him – this could have become his reality. His actions could have left him with only fading, rarely used reminders of his once happy family. He bowed his head, unable to look at his friend.

“I-I wanted her to, Johnny,” he mumbled softly.

Johnny leaned in a little closer. “Wanted who to do what? You lost me there.”

“Gretchen… I wanted her to kiss me…. Not just on the cheek.”

Johnny couldn’t hide the shock being displayed on his face. His mouth immediately felt dry. “You WANTED her to kiss you? Are you outta your mind?”

Roy sniffled trying to force his confession out into the open. “Maybe… Yea, I guess I am.”

“Ugh, you… I mean, how… I mean, I… Hell, I don’t know what I mean!” Johnny paced a few steps in either direction, unable to comprehend what he was hearing.

“I know, alright. I know how bad this sounds, I do. I… God, I’ve never been so ashamed in… in my life. I-I hate myself right now.” Roy propped his head on his forearms and his shoulders began to shutter.

Johnny looked at the broken man beside him, feeling a cacophony of confusing emotions. “Roy… I have to ask ya… Have you cheated on Joanne?”

Roy shook his head. As difficult as it was for him to confess his feelings, he knew that it was probably even harder for Johnny to ask such a direct question. “No,” Roy whispered. “I haven’t.”

“But… But, are you saying you wanted to?” Johnny knew he was skating on thin ice, but he also knew that the DeSotos’ marriage was at stake.

Roy wiped his shirt sleeve across his face as he stood up straighter. He still couldn’t look his friend in the eyes, but he did want to give him an honest answer. “I…don’t…know,” he struggled to say. “I’m so confused, Johnny. I don’t wanna lose my wife, my family… I love them, I swear I do. But, if Gretchen had suggested, um, made the offer, I… I don’t know if I would’ve refused it. God, what kind of a monster am I? I feel so… so, aarrgh!” He ran both hands through his hair, turning away from Johnny as tears streamed down his face. “I’m so fucked up!”

Johnny waited a moment before responding. When Roy seemed to regain control of his breathing, Johnny reached out to him. 

Roy felt the crook of his partner’s elbow around his neck, then felt himself being pulled into a brotherly embrace. “No,” Johnny whispered. “No, you aren’t fucked up. You’re just… You’re human, Roy. Yes, you’re the best damn paramedic in the whole state. You’ve always had the perfect family. You don’t make mistakes on the job. You never give up on anything, especially not the fledgling paramedic program. But, behind the white picket fence, perfect family, amazing job… Behind the hero’s mask, you’re still human. You’re still a flesh and blood man who faces the same worries, confusion, and temptations that the rest of us face.” Johnny paused, squeezing his partner in their private embrace. “You didn’t fall, Roy. You didn’t fall and you didn’t fail. You walked up pretty damn close to the edge of the cliff, but you didn’t go over.”

“But I came so close to…”

“Nope… Close doesn’t count. The thing you have to look at is that you didn’t make that mistake. Even if you had’ve, you wouldn’t’ve been the first man to do it. Sure as hell wouldn’t’ve been the last, either. But ya didn’t. Celebrate the fact that your family, your marriage is still intact.” Johnny felt Roy’s entire body shaking violently as the older man released the pent up emotions he had been both hiding and denying for so long. He allowed Roy to use his shoulder to cry on, patting him softly on the back. “It’s okay, Roy. It’s all gonna be okay.”

After several long moments, Roy finally released his grip on his partner. He tried to dry his eyes with his sleeve once more, clearing his throat. “Ahem, ah, ahem, Johnny I… I’m sorry, I kinda lost it there.”

“No worries, Pally. What are friends for, huh?”

“Yea,” he whispered, wiping his face again. “It all started when I… A couple of weeks ago, I guess. I was driving home and I saw Gretchen up ahead walking on the sidewalk. Just as I pulled up to ask if she needed a ride, she stumbled on the sidewalk. She fell pretty hard, catching herself with her hands. I gave her a ride home and… And I offered to dress the wounds on her palmss, both were bleeding. But, when I touched her… It was different than touching a patient. It… It felt warm… not clinical or… Shit, I don’t know how to explain it.”

“Roy, I know this is none of my business but…”

“Well, I’ve kinda dragged you into my business so, whatever it is… just ask.” Roy waited, wondering what Johnny was about to ask him.

“Um, do you and Joanne, uh… Are you still as physically intimate as you used to be?”

“Jeezus, my sex life is being psychoanalyzed by a man who can’t get a woman to go out with him on a second date?” Roy’s attempt at humor didn’t get the reaction he was hoping for. 

Speaking softly, he answered his partner’s question. “Last night was… It was the first time we’ve really made love… in weeks.”

“Then that might be the answer to a lot of this. Somehow, on some level, you needed Gretchen in a way that… Well, that before, Joanne was providing for you.”

Roy thought long and hard for a moment. It did make sense. The problems had seemed to begin when Joanne went to work. Then, guilty feelings rushed forward again. “But, she isn’t here to be at my beck and call. It’s wrong for me to want her not to work just so she can meet my needs. Damn, that’s so selfish.”

“But listen to what you’re sayin’, Roy. You aren’t sayin’ that you want her to be available to you around the clock like some slave or something. You’re just sayin’ that you missed her. You missed what you two once shared. Add to that the fact that you thought she was having an affair, and the lack of sex … And you find yourself in a very risky position, a position where you were easily tempted.”

Roy took a step back, distancing himself a little from his partner. “I felt so useless, Johnny. It was like she didn’t trust me to take care of the leaky pipe, so she called a plumber. Then, she couldn’t… I mean, I couldn’t, um, satisfy her, if you know what I mean. I thought she went to work because I wasn’t making enough money and… I-I didn’t even feel like a man anymore.”

Johnny grimaced, nodding his head.

“That all sounds so bad. I’ve always wanted her to be happy. She… She told me that she didn’t feel needed as much anymore since Jennifer started school. Then, when she went to work, I didn’t feel needed anymore. I love her, Johnny. I need her as much as ever, but I guess that just wasn’t enough. She… She wanted… needed more. I really do love her and the kids, too. It just scares me how close I came to… to stepping out on her – on them.”

“A little fear is healthy, don’t ya think? Aren’t you ever afraid of being injured or killed when we have to go inside a burning building to rescue someone?” Johnny hoped that using their jobs to make a point would somehow get through to Roy.

“Yea, of course. If you don’t have a little fear, or respect for the fire, then it’ll kill you.”

Johnny’s familiar grin finally began to tug at the left corner of his mouth. Roy was finally understanding his point. “Exactly! Acknowledge it. Respect it. Fear it. Just don’t fall victim to it.”  
A slamming car door echoed around to the deck. Roy felt relief wash over his entire body. He knew that Johnny was right. He had come very close to making a mistake that could have cost him everything, but at least he hadn’t succumbed to it. “I guess Jo’s back with Chris. Must not’ve been too bad. She hasn’t had time to take him to the doctor.”

“I don’t think a doctor is what Chris needs.” Johnny stood up straighter looking at his partner.

Roy narrowed his eyes at his partner, realizing what Johnny meant. “He uh, he needs to see me and Joanne together, happily together. Is that what you’re thinking?”

“Yep, partner. I think that’s exactly what he needs.” Johnny wrapped his arm around his partner’s shoulder as the two of them headed for the door leading them inside the house.

“Then that’s just what he’s gonna get. Jennifer too.”

Johnny gave Roy’s neck one final squeeze. “Hey, do ya mind if I talk to him for a few minutes before you do? I just wanna let him know that I don’t believe the two of you are gonna split up. He might take it better comin’ from me, ya know?”

“Good point… It’ll give me a chance to fill Jo in on what you’ve told me Chris is worried about.” He glanced at his watch. “Then we should have time to talk with Chris before she leaves for work.”

“She’s gonna keep workin’? Even with all the problems it’s caused?” Johnny was stunned that Joanne would put her job with Iris ahead of her family. He also wasn’t thrilled that she was working with Iris Campbell.

“Yea, she mentioned last night that she may ask her boss to try to hire someone else. I’m hoping I can make her see how needed she is here, at home. The only problem is that she’s gonna miss the money. Damn, I hate that firemen don’t make nearly as much money as a lot of other professions.”

“Yea, so do I, but this is our calling. Maybe Joanne will see that her calling is being a wife and mother. She really is good with kids, Roy. Just because yours are in school now doesn’t mean they don’t need to be taken care of at home. Hell, there’s prob’ly a lot of kids out there she could be takin’ care of.”

“Yea, I know,” Roy mused, sliding back the glass door and ushering Johnny inside. “I just want my life back the way it used to be.”

Johnny smiled, seeing Joanne struggling to enter the house with a grocery bag. He was about to speak when he heard a door slam upstairs, and he assumed that Chris had gone to his room. He pointed his index finger upstairs for a moment. “I’ll go check on him,” he said to Roy and Joanne as he watched Roy reaching for the bag that was slipping out of Joanne’s grasp. He noted how Joanne had smiled, her eyes lighting up when Roy rescued the groceries from her, giving her a sweet peck on the cheek. ‘She does still love him,’ he mused. ‘And after hearing his secrets a few minutes ago, I know that he loves her, too. Welcome back, partner. Welcome back.’

E!

A/N: I want to thank everyone who has been reading this story and especially those who have shared thoughts and opinions with me through reviews and PM’s. I’m not sure if it’ll take one or two more chapters to finish this tale and set the stage for the next one. However, I do hope that you will continue with me on this journey. Than you.


	19. chapter 19

Chapter 19

Johnny lightly knocked on the door of Chris’ bedroom. He waited for permission to enter, but when he got no response, he decided to open the door anyway. It creaked as he twisted the knob, slowly entering the darkened room.

“Chris?”

Johnny’s heart broke when he heard the sniffling response.

“Un-cle John-ny?”

Johnny walked into the room, closing the door behind him. “Yea, it’s me, Sport. Your mom said you weren’t feeling so good.”

“My stom-ach h-hurts,” the child complained pitifully, trying to calm his breathing.

Johnny walked over to the bed where the boy was curled in a fetal position, facing the wall. Johnny sat on the edge of the bed, reaching out to his adopted nephew. He tugged gently on the child’s arm, encouraging him to roll onto his back. “Here, lemme check you out.” Johnny raised up the boy’s shirt, palpating his abdomen. “Does this hurt?” Johnny watched Chris’ for any signs of discomfort. Seeing none, and noticing the child shaking his head, he pulled the shirt back down over Chris’ belly, patting the child on his left shoulder. “Have you thrown up?”

“No, I just don’t feel g-good,” he hiccuped. Chris didn’t know how to explain his feelings to his uncle. He lay still as Johnny felt of his forehead.

“You don’t have a fever, Sport. So, did you just wanna blow off school?” Johnny asked, hoping the youngster would open up to him.

“No, I jus’ feel crummy. I think I jus’ need to rest for a while,” Chris said, rolling onto his side again, turning his back to Johnny.

“Hmmm, I see. You know, worrying will make you feel awful. You’ve been pretty worried ‘bout your folks, haven’t ya?”

Chris shrugged his shoulders, not wanting to discuss his fears any more than he had the previous night at John’s apartment. Then, he thought about his outburst and wondered if that was the reason Johnny was at his house today. “You told on me, didn’t you?”

“Told on you?”

“Yea,” Chris groaned, still facing the wall. “You told Dad what I said last night, didn’t you?”

John pressed his lips into a thin line, unsure of how to respond to his young friend. “Your dad and I have talked about a lot of things this mornin’. I came over here to see how he and your mom were gettin’ along and, I’m happy to tell ya, that they seem to be getting’ along very well now. I really don’t think they’ll be getting’ a divorce, Chris.”

Chris pulled the rounded collar of his shirt up, using it to dry his face and wipe his nose. He didn’t know how to respond to his uncle’s comments and so he remained quiet.

“I’ve talked to both of them separately, and both love each other and they’re both sorry for causing you to worry about them. They love you and Jennifer… and they love each other.” Johnny pulled slightly on Chris’ shoulder again. “Hey, look at me, a’right?”

Chris rolled onto his back once again, his sad blue eyes staring at Johnny.

“Your family is gonna be fine, Christopher. I promise. You don’t have to worry about anything, okay?”

E!

Back in the kitchen, Roy set the paper bag down on the counter and began removing the items Joanne had brought home. “Ginger ale and saltines? Is he vomiting?”

“I’m not sure. He’s being vague about his symptoms,” Joanne said, finally taking a good look at her husband. “Oh, Roy… Are you alright?” Gently, she reached out caressing her husband’s reddened complexion.

“Yea,” he whispered, leaning slightly into her hand. Her hand felt so warm and loving. Johnny was right, he really had missed her touch. 

“But… You’ve been crying, haven’t you?” She recognized the bloodshot, swollen eyes and red splotchy face. She had only seen this a couple of times and it only happened when he had been crying hard. She positioned herself in front of him, reaching up with her other hand to cup his face. “Sweetheart, please tell me you’re going to be okay… That we’re going to be okay?” Her green eyes darted back and forth as she searched his handsome face for some sign that he was committed to making their marriage work. “I love you.” She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight hug.

“I love you, too. I love you more than anything, Joanne,” he whispered into her ear, deeply inhaling her scent, trying to force back the thoughts of what he had come so close to losing.

“We’re going to be okay, aren’t we?” She asked, fighting her own tears.

Roy gulped, hearing the fear reflected in her voice. “Yes, baby. Yes, we’re going to be okay.” He released her from his embrace, looking into her beautiful face once more, and planting a soft kiss on her velvety lips. “Johnny and I had a long talk after you left, and… And, he told me that Chris is afraid that we’re going to get a divorce.”

“What?” Joanne gasped, unaware of how their situation had affected their older child. “He… He thinks we’re…,” she covered her mouth with her hand as her tears began to spill onto her cheeks. “Oh Roy… What’ve we done?”

Her obvious pain nearly ripped his heart out of his chest. “It’s not we… It’s me. I caused this with my crappy attitude and… I’m so sorry, baby. I can’t ever tell you how sorry I am for all that’s happened.” Roy wanted to tell her the rest of the story, but knew that it would have to wait until a later time.

“No… You didn’t do it alone. I carry just as much blame for Chris’ pain as you do. We’ve…,” she gulped. “We’ve got to convince him that we’re alright, that we’re not gonna get a divorce.”

“Johnny’s talking to him now. He’s telling Chris that we’re going to be alright.” Roy dropped his head slightly. “And, he wanted me to have a minute to tell you what Chris was worried about.”

“Then, we need to go talk to him. Chris needs to see that we’re together, and that we do still love each other…”

“And that we love him,” Roy interjected. “Kids tend to blame themselves when their folks split up.”

“Our poor baby,” Joanne choked out. “We have to go talk to him now.” She grabbed Roy’s hand, leading him toward the stairs.

Inside Chris’ room, Johnny was quickly running out of encouraging words when he heard a soft knock on the door. Relief washed over him when he saw Roy and Joanne quietly entering the room. He made eye contact with Joanne, noticing the mistiness in her eyes. He knew immediately that Roy had spoken to her about Chris’ fears. 

‘Thank you,’ she mouthed to Johnny. Johnny merely smiled, standing up. “Chris, I’ve gotta run now. I hope you feel better real soon,” he said as he walked towards the door. Joanne kissed him lightly on the cheek and Roy patted his back. “I’ll let myself out. Lemme know if you need anything, ‘kay?” He asked the two DeSoto adults before quietly excusing himself from the room.

“Thanks,” Roy said following his wife as she sat down on the edge of Christopher’s bed, brushing his dark blonde bangs out of his eyes. “Chris? Chris, please sit up for a minute.” She waited for him to comply before continuing.

Christopher felt his stomach flip when he sat up and saw that both his parents were in his room. His mother sat on one side and his father sat on the other, leaving him feeling caught in the middle. An overwhelming sense of loss fell over him. This was the moment he had been afraid would happen. “Uncle Johnny lied to me, didn’t he?” The child’s shoulders began to sag, and the two adults couldn’t miss the trickle of tears that fell from his face onto his lap.

“Your Uncle Johnny would never lie to you, Chris,” Roy began. “I think he came up here to tell you not to be afraid that your mom and I were splitting up. Is that what he said?”

“Y-yes,” the child said, his emotions nearly trapping his words in his throat. Then his anger began to resurface, dislodging the lump, and allowing his words to spew forth. “But, you’re here together, and you’re gonna tell me you’re gettin’ a divorce, aren’t you?”

“No,” Roy croaked out, his own throat constricting as he cupped the back of his son’s neck. “No, we’re here to tell you that you don’t need to worry about that. We’re not getting a divorce, son. We love each other, and we love you and your sister, very much. We’ve not been getting along as well as we normally do, but we’ve talked it out and we’re doing fine. We are not going to go our separate ways. Everything is going to be alright.” 

“Jus’ like always?”

“Yes, just like always,” Roy responded.

Chris’ heard his father’s words, felt his hand on the back of his neck, and the dam inside his aching heart broke. He couldn’t stop the tears that flowed freely. He felt his mother wrap her arms around him, pulling him into her embrace. He lay his head on her chest as he released his emotions, relieved by the feeling of her hand stroking his hair, and his father’s larger hand patting and squeezing his shoulders. A moment later, he felt his father embracing both of them in a hug, and heard him whispering to them both.

“I love you two, and Jennifer, too. You’re my family, my life.” Roy leaned in kissing his wife on her forehead. “I’m sorry for all the worry and pain I’ve caused you both. Please forgive me, Joanne? Chris?”

“All is forgiven, Roy.” Joanne whispered, her softly spoken words were a healing balm to Roy’s broken heart.

“I love you, Dad and you too, Mom,” Chris spoke up.

“Love you, too, son,” Roy spoke softly. He rubbed soothing circles around on his wife’s back. She had said all was forgiven, but he still had another confession to make to her. The same one he had made to Johnny earlier. He just hoped that she would be able to truly forgive him when she knew the truth about everything.

E!

Johnny backed out of the DeSotos’ driveway, headed back to his apartment. Then, remembering his previous conversation with Chet, he decided to stop by his friend’s apartment, and clarify what the lineman had actually seen between Roy and Gretchen. He needed to stop Chet from continuing to think the worst of their shift mate. He wheeled into the apartment complex, just as Chet was stepping out of Caroline’s apartment. 

Chet saw the familiar white Rover driving up, and decided to wait at the bottom of the stairs for Johnny, whom Chet assumed was coming to visit him. Once the lanky paramedic stepped closer to him, he spoke up. “Hey, Gage. What brings you by this afternoon?”

“Can I talk to ya for a minute?” Johnny asked, not wanting anyone to overhear the conversation.

“Sure, c’mon up.” Chet led Johnny up the stairs and into his apartment. He slipped his sandals off, leaving them at his door, and hung his keys up on the hook near the light switch. He gestured for his friend to have a seat. “Wanna beer or something?”

“Nah, too early. Maybe just a soda, if you have one,” Johnny responded.

“Sure, just a minute.” Chet walked into his kitchen, removing a couple of root beers from his refrigerator, then returned to take a seat in his recliner. “Okay, so what’s up?”

Johnny removed the top of his bottle and took a long drink. He belched slightly into his closed fist. “Aahh, that’s great stuff. Um, I wanted to explain what you saw that day.”

“Roy and the uh, waitress?”

“Yea,” Johnny agreed. “Roy had seen her walking home. She stumbled on the broken sidewalk and injured her hands. He gave her a ride home, and then dressed her wounds with his first-aid kit that he keeps in his trunk.”

“Oh, man.” Chet leaned his head back in his recliner. “I sure thought there was something else goin’ on between them. I feel like a dope.”

“Nah, I had the same suspicion, remember?”

Chet snickered, raising his bottle to his mouth again. “Oh yea, you were stalkin’ them.”

“I wasn’t stalkin’ them, ya jerk.” Johnny couldn’t keep from smiling at the lineman’s joke.

“So, how’d your talk with Roy go? Did you tell him about Chris?”

“Yea…,” Johnny hesitated, a faint smile appearing on his face as he looked at the dark frothy liquid in the bottle. “Yea, he was upset. When I left a little while ago, he and Joanne were talkin’ to Chris.”

Chet looked at his watch. “Why isn’t he in school?”

Johnny sighed before answering. “Joanne had to go get him. Said his stomach hurt,” Johnny said, looking knowingly at his friend.

“Aahh, poor little guy.”

“Yea…,” Johnny paused, raising his bottle. “Hopefully by now he knows the truth though. Roy and Joanne aren’t going to divorce,” he said wistfully, drinking more of the soda.

“So, are they compromising on something? I mean, I know it’s none of my business, but something was causing problems between them, right?” Chet couldn’t calm his curiosity without more information.

Johnny snickered. “You’re right… It’s none of your business, nosy.”

Chet rolled his eyes.

“So,” Johnny began again, blowing across the top of his nearly empty bottle like a child. He laughed when Chet cringed at the ear-piercing sound. “What’s the scoop on Corrie and her bite mark?” Johnny had not forgotten the bruise he had seen on the little girl’s back the previous afternoon.

“None-ya,” Chet countered with a mischievous grin.

“None ya?” Johnny questioned, his dark eyebrows forming an arching ‘V’ on his forehead.

“None ya business, Gage,” Chet cackled out before settling with a smug expression on his face. “Gotcha!”

“Yea, yea, ya got me,” Johnny moaned. “But seriously, what happened?”

Chet’s countenance immediately fell. He sighed deeply before telling his friend about Caroline’s attempt to find gainful employment, and the fallout of sending Corrie to daycare. He felt his blood pressure rising as he relayed the events of the previous day. “Man, she was so upset. I mean, all she wants to do is find a job so she can start to save a little money for emergencies. You know, like to replace her car when the one she’s driving wears out, or to pay medical bills if Corrie gets sick or something.”

Johnny’s silence alarmed Chet. The normally talkative John Gage was as silent as a church mouse. Chet looked over and noticed the serious look on Johnny’s face, the faraway look in his eyes, as though he were contemplating his next move in a chess game.

“Yoohoo, Earth to Johnny,” Chet called out.

“Wha-huh?”

“Whatsa matter with you, Gage? I’m tryin’ to tell you my story and you aren’t even listenin’,” the lineman complained.

“I’ve got an idea,” Johnny said, his grin taking over the left side of his face.

Chet closed his eyes, letting his head fall back against the chair. “Oh, no… I hate your ideas.”

“Not this time, Chester,” Johnny said with a smile, standing up and heading for the door. “Not this time.”

E!

Johnny looked at his watch for the third time since leaving Chet’s apartment. He only had a few minutes to talk things over before Joanne arrived for her afternoon shift at work. He flipped on his blinker, indicating that he was about to park. Then, with the skill of a surgeon, he perfectly parallel parked his Rover across the street from Bloomers. He got out, locked his door, pocketed his keys then jogged across the street to the front entrance of the florist’s shop.

Iris Campbell turned the key in the lock of the back door of her flower shop. She dropped her mail onto the counter then went to unlock the front door. She didn’t want to keep the shop closed any longer than necessary. Without customers, she had no business, and she needed all the business she could get. However, she needed to go to the Post Office daily, as well as take a lunch break, which left her with no choice except to lock the front door when she had no help around. This was one of those days. Just as she removed the CLOSED sign, she saw a familiar face jogging up to the glass door. A huge smile spread across her face as she opened it for the handsome young man.

“Well, nice to see you again, uh, John. Won’t you come in?”

Johnny appreciated the warm welcome. He stepped into the shop, stopping to plant a quick kiss on Iris’ cheek.

“It’s good to see you too, and, ah, thanks for rememberin’,” he offered, his warm smile quickly fading. “I don’t have but a minute. Joanne isn’t here is she?”

Iris walked with him back towards the work counter, glancing at the wall clock when he asked about her helper. “No, no she isn’t scheduled to be here for another few minutes. Of course, she does come in early sometimes,” she said, turning around and propping an ample hip on the work stool. “Is something wrong?”

“Yes and no.”

Iris snickered. “Can’t make up your mind?”

Johnny grinned at the woman’s playfulness. However, knowing that he had only a little time, he decided to just launch right into his explanation and plan. He saw that Iris was paying very close attention to every word, and that her heart was breaking for the issues he was relating about the DeSoto family. As soon as Johnny had finished his proposition, she didn’t hesitate.

“Oh, of course. That’s a brilliant idea.”

Johnny’s shoulders immediately relaxed. “Okay, that’s great. But, you can’t bring it up, a’right? Let her approach you with the idea. And it might take a day or two, but I’m going to plant the idea in the guys’ minds’ first. I can do that when we go back on shift tomorrow.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Iris replied with a twinkle in her eye.

Just as Johnny turned to leave, both he and Iris heard the back door of the shop opening.

“That’s her. Scoot!” Iris whispered, making a shooing motion with her hands.

“Thanks a bunch. I’ll be in touch,” he whispered back, his eyes as large as saucers as he turned and quickly exited the shop.

“Hello, Iris.”

“Hi, Joanne. How are you this afternoon?” Iris asked nervously.

Joanne couldn’t help but see Johnny crossing the street towards his Rover. “Is that Johnny?”

“Um, yes that’s his name. I believe he said that he and Roy were partners or something, right?” Iris asked, thumbing mindlessly through her mail.

“Did he come in here to buy something?” Joanne asked, curious about what her husband’s bachelor partner was doing in a flower shop.

“Yes,” Iris commented, thinking quickly on her feet. “He, ah, he placed an order for some flowers for his aunt’s birthday.”

“Oh,” Joanne’s eyes began to tear up. “He’s so thoughtful, always putting others ahead of himself.”

“Yes…,” Iris’ voice faded off wistfully as her mind strolled down Memory Lane. “Yes, indeed he does.”

Joanne looked at her boss with a confused expression on her face. How did Iris know about Johnny’s self-sacrificial behavior?

“But, how’d…”

Iris quickly realized her mistake and interrupted Joanne’s comment. “I mean, how many young men his age, would think to be so nice to their aunt, huh? That John Gage is a rare breed.”

Joanne looked towards her boss, smiling as she thought about how the Ole Gage Charm, as Johnny called it, was affecting her boss. Then, Joanne’s countenance fell as she thought about what she needed to discuss with Iris. Nervously, she began sucking in her bottom lip, biting it between her teeth. She wanted to let Iris know about the difficulties her job was creating for her home life, but before she could open her mouth, the bell on the front door jingled as a couple of women entered the shop. Her request would have to wait.

“May I help you?”

“Yes, do we need an appointment to discuss wedding flowers?” Asked the pretty blonde-haired, middle-aged woman. She smiled brightly at the thinner younger version of herself who stood beside her with a dreamy look in her eyes.

Iris smiled broadly, stepping around the counter to escort them over to a spacious table. “How about now? I assume you are the blushing bride?” She questioned, placing her arm around the younger woman as they walked away from the work counter.

Joanne smiled at the look on the young bride-to-be’s face. She remembered looking that happy when she was planning her wedding, although she certainly didn’t recall her mother looking quite as happy as this mother-of-the bride appeared. ‘Oh, Mother… Roy really is a wonderful man. Marrying him was the right thing for me back then, and it still is.’ She picked up the stack of order forms, seeing what her afternoon held for her. Her conversation with Iris would have to wait until another day. 

She cringed when she saw the date and time on the first order form. The plant needed to be delivered to the hospital this afternoon. She immediately set about creating a lavender and white bow to wrap around the green foil covering on the African violet’s terra cotta pot. She began trimming up the leaves and deadheading the spent blooms. It wasn’t long before she had the potted plant prepared for delivery. Setting it aside, she began on the next hospital order which consisted of a dozen red roses to be delivered to the maternity ward. She thought back to the birth of her first child. Her eyes began to burn as she remembered the proud look on Roy’s face when he found out that their first-born was a son. Later that afternoon, he had presented her with a dozen red roses, even though they really couldn’t afford the expense. She remembered how worried he was for his new family, and how hard he worked to provide for them. 

Her heart broke again as she thought about how deflated she had made him feel lately, when all she had wanted to do was help him out. Instead, she had made him feel unloved and unappreciated. She gulped as she prepared the rose order, watching Iris out of the corner of her eye. She really did like the kindly woman, and she enjoyed her job, but she missed her family and the work she was neglecting there. As she tied the red ribbon on the clear vase, she promised herself and her family that by the end of the week, she would talk to Iris about hiring a replacement for her. 

By the time Joanne had completed the orders for the hospital, Iris had completed her work with the bride-to-be. Joanne was loading up the items for delivery on a cart when Iris returned to the work counter. “I’m about to head out to Rampart and Harbor General. Do you need me to do anything while I’m out?”

Iris took a seat on the stool behind the counter. “No, I don’t think so. Thank you, though. Drive carefully.”

Joanne loaded the Bloomer’s van with the deliveries then returned the cart to the shop. She waved to Iris, who was on the phone taking another order, as she headed out the back door. 

Once inside the van, she cranked it up, adjusting the mirrors and radio volume, then pulled into the heavy Los Angeles County traffic on her way to make the afternoon deliveries.

E!

Back at Johnny’s apartment, he removed the telephone book from beneath his telephone and looked up florist shops. Finding the number he wanted, he dialed it while silently praying that the right person would answer on the other end. If the wrong one answered, then he would have to hang up.

“Bloomer’s. May I help you?”

“Hey, it’s ah, it’s John Gage. Did she see me?” He asked, his voice sounding as if he had run the distance to his apartment instead of driving.

“Yes, she did, I’m afraid. But, I just told her you were in here ordering flowers for your aunt’s birthday,” Iris said with a slight giggle. She could almost see Johnny’s lopsided grin through the phone line.

“Well, that was very clever of you,” he snickered.

“I thought so. Anyway, she didn’t ask me where your aunt lives so if she does, what should I tell her?”

“Uh, Sacramento. That’s far enough away that she won’t ask about meeting her,” Johnny suggested.

“Now who’s the clever one?” Iris chuckled. “She didn’t ask me about hiring more help yet; just in case that was why you were calling,” Iris offered, silently hoping that Joanne wasn’t the only reason for his call.

“Yea… Yea, I’m sorry, but that is the only reason… For now, anyway,” Johnny mumbled. He felt a twinge in his chest as the silence on the other end spoke volumes. 

Iris sniffled slightly before continuing. “I understand. Thank you, Tho-ah, John. Thanks for everything.”

E!

Later that night, Roy and Joanne lay in bed snuggling. They had spent the afternoon and evening reassuring their children that the family unit would remain intact. The two adults had then worked together to prepare the evening meal, which the family enjoyed, sitting around their dinner table. It was the first meal they had eaten together in a long time. Afterwards, once the children had gone to bed, Roy and Joanne had enjoyed another love-making session. Now, they lay in each other’s arms, each one tenderly caressing the other. 

Roy sensed that the time was right to bring up the subject he had been unable to discuss earlier.

“Ah, honey, I need to tell you something else.”

Joanne’s fingers that had been toying with his chest hair, froze at the sound of his words. “Okay… Did I do something wrong?” She questioned fearfully.

Roy wrapped his arms around her again, embracing her tightly and kissing her lightly on the forehead. “No, sweetheart, not at all. It’s…,” he gulped. He had no idea how to say it other than to simply spit it out quickly. “It’s about what Johnny and I discussed this morning, while you were gone to get Chris.”

Joanne rolled onto her stomach, her cheek resting on Roy’s belly. She needed to see his face, read the real story being told by his crystal blue eyes. “What did you two discuss that upset you so badly?” She questioned, remembering how swollen and red his eyes and face had been when she had returned home.

“Ugh,” he said with an exhale. “Please don’t hate me, Jo.”

Joanne felt as if some unseen force had suddenly sucked all the breath out of her lungs. Her heart began to pound inside her chest. Sitting up, she pulled the sheet around her nakedness, and sat staring at her husband. “R-Roy, you’re scaring me.”

“No, baby, please… It’s…” He used the heels of his palms to dig into his eyes, rubbing them as he tried to hold back his tears. “Okay, when I went over to Gretchen’s apartment to try to open her window, she…um… When I was leaving, she, ah… She kissed me on the cheek.” He squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for her to lash out at him. When nothing happened, he opened his eyes to look at her.

“Roy, you can’t help that. Besides, I sometimes kiss Johnny on the cheek. It means nothing other than a simple ‘thank you’ or ‘hello’, okay?”

“But…,” Roy pushed himself up so that he was sitting directly across from her. He could see the pulsing of her heart in the hollow space of her throat, and knew that she was growing more and more upset. “But, Jo… At that moment, for just a short time. I… I thought about how easy it would be to st-stray… to…”

“I believe the word you’re looking for is adultery, Roy,” she spat back, remembering his own angry words he had thrown at her during his accusation of her unfaithfulness.

“Baby, please… I-I just wanna be honest with you. I did think about it. How it would feel. Then I realized just how easy it would be to mess up, and to lose everything…”

“You mean HALF of everything, don’t you?” She snarled, feeling hurt and insecure.

Roy reached out to her, pulling her into his embrace, even though she initially resisted. He felt her trembling and heard her sniffles. He had hurt her again, and he hated himself for it. However, he knew that telling her was the right thing to do. “No, I mean I’d lose EVERYTHING that means ANYTHING to me. You and our kids are all that’s precious to me. Baby, please… I’m sorry, I really am. And I swear on my life that I did NOT do anything except just think about it for a moment. She never made a move and neither did I. It… Honestly, it scared me because I’ve always thought that it could never happen to me… to us. Yet, it could’ve. It didn’t, but it could’ve.” He felt a sense of relief when she finally laid her head against his shoulder. He reached beneath the sheet, needing to touch her, feel her warmth. She didn’t reciprocate his caress, but she didn’t pull away from him either. 

“W-why? Why did you th-think about it?” Suddenly, she felt inadequate as a woman. If her husband was tempted to seek out a mistress, then what was she doing wrong as a wife?

“I don’t know really. I-I’m so a-ashamed, Jo,” he began to cry, struggling to continue his explanation. “I jus’… I miss…you. H-holdin’… you. Lovin’ y-you. An’ I jus’… I need you. I-I can’t live… don’t wanna live with-out you,” he sobbed into the sheet he had managed to wrap around his shoulders. He had just lost every ounce of dignity he had ever possessed. He just hoped that by being honest with his wife, his greatest fear wasn’t about to be realized.

At some point, the two lay back down on the bed, and for a long time, they simply held each other and cried. Neither one spoke, allowing their tears and their touch to be their words. 

Finally, Joanne leaned onto her elbow, able to see into his eyes from the slim shaft of light that was entering their bedroom from the bathroom. She saw the self-inflicted pain brought about by his confession, and she realized that he was hurting because he felt such a deep sense of remorse for what had almost happened. He had been honest with her, and now, she didn’t want to cause him more pain by rejecting him. That would only serve to ensure that the next time something serious happened, he wouldn’t be so quick to speak openly and honestly with her. She reached up, wiping away the streaks of moisture that had stained his face. His eyes glistened in the soft light, and the sight of him crying was nearly her undoing. She cleared her throat, then spoke the words she knew needed to be said for both their sakes.

“Ahem, Roy, what you told me just now hurt me. It hurt me deeply. But, I can see that it also caused you as much, maybe even more pain. I believe you when you say that nothing happened between you and Gretchen. I don’t think your conscience could handle the guilt if it had.” She looked deeply into his eyes before continuing, needing him to allow her words to sink in. “I forgive you, Sweetheart. I love you and I forgive you. I appreciate that you were honest with me. I can’t imagine how hard this must’ve been for you. And, I promise, I will talk to Iris, and I will either reduce my hours or completely quit my job. It’s not worth it to see what it’s done to us, all of us,” she said, thinking of their two children who lay sleeping down the short hallway. “I don’t even enjoy it as much as I had thought I would. You and the kids come first. You said you needed me, well, you got me,” she said with a forced smile. “I need you, too. I hope you can forgive me for my part in all of this. Please?”

Roy couldn’t find his words, but his mouth found hers. The kiss was passionate, full of love, understanding and most of all, forgiveness. They were giving each other and their marriage a fresh start – and neither would ever take the other for granted again.

E!

The following morning, the A-shift of Station 51 began to trickle in, ready to take over for the haggard firemen of C-shift. Hank, as usual, was the first one to arrive. He headed for the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, then proceeded to the Captain’s office for an update from the departing captain.

“Well, hello there, Hank. You’re looking well-rested today.”

“I’m feeling well-rested, too,” Hank replied to the other captain. “I hope this shift won’t change that any.”

The two colleagues continued their jovial banter as they exchanged the reins of the station. Out back, Mike drove up in his pick-up truck, and strode confidently into the station. “Good morning,” he said to the departing crew members. “Rough shift?”

“Hell yea,” one of the linemen spoke up, pushing away from the table and stretching his arms over his head. “I’m going home just as soon as Marco gets here and I’m not gonna get outta bed until my next shift.”

Mike snickered, just as Roy entered the room. He nodded at the paramedic as he raised his coffee cup to his lips.

Roy smiled, a feeling of contentment flowing through him. He and Joanne had made a lot of progress during his time off. His total confession had been extremely painful for them both, but they had endured the fire and come out stronger on the other side. 

Roy poured himself a cup of coffee, reminiscing about his evening with Joanne. He recalled holding her for a long time as she slept, her head lying on his hairy chest. He had caressed her arm and the curve of her lean body as she drifted off, enjoying the slow methodic breathing of her peaceful slumber. He had thought back over everything that had happened, accepting his personal responsibility in their difficulty, and vowing to himself to never allow such a thing to happen again. Finally, after the cleansing flood of their tears, he felt as if he had finally forgiven himself.

Suddenly, a slap on his back made him nearly drop his coffee cup, a small amount of the hot liquid spilling over the edge onto his hand. “Owe, Johnny!”

“Oh, sorry, Pally,” Johnny winced slightly, his broad grin lighting up his entire face. He had spent the previous day devising a scheme that would possibly relieve some of the stress in the lives of his friends. “Um, I might have a proposition for you,” he smiled. “Well, it’s actually for Joanne.”

Roy leveled the hyperactive young man with his stare. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, uh, no, no… I didn’t mean it like that,” Johnny responded, embarrassed by his verbal faux pas. 

“How else was that supposed to be taken?” Mike asked.

“Yea,” Dwyer joined in. “Sounds like you’re making a move on Mrs. DeSoto.”

“Isn’t your shift over, Dwyer?” Johnny asked, his shame still coloring his face.

“Yep, and I’m outta here,” Dwyer announced, leaving his nearly empty coffee cup in the sink as he headed out the kitchen door.

Chet entered on the backswing. “Mornin’ everybody.” He headed for the coffee pot as his C-shift counterpart stood up to leave.

“Glad you’re here, Kelly. I’m heading out. Have a safe shift,” the departing lineman called out.

“Yea, thanks,” Chet said pouring his coffee. He looked over at the lone C-shift member who sat with Henry on the sofa, gently massaging the dog’s floppy ears. “Hey, Jones, Marco just drove up, if you wanna head out.”

“Thank you,” the older man said, pointing a finger upwards as if thanking a deity.

Chet waited for the departing man to get out of hearing range before he launched into the tale he had been waiting to tell since it had happened. “Man, fellas, you won’t believe what happened to me the other night.”

“Pa-leeze,” Mike groaned, rolling his eyes. “We don’t want the sordid details.”

Chet’s eyes widened as he tried to build the drama. “No, wait a sec, Mike. Ya gotta hear this. I was just sittin’ there,” Chet began, his hands waving animatedly in the air in front of his bulging blue eyes. “I was mindin’ my own business…”

Johnny snickered loudly. “Ha, since when?”

“Shut your pie hole, Gage. I’m tellin’ my story here.” Chet tried to cast a threatening gaze at his friend, but his sparkling eyes gave him away. “So anyway, there I was. Sittin’ alone, mindin’ my own business. And this cute, young, and...,” he slowed down for emphasis. “And, might I say, completely naked chick came runnin’ up to me, sat in my lap, and kissed me.”

“Get outta here,” Mike scoffed.

“Bullshit,” Johnny shot back.

Roy merely smiled, thinking he might know where Chet was heading with his story.

“No, man. I’m bein’ serious.” He made an exaggerated X mark across his heart with his finger. “Cross my heart, hope to die.”

“And goin’ to hell for tellin’ a lie,” Johnny laughed, proud of his comeback.

“No lie, man. She was all slippery wet, her hair slicked back away from her face, and she sat right on my thighs and gave me this kiss and…”

All eyes shifted to the doorway as Marco walked in. The older linemen looked as if he had already worked a long shift. His eyes were bloodshot with dark circles forming beneath them. He glanced around the room, knowing he had just become the center of attention. “Morning, fellas.”

“Have a seat, Lopez. Kelly here was just telling us about his wild off time with some naked foxy lady,” Mike said, catching his shift mate up on the conversation.

“I don’t wanna hear it,” Marco countered, leaving the rest of the shift unsure if he was joking or not. He walked over to the cabinets, removed a coffee cup, and poured himself a much needed jolt of hot caffeine.

“Oh you will, Marco. Just listen. Okay, so this completely naked, wet, young chick came bounding over to me. She sat in my lap and kissed me. Caught me completely off guard, man. I swear, I did NOT see it comin’, but hey…” He opened his arms wide, palms facing up. “When ya got it, ya got it. She was diggin’ me.”

“And what about Caroline, huh?” Johnny questioned, leaning against the counter holding his coffee mug in his hand, his left hip jutting out.

Chet snickered, knowing Johnny was falling into his trap. “Aww, she was NOT happy,” he smirked.

“You’re gonna catch somethin’ ajax won’t remove,” Johnny spouted out, unable to understand why Chet would allow something like that to happen that would hurt a lady as nice as Caroline.  
“Nah, she’s young and innocent,” Chet commented, realizing that Johnny still hadn’t figured it out. Chet had already seen the look on Roy’s face and knew that he, as the father of a young girl, had figured out about whom Chet was referring.

Marco cut his eyes at his partner, setting his hot coffee down on the table. He felt his stomach lurch at Chet’s comment. “What did you say?”

Chet smiled. “Just that young wet naked babes find me attractive.”

“That isn’t funny, Chet.” Marco narrowed his tired eyes at the Irishman, too exhausted to fully comprehend the jest of Chet’s story.

“Yea, her mother didn’t think it was too funny, either. In fact, she was appalled by her daughter’s behavior.” Chet laughed, knowing that with that last comment, the entire crew would understand his joke. He was wrong.

Marco somehow mustered up the energy to bolt from his spot at the table, grabbing his partner by the shirt collar, and slamming him against the brown refrigerator door.

“What the hell, Marco? It’s a joke! It was Corrie! She’d just gotten a bath!” The younger man yelled out, surprised by his partner’s reaction.

Mike and Roy suddenly appeared on either side of Marco pulling his hands away from Chet, and dragging him backwards. Johnny set down his coffee cup, rushing to Chet’s defense.

“You a’right?” Johnny asked, pointing a finger at Chet’s chest.

Hank pushed through the kitchen door, pinning his men in place with his stern hazel eyes. He saw Marco fuming, Mike and Roy holding him away from Chet. His younger lineman was straightening his shirt, as Johnny stood in front of him, effectively blocking Marco’s access to Chet. 

“Is there a problem in here?” The fire captain questioned his men.

Chet peered around Johnny, waiting for Marco to say something. When no one spoke, he decided to answer their captain’s question. “No… No, sir. Everything’s just FINE,” he spat out, emphasizing his last word.

Hank looked each man in the eye for confirmation. The only one who wouldn’t make eye contact was his older lineman. “Roll call in ten minutes. Kelly, tuck your shirttail back in. Lopez, my office… NOW!”

E!

A/N: This is where we leave the DeSotos and pick up with Marco. I hope you have enjoyed the ride through DeSoto’s Dilemma and I hope you will continue the journey with Marco’s Mission. Thank you to everyone who has left reviews, comments or contacted me through PM’s. I appreciate your kindness as well as your suggestions. You make me a better writer and keep my muse active.


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